The Craving (44 page)

Charlie left for work, to resume his shift at the firehouse downtown, and Simon rested on the couch. Finally dawn came. Despite the eventful night, Simon was alert and, for the first time in ages, excited about the future. Even if he could never find the remedy, he was confident that he could learn how to fully assimilate as a wolf in a world with humans. As time went on, he’d be able to understand his cravings and learn how to control them, and if he continued to gain control of his wolf powers he could keep Michael under control, or kill him if necessary. But mostly he was excited because learning how to control his cravings meant that there was a chance he could get his human life back, and he could be a husband and a father again.

Simon was giddy the rest of the day. Not only could being honest about what had happened to him repair his relationship with his family, it would also relieve a tremendous burden on himself. There
was nothing more stressful than keeping a secret, and he was eager to let go of it.

But now, after he transformed back into his human form and knelt down, tending to Alison’s unconscious body, he knew that with honesty there was always risk. All he could do was show her who he was, and try to explain, but he couldn’t control her reaction. He hoped that she would be willing to give him a chance, to have an open mind about what she’d just seen, and accept him for who he was, and help him through it, but there was also a major chance that their relationship had become too damaged and that she’d have the opposite reaction. She might freak out, reject him, scream like a maniac, run for her life.

Simon knew that her initial reaction after she regained consciousness would be crucial, so he didn’t give her a chance to have one.

As her eyes opened he moved in very close to her and, in the most reassuring voice he could muster up, said, “It’s okay. Shh, shh, it’s okay.”

She looked panicked, as if she were about to lose it. He put a hand over her mouth.

“Please, just give me a chance,” he said. “I know you’re scared, you must be terrified right now, and that’s okay, but I promise you, I’m not going to hurt you, I’m never going to hurt you in any way ever again. I had to be honest, that’s all. I had to show you who I am now—well, who I am part of the time. I had to let you in on what I’ve been going through all these weeks, because I love you and I don’t want to lose you. And I know it’s going to take time for you to understand, for you to accept, to comprehend all this, but that’s okay. It took me time too, and there’re still times I can’t believe it’s really happening. But it is happening—werewolves exist.”

She shuddered.

“I know,” he said. “If you’re scared, how do you think I felt? I’ve been tortured, dealing with this alone. I was terrified, afraid I was going to die or kill somebody, but there’re some wonderful things about it too. Wait till you see the things I’m capable of; you won’t believe it. But I get it, okay? I know it’s a process. It took me time to accept it too; I’m still learning about it, and I’m not expecting any miracles here. I’m just asking you to be open, for you to give me a chance to explain to you what’s been going on in my life. Can you do that? Can you try to do that?”

There was still terror in Alison’s eyes. She was shaking.

“Okay, okay, I understand, I understand,” Simon said. “I know this is a lot for you to take in at once. Believe me, I know. But the main thing is, as you saw, I don’t have a disorder. I just told you that, or let you believe it, because I didn’t want you to leave me. I thought I could figure out a way to deal with it, to get rid of it on my own, and now I think I have figured something out. It’s a learning process, but I don’t think I’m a danger to you or Jeremy anymore. This is just something I have to live with, like a disease. Yes, think of it as a disease, and we said we’d stay together in sickness and in health, right? Well, that’s how I need you to think of this—that I’m sick, but I’m getting better. There’s hope now. I might even find a remedy and become human again, but even if I can’t, I can survive. I can have a normal, happy, functional life, and I can go back to being a husband and a dad too. Those are the most important things—you and Jeremy.”

Alison was trying to speak, but her voice was faint, not even a whisper.

“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you, sweetie,” Simon said.

Continuing to shake, she tried to speak, and finally got out: “J-J-Jeremy. I—I—I have to get Jeremy.”

“I know,” Simon said, “but maybe I can call Matthew’s and they can watch him awhile longer so you can rest.”

“No.” Alison sat up. “I—I have to go. I have to get Jeremy now.”

“Okay, that’s fine,” Simon said.

He knew he couldn’t keep her, that ultimately she’d have to make a choice.

He followed her to the door, saying, “I know you’re still afraid, and that’s okay, but I need you to think about two things. Think about the strength it took for me to tell you all this, to show you this. And think about the risk I’m taking. If you run to the police my life’ll be ruined, and your life will be too. You know what kind of media event it would be if a real live werewolf were discovered in Manhattan? And it would have consequences for you as well—you’ll be known as the wife of a werewolf. And what about Jeremy? Think about the effect it would have on him if this went public. So, please, just give me a couple of days to prove to you that I have a handle on this now. A couple of days, that’s all I’m asking for.”

At the door, Alison, still shaking, but not as badly, turned and looked right at Simon. She looked terrified and wasn’t blinking at all. Then she rushed out of the apartment.

Well, Simon knew it was out of his hands now. He’d done what he’d felt he had to do, and he had no regrets. If she came back, he would work on his marriage and try to get his life back. If she went to the police, it meant he didn’t have much to live for anyway, so it was better to find out sooner than later. This was the way he was rationalizing it, anyway.

He waited, pacing back and forth. He expected that she’d gone to
the police; why wouldn’t she? She’d just seen her estranged husband transform into a werewolf. What reason would she have to have any faith in him now?

He heard the elevator doors open. Maybe there was a SWAT team out there. They’d break down the door, arrest him, and his hellish future would commence.

But, wait, he only smelled Alison in the hallway, and…

Could it be true?

The door opened, and Alison and Jeremy entered. Jeremy’s face lit up when he saw Simon.

“Daddy!”

Jeremy’s excitement was priceless, and so was Simon’s.

Jeremy ran to Simon, and Simon lifted him up and hugged him tightly, determined that he would never, ever let go of him again.

W
hile Simon was thrilled that Alison had returned with Jeremy, he knew he still had a long way to go before he fully regained her trust. But this wasn’t so uncommon. Every guy in a troubled marriage where a betrayal had taken place had to regain his wife’s trust before love could return. They were just dealing with what everybody else went through, on a much, much larger scale.

All in all, it was a pretty normal evening at home. The focus was on Jeremy, and Simon, so elated to be with his son again, wasn’t thinking about anything else. But after Simon put Jeremy to bed—Jeremy fell asleep during the second reading of
Madeline
—he joined Alison in the living room, where they had a long talk.

Alison, who still seemed traumatized, had a lot of questions about Simon’s condition, and he answered all of them as fully and honestly as he could. He explained how Volker and Michael were
werewolves from Germany, but he didn’t tell her how long they’d lived, figuring it was important to dole out some of this information slowly. He did tell her how Michael had chosen four men to be in his pack, including him, and how it had all started the night Michael had given him a pint of his “family beer” and how it had caused physical and behavioral changes. This part of Simon’s story seemed to resonate with Alison as she realized that pieces of the puzzle that she’d been trying to put together in her head were finally fitting into place. Simon didn’t tell her much about the violence that had taken place, especially the violence he’d been involved with, figuring at this point that it would be way too much for her to handle.

Omitting all the violence, he summed up most of what had happened during the past, including how he had spent a night with Volker, who had told him about his history in Germany and about how he’d been learning to control his werewolf side, and how he was confident that going forward he would be able to avoid accidental transformations.

Alison absorbed most of what Simon had to say silently, only occasionally asking a question. When he was through, though, she said, “I don’t know what you expect me to say. I mean, what you’re saying sounds so bizarre, so insane, and yet I saw you. I saw you.”

She was quiet after that, looking away toward the windows and the view of the rooftops of tenements and the moon—not full—and Simon decided not to push it any further.

S
imon slept on the couch, which was fine with him, because at least he was home. It felt great to be surrounded by the scents of his wife and son, knowing they were close by and he could protect them.

In the morning, Alison was hesitant to leave him alone with Jeremy, but he insisted that she had nothing to worry about, that Jeremy was safer with him than with anyone in the world. He must’ve been convincing because she agreed, but she insisted that he update her every hour with texts.

It was a perfect, sunny November day, and Simon and Jeremy had a blast together. They didn’t do anything special—a couple of playgrounds, pizza, kicking around a soccer ball—but the mundaneness was perfect and just what Simon needed. He noticed that with his new attitude of accepting that he was a wolf now, rather than fighting it, he had much better control of his behavior. He wasn’t craving meat as badly and even managed to eat a couple of slices of pizza—okay, with extra sausage and pepperoni—and feel satisfied. He also noticed that he wasn’t getting quite as much attention from women as he had been recently. He caught a few women checking him out during the day, but when he focused on the love he had for his wolf side it seemed as if women became less interested. And there seemed to be some physical changes as well. His voice wasn’t quite as deep and, when they returned to the apartment later in the afternoon, he noticed that his body hair wasn’t growing as quickly. If this kept up, he could probably get away with grooming himself every other day instead of twice a day as he had been lately.

When Alison returned from work, there was still a lot of tension, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as last night. She had more questions about werewolves and Simon’s behavioral changes. Simon told her about his increased strength and ability to heal faster. When he demonstrated his abilities by lifting the dining room table easily with one hand and pricking his finger with a knife and then showing her how the wound healed within several minutes she was amazed. Like last night, Simon didn’t mention anything about the murders and cannibalism
that had taken place. Simon was surprised that she wasn’t suspicious, or at least curious, but he got the sense that, at least for right now, she didn’t want to hear much about the dark side of being a werewolf. She just wanted to feel confident that Simon had it under control, that he wasn’t going to hurt her or Jeremy, but she didn’t want to know any gory details. Simon wasn’t going to push it; if Alison wanted to have a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy about werewolf-related violence, that was perfectly fine with him.

Later, Simon got a text from Charlie, saying the guys were planning to meet tomorrow afternoon at the playground in Battery Park. Simon had a strong urge to be with his pack again and texted back that of course he’d be there. Unlike a week ago, he didn’t feel like he was getting back into anything by hanging out with the guys. He didn’t feel like Michael was manipulating him in any way. He wanted to see the pack because he understood that they were a part of him now and he couldn’t deny it anymore.

Simon was concerned about the police, though, especially Detective Rodriguez. Simon hadn’t seen her leave the woods, and for all he knew Ramon had taken her somewhere and slaughtered her, eaten her flesh, and buried the remains. But wouldn’t the disappearance of an NYPD detective be a major news story?

On his laptop Simon did a search for “Detective Rodriguez NYPD” in Google News and shuddered when a series of news items appeared. But, wait, they weren’t about a disappearance; they were about how she’d single-handedly made a major arrest in a couple of drug-related shootings. The arrest had apparently taken place on Monday evening. How was that possible? On the evening the guys had gone to the woods upstate? Simon had seen Rodriguez unconscious, being attacked by Michael, and then a couple of hours later she’s taking down a drug dealer?

Simon was confused, but he was happy that Rodriguez was alive and apparently very well.

The next day, Simon took Jeremy downtown to Battery Park. Jeremy was thrilled to be back playing with his old friends and, as always, they played well together with no fighting or arguing or trouble of any kind. Simon enjoyed being with the guys as well. They gave him something he couldn’t get anywhere else. It was a feeling that he belonged, that he was a part of something much, much bigger than himself. Charlie and Ramon were chatty and friendly and, though Michael was typically aloof, Simon felt a bond with him as well, but he was well aware that the bond with Michael was temporary at best. Simon hadn’t forgotten Volker’s warning about Michael’s desire to grow his pack, and to someday involve the kids, and Simon knew that it was up to him now. Though Volker was dead, his determination to stop Michael from causing more mayhem was still alive in Simon. If a werewolf remedy existed, Simon was determined to find it. In the meantime, Simon would stay in the pack and embrace his dark side, but he’d be watching Michael closely, and if Michael looked like he was a threat to anyone, Simon would do whatever he had to do to save lives.