The Fight for Us (40 page)

“I’m going to go take a bath,” she said.

He followed her, grabbing the duffel bag of clothes from the floor.

She started the faucet in the bathtub, and she undressed as he stood leaning against the bathroom counter. He just watched her. He couldn’t seem to stop studying her, and she knew he was trying to figure out exactly what the malfunction in her brain was. She wasn’t sure she understood it either. She was in one breath certain she didn’t deserve her life with him, and in the other, terrified she’d lose it.

When she finally climbed in, he started undressing. “Can I join you?”

“You sure you want to share my dirty bath water?” It was a fairly loaded comment under the circumstances.

“I’ll share your dirty bath water any day of the week.” And so was his response.

He stripped out of his clothes quickly, and he climbed in behind her. It was a large Jacuzzi bathtub, and he let his legs rest on either side of her, pulling her body back to rest against his. “What are you thinking about?”

She didn’t even know where to begin with that one. “There are so many things floating around in my head right now I’ve had to start a mental list of all the worries and confusions. I’m sorry I’m being so weird.”

He pulled her hair off to the side of her shoulder and kissed the back of her neck. “You’re not being weird. You’re simply reacting to a difficult situation. How about you tell me your worries, and let me put your mind at ease.” He kissed her again, letting his lips trail up to her ear. “I wasn’t there for you yesterday morning when you needed me. I need you to know how sorry I am about that.”

“I’m not upset.”

“Yeah? Well, I am. I can’t stand that I left you alone when you needed me. But I’m here now, and I know you’re struggling, and I’m not willing to accept that. Please talk to me.” His breath was warm against her earlobe, and when he let his forehead drop to the back of her neck, she closed her eyes. His hands ran gently down the length of her arms, lacing his fingers through hers and folding her arms up to her chest as he held her against him. “Please.” He whispered.

She took a deep breath. “I’m worried Nat won’t want to stay here. I’m worried this will drive you away from Bristol. I understand it, and I want her to be where she’s going to be happy, but selfishly, I’m worried about how that will affect us.” She waited feeling exceptionally vulnerable.

He lifted his forehead from her neck, and his mouth moved to her ear again. She loved it when he spoke with his lips to her ear. It was so exceptionally intimate—at times completely sexual and at other times just incredibly warm.

“I don’t want that to happen. I can’t say if it will or won’t, but what I can say is that if your life is as tied to mine as mine is to yours, then I’ll expect you and Harper to come with us, and wherever our life ends up being, it will be with all of us together.”

Her eyes teared. It was exactly what she’d needed to hear. But it also left her wondering just why he thought she deserved such devotion. Instead of sharing that worry with him too, she nodded.

“One worry taken care of?”

“Yeah.”

“Next please.”

She stayed silent for a moment, and he kissed the side of her neck. “I worry that you blame me…” She wasn’t even sure how to finish that sentence for a moment. “…even if you don’t want to admit it, even if you don’t realize it.”

“Stop.” His grip tightened on her body.

“All of this happened because of the mistakes I made.”

He held her tightly in his arms. “We’ve both made plenty of mistakes. But we’ve both moved past them. You set a boundary months ago with Todd. He didn’t respect that boundary. He did this, and the fact that it affected us all is his fault, not yours.”

“It wouldn’t have happened to you and Nat if it weren’t for me,” she muttered.

“You can’t take credit for someone else’s actions. I promise you, I don’t blame you. We can talk about the whys behind your decisions until we’re blue in the face. Why you, why an abused woman stays, why you allowed him to stay in your life even after you divorced him.”

“Why I’m a stupid woman.” She interrupted him.

“Why you’re so intent on labeling yourself that way even though you’re not.” He didn’t miss a beat. “Hell, we can talk about the whys that were driving Todd’s actions too, and I’m happy to have that conversation, because I know a thing or two about this. I’ve studied it for years. But at the end of the day, you’re going to feel guilty, and you’re going to question your worth. You shouldn’t, but you will, and you’re going to have to deal with that and move on.” He nuzzled against her neck, kissing and letting his lips trail across her skin. “I need you to move on.”

That very request seemed perhaps the most impossible challenge of her life at the moment, but she nodded subtly anyway.

“Joss, what happened isn’t some little thing you can shrug away in a day or two. I don’t expect you to.” He said nothing for a moment, and then his lips returned to her ear, and his voice lowered and quieted to a warm murmur. “But I expect you to fight for us.”

She nodded.

“Not that I think you’re sold on that one, but how about we move on to worry number three?” She could feel his lips pulling up slightly against her skin as he spoke.

“How can you ever want me after this?” Her voice was so quiet she wasn’t even sure he’d heard her.

But his right hand that held hers pulled her arm gently behind her and between their bodies. He guided her hand to his rigid erection that was between them, and his lips were back at her ear. “Nothing can take my want away. I’ll be ready when you are. I promise.”

He pulled her hand away from his body and back around to wrap around her, and he took a deep breath. “Anymore worries?”

She shook her head.

“I don’t believe you.” He sighed. “But I suppose three is a good start. I’m going to go check on the girls, make sure they actually went to bed and aren’t watching T.V. Don’t fall asleep in here.” He winked at her as she sat up and let him step out.

He stood dripping in front of her, and she watched him towel himself off, feeling her body stirring and wanting but failing to fully get there in her mind. She wasn’t sure she could quite grasp his desire for her at this point, but he was still hard and aroused, and when she glanced at his erection as he crouched down beside the bathtub, he looked at her calmly.

“When you’re ready.” He kissed her again. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Chapter Thirty-Six

When Isaiah returned to the bedroom, Joss was curled up in bed. She’d riffled through the bag of clothing, and she was wearing a pair of yoga pants and a fitted, old tattered T-shirt. She was really struggling. Of course she would be, but it was hard to see it. They were at a place where they could finally think about moving past it now, and he wanted her to, but he was guessing that was going to take patience. He could be patient.

He changed quickly and crawled in next to her. “I need to tell you something.” He didn’t have any idea if she’d actually want to hear it or not, but she deserved to hear what he’d heard and decide on her own how she felt about it. “He admitted it to me. When we were alone.” He watched her, waiting for a reaction.

Her eyes filled with tears, but she said nothing. It was as though she could cry and remain expressionless all at the same time. When a tear rolled down her cheek, he brushed it away.

“Was there any question in your mind whether he did or not?” He hadn’t said it to be an ass, but it bore on this conversation, and he needed to understand what was happening in her head.

“I don’t know. No. Yes. Maybe. I just don’t know. You believe him? He wasn’t just being a jerk?”

“I believe him. I’m sorry. I wish that wasn’t the case, but he was telling the truth.”

“You would know.”

She rolled away from him as he watched her for a moment.

“You are the human lie detector after all.”

He wrapped his arms around her as he lay down beside her. It was clear, given that she’d turned her back to him, she had nothing else to say on the matter. He missed his Joss. His Joss had something to say about everything. He needed to see his Joss again. Sadly, he had no real idea when he’d see her next.

* * * *

His
Joss didn’t make an appearance the next day.
This
Joss stared out the four-season room window until lunchtime, took a bath until he was certain the pruney wrinkles would never relax, and then crawled back into bed until that evening. When Chief Jeffries called that evening and asked that they come to his office,
his
Joss didn’t even bother to show up for the event.
This
Joss, the one that seemed nearly as catatonic as his daughter had a few days prior, sat quietly by his side in the car on the way there. They walked in together, but she still remained silent.

“Good news. Found enough Rohypnol to charge him with possession with intent to distribute. Found flyers on his printer as well, so he’s being charged with harassment too. His lawyers are here, and he hasn’t said a peep. Not surprised. He knows enough to keep his mouth shut. Arraignment will be in Baymont tomorrow. The man doesn’t have much of a criminal record, so I expect the judge will set bail rather than denying it. But he won’t be allowed to come near any of you.”

Joss nodded beside him in her chair, but then she looked away as though she didn’t much care to hear anything else. The chief watched her, and Isaiah saw a very concerned expression on the man’s face.

“Thanks, chief. Keep us posted.”

“Sure. I’d have come to you, but I thought perhaps you wouldn’t want to discuss it with the girls around.”

“Yeah. We appreciate that.”

“You know…” The chief stalled for a moment. “You’re going to have to talk to them about it sooner or later. Nat could be called in court. You’re not going to be able to hide the fact from Harper either. We
are
talking about her father after all.”

“Yeah. We know.” But given the shaking head of Joss beside him, he actually wasn’t sure she had.

“Well, we’ll talk soon. Prosecutor will want to talk to Joss when the trial date is set, so you can expect to hear from him.”

Isaiah stood, and Joss followed his lead. “Thanks, chief.”

And then it was more silence.

* * * *

Joss watched Isaiah undress that night, and when she sat on the side of the bed as he stepped out of his pants, she reached for the waistband of his underwear. He was a little shocked to say the least. She’d been her new usual quiet self all evening, watching the girls as they worked on homework at the coffee table. He knew full well she was considering what Chief Jeffries said, but she made no move to interrupt their homework, and she hugged them both goodnight at nine o’clock that night.

But now, she was staring at his underwear, peeling them down his legs. The sight of her zoning in on his cock had him long and hard before she’d even gotten his underwear all the way down, and when she reached out to touch him, his cock twitched. He’d needed this touch for entirely too long. It’d been a week since he’d made love to her, and however patient he could be, he was struggling with it.

It was one thing to force them both to be patient when it was nothing more than physical pleasure on the line. That’s not to say he didn’t care about her then. Hell, he’d fallen in love with her quickly after deciding he didn’t hate her. But this was different. Patience now was just harder because the fuckery was tied to a hell of a lot more than the physicality of sex or even the psychology of falling in love. Of course pleasure was a part of it, but her desire for him meant something more right now, and that’s what he needed—the
more
part of it.
More
meant she was healing in some way, or if nothing else, she was trying to, wanting to, needing to. That assurance was what he was desperate for.

He watched her, not daring to touch her, not even caring how far this went, and he waited to see what she’d do. She glanced up to his eyes. Her expression was still so distant, but her cheeks were flushed, and when she looked back down, she reached for him. She let her fingers trail over the shaft, tracing a vein, circling the head, and letting her fingertip follow the line of skin that pulled up and met at the slit.

Her fingers explored his testicles just as carefully, running down the seam and trailing back to the underside and even farther than that to the smooth skin beyond. She caressed gently, and he watched, forcing himself to take deep slow breaths as his cock twitched and ached for more. He watched her every move so carefully that it wasn’t lost on him at all when her breathing sped and her eyes glossed over. When her eyelids fluttered and her lips pursed, he knelt in front of her as her hands dropped from his body.

“I
hate
that he’s ruined this for me.” She was staring at his mouth as she spoke.

He didn’t know how to respond, and so, he didn’t. It wasn’t offense. But he couldn’t say it didn’t resemble something akin to having his feelings hurt, and he didn’t want her to see that.

“Shit. I’m sorry.” She was stuttering, and she looked panicked. “It’s not you.” Apparently, he hadn’t hidden whatever the hell he was feeling from her well enough. “You’re perfect. You’re
so
perfect.” She whimpered.

He shushed her, stroking her cheek as he did, and he leaned to her mouth, letting his lips brush gently across hers. “Don’t apologize. You don’t have to be ready.”

“But I want to be.”

“Maybe we should accept that wanting to be is good enough for right now.” He studied her, waiting for her to acknowledge him in some way.

“What if I can’t get over this? I should be able to. I know that, but this has just thrown me into a tailspin. All I want is to let it go, but it just… Why is it so hard?” Her expression was pleading. She was desperate for an answer that he couldn’t begin to give her.

“Be patient. Todd has no place in here with us. You can’t let him into our world. But it’s going to take you some time to figure out how to put this away and shut him out.”

She nodded as her tears sat on her lower eyelids perfectly restrained and calm.