The Cost Of Love And Sanity (22 page)

The women were pleasant but Alex's mind kept drifting away to Nathan. She wondered what he was doing. Unable to resist the urge to find out, Alex excused herself to find a restroom. She could go and then call Nathan before returning to the group.

“Excuse me. I'll be right back, you guys,” Alex said, standing up from the table.

As she walked toward the restroom sign ahead, she saw a long line coming out of the door.

“Aww, man,” Alex said.

The bartender looked up at Alex. “I don't know why they're waiting in that line.” He pointed upward. “The sign says there's another restroom on the other side.”

“Where?”

“Walk straight behind those tables and make a left at the booths against the wall. It'll be down the hall on your right.”

“Thanks.”

Alex followed the bartender's instructions. She quickened her step as she thought about hearing Nathan's voice again. She rounded the corner near the booths only to run into a taller frame. She leaned back against the wall to regain her footing.

“Ooh. Watch out. You all right?”

Alex stood up straight to answer and looked right into A.J.'s face. Her stomach flip flopped. She saw red. “Yes, I'm fine.” She tried to brush past him before he could say anything else.

“Hey. Wait a minute. Haven't I seen you before?” A.J. asked.

Alex cringed.
Deep breath.
“I don't know what you're talking about.” She moved to the side again.

He held his hand out. “Yeah. You're the one messing with my
boy, right? I met you a couple of weeks ago. You came up here with Nathan.”

She sighed. “Yes. I was here with him.”

“Hey! What's up? You guys here now. I didn't see him.”

“He's not here.”

He leaned forward and spoke low. “You here with another dude? It's okay. I'm no snitch. Unlike you.”

Alex scowled and placed her hand on her hip. She didn't trust him. As a matter of fact, she would probably have to call Nathan to make sure that A.J. didn't spread lies to him first. This is exactly what she was trying to tell Nathan. As long as A.J. was in the picture, they will have difficulty growing their relationship.

He held his hands up. “That's cool. I thought you might wanna keep your options open while your boy is preoccupied.” A.J. looked her up and down.

“Why are you bothering me?” Alex asked.

He shrugged. “Cuz I hate to see such a pretty woman being played.”

She squinted at him. “You don't know what you're talking about.”

“Oh really? Then, why isn't he here with you now? He has to be somewhere. Right?”

A.J. pulled out his iPhone. He opened the camera function and ran through the pictures. When he reached one, he expanded it and showed the picture to her. It was a picture of Nathan all smiles with Clarissa and their son.

“Maybe he's over there,” A.J. whispered.

At first sight of the picture, Alex's eyes stung. They stung so bad that they became blurry. She had a hard time focusing but it didn't matter; she knew what she was seeing. Struggling to recover, she took a deep breath.

“What is this supposed to mean?” Alex asked.

“What do you think it means?” A.J. asked. “Listen, why don't we stop wasting our time? Say you and me let bygones be bygones, get out of here and go somewhere we can get to know each other better?” He traced her sleeve with his finger.

Alex swallowed back nausea. She pushed past A.J. and all but sprinted to the restroom. She couldn't believe what she had seen. Here she'd believed that she and Nathan were getting somewhere in their relationship and all along he had other plans. She stopped in front of the bathroom mirror and placed her shaky hands on the light beige granite counter. How could she be so stupid?

Alex panted and broke out into a sweat. She grabbing a paper towel and patting her face, trying to calm the quake in her stomach. She pulled out her phone and dialed Nathan's number. It immediately went to his voicemail.
Again. I guess now I know why he's not answering.
He and Clarissa were probably together. She squeezed her eyes shut and tapped her fingers on the counter top as she waited for the voicemail to beep.

“Nathan. I can't believe you. I can't believe I fell for this again. You said you'd never do this to me again. Thanks for making a fool out of me. You're a real jackass.”

She ended the call and leaned against the wall.

E
ven in her tipsy haze, Izzy sensed something had gone wrong when Alex returned to the table. Alex played it down and excused herself for the night. Izzy ended up leaving with her but the two didn't talk much in the car. Alex focused on driving Izzy home, where she picked up her car and went home.

That night, Alex showered and laid in her bed awake for hours thinking about Nathan. She kept telling herself to go to sleep so she would be able to get up for her doctor's appointment the next day but she couldn't help thinking about the picture of Nathan sitting happily with his son and his ex. Or current. Alex pondered everything he'd ever said or did for her, looking for clues of his deception. When she thought about it, he did take a while to call her after she gave him her number. But he did eventually call. Then he stood her up on their first date. He did, however, make it up to her with flowers and another date. Earlier that evening, he didn't answer his phone but, then again, he did call her right back. And, of course, there was tonight at the club when she called him and he didn't answer. He must have been with her then.

Who was she kidding? Their relationship obviously had no potential. He'd lied to her. She could never trust him. In fact, she would have to break it off with Nathan. The very thought made her eyes well with tears of sadness. Although they were in the early stages of their reconciliation, she really did believe that they could work things out.

By the time Alex finally stopped thinking and fell asleep, her alarm clock buzzed her out of her slumber. She slapped it silent and peeked over her covers to see that the time was eight-thirty. She wanted to scream at the idea of having to get up but she had to make it to her appointment or pay the cancellation fee.

After scrambling two cheese eggs and downing some V8 Splash, Alex grabbed a book and headed out the door for the doctor. The sun beat down as if it was angry and Alex immediately began paying the price. The heat from the pavement engulfed her exposed legs as she stepped into her car. Even though the AC worked perfectly fine, it still felt awfully muggy for a February morning.

When she reached the St. Nicholas Medical Center, she searched for a place to park in the newly paved parking lot. She was grateful to find a spot so close to Building B but feared that it wasn't for visitors. There was no machine to dispense a ticket and no parking attendant to take her money. She didn't feel like paying for a parking ticket but she didn't want to drive all the way to the other side of the building to park in the garage, where she knew she would find a parking attendant.

Choosing to cast her fate to the wind, she turned her ignition off and opened her car door. Grabbing her purse, she walked as fast as she could in two-inch heels to Building B. Dr. Nguyen's waiting area seemed fairly light.
Good. Maybe I can get in and get out.
She walked across the light green carpet to sign in at the little, sliding window. The receptionist sat chopping it up with one of the medical assistants. Alex signed in and sat in one of the chairs. Since the coffee table to the right of the room had outdated magazines scattered all over it, she ignored them in favor of the book she brought with her.

Alex spent several minutes going in and out of her book before the nurse opened the side door and called her to the back.

“Ms. Carter?”

Alex pushed her book back into her purse and stood up. Once the nurse closed the door behind them, she began with the usual.

“What brought you in today?”

“I'm here for a follow-up on the headaches I had a few months ago.”

“Are they better?”

“Yes, I haven't been popping any Ibuprofen or anything. I think I've improved.”

“Have you started any other types of medication?” They walked into a small room with a sink and a scale.

“No,” Alex said, sitting down next to the blood pressure monitor. She reached for her cell phone and turned it off.

“When was your last menstrual cycle?”

“Uh…” She shrugged. “About two and a half weeks ago.”

“Which day?”

“It started on Sunday.” Alex knew they always asked that question. She should have figured an answer beforehand but she never did.

The nurse took her blood pressure, temperature and weight. Then, she escorted Alex to another room where she told her the doctor would be in shortly. Alex pulled her book back out and read it until Dr. Nguyen came in, examining her chart.

When he looked up at Alex, he smiled as if she were an old friend. In some ways, she might be considered one. He'd been her doctor since she was fifteen years old.

“Hello, Alexis! How's it going this morning?”

“It's good.”

“How's your head?”

“It's fine. I only had one headache a while ago after exercising for an hour on my treadmill. Other than that, no problems.”

“How long did it take to subside?”

“Maybe forty-five minutes. It was morning and I hadn't eaten before exercising. So, it was probably hunger.”

“But there were no other instances?”

“No.”

He nodded and scribbled something in her chart. “It sounds like you're getting over the headaches but I will double-check to make sure nothing is wrong.”

Dr. Nguyen pressed his stethoscope to her back and instructed Alex to inhale and exhale. Then, he shed a small light in her nose and ear. “Everything sounds and looks good. The headaches were probably your body's way of telling you it's time for a little one.” He chuckled.

Alex shook her head. Dr. Nguyen was the only person who could joke with Alex about being unmarried and childless. Somehow, he kept it from sounding like chastisement. It made her feel like somebody still believed she could become a mother. After her short laugh, she turned somber.

“I'm working on it, Dr. Nguyen.”

“Oh, really? Are you with someone now?”

“Yes. I mean, no. Well, sort of.” Alex sighed. She scooted to the edge of the little bed. “Dr. Nguyen, it's only getting later. If my relationship doesn't work out, what are my options?”

He placed her chart on the counter and took a seat on the rolling stool beside the bed. “You can still have a husband and children,” he said.

She grimaced. “Yes, but in case the husband thing doesn't materialize, what else can I do?”

“Are you asking about artificial insemination or in vitro?”

“Yes.”

Dr. Nguyen raised an eyebrow. “I'd rather your relationship work out.”

You and me both.
She ran her hand over her hair in frustration.

“Both procedures have varying success rates. Many times as low as five percent. You can still make it happen on your own,” he said.

“I just thought I'd ask.” Alex frowned.

He shot her a gentle smile and stood up. “To be honest with you, it would be easier for you to have a baby with someone you already know as opposed to searching for a donor
and
having the procedure.”

She sighed. “Great.”

“In the meantime, make sure you eat a little something before your stationary marathons and the next time I see you, I'll expect to hear that you're pregnant.” Dr. Nguyen winked and exited the room.

How am I supposed to do that?

W
hen Alex walked outside the doctor's office, she stuck her hand in her purse in search of her cell phone. Once she retrieved it, she turned it back on and saw that Nathan had called her back three times during her doctor's appointment. She started to call him back but opted to disregard his calls. All the back and forth on the phone would be futile. If they were going to end their relationship, it was better to do so in person.

So, Alex threw her phone back into her purse and got inside her car. She reluctantly pulled out of the parking lot. Heaviness fell upon her. Her impending drive to Nathan's house felt like the end of a dream. The dream that one day she would have a husband and a child. She felt like he was her last hope—her last-ditch effort to make that dream a reality. Now, as she pulled onto the expressway, she realized that she had to wake up and deal with the situation in front of her.

Nathan clearly had other priorities or concerns that didn't include her. Why else would it take him so long to call her back? She knew why. He was preoccupied with his ex. She had to fight off all memories of the warm moments they'd shared together in order to let him know that she would not be mistreated. That sounded easier than it actually was but, as Alex pulled into Nathan's driveway and turned off the ignition, she knew that she had to give it her best shot.

Instead of hopping out of the car, Alex sat, shaking. Dread filled her stomach. Looking at the door and knowing what she planned to do gave her so much anxiety that she could barely think straight. She'd been down this road so many times. Hoping for things to work out only to look disappointment in the face one more time. Tears rose to the surface of her eyes but she refused to let them fall. She had to face Nathan with dignity and self-respect.

Alex took a deep breath and looked at Nathan's house. Her heart sank as she thought things through. She could feel sweat gathering under her pores. She didn't know how to address everything without showing the same anger she had the night before but she had to figure it out. Exiting the car and walking to the front door, she sniffed and swallowed the lump forming in her throat.
C'mon, Alex. You can do this.