The First Man in Rome (28 page)

The master plan had evolved slowly, its nuclear germ the result of that first meeting, when he had derided her puppy fat and shooed her away. She had ceased to gobble sweeties, and lost a little weight, and had no reward from him for her pains. Then when he came back to Rome and was even ruder to her, her resolve had hardened, and she began to forsake food. At first it had been very difficult, but then she discovered that when she adhered to this semistarvation for long enough without once succumbing to the urge to stuff herself, her capacity to eat diminished, and the hunger pangs entirely went away.

So by the time that Lucius Gavius Stichus had died of his lingering illness eight months ago, Julilla's master plan was more or less fully evolved; there remained only irritating problems to solve, from devising a way to keep herself in the forefront of Sulla's mind to discovering a way to maintain herself in a weight equilibrium which would allow her to live.

Sulla she dealt with by writing him letters.

I love you, and I shall never tire of telling you so. If letters are the only way I can make you hear me, then letters there will be. Dozens. Hundreds. Thousands, if the years mount up. I will smother you in letters, drown you in letters, crush you in letters. What more Roman way is there than the writing of letters? We feed on them, as I feed upon writing to you. What does food mean, when you deny me the food my heart and spirit crave? My crudest, most merciless, and un-pitying beloved! How can you stay away from me? Break down the wall between our two houses, steal into my room, kiss me and kiss me and kiss me! But you will not. I can hear you saying it as I lie here too weak to leave my awful and hateful bed. What have I done to deserve your indifference, your coldness? Surely somewhere inside your white, white skin there curls the smallest of womannikins, my essence given into your keeping, so that the Julilla who lives next door in her awful and hateful bed is only a sucked-out and dried-up simulacrum growing steadily shadowier, fainter. One day I shall disappear, and all that will be left of me is that tiny womannikin under your white, white skin. Come and see me, look upon what you have done? Kiss me and kiss me and kiss me. For I love you.

The food equilibrium had been more difficult. Determined not to gain weight, she kept on losing it in spite of her efforts to remain static. And then one day the whole gang of physicians who had over the months paraded through the house of Gaius Julius Caesar, trying vainly to cure her, went to Gaius Julius Caesar and advocated that she be force-fed. But in the way of physicians, they had left it up to her poor family to do their dirty work. So the whole house had gathered up its courage and prepared itself for the effort, from the newest slave to the brothers, Gaius and Sextus, and Marcia, and Caesar himself. It had been an ordeal no one cared to remember afterward—Julilla screaming as if she were being murdered rather than resurrected, struggling feebly, vomiting back every mouthful, spitting and gagging and choking. When Caesar finally ordered the horror abandoned, the family had gone into council and agreed without one dissenting voice that no matter what might happen to Julilla in the future, force-fed she was not going to be.

But the racket Julilla had made during the attempt to force-feed her had let the cat out of the Caesar bag; the whole neighborhood now knew of the Caesar troubles. Not that the family had concealed its troubles from shame, only that Gaius Julius Caesar loathed gossip, and tried never to be a cause of it.

To the rescue came none other than Clitumna from next door, armed with a food she guaranteed Julilla would voluntarily ingest, and which would stay down once it was ingested. Caesar and Marcia welcomed her fervently, and sat listening fervently as she talked.

"Find a source of cow's milk," said Clitumna importantly, enjoying the novel experience of being the center of Caesarean attention. "I know it's not easy to come by, but I believe there are a couple of fellows out in the Camenarum Valley who do milk cows. Then for each cup of milk you break in one hen's egg and three spoons of honey. You beat it up until there's a froth on top, and add half a cup of strong wine right at the end. If you put the. wine in before you beat it up, you won't get a nice froth on top. If you have a glass goblet, give it to her in that, because the drink's very pretty to look at—quite a rich pink, with a nice yellow top of froth. Provided she can keep it down, it will certainly keep her alive and fairly healthy," said Clitumna, who vividly remembered her sister's period of starvation after she had been prevented from marrying a most unsuitable fellow from Alba Fucentia—a snake charmer, no less!

"We'll try it," said Marcia, eyes full of tears.

"It worked for my sister," said Clitumna, and sighed. "When she got over the snake charmer, she married my dear, dear Stichus's father."

Caesar got up. "I'll send someone out to the Camenarum at once," he said, disappearing. Then his head came round the door. "What about the hen's egg? Ought it to be a tenth egg, or will an ordinary one do?" he asked.

"Oh, we just used ordinary ones," said Clitumna comfortably, relaxing in her chair. "The extra-large variety might upset the balance of the drink."

"And the honey?" Caesar persisted. "Ordinary Latin honey, or should we try to get Hymettan, or at any rate smokeless?"

"Ordinary Latin honey is quite good enough," said Clitumna firmly. "Who knows? Maybe it was the smoke in the ordinary honey that did the trick. Let us not depart from the original recipe, Gaius Julius."

"Quite right." Caesar disappeared again.

"Oh, if only she can tolerate it!" said Marcia, her voice shaking. "Neighbor, we are at our wits' end!"

"I imagine you are. But don't make such a fuss about it, at least not in Julilla's hearing," advised Clitumna, who could be sensible when her heart wasn't involved, and would cheerfully have let Julilla die had she only known of those letters piling up in Sulla's room. Her face puckered. "We don't want a second death in these two houses," she said, and sniffled dolefully.

"We most certainly don't!" cried Marcia. Her sense of social fitness coming to the fore, she said delicately, "I do hope you're over the loss of your nephew a little, Clitumna? It's very difficult, I know."

"Oh, I manage," said Clitumna, who did grieve for Stichus on many levels, but upon one vital level had found her life a great deal easier without the friction between the deceased Stichus and her dear, darling Sulla. She heaved a huge sigh—sounding much like Julilla, had she only known it.

That encounter had proved to be the first of many, for when the drink actually worked, the Caesar household lay under a massive obligation to their vulgar neighbor.

"Gratitude," said Gaius Julius Caesar, who took to hiding in his study whenever he heard Clitumna's shrill voice in the atrium, "can be a wretched nuisance!"

"Oh, Gaius Julius, don't be such a curmudgeon!" said Marcia defensively. "Clitumna is really very kind, and we can't possibly hurt her feelings—which is what you're in danger of doing when you avoid her so persistently."

"I know she's terribly kind!" exclaimed the head of the household, goaded. "That's what I'm complaining about!"

*    *    *

Julilla's master plan had complicated Sulla's life to a degree which would have afforded her great satisfaction, had she only known. But she did not, for he concealed his torment from everyone save himself, and feigned an indifference to her plight which completely fooled Clitumna, always full of news about the situation next door now that she had donned the mantle of lifesaving miracle worker.

"I do wish you'd pop in and say hello to the poor girl," Clitumna said fretfully about the time that Marcus Junius Silanus led his seven magnificent legions north up the Via Flaminia. "She often asks after you, Lucius Cornelius."

"I've got better things to do than dance attendance on a female Caesar," said Sulla harshly.

"What arrant nonsense!" said Nicopolis vigorously. "You're as idle as any man could possibly be."

"And is that my fault?" he demanded, swinging round on his mistress with a sudden savagery that made her draw back in fright. "I could be busy! I could be marching with Silanus to fight the Germans."

"Well, and why didn't you go?" Nicopolis asked. "They've dropped the property qualifications so drastically that I'm sure with your name you could have managed to enlist."

His lips drew back from his teeth, revealing the overlong and sharply pointed canines which gave his smile a feral nastiness. "I, a patrician Cornelius, to march as a ranker in a legion?" he asked. "I'd sooner be sold into slavery by the Germans!"

"You might well be, if the Germans aren't stopped. Truly, Lucius Cornelius, there are times when you demonstrate only too well that you yourself are your own worst enemy! Here you are, when all Clitumna asked of you was a miserable little favor for a dying girl, grizzling that you have neither the time nor the interest—really, you do exasperate me!" A sly gleam crept into her eyes. "After all, Lucius Cornelius, you must admit your life here is vastly more comfortable since Lucius Gavius so conveniently expired." And she hummed the tune of a popular ditty under her breath, a song with words to the effect that the singer

had murdered his rival in love and got away with it. "Con-veeeeeeniently ex-piiiiiiired!" she warbled.

His face became flinty, yet oddly expressionless. "My dear Nicopolis, why don't you stroll down to the Tiber and do me the
enormous
favor of jumping in?"

The subject of Julilla was prudently dropped. But it was a subject which seemed to crop up perpetually, and secretly Sulla writhed, aware of his vulnerability, unable to display concern. Any day that fool girl of Julilla's could be caught out carrying one of the letters, or Julilla herself caught in the deed of writing one—and then where would he be? Who would believe that he, with his history, was innocent of any kind of intrigue? It was one thing to have an unsavory past, but if the censors deemed him guilty of corrupting the morals of a patrician senator's daughter—he would never, never be considered for membership of the Senate. And he was determined he was going to reach the Senate.

What he yearned to do was to leave Rome, yet he didn't dare—what might the girl do in his absence? And, much though he hated having to admit it, he couldn't bring himself to abandon her while she was so ill. Self-induced her illness might be, but it was nonetheless a serious illness. His mind circled inside itself like a disorientated animal, unable to settle, unable to discipline itself to a sensible or logical path. He would drag the withered grass crown out from its hiding place in one of his ancestral cupboards and sit holding it between his hands, almost weeping in a frenzy of anxiety; for he knew where he was going and what he intended to do, and that wretched girl was an unbearable complication, and yet that wretched girl was the start of it all, with her grass crown—what to do, what to do? Bad enough to have to pick his way unerringly through the morass of his coming intentions, without the additional strain of Julilla.

He even contemplated suicide, he who was the last person in the world likely to do that deed—a fantasy, a delicious way out of everything, the sleep which has no end. And then back his thoughts would go to Julilla, always back to Julilla—
why?
He didn't love her, he wasn't capable of loving. Yet there were times when he hungered for her, craved to bite her and kiss her and impale her until she screamed in ecstatic pain; and there were other times, especially when he lay wakeful between his mistress and his stepmother, that he actively loathed her, wanting the feel of her skinny throat between his hands, wanting to see her empurpled face and goggling eyes as he squeezed the last vestige of her life out of her starving lungs. Then would come another letter—why didn't he just throw them away, or carry them to her father with a fierce look on his face and a demand that this harassment cease? He never did. He read them, those passionate and despairing pleas her girl kept slipping into the sinus of his toga in places too public to draw attention to her action; he read each one a dozen times, then put it away in his ancestral cupboards with the others.

But he never broke down in his resolve not to see her.

And spring turned into summer, and summer into the dog days of Sextilis, when Sirius the Dog Star shimmered sullenly over a heat-paralyzed Rome. Then, as Silanus was marching confidently up the Rhodanus toward the churning masses of the Germans, it began to rain in central Italy. And kept on raining. To the denizens of sunny Rome, a worse fate than the Sextilian dog days. Depressing, highly inconvenient, a worry in case of flood, a nuisance on all fronts. The marketplaces couldn't hope to open, political life was impossible, trials had to be postponed, and the crime rate soared. Men discovered their wives
in flagrante delicto
and murdered them, the granaries leaked and wetted the wheat stored therein, the Tiber rose just enough to ensure that some of the public latrines backfilled and floated excrement out of their doors, a vegetable shortage developed when the Campus Martius and the Campus Vaticanus were covered with a few inches of water, and shoddily built high-rise insulae began to crumble into total collapse or suddenly manifested huge cracks in walls and foundations. Everyone caught cold; the aged and infirm began to die of pneumonia, the young of croup and quinsy, all ages of that mysterious disease which paralyzed the body and, if survived, left an arm or a leg shriveled, wasted.

Clitumna and Nicopolis began to fight every day, and every day Nicopolis would remark to Sulla in a whisper how very convenient Stichus's death had been for him.

Then, after two full weeks of remorseless rain, the low clouds hauled their last tatters over the eastern horizon, and the sun came out. Rome steamed. Tendrils of vapor curled off the paving stones and roof tiles; the air was thick with it. Every balcony, loggia, peristyle-garden, and window in the city burgeoned with mouldy washing, contributing to the general fug, and houses where small babies dwelled— like the one of the merchant banker Titus Pomponius— suddenly found their peristyle-gardens filled with line upon line of drying diapers. Shoes had to be divested of mildew, every book in every literate house unrolled and inspected minutely for insidious fungus, the clothes chests and cupboards aired.