The Fallen Sequence (28 page)

“
One
of?” Luce’s father peered down at Penn.

In the late-afternoon light, Luce could see for the first time a few gray whiskers in her dad’s beard. She didn’t want to spend today’s last moments convincing her father not to worry about the boys at her reform school.

“It’s nothing, Dad. Penn’s kidding.”

“We want you to be careful, Lucinda,” he said.

Luce thought about what Daniel had suggested—quite strongly—the other day. That maybe she shouldn’t be at Sword & Cross at all. And suddenly she wanted so badly to bring it up to her parents, to beg and plead for them to take her far away from here.

But it was that same memory of Daniel that made Luce hold her tongue. The thrilling touch of his skin on hers when she’d pushed him down at the lake, the way his eyes were sometimes the saddest things she knew. It felt at once absolutely crazy and absolutely true that it might be worth all of this hell at Sword & Cross just to spend a little more time with Daniel. Just to see if anything might come of it.

“I hate goodbyes,” Luce’s mother breathed, interrupting her daughter’s thoughts to draw her in for a
brisk hug. Luce looked down at her watch and her face fell. She didn’t know how the afternoon had gone by so quickly, how it could already be time for them to go.

“You’ll call us on Wednesday?” her dad asked, kissing both her cheeks the way the French side of his family always did.

As they all walked back up toward the parking lot, Luce’s parents gripped her hands. Each of them gave her another strong hug and series of kisses. When they shook Penn’s hand and wished her well, Luce saw a video camera clamped to the brick post housing a broken call box at the exit. There must have been a motion detector attached to the reds, because the camera was panning, following their movement. This one hadn’t been on Arriane’s tour and was certainly not a dead red. Luce’s parents noticed nothing—and maybe it was better that way.

Then they were walking away, looking back twice to wave at the two girls standing at the entrance to the main lobby. Dad cranked up his old black Chrysler New Yorker and rolled down the window.

“We love you,” he called out so loudly that Luce would have been embarrassed if she hadn’t been so sad to see them go.

Luce waved back. “Thank you,” she whispered.
For the pralines and the okra. For spending all day here. For taking Penn under your wing, no questions asked. For still loving me despite the fact that I scare you
.

When the taillights disappeared around the bend, Penn tapped Luce’s back. “I was thinking I’d go see my dad.” She kicked the ground with the toe of her boot and looked bashfully up at Luce. “Any chance you’d want to come? If not, I understand, seeing as it involves another trip inside—” She jerked her thumb back toward the depths of the cemetery.

“Of course I’ll come,” Luce said.

They walked around the perimeter of the cemetery, staying high on the rim until they’d reached the far east corner, where Penn paused in front of a grave.

It was modest, white, and covered with a tawny layer of pine needles. Penn got down on her knees and started to wipe it clean.

STANFORD LOCKWOOD
, the simple tombstone read,
WORLD’S BEST FATHER
.

Luce could hear Penn’s poignant voice behind the inscription, and she felt tears spring to her eyes. She didn’t want Penn to see—after all, Luce still had her parents. If anyone should cry right now, it should be … Penn
was
crying. She was trying to hide it with the mildest of sniffles and a few tears wiped on the ragged hem of her sweater. Luce got down on her knees, too, and started helping her brush the needles away. She put her arms around her friend and held on as tight as she could.

When Penn drew back and thanked Luce, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a letter.

“I usually write him something,” she explained.

Luce wanted to give Penn a moment alone with her dad, so she got up, took a step back, and turned away, heading down the slope toward the heart of the cemetery. Her eyes were still a little glassy, but she thought she could see someone sitting alone on top of the monolith. Yes. A guy with his arms wrapped around his knees. She couldn’t imagine how he’d gotten up there, but there he was.

He looked stiff and lonely, as if he’d been there all day. He didn’t see Luce or Penn. He didn’t seem to see anything. But Luce didn’t have to be close enough to see those violet-gray eyes to know who it was.

All this time Luce had been searching for explanations about why Daniel’s file was so sparse, what secrets his ancestor’s missing book held in the library, where his mind had traveled to that day she’d asked about his family. Why he’d been so hot and cold with her … always.

After such an emotional day with her own parents, the thought nearly brought Luce to her knees with sadness. Daniel was alone in the world.

FOURTEEN

IDLE HANDS

I
t rained all day on Tuesday. Pitch-black clouds rolled in from the west and churned over the campus, doing nothing to help clear Luce’s mind. The downpour came in uneven waves—drizzling, then pouring, then hailing—before it tapered off to start all over again. The students hadn’t even been allowed to go outside during breaks, and by the end of her calculus class, Luce was going stir-crazy.

She realized this when her notes began to veer away
from the mean value theorem and started looking more like this:

September 15: Introductory flip-off from D

September 16: Statue toppling, hand on head to protect me (alternately: just him groping for a way out); D’s immediate exit

September 17: Potential misreading of D’s head bob as suggestion that I attend Cam’s party. Disturbing discovery of D & G’s relationship (mistake?)

Spelled out like that, it was the beginning of a pretty embarrassing catalog. He was just so hot and cold. It was possible he felt the same way about her—though, if pressed, Luce would insist that any weirdness on
her
part was only in response to utter weirdness on
his
part.

No. This was
precisely
the kind of circular argument she did not want to engage in. Luce didn’t want to play any games. She just wanted to be with him. Only, she had no idea why. Or how to go about it. Or really, what being with him would even mean. All she knew was that, despite everything, he was the one she thought about. The one she cared about.

She’d thought if she could track every time they’d connected and every time he’d pulled away, she might be able to find some reason behind Daniel’s erratic behavior.
But her list so far was only making her depressed. She crumpled the page into a ball.

When the bell finally rang to dismiss them for the day, Luce hurried out of the classroom. Usually she waited to walk with either Arriane or Penn, dreading the moment they parted ways, because then Luce would be alone with her thoughts. But today, for a change, she didn’t feel like seeing anyone. She was looking forward to some Luce time. She had only one sure idea about how to take her mind off Daniel: a long, hard, solitary swim.

While the other students started trucking back toward their dorm rooms, Luce pulled up the hood of her black sweater and darted into the rain, eager to get to the natatorium.

As she bounded down the steps of Augustine, she plowed straight into something tall and black. Cam. When she jostled him, a tower of books teetered in his arms, then tumbled to the wet pavement with a series of thuds. He’d had his own black hood pulled over his head and his earbuds blaring in his ears. He probably hadn’t seen her coming, either. They’d both been in their own worlds.

“Are you okay?” he asked, putting a hand on her back.

“I’m fine,” Luce said. She’d barely stumbled. It was Cam’s books that had taken the spill.

“Well, now that we’ve knocked over one another’s books, isn’t the next step for our hands to accidentally touch while we’re picking them up?”

Luce laughed. When she handed him one of the books, he held on to her hand and squeezed it. The rain had soaked his dark hair, and big drops gathered in his long, thick eyelashes. He looked really good.

“How do you say ‘embarrassed’ in French?” he asked.

“Um …
gêné,
” Luce started to say, feeling suddenly a little
gênée
herself. Cam was still holding on to her hand. “Wait, aren’t you the one who got an A on the French quiz yesterday?”

“You noticed?” he asked. His voice sounded strange.

“Cam,” she said, “is everything okay?”

He leaned toward her and brushed a drop of water she’d felt running down the bridge of her nose. The single touch of his forefinger made her shiver, and suddenly she couldn’t help thinking about how wonderful and warm it might feel if he folded her into his arms the way he’d done at Todd’s memorial.

“I’ve been thinking about you,” he said. “Wanting to see you. I waited for you at the memorial, but someone told me you left.”

Luce got the feeling he knew whom she’d left with. And that he wanted her to know he knew.

“I’m sorry,” she said, having to shout to be heard
over a clap of thunder. By now they were both soaked from the streaming downpour.

“Come on, let’s get out of this rain.” Cam tugged her back toward the covered entrance to Augustine.

Luce looked over his shoulder toward the gym and wanted to be there, not here or anywhere else with Cam. At least, not right now. Her head was brimming with too many confusing impulses, and she needed time and space away—from everyone—to sort them out.

“I can’t,” she said.

“How about later? How about tonight?”

“Sure, later, okay.”

He beamed. “I’ll come by your room.”

He surprised her by pulling her in to him, just for the briefest moment, and kissing her gently on the forehead. Luce felt instantly soothed, almost like she’d been given a shot of something. And before she had a chance to feel anything more, he’d released her and was walking quickly back toward the dorm.

Luce shook her head and splashed slowly toward the gym. Clearly she had more to sort out than just Daniel.

There was a chance it might be good, fun even, to spend some time with Cam later tonight. If the rain let up, he’d probably take her to some secret part of the campus and be all charismatic and gorgeous in that unnervingly still manner of his. He’d make her feel special. Luce smiled.

Since she’d last set foot in Our Lady of Fitness (as Arriane had christened the gym), the school’s maintenance staff had begun to fight the kudzu. They had stripped the green blanket away from much of the building’s façade, but they were only half finished, and green vines dangled like tentacles across the doors. Luce had to duck under a few long tendrils just so she could get inside.

The gym was empty, and pin-drop quiet compared to the thunderstorm outside. Most of the lights were off. She hadn’t asked if she was allowed to use the gym after hours, but the door was unlocked, and, well, no one was there to stop her.

In the dim hallway, she passed the old Latin scrolls in the glass cases, and the miniature marble reproduction of the pietà. She paused in front of the door to the weight room, where she’d happened upon Daniel jumping rope. Sigh. That’d be a great addition to her catalog:

September 18: D accuses me of stalking him
.

Followed two days later by:

September 20: Penn convinces me to really begin stalking him. I consent
.

Ugh. She was in a black hole of self-loathing. And yet she couldn’t stop herself. In the middle of the hallway, she froze. All at once she understood why this whole day she’d felt even more consumed by Daniel than usual, and
also even more conflicted about Cam. She’d dreamed about them both last night.

She’d been wandering through a dusty fog, someone holding her hand. She’d turned, thinking it would be Daniel. But while the lips she pressed against were comforting and tender, they weren’t his. They were Cam’s. He gave her innumerable soft kisses, and every time Luce peeked at him, his stormy green eyes were open, too, boring into her, questioning her about something she couldn’t answer.

Then Cam was gone, and the fog was gone, and Luce was wrapped tightly in Daniel’s arms, right where she wanted to be. He dipped her low and kissed her fiercely, as if he were angry, and each time his lips left hers, even just for half a second, the most parching thirst ran through her, making her cry out. This time, she knew they were wings, and she let them wrap around her body like a blanket. She wanted to touch them, to fold them around her and Daniel completely, but soon the brush of velvet was receding, folding back on itself. He stopped kissing her, watched her face, waited for a reaction. She didn’t understand the strange hot fear growing in the pit of her stomach. But there it was, making her uncomfortably warm, then blisteringly hot—until she could stand it no longer. That was when she jolted awake: In the dream’s last moment, Luce herself had seared and splintered—then had been obliterated into ash.