The Fragile Fall (4 page)

“I don’t have good experiences with people, so I’m just cautious.”

“I get that. Trust me, I’ve been fucked over a lot too. Even by my own girlfriend.” He laughed bitterly. “I’m not trying to fuck you over. I thought you were cool and that you might want to get out of the house for a while. I didn’t mean anything, you know, malicious or whatever.”

I continued looking at Jax. He sounded like he was genuine, and we did have similar interests. I hadn’t gotten a hint of any ill intent the entire time we were together, so maybe I needed to let my defenses down a little bit and trust that Jax wasn’t the jerks from my past. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

“Great.”

He smiled as I put on shoes and followed him outside. “This is yours?” I asked as I followed him toward a Dodge Ram in a metallic blue with an extended cab. The inside was meticulously clean and the outside was in perfect condition as well.

“Yeah.” He patted the hood lovingly. “She’s my baby.”

“It’s nice.”

“She was my dad’s. When he decided to upgrade to a BMW, he gave it to me.” He climbed inside, and when I didn’t move he motioned me forward. The truck was pretty high off the ground, so I had to climb inside. He turned the truck on and turned the radio up. I didn’t recognize the music.

“What’s this?”

“Fall Out Boy. This is one of my playlists. It has Fall Out Boy, Blink 182, Skrillex, Eminem, and a bunch of other bands.”

“I’ve never heard any of their music.”

“Have you been living under a rock?”

“No, I wasn’t allowed to listen to anything when I lived with my parents.”

“Well, your education begins now.” He changed the song and rap music filled the truck. “This is Eminem.”

I listened to it, intrigued. It was definitely different from anything that I had ever heard before, and a far departure from Christian music. I liked it, but I wasn’t sure if I should. I could almost hear my mom in my head yelling at me about the violence and the foul language. When the song changed, Jax told me what song it was. “This is Blink 182’s
Adam’s Song
.”

The lyrics hit my core and I couldn’t move as I listened to the words. It felt like it had been written for me. “This is an awesome song.”

“Yeah, it’s one of my favorites.” We rode in silence as I listened to the changing music, and I found I liked most of the songs.

“This is where Ryanne works,” Jax said as he pulled up outside of a little Italian restaurant, Cucina Bella. “I love to go in when she’s working and fuck with her. She gets annoyed.” He grinned.

“She won’t get mad?”

“That’s kind of the whole point, man. She’ll get over it.”

I followed Jax inside the restaurant. It was small and quaint. The walls were a deep red color, and the kitchen was open, allowing customers to see the chefs at work. A woman walked up to us with menus in her hand. “Hey, Jax. How’ve you been?”

“Good, Sandy. Can we sit in Ry’s section?”

Sandy smirked. “Of course.” We followed her to one of the tables near the windows and sat down. She handed us each a menu and walked away.

“Everything is good,” Jax told me as he scanned the menu for a few seconds and then placed it on the table.

“Hello, Jax and Will. Good to see you,” Ryanne greeted us. Her voice and smile were stiff, obviously wary of our presence. She didn’t take her eyes off Jax and I couldn’t keep my eyes off her.

“Why, hello, sweet sister. How is work going?”

“It’s been uneventful.” She gave Jax a warning look. “Let’s try to keep it that way.”

Jax put his hand to his chest as if her words had hurt and offended him. “I have no idea what you could ever mean.”

“Cut the shit, Jax. I’m not in the mood.” She forced a smile. “What can I get you to drink?”

“A soda for me. What about you, Will?”

“Water.”

Ryanne nodded and walked away.

As we ate lunch, we talked about random things like video games and music. Our conversation wasn’t forced and he didn’t constantly mock me. Every time Ry came back to the table, she smiled and I soaked it up. I watched her move around the room and the effortless way she smiled and talked to the people at her tables. No matter how many times I tried to pull my gaze away from her, my eyes continued to follow her wherever she went.

Ryanne came over to refill our drinks. “Dad just texted me,” she huffed, clearly annoyed.

“What did he have to say?” Jax asked. There was an urgent yearning in his voice. I wondered again why I had yet to see either of their parents.

“His job has been extended. He said the earliest he can come back home is probably September.”

“We’ll be fine. We always are.”

Jax sounded sure of himself, but Ryanne looked anything but relaxed. Her eyes were full of worry and she frowned. Ryanne looked at me briefly before schooling her features so she appeared unconcerned. “Yep. Let me know if you need anything.” She turned on her heel and rushed toward the kitchen.

Jax stared at his plate with his head resting in his hand, pushing the food around.

“Where is your dad?” I asked.

Jax’s head snapped up like he had forgotten I was there. “Working. I’m not sure which state it is this time.”

“Does he travel a lot for work?”

“Yeah. He’s usually gone a month or so, but he’s been gone almost two months this time. He came home for a weekend and that was it.”

“What about your mom?”

“She left when I was two.”

“Oh, sorry.” I felt bad for bringing it up.

“It’s no big deal. It is what it is. It’s always been me and Ry, so it shouldn’t be anything new, but it’s hard to deal with two parents not giving a shit, you know?” He shrugged, but there was a hint of sadness and pain in his voice. I understood what it was to miss your parents, so I knew how Jax felt. The only difference was my parents hadn’t left by choice.

In that moment of understanding, I found it easier to be myself around him. We weren’t so different. We were both missing parents who were absent, and we were both trying to get through life the best way we knew how. Jax and Ryanne were good people and weren’t out to humiliate or mock me. Everything Aunt Liv had been saying about them was true.

As Jax and I got ready to leave the restaurant, Jax asked me to wait a minute so he could go talk to Ryanne. She looked everywhere but at him and he looked like he was pleading with her. Finally, Ryanne walked away and Jax watched after her, his shoulders sagging in defeat, then he walked toward me, his feet dragging.

“Ready to go?” he asked, running a hand through his hair.

“Sure.”

When we were on our way to the laser tag place, I asked Jax what had happened with Ryanne.

He sighed. “We had a fight last night after you left. I thought she was over it but, apparently, she’s not. She’s still pretty mad at me.”

“What’d you fight about?” I don’t know where my boldness came from, but I couldn’t stop the question from slipping past my lips.

“Things have been tense lately. My dad’s been gone a long time and she’s stressed out about keeping on top of everything. It’s really not a big deal. She’ll get over it and we’ll make up.” He looked at me and smiled stiffly. His smile didn’t meet his eyes, almost as if he didn’t even believe himself. “We always do.”

I nodded, not really sure what I could say. I didn’t know Ryanne or Jax enough to be able to offer any real advice or insight. I turned and looked out the window, listening to the music Jax had turned on.

At the laser tag place, the guy explained the rules since I had never played before, then we were led into separate rooms since Jax and I were on separate teams. When a buzzer sounded, I went out into the laser tag arena. It was a large, dark room with different platforms and obstacles to hide behind. While I was looking around, Jax popped up from behind a barrel and shot me, scoring a point.

“Boom! Got you, asshole!” He hooted and laughed as he ducked and ran. I laughed and ducked down to try and find a hiding place.

After we’d finished our first ten-minute game, we paid for another. It was a lot of fun. Every time Jax scored a point, he exclaimed some kind of curse word and laughed like he just won a war singlehandedly. I lost the first game but won the next two. I was better at hiding and not giving away my hiding spot since I didn’t feel the need to gloat every time I scored a point.

When we were done, Jax slapped me on the back and invited me over to his house to play video games. It was different playing video games with someone in the same room as we bantered back and forth, trash talking each other’s moves.

After spending the day hanging out with Jax, my wariness with him disappeared. He had been nice and a ton of fun to hang out with. Between his honesty when he came over in the morning, and the fact that he didn’t make fun of me all day and treated me normally, I realized that we could have a real friendship. It felt good to have a genuine friend.

Over the next week, Jax and I hung out almost every day. I found out what it was to be a normal teenager, hanging out with friends and goofing off. I was still more reserved than Jax, but I was slowly relaxing. We’d sit in his room and listen to music as he filled me in about what to expect at Fairfax High School. Other times we’d get in his truck and drive around endlessly, usually ending up at a movie or laser tag. It was strange not having every moment structured and being able to make my own decisions, but Aunt Liv didn’t care what I did as long as I was home by midnight, though she often told me to forget my curfew because she was so happy I was out of the house.

I felt like a teenager for the first time, a feeling I could easily get used to.

Friday afternoon had arrived and I was just crawling out of bed after a late night hanging out with Jax and Ryanne. We had hung out at their house, swimming in their pool which led to an epic water fight. At one point, I worried there was more water being emptied out of the pool than was left inside. We finally had to call it a night when the neighbor on the other side of Ryanne came over and cussed us out. I went home and collapsed into bed. My whole body was sore from throwing buckets of water over Ry and Jax and from laughing. I now knew what it felt like to have a good time.

Something changed between Ry and me last night. We were constantly watching each other, and I kept finding excuses to touch her. I had no idea where my boldness was coming from, but I couldn’t stop it. Even stranger was that Ry seemed to be having the same problem. At one point, she rested her hand on my arm and didn’t move it away. When I looked at her, she quickly moved it then smiled. Jax seemed to get annoyed, putting himself between Ry and me, and when I caught him shooting her a dirty glance, she’d immediately backed off and kept her distance for the rest of the night.

Aunt Liv was reading a book at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee when I finally made it downstairs. Since I had been spending more time with Jax and Ryanne, she seemed less worried, and I was sure she was relieved I was no longer locked in my room day after day. She smiled when she saw me pour myself a cup of coffee. I was never allowed to have coffee back home. In fact, coffee wasn’t kept in the house at all. Aunt Liv had introduced me to it shortly after I moved in with her and I discovered I loved it. I poured some cereal before falling into a chair.

“Have a good night?” she asked, smiling.

“Yeah.”

“I could hear you guys in the pool until after midnight.”

“Jax and I declared war on Ry, which ended up into a free-for-all.”

“I’m glad.” She watched me as I ate my cereal and drank my coffee. Her eyes had a lightness in them that I hadn’t seen since I’d moved in. I was glad I wasn’t a source of worry any longer.

The doorbell rang, and Aunt Liv’s brows scrunched together. “Who could that be?” She got up and smiled as she opened the door. “Hi, Jax.”

“Hey, Liv. Is Will home?”

“Sure, come on in. He’s in the kitchen.” Aunt Liv stepped out of the way and motioned Jax in. He smiled and made his way into the kitchen. “What’s up?”

“Nothing. Just tired from last night.”

“Yeah, the only reason I dragged my ass out of bed at all is because I have a ton of shit to do before movie night tonight. Ry is inviting Courtney and I wanted to know if you wanted to come because I don’t want to be stuck with the two of them.”