For a moment she thought he had not heard. He whirled to face the fire, and then, as if he had made a decision, he flung himself down on the carpet in front of her. He eased his back against her chair and tipped his head back until it was resting on her knees.
She touched his hair, surprised at the softness of the black curls. She did not speak. Her fingers were gentle, light strokes against his lined forehead. Like the ebbing of the tide, she could feel the tension draining away until his brow was smooth beneath her fingertips.
“You will hear eventually that Lady Chesterley has broken our engagement and that in despair I have joined the army. In part it is true. I do feel as if I were inconsolable.”
Chad spoke without facing her, his eyes intent on the flickering blaze, his voice detached, almost indifferent.
“I have been away a great deal in the last several months. My other estates are not as well run as Maynard. I had heard rumors about Edwina’s conduct in my absence but I refused to give them much credence.”
He laughed, the sound jarring in the soft glow of the fire lit room. In the hush that followed, Gillian remained silent. The fingers of one hand stroked his temple and the other rested on his shoulder to remind him of her presence.
“Last week Roger Hornsby invited me up to his shooting box for several days of hunting. The second day the weather turned foul and we decided to give it up. I was anxious to return to London. Edwina had been put out that I would be missing a masquerade party. It was well into the evening when I returned. Stopping only long enough to change clothes and locate my domino, I left for the party.”
“You do not need to tell me more,” Gillian said, moving restlessly. At her words his body jerked and beneath her fingers the muscles tensed. Despite her reluctance to hear any more, she said, “Unless in the telling you will find some ease.”
“Ah, Gillian, what a friend you are. I will give you no details that would offend your innocence.” He relaxed against her and she could feel the loosening of his tight muscles.
“The man hosting the party was no particular friend of mine. Although nothing has ever been proved against him there have always been rumors of his depravity. Edwina was frequently in his company and, when I cautioned her, said she found him amusing. I did not pursue it.” He paused as if considering his own guilt in the matter. After a few minutes, he continued. “It was very late when I arrived and I could not find Edwina. The party was very lively and had spread through the lower floor. When I could not locate her below, I went upstairs to the private rooms.”
Gillian closed her eyes, envisioning the scene, less from what he said than what he left unsaid. There was disillusionment and betrayal in his voice and she wished she could take the hurt away as she had done when Chad was a boy. The ache of bumps and scraps were easily soothed away in the child but the painful scars of the grown man were beyond her ability to heal.
“The proper Lady Edwina Chesterley was in a card room with the host and several of his friends. She was dancing on the table wearing only her shift. They were gaming for her favors and although they did offer me a chance to enter the lists, I chose to absent myself. I called on her the next day and gave her the honor of breaking the engagement.”
There was silence when he finished. Gillian did not insult him by offering sympathy. He reached up to touch her hand and their fingers entwined. They remained thus, taking solace from each other until the fire began to burn low again. Moving stiffly, Chad stood up, turning to stare down at Gillian.
“You will catch a dreadful chill if you remain here.” As she thrust her feet out from under her nightgown, he muttered. “Bare feet. Egads, Gillian, whatever are you about? Here.”
Before she could protest, he reached down and scooped her up into his arms. She had always felt awkward about her height but he made her feel like a veritable lightweight. He lowered her enough so that she could slide back the pocket doors. Once on the thick carpet of the foyer, he set her down. Gillian was used to being taller than most men she knew, so it was a surprise to discover that she only came up to Chad’s chin.
“I’m sorry if my words have troubled you,” he whispered. “I have missed you and I could not leave without seeing you.”
His eyes moved over her face, taken aback at how much she had changed. She was no longer a child. He had heard Robbie Worthington wanted to marry her and he was pleased that she would make such a good match. Even in the moonlight he could see that he had not been mistaken all those years ago. She was on the brink of womanhood, her innocence and innate goodness shining with the brightness of the virgin snow outside. He wished that he could see her when she finally blossomed. He knew her well and there was passion lying dormant within her.
“Keep me in your thoughts,” he said.
“I will. And in my prayers.”
She could not bear to see him leave. Her hands pulled at the lapels of his coat. She was grateful for the darkness that hid her blushing cheeks. Feeling like the most brazen of hussies, she raised her eyes to the kissing bough and waited.
Thankfully Chad had never been a slowtop. He bent his head, covering her mouth with his own in a kiss of such tenderness that Gillian thought her heart might break. It was goodbye and she forced herself to let him go, although she knew that in his present state she could have held him.
And then he was gone.
The cold air that swirled around her ankles sent shivers up her spine. Her skin absorbed the chill, until her entire body was frozen, and she wondered if warmth would ever again penetrate the empty corners of her heart.
“Come along, sweetheart.”
“Papa, Chad was here.”
“I know, dear. I heard him.”
Ethan half carried Gillian upstairs, removed her dressing gown and tucked her beneath the comforter. He sat on the edge of the bed, holding her hand, until the enveloping warmth eased the tremors of her body. In the stark moonlight, there was a stunned expression in her eyes.
“I didn’t realize I loved him,” she whispered.
“Does he love you?”
“No. He is the earl and I am only a friend from his childhood.” There was no self-pity in her voice. She was far too practical for that.
“Robbie will be home in two days’ time,” Ethan reminded her.
“I know. I dread hurting him but I would not make him happy, Papa.”
“You have always made me happy, daughter. And very proud.”
Ethan rose and leaned over to kiss her on the forehead. He opened the door into the hall, then turned to the silent figure on the bed. “Perhaps you might remind Robbie of Nelda’s attractions.” At the gasp of surprise from his daughter, Ethan chuckled. “I may be old, child, but I am not blind.”
Gillian made a sound that was halfway between a gurgle of laughter and a sob. “Good night, Papa. I love you.”
The Fourth Kiss
“Don’t tell me you are breeding again,” Gillian cried when Nelda had removed her fur cape. “How perfectly wonderful!”
“It is, isn’t it?” Nelda folded her hands complacently atop the magnificent bulge at her waistline and smiled beatifically. “It’s something I seem to be particularly good at. Three children in less than three years should gain me some sort of award. My darling husband is strutting through London, quite the cock of the walk.”
“Well, if Robbie gets too full of himself just remind him that if he hadn’t been so slow in offering for you he could have had four by now.” Gillian hugged her friend and led her over to the silver and blue striped sofa in the drawing room.
Nelda shook her head. “I’d better not sit there. It looks entirely too soft and you will have to call for help to pry me out of the cushions. Here would be better.” Once she was settled comfortably in the armchair, she looked across the tea table, her face set in somber lines. “My dearest friend, I cannot tell you how distressed I was not to be here when your father passed away. It was such a shock when I received your letter.”
“Never fear, Nelda. I know full well how fond you were of Papa. It was very sudden. He did not seem to be ill but he just kept getting frailer. Then one morning I found him in the library. I thought he had fallen asleep reading but when I touched his shoulder I knew he was gone.”
At her words, tears rose in Nelda’s eyes, overflowing and running down her cheeks. It was Gillian who found the handkerchief in her reticule.
“When I’m increasing, I am a veritable watering pot,” Nelda said, dabbing at her eyes with the scrap of lace. “Pray forgive me. It is I who should be comforting you.”
“In the last two months, I have cried enough tears. I’m only glad that you’ve returned in time for Christmas. I was not looking forward to it this year.” Gillian crossed to the bell pull. “Can you stay for tea?”
“My dear, I live for teatime,” Nelda drawled, patting her stomach. “And lunchtime. And suppertime.”
“How are the children?”
“Little Rob is a hellion and naturally the pride of his father. Olivia is absolutely exquisite. Even though I risk your thinking I am biased, I tell you she is the sweetest most adorable child in the world. You will love her.”
Gillian beamed across at her friend. It had been apparent from the moment of their marriage that both Nelda and Robbie were supremely happy. It was a pleasure to be in their company, because their joy in each other spilled out to enliven every occasion. For Gillian it had been that much more special since she had kept them as friends.
“I fear you will find us all deadly dull,” Gillian said. “Your children will keep you from getting bored now that you are away from the excitements of London.”
“Piffle!” Nelda said. “London can be boring. No wonder there is so much gossip. We always see the same people and go to the same balls and such. Any news helps to break up the monotony of the days.”
“Well, I look forward to you filling me in on all the on dits. I am sadly behind in all the social news. I have not been to London in three years.”
“And why not, may I ask? It’s not as if you hadn’t enough invitations.” Nelda glared across at her friend. “Both Robbie and I have begged you to come but you always fob us off with some shabby excuse.”
Gillian laughed. “I was in London the year after you married but after I had my surfeit of the theatre, it began to pall. Ah, here is our tea. Thank you, Maddie.”
The servant girl placed the silver tray in front of Gillian then busied herself setting out the napkins and silver. Nelda licked her lips in anticipation as she eyed the plate of sandwiches and pastries.
“The other day Robbie asked if I were going to have a pony,” she said as she reached for a cucumber sandwich. “I am considerably bigger than I was with Olivia.”
“Maybe it’ll be twins,” Gillian teased as she poured out the tea.
“Bite your tongue. With my luck it would be male twins. And believe me, my dear, boy children are a handful.”
They chattered easily while they ate. After hearing all the local gossip, Nelda asked about Miss Pennington.
“She was terribly fond of Papa and quite devastated by the news of his death. We correspond regularly. In fact I just received a letter from her.” Gillian poured another cup of tea. “The school has been a great success. She started small, the first year only four girls but this year there are twelve. She has tailored the entire curriculum not only to educate the young women but, more to the point, to teach them a trade. You know how Penny always lectured us on the fact that we should not depend on a man for our happiness. Now she is planning to turn out a whole corps of women who have learned to be independent.”
“How revolutionary.” Nelda pursed her mouth into a moue of distaste “I am not at all sure that I approve of such ideas although I can see by the shine of your eyes you are in full agreement.”
“Yes, but then I had a very irregular upbringing. Papa himself gave me a copy of Mary Wollstonecraft’s Vindication of the Rights of Woman.” Gillian laughed at her friend’s expression. “No need to look so appalled, Nelda. You are one of the lucky women who has a husband who respects and adores you. Your value in Robbie’s eyes is not solely because you are a good breeder. He knows you have intelligence and he encourages you to think for yourself. How extraordinary it is that so few men treat women this way.”
“Well, I suppose you are correct that Robbie does bring out the best in me. I have seen other men who are constantly belittling their wives until the poor things become nothing more than a weak echo of their husbands. My apologies for appearing critical.” Nelda’s expression lightened. “Please give Penny my fondest greetings when you write her again.”
Gillian wiped her fingers on her napkin. “In actual fact, I may be seeing her after Christmas. She invited me north for a visit and I have been debating whether or not to go.”
“I know that sidelong expression, Gillian Foster. There’s more to the story than just a simple visit. I’m right, aren’t I?”
“No need to act so smug. There is more but at this point I haven’t made any decision yet.”
“Give over, do. I am fast losing patience!”
“No need to bully me,” Gillian said. “Penny asked me to join her as one of the teaching staff. She thinks I need something to do now that Papa is gone. It is a relatively tempting offer.”
“Don’t be a looby!” Nelda said inelegantly. “You’d traipse off to the north of England to teach a packet of runny nosed girls how to get on in life? I begin to wonder sometimes if you have more hair than wit. You are missing Ethan and feeling downhearted at the thought of Christmas without him. By all rights I should bundle you up and take you home but I know how stubborn you are. You would sneak out a window and walk back here.”
“Ah, Nelda, how I have missed you,” Gillian said, smiling warmly at her friend who was trying desperately to maintain the vexed expression on her face.
“Just promise me you won’t do anything until after Christmas. I would not want my dinner ruined.”
“Heaven forefend that you should miss a meal!”
Gillian stared pointedly at her friend’s girth. Nelda was just opening her mouth to reply when she caught the joke. Her blue eyes widened and she let out a great whoop of laughter. Gillian joined in, and they laughed until they were both breathless. It immediately returned the conversation to a lighter plane. Finally it was time for Nelda to leave. She had started to rise, when she clapped a hand to her forehead and dropped back into her chair.