Corey sat in stunned silence for several moments, mouth hanging slack as he stared at Doctor Ingram. “I don’t lose track of time,” he managed through his tightened throat. “But all the rest? Yeah.” He ran the tips of his fingers over his forehead. “So, I’m more fucked up than I realized,” Corey said, gripping the throw pillow tightly.
“Not at all,” Ingram said emphatically. “You’re reacting very reasonably, considering what you’ve most likely been through. Now, how about your personal relationships? Has your relationship with your family changed since you’ve been back?”
“No. We haven’t been close since I joined the Marines,” Corey answered.
“How about your friends? Fellow Marines?”
Corey thought about it. He used to spend weekends with other Marines from his platoon. He frequently spent evenings in the various enlisted cantinas. He realized he hadn’t attended a Single Marines event since he’d returned from deployment. “I guess I’ve been keeping to myself a lot. I mean, I go out sometimes, but that’s usually to get drunk.”
“I did see you’ve been self-medicating with alcohol,” Ingram said, referring to Corey’s completed form.
“I’m trying to stop that. It was mostly to help me sleep so…” Corey shrugged.
Doctor Ingram made some quick notes. “Next time, we’ll talk about how that’s going. Are you doing any socializing?”
“I hang out with a corporal from my old platoon sometimes.” Tyler was easy going and didn’t try to make Corey talk about the things they’d done during their deployment.
“Have you made any friends among the Marines at your new assignment?” the doctor asked.
Until she asked, Corey hadn’t thought that was strange. “No ma’am. I guess I haven’t.”
“Emotional distancing and isolation is a symptom, too. I’m not too worried, though. I think it will fix itself as we make progress in other areas.” She paused and consulted Corey’s questionnaire. “Now, I know this is going to feel invasive and overly personal,” Ingram said slowly, “but we need to discuss it. You’ve reported erectile dysfunction.”
Corey’s face flamed. He blew out a tense breath and looked down at the pillow in his lap. “Yes, ma’am.”
“What types of issues are you having? Are you able to get an erection? Or do you just have trouble maintaining it once you have one?” Her question was professional and clinical but Corey was still embarrassed.
“I have trouble getting hard, yeah.” He forced himself to meet her eyes. “Sometimes even when I do I can’t co…orgasm. One time I damn near rubbed myself raw and it still wouldn’t work.”
“Corey, have you had sex since you’ve been back from Afghanistan?” Ingram asked gently.
Sighing, Corey confessed, “No, ma’am.”
“Were you in a relationship before your deployment?”
“No, ma’am.”
“So, this issue hasn’t adversely affected an emotional relationship, correct?”
Corey hesitated.
“Or has it?” the doctor persisted.
“I met someone, recently,” Corey said hesitantly.
“Good! That’s very good, Corey.” Doctor Ingram smiled brightly. “Can I ask this person’s name so we can discuss it?”
He rubbed a hand over his suddenly dry mouth. “His name is Sean.”
“Sean. Okay. Have you discussed with Sean any of what’s going on?” Neither the doctor’s voice nor expression gave any sign of surprise or disapproval.
“Actually, yeah,” Corey replied. “He’s been trying to help me with the nightmares so I can cut back on the drinking.”
“I’m really glad to hear that. That’s tremendous. But, no sex, yet, correct?”
“No, ma’am.” Corey couldn’t help his smile, despite his discomfort over discussing something so personal. “I really want to, though.”
Ingram nodded knowingly. “So your drive is intact? That’s good. You have the desire. Your body just doesn’t want to cooperate right now, it seems. Have you had any physical contact with Sean? Kissing? Petting? Frottage?”
Corey’s face flamed, even as his groin tightened pleasantly at the memories. “Yes. All of that.”
“Have you avoided sex because you couldn’t get an erection?” Ingram asked gently. “Or are you avoiding it out of anxiety?”
Corey sat up straighter, pleasure sweeping through him at thoughts of Sean. “Neither. It’s just been timing. The first time we kissed, I wanted to drag him into his apartment and…sorry.” Christ, but he was suddenly talkative.
“Don’t be sorry. You wanted to have sex with Sean,” Doctor Ingram encouraged.
What the hell. He was here to get help for these problems. “Yeah, there wasn’t time, but that was okay ’cause I couldn’t get ha…an erection. The second time, though, no problem. I’m just afraid I won’t be able to orgasm.” Instead of feeling ashamed, Corey felt like a weight had been lifted.
“Okay, you definitely have some anxiety issues,” Ingram said as she wrote notes on her legal pad. “I’m going to give you a prescription for something you can take when you have an actual episode, rather than something you take every day. I think that, and getting you sleeping regularly, will solve quite a few problems. The rest we can talk about until you come to terms with them.” She took out a prescription pad and began to scribble. “Would you like a prescription for a little blue pill? Physically, you’re fine. But they might give you a boost that will calm your anxiety and keep you from worrying yourself
into
dysfunction.”
Corey had never considered taking that type of medication. Now, though, he didn’t want to take a chance at ruining things with Sean tonight.
“Ma’am, that would be so great,” he replied, not bothering to hide his smile.
CHAPTER TEN
Corey exited the pharmacy, prescriptions in hand. He threw away the packaging in a nearby trashcan. Inside his Jeep, Corey retrieved the canvass bag from the back seat that he used to store things he frequently used. Tossing the prescription bottles into the bag, he threw it back into the rear seat and reached for his cell phone.
He hoped Sean was available for an early dinner. Corey was ready to get their date started. His patience was at an end.
“Hey, I was just thinking about you,” Sean said when he answered. “How did your appointment go?”
“It sucked but it was okay,” Corey replied. “I’m glad it’s over.”
“You’re going back, though, right?” asked Sean.
“Yeah, Wednesday night.” Corey didn’t want to talk about himself anymore. “So, any thoughts on what we’re gonna do tonight?”
“I know it’s cliché, but I was thinking dinner and a movie.” Sean’s answer was hesitant. “We haven’t had a lot of uninterrupted time to just sit and talk to each other.”
Yeah, Corey really liked that idea. Good food to focus on and an evening to themselves to get to know each other. “I like that idea a lot. Is there someplace in particular you’d like to go?” He took a chance and started toward Sean’s apartment.
“I can think of a couple of places but they’re all down here. What’s up by you?” Sean asked.
“It doesn’t matter what’s up by me because I’m on my way to you,” Corey replied. “Unless now is a bad time?”
“No! Shit. Yes. No.” Sean was obviously moving quickly. “Where are you now? I need time to shower.”
Christ. Corey’s cock started to harden at the thought of Sean, naked and wet. He knew just how fresh and clean Sean would smell when Corey arrived. “If now is a bad time, I can wait until later,” he said reluctantly.
“You don’t have to come here,” replied Sean. “I can come get you.”
“You’ve played chauffeur for me enough already. I’m not drinking so I can do the driving tonight.”
“Okay, okay.” Sean capitulated. “Have you left the base yet?”
“I’m pulling out of the main gate now.” Traffic was clear and Corey pulled out onto Vandergrift Boulevard and headed for the Five-South.
Sean made a nervous sound. “I might need more time to dress after you get here, but I can be mostly ready by then. Do you remember how to get here?”
“I’ve got advanced training in navigation,” Corey answered with a laugh. “I can find your condo again.”
As he’d anticipated, Corey had no trouble finding his way back to Sean’s. He pressed the doorbell with his thumb and heard chimes in the distance.
Sean seemed harried when he opened the door. “Hi,” he greeted warmly, standing aside for Corey to enter. “I just need to get dressed and we can go.” Sean led Corey down the short hallway into the great room.
Corey swallowed against his suddenly dry throat. Sean wore nothing but a pair of track pants that hung low on his hips. He struggled not to stare at Sean’s tan skin and defined muscles. “Typical civilian; taking your time to get ready to go anywhere,” he joked, trying to distract himself from the dimples just above the swell of Sean’s ass.
Sean laughed, obviously not offended. “It’s the hair.”
Corey didn’t give a shit. He liked Sean’s hair. He had highlights added to his dark blond locks but it wasn’t ridiculous or feminine. It looked good. Sean wore it long on top and had mastered that artfully disheveled appearance Corey secretly admired. Short, soft strands framed Sean’s handsome, sharp featured face. He wondered what it would feel like to run his fingers through the strands of Sean’s hair.
“The end result makes it worth it,” Corey said, glancing nervously around Sean’s living room to hide the warmth in his face.
“Did you change clothes after your appointment?” Sean asked from his bedroom doorway.
“No. Why?” Corey looked down at himself, suddenly worried he looked like shit.
“You met with your counselor dressed like that?” Sean asked incredulously.
“What’s wrong with it?” Corey cataloged his un-scuffed lace up boots, clean dark wash jeans, and dark blue short-sleeved Henley.
“Absolutely nothing.” Sean’s heated gaze traveled Corey’s length, a mischievous smile teasing around his mouth. “If your counselor is gay, he probably had a hard time keeping his mind on his work.”
Corey barked a surprise laugh. He glanced down at himself again, realizing his shirt clung to him, revealing the muscles of his chest and abs. Christ, his thighs looked huge in these jeans. “My counselor is a woman so I think you probably wish she
was
gay.”
Sean blew out an exaggerated breath and with a shake of his head, disappeared into his bedroom.
Corey smiled to himself, pleasantly surprised that someone like Sean found him so attractive. He was glad he’d planned ahead and picked up lube and condoms at a pharmacy off base.
Sean emerged wearing a snug pair of distressed jeans and a white, crew neck cotton shirt so thin, Corey thought he could see skin through the fabric. It was going to be a long dinner.
When they were settled in the Jeep, Sean directed Corey to a nearby steakhouse. He said the food was good, the booths semi-private, and the staff didn’t mind if you lingered awhile.
Corey’s cell buzzed so he checked the display, ready to ignore the call. He paused when he saw it was Tyler Howe. The corporal might just be checking in to see if Corey needed someone to hang out with tonight.
Corey answered, putting his phone on speaker. “Hey, man, how’s it goin’?” he greeted.
“Dude, it’s pretty fucked,” Tyler answered in a strained voice.
Alarm raced through Corey’s system. “What’s wrong?” From the corner of his eye, he saw Sean look over in concern.
“Fuckin’ Nygaard keeps calling me. Even when I don’t answer, he leaves me messages.” Tyler sighed heavily. “He wants to see me. He wants to explain why he killed that woman. He says he wasn’t in control of himself and he needs me to know why.”
“Tell him to go fuck himself,” Corey responded hotly. “Don’t let him suck you into his shit.” His hands clenched tightly around the steering wheel, his knuckles whitening.
“Dude, he put his dad on the phone with me.” Tyler’s tone was mournful. “He swears Nygaard has that brain trauma thing and doesn’t deserve to be punished for anything.”
Anger burned in Corey’s chest. “That’s a load of crap. He’s always been a loose cannon and an asshole. Now he’s got himself in a shit-load of trouble and he wants to make it everyone else’s fault.”
Tyler’s frustrated sigh was loud. “If I just go let him say what he wants to say, maybe he’ll leave me the fuck alone. If I keep dodging him, I think he’s gonna keep calling me.”
Corey shrugged his tense shoulders even though Tyler couldn’t see. “It sounds like you made up your mind. Why the fuck are you calling me?” he snapped.
“He wants to talk to you, too,” Tyler replied. “If we go together we can show we’re on the same side about this.”
Corey rolled his eyes and sighed explosively. It was hard to take another breath. “How do you know he wants to talk to me?”
“His old man told me. The lawyer told them they can’t contact you about your testimony without going through the J.A.S. lawyer.” Tyler made a scoffing sound. “I guess the guy told them it’s fine to have you over and just tell Nygaard’s side of the story.”
After Hirata had talked with Nygaard’s defense lawyer, he’d warned Corey he might have to have contact with Nygaard, at least until the Corps discharged him. He’d admonished Corey to keep his mouth shut and his ears open, if that happened.
Shifting in his seat, Corey twisted his whitened knuckles on the wheel. His heart was pounding its way out of his chest, his left leg bounced violently. “I don’t give a shit what his excuses are, and you shouldn’t either. Tell him and his old man to fuck off.”
“Jesus Christ, Corey,” Tyler snapped. “Don’t you want to see if he’ll admit what the fuck it is he’s been hiding about what went down in Ghazni?”
That was about the last thing Corey wanted. He struggled to drag a harsh breath into his lungs. “When do they want to talk?” he asked in a strangled voice.
“Right now,” Tyler said derisively. “They’re fucking barbequing like Nygaard’s just having a couple buddies over to visit.”
“Fuck that!” Corey barked. “I’m on a fucking date, Tyler. I
am not
interrupting my plans for this fuck-stick.”
“Oh, shit!” Tyler gasped, sounding mortified. “Dude, I didn’t think…I mean, I didn’t know…you don’t usually…you haven’t…fuck. I’m sorry, man. I’ll let you go.”
A gentle hand on his arm made Corey glance at Sean. “Hang on a sec, Tyler.”