The Girl With No Past (31 page)

My eyes snapped open. I’d heard something. A bang? Someone thudding on the door? It was almost one a.m. and I’d managed to get some sleep, but now I’d definitely been woken by a noise. I froze, listening, but after a few moments of silence, convinced myself it had been part of a dream.

Until I heard it again.

This time there was no room for doubt: someone was pounding on my door. I tried to stay calm; the fact they were outside was a good thing, but I couldn’t move. My mobile was on the bedside table and just as I grabbed it an email came through. My hands began to sweat as I checked it.

Would love to see your flat again, aren’t you going to let me in?

He was outside my front door and there was nothing I could do. Everything had been leading up to this. Why hadn’t I done more to try and prevent it? And then I heard glass smash and something thudding to the floor downstairs.

Grabbing my phone, I ran to the bathroom and slammed the door shut, locking it behind me. It wouldn’t hold him off for long but at least it was another barrier between us. And I had my phone.

With shaking hands, I dialled Ben’s mobile. He was probably asleep so the chances of him hearing it were slim, but there was nobody else I could call. I paced back and forth, willing him to pick up his phone quickly. After seconds that felt like hours, he did. ‘Hello? Leah?’ His voice was thick with sleep but I didn’t have time to feel guilty.

I told him what was happening, while whoever was downstairs continued banging, and suddenly he was alert.

‘What? Are you sure? You need to call the police. Now. Give me your address, I’m coming there now.’

When I told him where I lived he said it would take him at least twenty minutes to get to me. ‘But just call the police now, okay? And then call me back so I can stay on the line with you while I get there.’

I promised I would and ended the call. The noise downstairs continued, but I knew I had at least a bit of time; the sturdy front door wouldn’t give in that easily. But instead of calling the police, I pulled up the email I’d just been sent and hit reply.

I’ve called the police.

I took a deep breath and waited, hoping my email would scare him off. It took a few moments but eventually the banging stopped. Five minutes of silence passed but I wouldn’t leave the bathroom. Not until Ben got there.

Sitting on the floor by the bath, I was about to call him back but realised my phone battery had turned red. I couldn’t let it die on me so texted him instead, asking him to call me when he got here.

It was too quiet while I sat there waiting for Ben. At least with the noise I knew where he was. Now I had no clue whether he actually had gone, or if he’d been successful in getting into the flat.

Only when Ben’s call came through, shattering the silence, did I dare to move. He said he was outside and assured me there was nobody there now and the only damage was smashed glass and a battered front door.

I went downstairs to let him in, stepping over the shards of glass that lay scattered on the floor. And when he stepped into the hallway, I grabbed him and hugged him tightly, knowing it was time I told him the truth.

TWENTY-EIGHT

None of them are happy with me. They all want to go ahead with it and think I’m trying to stop them. But I can’t, can I? I’ve objected enough and they’re still going to do it. Tonight. Adam has planned it all as if it’s a military operation, and the worst thing is that I’ve never seen him this excited. It should be me putting that smile on his face, not the thought of breaking into our old teacher’s house.

I’ve been moping around again this afternoon and Dad keeps asking what’s wrong. But I brush off his concern; if I let him think I’m just being a moody teenager he’ll eventually give up. I’ve got to do something to take my mind off Adam and the others, but nothing works. I begged Dad for some money earlier so I could go into town and buy some books I’ll need for September, and that worked for a bit, but now I’m home with nothing to distract me.

I don’t want to admit it to myself, but what’s also bothering me is that I don’t feel part of the group any more. They are doing this without me and none of them seem bothered that I won’t be there. Imogen called this morning and halfheartedly asked if I’d changed my mind, but her nonchalant attitude made me even more determined to say no. Perhaps I’m pushing my friendship with all of them to the limit, to test them all. Either it will explode in my face or we’ll all be stronger together.

I’m so desperate to fill the time that I make Dad a cup of tea and take it up to his study. His eyes almost pop from his head when he sees what I’ve done, but I just shrug as if I do this on a regular basis; he doesn’t need to know I’m going crazy and will remain this way until I know they are all back home and it’s over and done with. Then none of us will ever have to think about Miss Hollis again.

Imogen has told me they’ve arranged to meet at midnight and that they’ll all be sneaking out of their houses. Is it wrong that I hope they’ll get caught? I don’t like Miss Hollis but she doesn’t deserve this. Adam’s promised he won’t take anything, but how can I trust anything he says when he’s doing something so reckless in the first place?

For the next few hours I stare at the television, watching the flickering images but not taking in anything anyone’s saying or doing. The only thing I’m thinking about is Adam and how he’s slipping away from me by the second. I know I’m only sixteen but I want to be with him forever. There’s no one else I want so I have to make this work. I have to fight for us.

As soon as I realise this, I rush to the hall to grab the phone, not bothering to shout up to Dad for permission to use it. Nobody answers at Adam’s house so I try Imogen next, and when she picks up I tell her that they have to wait for me tonight.

I’m coming with them.

The night air is cool and I wish I’d worn a jacket. It had felt wrong sneaking out of the house, pulling the door shut slowly so that it didn’t make that loud click it usually did. What if they’d caught me? I’d be grounded for the rest of the holiday for sure. But I have to admit there’s also something exciting about walking down my road in the pitch black, knowing Adam will be waiting on the corner for me. I just hope he’s not late like he normally is.

As soon as I turn onto the next street I see him, leaning against a fence with his hands in his pockets. He smiles when he spots me and it melts my insides. Everything’s going to be all right now, I know it.

‘I’m glad you came,’ he says, pulling me into him and kissing the top of my head.

I lift my head so his mouth skims against mine. ‘I’m here for you,’ I say, looking around to check my parents haven’t followed me.

‘We’re meeting the others there. Come on, or we’ll be late.’ He grabs my hand and practically pulls me along in his haste to get to Miss Hollis’s house.

The walk seems to take longer than it has the other times I’ve been here, and as we get closer I begin to feel nervous.

‘What if she comes back?’ I ask. ‘Or a neighbour sees us? What do we do then?’ I am hoping Adam has a fallback plan for this eventuality.

But one look at his face tells me he doesn’t. In fact, the shrug of his shoulders is proof he’s not expecting anything to go wrong at all so hasn’t bothered to consider alternatives.

‘Just relax, will you? Everything will be fine.’

I want to believe him and I nod and squeeze his hand, but I can’t lie to myself.

We turn onto Miss Hollis’s road and I squint into the darkness, trying to make out whether Imogen and Corey are here yet.

‘Don’t worry, they’ll be here,’ Adam says, without even looking at me. It is just further evidence that we are connected.

I see Imogen first, sitting on the kerb opposite Miss Hollis’s house, Corey hidden from view. Adam walks faster.

‘I told them to wait by the tree,’ he says.

When they see us they both stand up and we all hug, as if we are about to do something extraordinary like climb Mount Everest. I study Imogen’s and Corey’s faces and they both look excited, as does Adam. I must be the only one whose stomach is flipping.

‘Right,’ Adam says. ‘I’ve checked out the house and there’s a gate that leads to the back garden. Round the side there’s a kitchen door and it’s not double glazed or anything so we should be able to smash it. I’ve already hidden a brick in one of the bushes at the back.’

Imogen squeals and clings onto Corey’s arm. ‘You’ve got it all sorted, haven’t you?’ she says.

‘Course he has,’ Corey chimes in. ‘He’s been working on this for weeks. He’s a bloody genius!’

I grow impatient with them. I agree Adam is a genius, but not for doing this. It doesn’t matter how well planned tonight is, it’s still a moronic thing to do. I just want to get it over with so we can start living our lives.

Ignoring Corey’s praise, Adam flicks his head towards the house. ‘Right, everyone ready?’

Imogen and Corey both nod, their faces too eager. Adam turns to me and I try my best to smile, but I’m so nervous it must be more of a grimace. He doesn’t notice though, but heads towards the house, the three of us following like soldiers marching into battle.

I let them walk ahead of me and stare straight ahead at the back of Corey’s jeans. They are too loose and I wonder if he’s borrowed them from someone because Adam has instructed us all to wear black. He says it’s so there’s less chance of being seen, but this just makes me feel worse. A spur of the moment thing would have been bad enough, but the fact he has put so much thought into it makes me feel nauseous. But it is too late to turn back now.

Time seems to move slowly as we cross the road, but then we are on her property, crossing a physical and metaphorical line. I look around but there are no lights on in any of the houses nearby. I desperately hope someone will spot us and shout out to scare us off, but there’s little chance of that. It’s as if Adam is meant to get his way.

He opens the gate and we all file into Miss Hollis’s back garden. Although I can’t see much in the darkness, I can tell she takes care of it: the grass is mown and the flowerbeds are crammed full of colourful plants. I imagine her out here gardening and a lump forms in my throat, threatening to choke me. She is a human being and we shouldn’t be here.

‘I’ll get the brick,’ Adam whispers, disappearing into the back garden while we hover by the door.

There are several plant pots on the ground and Corey begins scrambling around in them. ‘I thought so!’ he says, too loudly. ‘She’s left a spare key here!’

Rushing back to us, Adam grabs the key from Corey. ‘What a dumb bitch!’ He steps forward to the back door and pushes the key in the lock. There is a click as it turns, and we all stare at each other in disbelief.

‘I won’t be needing this, then,’ Adam says, holding up the brick. He rushes back to the lawn and drops it on the ground. ‘Although I was looking forward to smashing up her door.’

I cringe when he says this; he is enjoying this too much. If anything he’s supposed to be angry, not excited.

‘Come on,’ he says, and once again we do as he tells us.

Once we’re inside we can’t turn any lights on, but of course Adam has thought of this. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small torch, shedding a circle of light around the room as he waves it back and forth.

‘We should still whisper,’ he says. ‘Just in case any neighbours hear.’

But this is unlikely as the house is detached and the nearest neighbour is metres away. I wonder if Adam is nervous now that we’re actually here.

‘Come on,’ he continues. ‘Let’s start in the front room.’

That answers my question.

He throws open the nearest door and shines the torch into the darkness. We all peer in and immediately my stomach sinks, bile rising to my throat. This is not the living room. What we are staring at is Miss Hollis’s bedroom.

And she is in it, lying in her bed, staring at us with wide, horrified eyes.

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck!’ Corey says, his voice shattering the silence. ‘What the fuck, Adam?’

None of us move. I don’t know what Adam is doing or thinking but the torchlight is still shining on Miss Hollis. She shifts up in her bed and I see her eyes and nose are red and a mass of scrunched up tissues lies next to her on the bed.

‘Who is that?’ she says. ‘What are you doing?’ Her voice is croaky and barely audible.

We need to leave now, run for our lives, because she hasn’t been able to see our faces in the dark. I nudge Adam and try to drag him back but he shrugs me off. Beside me, neither Corey nor Imogen makes any movement.

And then Adam steps forward and it is too late to run. ‘Hello, Miss Hollis,’ he says. His voice is deep and unfamiliar, and just for a second I fool myself into thinking this is a bad dream, that any moment now I’ll wake up in my own bed.

But then she speaks, shattering my hope. ‘Adam Bowden? What are you doing? Why are you here?’

She’s saying all the wrong things. Why isn’t she ordering us out, telling us she’s calling the police? Shouting or screaming? But I have heard shock does strange things to people, and perhaps that’s why I am frozen to the spot.