Authors: Lucinda Gray
The old woman whimpers, scurrying back to her bunk. The girl ignores her and turns her gaze on me. I try not to squirm beneath its intensity.
“Did I hear you right?” she asks. “Did you say you come from Walthingham?”
“Yes, I did. I am the heir of Walthingham Hall.”
She rushes to my side and kneels before me. Her teeth are browned, her skin dull, but I can see that she might once have been pretty. “Have you seen my baby?” she asks.
“Your baby?” I repeat dumbly.
“My child, my baby! Have you seen her? A sweet little thing, she'd be. Not yet two. Eyes dark, like mine. Please, have you seen her?”
She's snaked her fingers around my upper arm, digging her nails into tender skin. “Stop!” I hiss. “I don't know who you are or what you're talking about. Get off me!”
The girl slaps me, not hard. Her voice is quieter now, desperate. “Quiet, or you'll bring them. I don't mean you any harm; just answer my question and I'll let you alone. Have you seen my child?”
I hear the clatter of feet from the hall, then the bolt on the door is thrown back with a hollow
clang
. Mr. Cosley and another man, both in shirtsleeves, hurry in. The girl pays them no mind, gripping me harder. “Just tell me if she lives,” she whispers. “Too many nights, I fear she does not. I only saw her the once, just for a minute.⦔
I scratch at her fingers, managing to pry one hand away as the guards close in. “I tell you, I don't know!” I cry.
“This one again,” says Cosley disgustedly. He and the other men drag her back as easily as if she were a stuffed doll. “She needs more letting. We've neglected this too longâthe bad blood is showing itself.”
The worst part is not the way she does not fight as they pull her to her feet. The worst part is the sudden vacancy in her eyes, as if all that she is, all that she thinks, has retreated to a space deep inside her, leaving her body a pliant shell.
I throw out a hand before the men can lead her away. “Sirs, wait. I need to see whoever is in charge. There's been a mistakeâI'm not meant to be here. I'm not meant to be here!”
The men smirk at me as I plead. “You'll get your turn with the man in charge,” Mr. Cosley sneers. “Eventually.”
Â
A
N HOUR OR
so after the woman is taken away, I hear the sound of doors being unbarred all along the hall. I can't stop staring at our door, longing for even the finite freedom beyondâanything that will take me from the stench of this terrible room. Finally we, too, are let free and led downstairs to a dingy dining hall: two long plank tables flanked by rough-hewn benches, with a single window set high in the whitewashed wall. I gaze hungrily at the square of sky I can see beyond it, longing for the sight of a bird, a frill of cloud, any proof that life beyond this place is not a dream.
There are around thirty of us, all women, everyone but me in matching gray. The oldest among us is bent and pale, and the youngest younger than me. As she shifts in her seat, moving a hand to her back, I see with a start the telling swell of stomach beneath her dress. I've heard of girls in trouble being sent away, but I could not have conceived of them being sent to a place like this. It's no place for a mother, much less a child.
When a bowl is set down before me, I find I cannot eat. Though the women around me set to with a kind of desperate gusto, the grayish porridge in my bowl looks nothing like any food I've ever eaten.
The woman serving us, a sturdy figure in dowdy blue, sees me pick up my spoon, then discard it without managing a bite of gruel. “The food's not good enough for the little lady?” she says.
“Calling this âfood' is an act of great imagination,” I reply.
The woman's eyes flash as she charges toward me, her arms flexing below the thin cotton of her work dress. She grabs my hand before I can snatch it away, and wraps my fingers around the spoon, crushing them into the metal.
“There, now, Your Highness. Eat and be grateful.” Her breath is sharp in my nose as she bends my unyielding hand toward the bowl. “And don't go thinking you'll always get the royal treatment.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Withers; that will be enough. The master wants to speak to this one.” The woman I met last night stands in the doorway, her coloring even more severe by daylight.
Mrs. Withers steps back, letting my hand drop. “She won't get to eat again till supper,” she says grudgingly. “But why that should be my concern, I don't know.”
“It isn't, and it won't be. Miss Randolph, follow me at once. You're to speak with Mr. Temperley.”
I stand up quickly, trying to look confident and very, very sane, but I'm still wearing the nightdress I went to bed in. It seems days ago that I put it on, in my warm, firelit room at Walthingham Hall, and the starched white cotton has grown limp and grimy in the hours since.
The woman leads me through austere white halls, badly lit, to a room with its door half-open. “I see you there,” a man calls. “Bring in the patient, please.”
The room we enter is colder than the rest of the house, with a large picture window overlooking the wild patch of land this place clings to. I drink in the watery light until Mr. Temperley turns, and his odd appearance distracts me completely.
Long, straight furrows run along either side of his mouth, cut clean and deep as if into stone, and three more lines score his high forehead, under a crop of hair the color of old ivory. His eyes, while not cruel, have a look of indifferent vacancy that gives me little hope.
“Thank you, Mrs. Temperley. You may leave us now,” he says briefly, his eyes raking over me. Is that woman his wife, then? Or his sister-in-law? He watches her go, then folds himself into the chair behind his great, dark-wood desk. There is nowhere else to sit in the room, so I continue standing.
“I'm told you are a troublemaker,” he says without inflection.
I sputter a moment before regaining my poise. “No, I couldn't be. I mean, I'm not. I only got here last night, and I haven't done anything. But, sir, I'm really not meant to be here at all.”
“I, I, I. The earmarks of a common narcissist, at the least.” He pulls a ledger from atop a teetering stack of books, and makes a notation that I cannot see. Then he looks back up at me, still without expression. “All over Englandâall over the world, I imagineâthere are hospitals like mine, populated solely by those who believe they âaren't meant to be here.' Your opinion on the matter holds little weight, Lady Katherine.”
I don't trust his use of my titleâit seems designed to placate me. “My opinion is the only one that can be valid, sir. I stand before you, sane. I will submit to any level of questioning to prove my point. I ask only that you allow me to leave this place at once, and send for a carriage for my transport.”
His fair eyebrows rise so high they nearly disappear into his yellowing hair. “And just how does a young woman, sound of mind and body, get herself committed to a rest facility such as this one?”
I take a deep breath and look into his eyes, attempting to keep my voice steady and strong. “I believe I was placed here at the behest of my cousin Henry Campion, who wishes to gain control of my estate. When I would not marry him, he took this more expedient path toward my fortune. He needs it to pay off his debts, which I learned about when the men he borrowed from accosted me in Bath. Not only this, but my brother was recently⦔ I trail off, feeling I may have said too much. “Recently deceased,” I finish lamely.
Mr. Temperley has steepled his long hands together and watches me raptly over discolored fingertips. “Fascinating,” he says. “Your hysterical behavior should have been recognized much earlier than this. As it is, your lunatic fantasies are more fully developed than any I've encountered. It is a good thing, Lady Katherine, that you've found your way into my care. We will make great strides toward your recovery, I'm sure.”
“Blast it,” I cry, slamming my palms down on his desk. “Everything I've told you is true. My cousin is the insane oneâinsane with greed. You'll be committing a crime, holding a healthy person here against her will.”
“You might want to brush up on the finer points of law, my lady,” he says, rummaging through his desk. “And this is all the proof I need of your regrettable illness: its confirmation by two of my most respected colleagues in the medical profession.”
The piece of paper he slaps onto the desk reads
Certificate of Insanity
in plain script. Below it are scrawled the name of the traitorous Dr. Ebner, and the corroborating signature of a man whose name is familiar to me: Lieutenant Reginald Hastings. At last, it clicks into place: The third man, the stranger who helped Henry and Dr. Ebner drag me from my bed, was also my first dancing partner the night of the ball.
I want to scream this new bit of proof into Mr. Temperley's face, but it will only strengthen his opinion of me as a seeker of conspiracies. I keep my voice low. “Sir, the two names here belong to intimates of Henry: his family doctor, his fellow serviceman. This is nothing but proof that I have not been properly examined by a doctor unconnected with my cousin's terrible plan.”
“Your cousin served our country in the war. He is a serviceman and a hero. The lieutenant, also a hero and an upstanding young medical professional. And Dr. Ebner, why, he treated my own fevers when I was a younger man. Am I to question the opinions of these men in favor of the fantastic claims of a sixteen-year-old girl, far from home and clearly grieving the untimely loss of a sibling?
“I tell you again, and this is my final word on the matter: Your stay here will be valuable to us both. In a few months' time, your treatment may well have resolved the worst of your issues, but that remains to be seen.⦔
“A few months?” I cry. “I need to leave this awful place at once!”
“You know that is impossible,” he says with dry patience. “I'm only speaking to you now as a courtesy to your family; really, patients respond best when they are left
out
of the conversation as regards their treatment.”
“May I have writing paper, at least, so that I might post a letter? My family will wonder what's become of me.” I think of my foster parents, and of Mr. Simpson.
His brow furrows even more deeply as he frowns at me. “I don't think you quite understand your situation here. You are to be kept, as all our patients are, in isolation from your usual situation of life. We find that is most conducive to our patients' mental rehabilitation. And now I believe I have indulged your questioning long enough. It is my hope that we do
not
meet again soon, as the treatments I supervise are generally needed only for our more recalcitrant patients.⦔
I stand silent a moment, letting him speak, while retracing in my mind's eye the path I took to get to his office. I think I can find the front door from here. I tilt my head slightly to the right and see that the door behind me stands ajar. Before I can overthink it, I push a teetering stack of books forward onto Temperley and dart toward the door. He shouts with surprise as I pound out of the office and down the hall. I dodge what looks like a wandering patient, a woman in gray who claps happily as I pass her. When I glimpse the front door at the end of a creaking corridor, my heart leaps. I run toward it, my fingers grasping forward.
“Got her!” says a voice behind me as a thick arm loops around my waist and yanks me off my feet. I struggle against the corded muscle binding me, my feet kicking uselessly at the air.
After a moment Mr. Temperley appears at the other end of the hall, walking with exaggerated slowness and holding a bundle of gray fabric in his hand. “Release her,” Temperley says tonelessly, pushing the gray thing toward me. The guard lets me go, and I spend a moment catching my breath.
“You are not Lady Katherine now,” says Temperley in a measured cadence. “Here there is no hierarchy, no difference in station. You are a patient like any other. And your attempts to cause trouble will not be tolerated.”
I throw the dress back at him in disgust. “I won't wear this.”
A slight sneer curls his lip. “You can put it on yourself, or my men can assist you. Which would you prefer?”
The guard's smile at this raises the hair on my neck. After a moment, I stoop to pick up the garment. I'm allowed the use of an anteroom cluttered with boots and jackets to change. I imagine myself attacking Mr. Temperley with the heavy heel of a man's boot, but the thought is fleeting and without spirit. Though I've been longing to peel off my now-filthy nightgown, I feel sickened by the constricting gray cloth. It makes me feel, for the first time, as if I might really belong here.
When I reenter the hall, clad in scratchy gray, a guard whisks the nightgown from my hands. I'm given a shapeless cloak and a pair of soft-soled shoesâthe kind that would offer no resistance against rough ground, were I to escape somehowâand ushered into a high-walled courtyard.
The rest of the women, wrapped in cloaks like mine, are gathered in the muted daylight. The walls are crawling with the husks of old ivy, and stone benches sit beside urns slimy with moss. I see a guard at the garden's edge talking to a bright-haired inmate, who is laughing at something he's saying. She's pretty until you look too closely at her eyes. The pregnant girl I saw at breakfast sits beside a slightly older companion, who puts her arm around the younger girl with an air of protective ownership. But most of the patients sit or stand alone. One, crouching, crumples dead leaves and lets the fragments slip through her fingers.
I feel exposed under the open sky. It's maddening to be outside yet still so trapped.
Margaret sidles up beside me, poking a bony finger into my arm. “Duchess Katherine,” she says. “I've heard wonderful news from court.” Her breath smells like sour mash. Though I jerk my face away from hers, she keeps talking. “My father has accepted me at lastâI'm going to London in a gilded carriage this very night!”