The Devil's Match (18 page)

“M-my flux?” She regarded him blankly.

“Yes, dearest. It is a normal cycle of nature
that besets postpubescent females and plagues them at regular
intervals for decades. I haven’t observed you suffering this
particular affliction for some time.”

“Dear God! But you are right,” she cried. “The
last time I had my courses was when we were in Florence.”

“Well over three months hence, my dear. Are you
saying you weren’t trying to hide it from me? That you truly didn’t
consider the possibility you could be—”

“It can’t be. I’m barren!” Diana’s hand shook.
Coffee sloshed.

“Given the indications, you must forgive me for
questioning the veracity of that statement. I regret that I became
careless, but I believed it wasn’t possible for this to
happen.”

“I’m sorry to have disappointed you!”

“That’s not what I meant!”

She rose abruptly with her blood roaring in her
ears and her entire being flooding with panic. Cup and saucer
smashed on the marble floor.

“Please, Diana.” He reached out to her. “We must
speak of this.”

“Do you think we can just go along as if nothing
has changed? This changes everything! It’s not only about you and
me. It can never be the same between us now.” She pulled away with
a stifled sob.

For fourteen glorious months, Diana had laughed,
loved, and lived to the fullest, only for all to crumble before her
eyes. “I want to go home! Please, Ludovic,” she cried, “take me
home to England at once.”

***

Diana had refused to seek the attention of
an Italian doctor, choosing instead to savor a few more weeks of
denial, though it was more like wallowing in misery, for time
itself confirmed both her inexpressible joy at the tiny life
growing inside her and her desolation that the
grande passion
of her life would perforce come
to an end.

Ludovic had told her from the very
beginning he would not wed, and she had accepted what he
was
willing to offer. She had not
suffered in the exchange. Besides being a magnificent lover, DeVere
was kind and generous, intelligent, witty, worldly, and polished,
but had never treated her with condescension. And while she had
always known their time would eventually come to an end, she had
been far too happy in the present to dwell upon the future, but now
that future reared its ugly head.

In the weeks at sea, the divide only
widened. Every time Ludovic had tried to breach the subject about
the future, about security, she had refused to discuss what now lay
inevitably between them. If she continued as his mistress, she
would soon face shame and ostracism as the mother of DeVere’s
illegitimate child, and worse, the product of their passion would
be forever stigmatized as a bastard.
That
is what hurt the most and what Diana would
never allow.

Upon arriving back in England, she made an
immediate departure for Yorkshire.

“Please, Diana,” Ludovic pleaded as she entered
the coach, “it doesn’t have to be like this. Just allow me some
time to work out a solution.” He looked almost as desolate as she
felt.

She guided his hand to her rapidly expanding
belly. “Time is a commodity in short supply, my lord.”

“I told you I will care for you. You will share
my residence if that is your choice. I would never allow you or
this child to suffer any want.”

“You seem to overlook the simple
want of a name,
” she retorted
bitterly.

“Damn it all, we are getting nowhere!” he
cried, his features contorted with anguish. “I have to make you
understand. This is not about love. It’s about honor. For I do love
you, don’t you know that? More than I ever thought possible. But I
am bound by
my honor
to my
brother. I declared him my heir, he and
his
offspring. How can I rescind that? Don’t you
see how it is? If I produce a legitimate heir, the law will
supersede my will. I can’t do that to my only brother. Damn it all!
A man should never have to choose between love and honor. This
was
not
my
choice!”

“I need time to think, Ludovic. Time alone.
Please don’t follow me.”

“As you wish,” he replied stiffly.

The door closed, and Diana swiftly faced away
lest he see her come undone, for that’s precisely how she felt, as
if the very fiber of her being was slowly unraveling.

Chapter Eighteen

“Bloody, bloody hell!” Ludovic bellowed. “What
the devil am I to do now, Ned? It’s been weeks! She won’t see me
and won’t even accept a letter. I cannot lose her like this! She’s
carrying my child, for Christ’s sake.”

“Have you consulted a solicitor in the matter of
your title?” Ned asked.

“Yes! And there’s naught to be done. I would
willingly give up everything for her, but if I were to renounce my
title, it would simply go into abeyance until my death. Moreover,
Hew and I would both lose all income from the properties, which
does no one any good.” He paced the room with long strides and spun
around with a wild look.

“Do you know for a crazed moment I even
considered declaring myself incompetent in order to confer the
title directly to Hew? It is, after all, how I gained the bloody
thing in my predecessor’s lifetime. Two physician’s statements and
a private petition to parliament and voila, I became the sixth
Viscount DeVere. I daresay there are any number of people who doubt
my sanity of late.” He gave a self-deprecating laugh. “In truth,
I’m surely bound for Bedlam anyway if I don’t get her back.” He
poured and downed a brandy in one draught. “Did you ever think you
would see it, Ned? Ludovic, ‘The Devil’ DeVere brought to his knees
by a woman?”

“This is nonsensical, Vic. You must tell Hew. He
would never want this, certainly not under these
circumstances.”

“Tell Hew what?” asked the voice of Captain
Hewett DeVere.

“Hew!” DeVere rose unsteadily to his feet. “When
did you come to town?”

“I just arrived. I left the very moment Vesta
told me about you and Diana. What is all this nonsense about?” Hew
gave his brother a thunderous look. “And why the devil have you not
married her already?”

“I’ve asked him the same thing, Hew,” said Ned.
“It seems your brother has a rather distorted notion of honor.”

“I would be inclined to agree if he would suffer
a gently bred woman to bear his child out of wedlock. Pray pour me
a drink as well, big brother. I must surely hear this tale from
your own lips.”

DeVere gave a frustrated groan. “What’s the
point? You already know the crux of it. Diana is carrying my child,
and I cannot wed her without breaking my vow to you.”

Hew appeared stunned. “What the devil have I got
to do with it?”

“I declared you my sole heir. That the title and
all it entails is to be yours. It’s the very reason you wed, after
all.”

“Rein back again, Vic!” Hew raised both
hands in vehement protest. “Let me disabuse you of
that
notion right now! You
did
not
coerce me to wed.
When I returned from America, I wanted nothing more than to settle
down with a wife at some small, country estate. You simply
expedited my plan by providing a generous settlement. Now there is
no man more content, for I have more than I ever dreamed of. And as
far as the wretched title is concerned, I never recall at any time
in my life expressing the least desire for it.”

“Yet you didn’t decline it,” DeVere said.

“No. What choice did I have when you were so
bloody opposed to ensuring the continuity of it? I simply
acquiesced to your wishes. If matters have now changed, there is no
man more delighted than me; so please, let me be the first to say
get off your bloody arse and wed the woman!”

***

My dearest Lord DeVere,

It seems now as if our time together was little
more than a foolish, romantic idyll, a temporary reprieve from
reality, which has now come to its inevitable conclusion. And while
I cannot condemn your actions as a man of honor, I can neither
accept raising our child under the stigma of bastardy.

For this reason, I am leaving London immediately
to seek a new residence, somewhere quiet where I intend to raise
our child alone and in respectable obscurity. To this end, I ask
that you adhere to your promise that we shall never be in want and
only request that a living allowance be provided to cover our basic
needs. I would also request that a trust be established to ensure
the proper education of your son or daughter.

Please do not attempt to contact me as I am
resolute in my decision that this course of action is truly in the
best interest of our child. This will be my only correspondence
with you as all communication henceforth must perforce occur
through our respective solicitors...

Diana paused to wipe the tears that blurred her
eyes, spilled onto the page, and smeared the wet ink. She rose from
her escritoire, crumpled the foolscap with a cry of frustration,
and cursed herself again for being ten kinds of fool. Of course, it
was the logical action to take, to divorce her mind and distance
her body from him. Yet, every night she awoke fevered with yearning
for his lips on hers, for the musky scent of his body, for the dull
and steady thump of his heartbeat under her cheek.

She paced the room, wondering what it might have
been like had he cared enough for her to sacrifice his damnable
honor but then realized the selfishness of her thoughts. She knew
he was miserable too, yet he was adamant in regard to his word once
given. DeVere surely had his own peculiar code, but it spoke much
of any man to sacrifice his own desires to keep his bond. Thoughts
like these continued to wreak havoc on her peace, for as much as
she wanted to despise him, Diana could not.

Instead, she wallowed in
what ifs
and self-pity, the prospect
of motherhood being the only light that shined into her present
darkness. Diana knew it would take time for her torn heart to mend,
but surely the birth of this life inside her would palliate the
pain. If only
he
would stay
away, she could learn to be content, but how could she ever deny
the man if he desired to acknowledge his own child? These questions
only served to reopen the wound.

A light knock on her chamber door served as a
welcome interruption. Phoebe entered with a soft and tentative
step, her infant son in her arms, concern etching her face. “He’s
here again to see you, Diana.”

“You must tell him again that I won’t receive
him.”

“I have tried, but he won’t be denied this time.
He only asks for a moment.” Phoebe’s soft eyes pleaded along with
her voice.

Diana felt the burn behind her own but refused
to shed anymore tears. “I can’t, don’t you see?”

“But surely the father of your babe deserves
this one last concession,” Phoebe gently insisted and gazed down at
her own son, unaware that the gesture hit Diana as a near-lethal
blow.

“But don’t you understand? I haven’t the
strength to resist him,” Diana whispered, knowing that one look,
one touch, from him would be enough to crumble her and her shaky
resolve into a thousand wretched pieces.

“Then don’t,” answered a soft baritone.

Diana gazed up in horror to find
him
standing in the doorway. His
eyes were red rimmed, his face gaunt, his hair and clothing
disheveled. Phoebe murmured a vague apology and made her hasty
exit.

“Don’t come any closer,” Diana warned. “Whatever
it is, please say it from there and then leave.”

“Diana.” DeVere raised his hands in a plaintive
gesture. “Please forgive me.”

“For what?” she answered in an unsteady voice.
“For keeping your word to your brother?”

“For being a well-meaning but misguided
ass!”

He advanced three paces toward her, and
she took as many in retreat and found her back to the bed. Her
breathing had accelerated the moment she laid eyes on him, and her
heart hammered an erratic beat against her breastbone. She closed
her eyes on a brief payer.
Dear God,
please don’t let him touch me.

“Please, Diana. I’ve never known such
desolation, and I cannot believe this is what you want either.”

She felt his presence only an arms-breadth away
and dared not open her eyes. “What I want?” she murmured. “When did
that begin to matter to you?”

“Bloody hell!” he cried. “How can you say that?
Making you happy has been all that has signified this past eighteen
months! For the first time in my life, fulfilling my own desires
came secondary to another, and perversely, I have never been more
content.”

“And yet you are willing to sacrifice your
child’s future? How can I ever reconcile that?”

She opened her eyes only to become lost in his.
He cupped her cheek. She tried to turn away, but he held her fast.
“No, my love. You will hear me out at last.” His brandy-scented
breath heated her face and filled her with a longing she fought to
tamp down.

“I was a fool,” he said. “I was a smug, selfish,
arrogant ass when I made that agreement with Hew. I saw it as the
easiest way to avoid my obligation, but I’m not that man any
longer. You have made me a new creature. Can you understand that? I
wish nothing more now than to embrace my responsibility and
obligation. It is the desire of my heart to protect and provide for
you, Diana. For you and our child.”

“But to curse your child with illegitimacy?”

“Have you heard nothing I’ve said? I love you,
damn it! And I want to marry you! You’ve only to say yes, Diana, to
give our child a name.”