The Devastatingly Beautiful Series (27 page)

13

Tatum

The Savage in me, the one who enjoys beating people to a pulp, makes me want to leave this hotel, find the asshole that did this to her, and kill him.

Slowly.

Painfully.

It isn’t just one bruise he inflicted on her, and they aren’t small. Hell, she even has long red, angry, scars on her back. Watching her drop the towel should’ve had me ready to take her and make love to her like I’ve missed these last few months. Instead, it physically hurts to look at her, knowing that she went through so much pain because of me. Because I didn’t find her sooner. I know I shouldn’t think this way, but it sneaks in and then I can’t get rid of it.

When her eyes hit mine, the rawness in that one look melts my heart all over again. It’s like the first time she looked at me in the park. Sure this is totally different in so many ways, but just then, that look, held so much promise. Then she speaks the words I both hate and love. She’s ready. I can tell she is trying her hardest to get back to normal, but it’s so soon. It hasn’t even been 24 hours since I’ve found her, and now she wants to go through everything she lived through the past two months because of me. Because I didn’t find her.

Fuck, I’m not sure if I can do this.

“You sure, Mol? You don’t need to rush this.” I try to let her put it off, but I’m not sure if it was more for her benefit than mine.

“Positive. Please, Tatum. I need this.” The strength in this woman never ceases to amaze me. I nod silently and she sits on the bed, legs crossed at her ankles, leaning back against the head board. She’s quiet for a moment, then she pats the spot next to her for me to sit by her.

I’m not sure I can hear this right now. I’m not sure I can do this. How is it that I am a grown ass man, but my girlfriend is stronger than I am even after she’s been through what she has? I don’t know how she isn’t broken after everything she has been through, but the fact that I’m the pansy in this situation tells me she is more like her old self than she thinks. The Molly I met was the strongest woman I’d ever encountered, and that’s saying something since I grew up with my mother standing up to my father at least once a day.

I hesitate for a second, but push forward. If she’s ready to talk, then I need to man up and be ready to listen. She listened to my story, now I need to listen to hers. We will get through this together. It’s going to be hard, but it has to be done before she can be my wife. And she will be my wife if I have any say in it.

Molly

He’s sitting on the bed next to me, our legs touching but nothing else. Not yet. I need to steel myself for the long road ahead, and I need to do it by myself. I take a deep breath and start my story.

Leaving nothing out, I start with the time he left the party. Every emotion, every fear, I leave nothing out. His breathing stays even, but I can tell it’s affecting him just as much as it’s affecting me because the more I talk the more tense his body gets. My hands are shaking the further into the story I get, because I know it just gets worse. It isn’t a story with a happy ending. Not really.

“When we got to the house, he took me downstairs, made me change into his shirt and shorts, and handcuffed me to a water pipe. At least I think that’s what it was. It was dark the entire time I was down there…” I trail off, my mind racing with the unspoken emotions I remember from being down there.

“How long were you down there?” he finally asks, his voice gravely with emotion. The answer to that question is a hard one, because I know it would lead to other questions, like why he chose when he did to bring me upstairs. I choose to ignore it for the moment and move on.

“Every day he would come downstairs wearing nothing but a pair of jeans. Every day he would do things… say things… to try and get me to come upstairs with him. Touch my neck, caress my collarbone, whisper things to me. It was awful. I didn’t ever know what time it was because there were no windows. I lived in a state of darkness for a month. Each time he came down he wore me down, more and more. All I could do was think, and thinking made me think of you, and how much I missed you, and how I never thought I’d see you again. He told me you gave up on me. He told me you moved on.” I have to stop myself and collect my emotions, swallowing the knot in my throat. Damnit, I will NOT cry!

I take a deep breath, steeling myself for the news that I don’t want to have to tell him. News that needs to be said out loud between the two of us if we ever want to move on.

“Molly, I…” he tries talking, but I hold my hand to his mouth, shaking my head.

“No. No talking. I’m not done and if I don’t finish right now I don’t think I ever will. I know you didn’t move on now, but you need to understand how I was feeling at the time. It had been so long, there wasn’t any sign that you were coming from me, and I was being held captive. It messes with your mind, Tatum.”

He shakes his head, taking a deep breath and crossing his good arm behind his head. He’s still tense, but I can tell he’s working his hardest to be relaxed. The next words stop in my throat a few times before I’m actually able to get them out.

“Tatum…. after a month of being tortured and kept in a dark basement… I went up with him. I slept with him. Willingly.” The minute I say the words out loud I want to cry. I look at him and his breathing has stopped and he’s closed his eyes. “I’m so sorry…”

“Keep talking, Molly. Keep going,” he whispers. Don’t we need to talk this through? Doesn’t he want to know why I did what I did? “Please, you need to keep talking right now. I need to hear the rest.” He’s begging me to make him move past the fact that I willingly slept with another man. I know if I push the topic right now we would never finish this conversation, so I move on as best as possible. My hands are shaking more now. When he notices the slight tremble in my body, he brings his hand down and rests it in mine, looking me straight in the eyes.

“I love you, Molly Ward. You have to remember that.”

A tear slips down my cheek and I nod, mustering up and smile. He waits patiently for me to continue, laying his head back on the headboard and closing his eyes.

“It was after that first time that the beatings started.” I hear his breath whoosh out of him, but still nothing. He’s doing his best to listen to everything I have to say, as much as I can tell he doesn’t want to.

“He walked in the bathroom shortly after the first time. He caught me with the scissors to my wrist.” I stop and let it sink in. I don’t want him to hurt, but he needs to know how hard it was. I don’t want pity, but he needs to understand how much I hated myself after giving into Rob. I didn’t do it without regret, I regret that decision every day of my life since then.

His eyebrows pull in and he turns towards me.

“What are you saying?” he whispers, pain fills his features.

I don’t want to spell it out for him, I don’t want to relive the weakest moment in my life.

“I didn’t know what was happening with my future, Tatum. I was convinced you weren’t looking for me, I knew what happened to women Rob played with, and I didn’t want to become one of them. I thought it was my only way out. When he found me I hadn’t even broke the skin… he was so mad. Threw me out of the shower and beat me for the first time.” I pause, calming my breathing and letting my heart settle down.

“My God...” he whispers and rakes his hands through his hair.

“That’s when they began. Every day he would have another reason. Every night he’d have his way with me. All because I fucking gave in during a weak moment.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t blame yourself,” he growls.

I shake my head at his attempt to make it ok. Everyone always says that, hell I used to say it to people. It’s easier said than done.

I’ve hit the point where I just want this conversation to be done. Thankfully there isn’t much else to tell.

“When you showed up today, he was moving me to another house. We were going to the car to be moved to a different, more secret location. He told me that you weren’t looking for me, but thinking back, I think he knew you were close and was starting to get freaked that you’d find us.”

“I almost missed you completely…” the realization dawns on him and he gets off the bed and starts to pace the room. Slowly, not too fast, but he keeps moving.

After a few minutes of silently mulling over everything, he stops pacing and shakes his head.

“I’m not leaving. I promise you. I just…need a minute,” he says.

I knew he would. I knew he would be freaked out, even disgusted in me. I knew this was going to happen, that he would walk away when I needed his promise that it was all going to be ok.

Instead of walking out the door, though, he unlocks the adjoining door to Eddie’s room and walks in. He doesn’t fully shut the door when he slips inside, leaving it cracked. Showing me as best as he can that though he needs space to think right now, he really isn’t leaving me.

14

Tatum

I walk into Eddie’s room, making sure to leave the door open so she knows I’m really not leaving her. I saw the look in her eyes when I excused myself so I needed some way to show her I meant what I said. Eddie is sleeping, and for good reason. It’s almost midnight, but I’m so wired I feel like I could run a mile. I hear him sit up in bed as I sit at the desk chair. The room is dark except for the light coming in from the cracked door.

“Why aren’t you in there with her?” he asks.

I don’t know where to start. I really don’t want to retell everything she told me. She confided in me, trusted me. I can’t break that, and he isn’t asking me to.

“I know what you are thinking, Tatum. I read people really good. Don’t worry, one day she will want to fuck your brains out again. You are Tatum fucking Savage, the hottest commodity since sliced bread. Give her time.” I can practically hear his eye roll with the sarcasm dripping from his voice.

I chuckle at his attempt to cheer me up, but that isn’t the problem. The problem is that I don’t know how to fix her and its becoming eerily similar to the feeling I got when I had no other options to save my son’s life.

“She’s been through more than I thought. I want to fix her, but I don’t know how. Hell, I don’t know how to fucking process all of this. In the past when my rage over a situation became too much I would either take a job for my dad or leave for a while. I don’t want to do the second option, and the only person I feel like beating to a pulp is MIA.” I sigh, so overwhelmed by all of this.

“You being there for her, to listen to her without judging her… that’s what’s going to help fix her. Think about what you just did for a minute. That woman in there, the one who has been through hell and back in the last few months, was strong enough to re-open all of her wounds from the last two months not even twenty four hours after being rescued. You, being the dick that you can be, left her alone right after she ripped her heart open to you. Worst part is, you probably didn’t realize what you did to her when you walked out of that room.” He looks at me while I register it all, but he doesn’t give me time to respond. “Don’t give me that shit that you needed time to think. You know what you think. You have always known what you think, and I’ve never seen a Savage change his mind once he’s set to something.”

He’s right, I do know what I want, but is what I want too damaged to accept me? She’s been through so much emotionally and physically. Is she even ready, will she ever be ready, to move forward with me? Those are my worries. I’m not worried about what I want, I’m worried about what I may never be able to have.

“Now, asshole, get your fucking ass out of my room. I’m tired, and you have a girl waiting for you.” He grumbles something about a lucky fuck as he reminds me to close the door the whole way this time, then rolls back into bed.

I get up and walk back into the room. The lights are off and I can tell there’s no one in bed. My stomach drops when I realize she isn’t in the bathroom either. She wouldn’t leave, would she? I walk across the room towards the sitting area and that’s when I see her. She’s under the blanket, curled up in a ball on the couch. Why is she sleeping on the couch? She needs to be by me. I don’t want to wake her up and scare her, but I need her in bed by me. I need her there, to feel her warmth. More than anything, though, I knew she’s going to need me. If the memories from these last two months are anywhere near as strong as what happened to her after the situation in Washington, she probably isn’t sleeping well. She needs to be in bed with me, for both of our sakes.

God she’s so beautiful. In the moonlight coming in through the window I see the outline of all her features perfectly. Her hair is shorter, but the way it had curled when it dried is sexy as hell. Even the new shape her body has taken after months of not eating properly is sexy. Just thinking about her this way is starting to make my pants uncomfortably tight. I need to stop, there is no way in hell she’s ready for that yet. Not after what she’s been through.

Deciding there’s no reason she shouldn’t be in bed with me, I pick her up as carefully as I can. She flinches in her sleep when I pick her up, then rests her head on my shoulder and curls into me. I can’t help but wonder if she did this with Rob, but I stop that thought before it gets too far. I can’t do that, it wasn’t like that and I know it. Thinking like that will get me nowhere good.

When we make it to the bed I don’t take any clothes off. As much as I want her, as much as I need to be against her with no boundaries, this is not the time for it. This is the time for healing. This is the time for trusting. And finally, after two months without her, this is the time for sleeping with the woman I love.

Molly

My eyes fly open and I immediately start to panic that something is wrong. It takes me a moment to realize that I’m not back at that house, that I’m safe. I’m not where I was when I fell asleep, though, and my body is incredibly warm right now. The room is much lighter due to the sunrise outside and I am covered with way more than the blanket I went to sleep with. It takes me a few minutes to get my bearings, but once I do I’m no longer afraid.

He has his leg and his arm wrapped around me, like he doesn’t want to let go. His face is turned towards me and as far as I can tell he is sleeping soundly still. Looking down, both of us still have on every article of clothing from the day before. My heart breaks for the man lying next to me, because I’m so relieved all of my clothes are still on. Rob took away so much from me, and it took me putting it all into perspective last night to realize it wasn’t my fault.

I had told Tatum about the first night between Rob and I, but none of the nights thereafter. I didn’t want to have to admit that I let it happen. I didn’t say no, so therefore I believed all this time it was my fault. When he left the room it gave me time to think, though. I never told Rob it was okay to do what he did to me each and every night after our first time. I never made any response to him… I literally just laid there, afraid that if I didn’t do as he asked I would get another beating, or worse. I didn’t say no, but I didn’t say yes either. He made me feel completely useless and disgusting from the first time he fucked me. I’m still fighting those thoughts while in bed with the man I love. This is why I’m extremely happy nothing happened last night between us. As much as I want to be with the man I love, I need trust more than anything. That’s something that was ripped from me the minute I was taken two months ago. Tatum knew exactly what I needed last night. I slept soundly for the first night in months. No nightmares about Evie, no nightmares about the hell I lived in for the past two months… nothing. I don’t even know if I dreamed last night. This is exactly what I needed, and he knew it. God I love this man.

“Whatchu staring at?” he grumbles. Lord he’s sexy, even half asleep.

“You,” I answer honestly and smile at him. It feels good to smile, I hadn’t done it genuinely is such a long time it almost feels foreign.

“Yea?” He grins and rolls onto his back.

“Mm Hmm. How’d you sleep?” I ask, feeling the sexual tension radiating off of him. I know he’s been faithful to me. He never had to say it, but I just know. The look in his eyes last night when he realized I wasn’t the same hurt everything in my body. I hope he can move past it, I really do, but I’ll have to come to terms with it if he can’t. If he can’t move on from it like I’m trying to.

“Amazing. Just having you here made everything better. Sorry I moved you, I couldn’t stand not being next to you.” He turns his head and grins at me. Nope, he doesn’t look sorry one bit.

“It’s okay. Thank you… I didn’t think… well…” I don’t want to tell him I thought that he wouldn’t want me in bed with him after everything. I don’t have to say the words, he knows exactly what I can’t say. That I was afraid he decided he couldn’t do it. His hand moves slowly towards my face and rests on my cheek.

“I’m sorry, Molly. I made you think I couldn’t handle everything you told me when I left the room and that’s not it at all. I just… I was afraid you wouldn’t want to be with me… with anyone… after what you went through. I was scared.” The fact that he’s opening up to me about his feelings and not shutting me out gives me hope. Hope that we can work through this together.

“Why would you think that?”

“You have been through so much more than any normal person would be able to endure. You are here today, though, and stronger than ever. I was just afraid, but I’m not anymore. Eddie slapped some sense into me. I’m here, Molly. I’m not going anywhere. If I have to wait ten more years for you to be ready I will. It won’t be fun, but I will.”

“Ten years is an awful long time to wait.” I smile at him, nudging him a bit. I love him so much right now I could burst. I never thought I’d have this again. In all of my haze, I had completely given up that he was searching for me. I gave up on life, really. I’m back, though. I’m ready to move on.

“You are worth every second of my life, Molly. Everything,” he whispers. Staring into his beautiful eyes, my heart starts to warm as well as other parts of my body. Leaning in towards him, very slowly, I push my lips against his gently.