The Grace Series (Book 2): Tainted Grace (18 page)

The back doors had been opened wide and Susan and Kelsey were setting out snacks. 
Canned fruit, the leftover Doritos, and canned ravioli.  Nathan was trying to help them, but I could tell he was in their way.  Abbey was back inside the car, trying to warm up in one of the sleeping bags.

“Is Jane still sleeping?” I asked.

“She is,” said Kelsey.  “Abbey,” she called into the car.  “Can you wake Jane up?  She needs to go potty and come eat.”

“Sure thing,” answered Abbey.

I took a few deep breaths and wondered where Boggs was.  I was handed a can of fruit, and took it gratefully.  Eating was unfortunately a crutch I often used when upset.  I finished half the can, and then offered it to Emilie.  I wanted to eat the whole thing but knew sharing was critical these days.  I had already eaten more than my share when I gorged on the chips. Gus handed me the rest of his can, and I took it without saying anything.  My eyes met his only briefly.  It was a third full of fruit, and he had left the juice for me.  I ate the chunks of pears, peaches, grapes, and two cherry bits.  I drank the juice by gulping it.  Within minutes I was feeling better, refreshed.

Boggs had crept out of the woodwork and opened a can of raviolis.  I was hoping there was enough for me.  He passed the first to Abbey, who had just helped Jane out of the car.

“Here, girls, you can share this,” he told them. “There’s chips and fruit at the back of the car.”

“
Ravanolis!” exclaimed little Jane.  “Yay!”  Her smile was heartwarming.

I looked up at the night sky and saw the faintest hint of dawn on the horizon.  My stomach was feeling overfull, not used to eating much in one sitting anymore.  As much as I wanted the canned pasta, if you can really call it that, I figured I better hold off.

“Zoe, you need to eat,” said Gus.  The other adults had finished and were all climbing back into the vehicle.  

“You guys coming?” asked Susan.

“We’ll clean up and make sure the girls are full then join you,” answered Gus.

Boggs had joined us at the back.

“Zoe, can I sit by you?” he asked, looking like a puppy dog.  I took a step toward Gus, and saw the pain in Boggs’ eyes.

“Brother, I don’t think she’s ready,” said Gus, who had put his hand palm-out toward Boggs.  He had lowered his voice a notch and I could tell was trying to keep his cool.  I could tell he was pissed at Boggs.

Boggs placed his hands on his hips, lowered his head in thought, and took a deep breath before turning and walking away.

“Open your mouth,” ordered Gus.

“Gus, I’m not hungry.  Really,” I whined.

“Zoe, Doritos and fruit won’t cut it.  You need protein right now, and despite these being covered in a mystery orange sauce and filled with unrecognizable meat paste, they fit the bill.”

“Let the girls have them, Gus, really.”

The younger girls had finished their can of raviolis and were in front of the car playing a silent game of tag before being car-bound again.

“Don’t argue with me, Zoe, I’m almost twenty years older than you and a lot bigger.”

I swallowed hard, not because he was scaring me but because he was making my insides quiver with a sort of desire.  He held a spoonful of cold canned ravioli in front of me, and I opened my mouth obediently.  We repeated this four times, at which point I reached my gag-factor.  That moment when another bite will literally make you gag.

“Please say you’re happy, ‘cause I’ll seriously barf if I eat another bite,” I moaned.

“You’re really that full?” asked Gus, seemingly surprised.

“Ya, really.”  I sighed.  “My pants are even tight.”

“Hmm.”
  He made that noise he makes when he’s thinking.  “The baby should still be in your pelvis, Zoe, since you’re just barely two months along.  You might be bloated though.”

“Thanks,” I said, pretending to be offended.

“I should check you over next time we stop, though.  How are the green lines doing?  Still spreading?”

I nodded. 
“A little.”

“Stay here, ok?  I’ll be right back.”

Gus headed around to the front passenger side.  I could hear him talking but couldn’t make out what he said.  While he was gone I made myself busy cleaning up empty cans.  I thought about leaving them in a pile alongside the road, but then realized they might come in handy for collecting water or cooking in.  The river wasn’t far below, and I decided I’d suggest we go rinse them out before leaving.  My mind was still clear of the dead.

Gus came back and leaned against the back of the car.  He helped me clean up and I suggested we rinse the cans out.

“Sounds good,” he said.  “Smart thinking.” 

“I want to take a look at the baby’s growth, Zoe, before we leave.  The others know we need some privacy and why.  Let’s go down to the river together, rinse the cans, and I’ll take a look at your belly.”

“I’m sure I’m fine, Gus.  We can do that later.”

“Nonsense.
  Now’s the perfect time.  Unless the dead are close?”

I shook my head no.

“Ok then, I’ll carry the cans.  I’m bringing a towel too for you to lie on.  You just keep from falling on the rocks.”

“Fine,” I said.  “But why do I need to lie down?”

“It’s the easiest way to feel your uterus.”

I blushed.

I was paranoid that someone would notice a change between me and him.  We walked to the river, out of sight of the car.

“Zoe, keep your mind sharp ok?  Let me know if anything feels off.”

“Sure.”

We walked down river just far enough to find an area where the water was calm.  We found a smooth sandy spit.  We were out of sight of the Suburban, which made me a bit nervous.
  Dawn was upon us, just barely.

“This looks good here,” said Gus.  “Lay the towel out?”

This felt really strange, but I obliged by taking the towel and laying it out on the cold, damp sand. 

“Ok,
darlin’, hang tight while I rinse the cans.  We’ll let them drip over one of the rocks then carry them back in the towel.”

I nodded and watched him kneel to rinse the metal cans out.  I took notice of the muscles in his arms.  He was fit when I first met him, but even more so now.  It didn’t take him long at all to rinse out the cans and set them upside down on one of the
small boulders.

“Zoe, it’ll work best if you take your pants off,” he said as he turned toward me. 

The feeling drained from my face at his words, leaving behind the tiny tingles of fear and apprehension.  Had I heard right?

“Take my pants off?” 

He walked toward me slowly.  “Awe Zoe, don’t panic.  I promise it’s me talking to you as a nurse, not a friend.  With you being this early I might need to…well…”

My eyes were wide and my lower abdomen was on fire with that tingly feeling again.

“Need to what?”

He was actually blushing.  “Do a pelvic exam, Zoe.”

“Oh God…Gus…”

My breathing had quickened.

“Do you want me to get Susan or Em?  Would that make you feel more comfortable?”

I could tell he was sincere, and I could tell he wanted me to be comfortable with what he needed to do.

I shook my head no.  I hadn’t felt this vulnerable in a long time.  He stepped closer and ran the edge of his left hand down my jaw line.

“Zoe,” he whispered.  His face was close to my own.  “I promise I’ll be professional.”

I raised my eyes to look at him and nodded gently.

“Ok?” he asked.  “Take your pants off?  Please?”  His voice was soft, comforting.

I nodded again. 

He waited for me to undress, and when I hesitated he reached down and unbuttoned my jeans for me.  It was difficult to breathe.    His hands touched the bare skin around my waist, and he placed his forehead against my own.  I could smell him and was afraid he could hear my heart racing.

“It’s ok, sweet Zoe,” he whispered.  He, too, was breathing heavily.

“I’m scared,” I managed to eke out in a small voice.

“I know you are, Zoe.  Don’t be afraid.  Not with me.  Just be here in the moment and let me be here with you.”

His mouth found mine and he waited for me to respond before slipping his tongue into my mouth.  He moaned against me.  His hands slid down the back of my pants, under my panties, and gripped my butt firmly, pulling me against him.  A small sound escaped my lips, close to a whimper.  I felt my pants being slid down my legs, and suddenly I was off my feet and in his arms.

“Tell me now, Zoe… if you want me to stop…because in a minute… I won’t be able to…”  His breathing was ragged with desire.

I knew I needed to say it, to say the word ‘stop,’ but my body was full of desire and betrayed me. 
The bigger part of me wanted to say ‘don’t stop.’  He paused and looked at me, and when I said nothing he lay me down on the towel.

“Zoe, God…” he said again.

The next thing I knew, he pulled my pants the rest of the way past my ankles.  My skin was on fire, craving this man’s touch, making the crisp cold morning air easy to ignore.

“What if they find us?” I asked.

“Shhhh, they won’t come looking knowing I’m examining you.”

His hand reached down to my hip and he caressed the skin of my outer thigh.  His mouth found mine again, hot with desire. 

He used his free arm to lift my back up, and suddenly my shirt was pulled over my head.  He moaned when he saw my breasts, which were swollen and overflowing my bra.

“Oh Lord, girl, oh God you’re
so beautiful.”

He pulled his own shirt over his head.  I stared at his bare chest in awe.  Everything about every inch of him screamed ‘man.’  He leaned down and kissed my chest, just barely touching his lips to my skin.  It
was as if he was setting me on fire with desire.  Reaching behind me, he expertly unhooked my bra and let it fall beside us. My breasts now freed, he took one in his large hand and kneaded it.   He took hold of the other and gently slipped it deeply into his mouth, and then sucked gently.  His eyes closed as he tasted me and he moaned into my flesh.  He was exciting in ways that were so new to me. His hand left my other breast and trailed down my side.  I felt him lift my thigh upward and his hand was caressing the hair of my private area.  I clenched my fists and tried to relax, tried to forget how wrong this was.   He slid one of his large fingers inside of me and tensed, obviously wanting to do so much more.

He moved his mouth from my breast and looked at me tenderly.  “You’re so wet, Zoe.  Oh God you’re so wet.”

I couldn’t take it any longer and gave in to the pleasure, moving my hips upward to meet his hand. 

He made a growling noise in his throat.  He shifted several times, but his finger never ceased in its probing and massaging.  I was so engrossed in the pleasure; I was surprised when I felt his bare skin against my legs.  He had managed to take his own pants off while pleasuring me.  His
erection pressing into my thigh was hard and smooth. 

“Here and now, just me and you, Zoe,” he mumbled.  He took his finger out from inside of me and slipped it into his mouth.  He moaned as he sucked on it.

My hands were on his bare butt now, pulling him against me with my desires in overdrive.  

“You ready, Zoe?” he asked as he pulled my legs back and got into position to enter me.

“No, but I need you,” I managed to say while struggling to breathe.

I looked down and saw his erection.  It looked larger than Boggs and I was scared for just a moment that it might hurt.

Gus made some primal grunts as he placed a hand around his shaft and aimed it toward his target.  The head of his penis stroked me gently, warmly, testing to make sure I was ready.  Suddenly he was inside of me, filling me more fully than I had ever known before.  My breath was momentarily taken away.  I wasn't aware I had cried out and was biting my own lip.

“It won’t hurt for long, Zoe,
I promise,” he whispered as he began pumping in and out of me.

He was right.  I began to meet him with my own hips in a fevered rush to be satisfied.  It was unlike anything I had experienced before.  It was wrong but so right.  His body was magical beneath my hands. 

“Oh Jesus, you’re so tight…” he moaned.  “Oh God Almighty, Zoe.”

I grabbed behind his shoulders, feeling his muscles relax and contract in rhythm with his desperate efforts to be one with me.
For a long, drawn out moment of rippling pleasure I found that it was indeed just me and him...just us…us and the moment.  The rest of the world faded away as we climaxed together. 

After our indiscretion by the river, Gus had looked me over and determined that the pregnancy was progressing.  He said my uterus felt a bit larger than it should.  I tried not to worry.  According to what he recalled from his obstetrics rotation years ago, the baby should still be nestled deep within my pelvis.  Together we decided that the green streaks from my hip had advanced by a few inches over the past few days.  I could tell Gus was worried. 

I sat in the middle row now with little Jane beside me.  On my other side were Gus and then Emilie.  I stared out the window lazily.  Trees with bare branches blended together to form a dismal backdrop.  Winter in this corner of the world was never pretty unless it snowed.  I was glad the streets were bare.  Jane was hugging her teddy bear and sucking her thumb again. 

“See the big icicles on the cliff, Jane?” I asked.

She
nodded, her fist and thumb moving along with her head.

“Those are frozen waterfalls.”

“Really?” she asked.  The question came out funny-sounding from her thumb claiming her mouth.

“Uh-huh.”

“Cool.”

She turned her head to me and nestled against my side.

“Yuck,” she mumbled.

Jane had seen a carcass along the side of the road.  Not much more to it than bloodied bones.  The only way I had recognized it as being a deer was by the antlers.

“Gross,” agreed Kelsey from the back seat.  “What’s next?”

“We need to find a boat, the quicker the better,” said Boggs.  “We’re not all that far from the Sound now.”

I interrupted.  “The dead are close.”  The buzzing in my head and the pain in my hip was sharper than it had ever been, and it felt like a knife was being pressed into my temple.  I winced.

“Zo?
  You ok?” asked Gus.

I shook my head no, and used both hands to squeeze at my head, attempting to counteract the terrible pressure within.

“There’s so many of them,” I moaned. 

“Nathan, stop the car,” said Gus.

“Jane, honey, can you climb in back with Abbey and Kelsey?” asked Em softly.

I was glad.  I needed space.  I needed air.

I felt the Suburban come to a rough stop.

“Zoe, look at me,” said Gus.

I sat up and took my hands away from my head, and looked into his eyes. 
Just me and you
I said in my mind.  I focused on his eyes while he spoke to me.  I knew I had to pay attention, now more than ever.  A battle was brewing and our lives would depend on it.

“Zoe, what’s happening?” Gus asked me, his voice deep and serious.

“They’re at the interstate.  About a mile up.  Thousands of them.  Gus, they’re everywhere.  Oh God my head hurts,” I said through my teeth.

“Breathe, Zoe,” said Emilie in a soft, calming voice.

“What now?” asked Boggs.  “Gus, she’s in pain.”

“I know, and we’ll deal with that as soon as we can.  Nate, Boggs, Susan, we need to go through the box of guns in the back,” said Gus without pausing to think. 

“Let me help,” I said.

“You should wait here with the kids, Zoe,” said Gus.

“No.  I need to help.  I need to stay busy.  And I need some air.”

Gus nodded.  “Ok, let’s do it.”

Six of us filed out and headed to the rear of the car.  Boggs opened the back doors and Nathan quickly produced the cardboard box they had filled with weapons from the compound.  Gus and Nathan both set to quick work inspecting the various firearms and packages of ammo.  We loaded the weapons and set them strategically around the vehicle, under seats, at our feet.  Places that would be easy to reach. 

Kelsey, Abbey, and Jane all got out of the car to stretch and relieve
themselves.  Both Abbey and Kelsey were given hand guns with a brief lesson.  Gus was frank with them, and had explained that should it come down to it we all had a right to go down fighting.  Jane was just too small to handle a weapon.

I was doing my best to cope with the pains in my hip and head, as well as the realization that we were about to face pure evil.  The fresh air seemed to ease the pain a bit, and clear my head if just slightly.  I knew that the closest of the dead were aware of us, and were headed in our direction.  As a group, we had discussed turning around.  It seemed pointless, though, since we had left another horde behind.  I was sure now that they too were making their way toward us.

As I stood at the front of the car, staring down the highway, Boggs stepped beside me.

“Think they’re close?” he asked.

“Yes.  A few of them.”

“Zoe, I know you’re mad at me. 
Rightfully so.”

“Damn right,” I said, and then sighed.  I crossed my arms over my chest.

“I want you stay safe today, Zoe.  Losing you would kill me.”

I wondered if he knew.  I wondered if his words had more than one meaning. 

“Promise me you’ll listen to us today, keep your eyes open, and keep your wits about you.  We can figure the rest out later.”

“’Kay,” I said, knowing he was right.

I uncrossed my arms, reached to the back of my pants, and drew my new pistol.

“We should all take a few practice shots,” I mumbled.  I felt Boggs’ eyes on me.  I kept mine on the highway and the corpse walking our way.  It was just barely visible and might have been mistaken for an animal trotting down the highway.  I raised my arms, holding the pistol steady.  It was heavier than the one I had gotten used to.  I had already chambered a round, and
now took my time sighting in the shambling target.  I could tell by the way it moved that it was a slow Roamer.  I liked to think of them as ‘first-run’ dead.  Bodies that were already dead when they became infected, as opposed to the Roamers, who I imagined became infected while still living. 

I finally squeezed the trigger, and missed.  I chambered another round, aimed just barely farther left, and smiled just slightly when the Runner fell with my next shot.  As it died, for its final time, it was as if a tiny spark in my mind fizzled out.  I barely noticed.

“Nice shot,” Gus said from behind me.  “Let’s climb on board, kids,” he said to both me and Boggs.  “We’re in for a long day.”

Gus and Boggs sat in the front seat.  Susan and Nathan took the middle row.  She had become a fair shot in short order, and had requested to be next to Nathan should this be their last moments together.   It was touching, really, and very out of character for her.

I took the third row as a backup shooter.  I knew deep down that everyone was afraid I’d lose myself when we were in the thick of fighting the dead, due to my brain ‘issues,’ and would likely be useless during the fight. The younger girls and Kelsey were in the cargo space at the back of the vehicle and had been instructed to keep near the floor so that the rest of us would have a clear view in all directions.  Emilie sat behind the driver’s wheel.  Her focus was to drive, and to keep the vehicle moving no matter what.  Our biggest fear was being swarmed.  She put the SUV into drive and proceeded forward.  We were all quiet in anticipation, our senses of sight and hearing heightened.   The highway passed beneath us and time seemed to pass slowly, surreally. 

“We’re getting closer,” I said.  “We should see them soon.”

On cue, several shuffling bodies came into sight. 

“They’re all the slow ones, as far as I can tell,” I mumbled.  “We should stop the car and shoot from here.”

I saw Em look at Gus for confirmation, and he nodded once.  She brought the SUV to a stop and left the engine running.  We all got out, except for the three girls in the far back.  We all readied our weapons.  We stood in a line, side by side, and waited. 

“Can’t we just stay like this and wait for them to come to us?” asked Susan.  “Just pick them off as they get here?”

“I’m afraid we’d run out of ammo, darlin’.”  Gus spit a wad of chew onto the asphalt.  “We’ll have to drive through most of them.”

I hadn’t seen him take up his nasty habit of chewing since the first couple of days after the dead had risen.  I wondered where he had gotten a new supply, and then realized it was the least of my concerns.  I stood between him and Boggs and felt only slightly protected.

I tried my best to ignore the irritating buzzing in my head.  As if coming out of a fog, I saw myself standing between the two men, our companions nearby.  I could only see our outlines, basic colors.  We were blurry at best.  I knew I was seeing through dead, shriveling eyes.  I decided to try to control the intrusion and focused on forcing them from my brain.  I wondered which zombie was the strongest, knowing it was the one who was loaning me his or her eyes.  That should be the first one to fall.  I focused my energy on blocking the intrusions of sight, hunger, and desperation.   I had no idea if I could, or how to go about it.  I decided to focus on my own sight as a start.  I searched the line of zombies that was growing closer by the second, studying how they moved, their speed.  I focused on one that was at the rear.  I counted seventeen total.  They were traveling the highway seemingly scattered, but I was sure there was a motive for the placement of each of them.

Seeing the approaching dead and our own group at the same time was dizzying and perplexing.  As long as I focused on the one toward the back, I found it easier to sort the images.  I raised my pistol and ignored watching myself do so the best I could.  I felt a rudimentary sense of anger and knew somehow, deep down, that I was sighting in on the lead dead.  It was a Runner trying to appear as a Roamer.  I’m not sure what prompted me to focus on the rear of the pack to begin with.  I sighted the pistol and held it aimed at the corpse that somehow was trying to blend in with the rest.  It was tall and shambled like the others, but it held its head
just a bit differently.  We all stood, silent, waiting for them to come into range.

“Don’t shoot yet,” I said.  No one questioned me.

I kept my aim on that one zombie as it shambled along with the rest, getting a feel for how to match its sway.  I made sure my aim was just left of center, took a deep breath, and held it.  As I finally exhaled slowly, I squeezed the trigger and my shot rang out.  I watched as a bullet sped at me, at it, the faintest of a dark blur.  As it hit me in the head, I gasped.  The illusion of seeing from the lead’s perspective was overwhelming.  With that single kill, my vision returned to only what my own two eyes could see.  I could still sense the hunger from the rest of the rotting creatures before us.

“Take them out,” I urged, keeping my voice calm.

As soon as I said so, my companions joined me in firing.  It wasn't the melee one might expect with bullets flying freely.  The dead were far enough that we were able to aim and shoot carefully, sparing ammo. The dead fell, scattered about the highway, before ever reaching us.  It was much less dramatic than I had anticipated. 

“That was the entire first wave,” I said.  “We should reload and hit the road.”

“You did well, Zoe,” muttered Gus.  He briefly rested a hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently as he passed me on his way back to the SUV.

I could feel the faint rumblings of the next horde.  I wasn't entirely sure if it was behind or before us. 

“We need to move,” I said as I joined the others back inside the SUV.  “The next round is larger, and the fight will be worse.  I think we should drive through.”

Gus had insisted on taking the
position behind the wheel.  He had combat experience that included rough driving.  He asked me to sit up front between him and Nathan so I could communicate with him easily.  Boggs, Em, and Susan would take the middle row.  Kelsey and the girls had moved to the back row again, wanting to be near to the rest of us.  I heard Susan tell them to all buckle in.  Kelsey put Jane on her lap to share her seatbelt since the third row only had two belts.  I could tell they were all terrified.  Jane hadn’t spoken since our rest break during the night. 

Gus drove us onward.  A sporadic corpse would creep up on the side of the road.  I figured they were straggling behind the first horde.  They happened to be extra ripe, their skin sloughing off and bones browned from exposure to the elements.  Gus would bring the SUV to a crawl while someone would roll their window down, letting the stench of death invade the cabin while they shot the creatures at close range. 

“I see the sign for the I-5 entrance ahead,” said Gus.  “Zoe, we haven’t seen any of the dead fucks in awhile.  What’s your head telling you?”

“There’s a
huge group of them not far from here.  They’re making their way toward us but they’re slow.  It’s like they just became aware of us.  Go north.  There’s less of them to the north.”

“Alrighty,” he said back to me, looking me in the eyes briefly.  That split-second-look between
us made my stomach flip-flop.

Gus veered onto the northbound on-ramp, driving around an old abandoned pickup truck that was nose-end over the guardrail, aimed toward a water collection pond below.  The water in the pool looked stagnant and was void of the u
sual mallard ducks or Canada geese that would usually float about.  I wondered if they had flown south for the winter, or become victims of the dead.  The SUV picked up speed as it progressed north on Interstate 5.   We had been through this stretch once before, and I took note that there were more abandoned cars now.   Likely other survivors who had attempted to escape, find their way home, or who had been unaware that the dead had risen.