The Cost Of Love And Sanity (16 page)

“What?” she asked.

“Do you not know the meaning of surprise?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“What is it?” He turned his full attention back to the road.

“It means to do something for someone that is unexpected.”

“Good answer. Now you know why I can't tell you,” Nathan said. “On another note, how's everything going at work?”

“Great. Seven companies have signed on for the fair and my call center staff is scheduling candidates to participate. It even looks like we're going to get some press for it,” Alex said.

“That
is
great. And how are things with the guy you said you had trouble working with?”

“Dan? Yes, it's much better now. We are actually able to get along.”

“Oh. What changed that?”

“Well, I took your and my boss's advice. After that meeting that went bad, I went to him and apologized and showed him a list of
things we needed to do. He took it well. We divided everything up and our interactions have been good ever since.”

Nathan nodded. “I'm glad I could help. My bill will be in the mail next week.”

“And I'll be sending it right back to you.”

They both laughed.

She sighed. “But seriously, I do want to thank you for listening to me. I really appreciate it.”

“Anytime.” Nathan squeezed her hand.

When they approached their destination, Alex could see that Nathan had kept his promise; he didn't take her hiking but nature did factor into their day out. He pulled up to a park overlooking the St. Johnson's River. Once he put the car in park, he jumped out and opened the car door for Alex. He then reached into the back seat to pick up the picnic basket.

There was only a subtle breeze floating off the large trees. The contrast from the usual February chill offered a preview of Spring. The leaves had already begun their transition from dusty brown to lush green.

As the sun peered between the trees, Alex removed her sweater and opened the car door to place it back inside. Her sleeveless outfit bared her toned arms.

They found a place to sit and spread out a blanket to set their utensils out. While she helped him, Alex marveled at Nathan as he set out the silverware and napkins in order. They used to go out on picnics but she didn't remember him being this meticulous about them before.

Nathan caught her staring at him. “What?”

“Nothing. Watching you fuss over the silverware. I don't remember you being so detailed about it,” Alex said.

“I think you're worth the extra effort, don't you?” He winked.

Alex tooted her lips upward.

Nathan sat down across from her. “Besides, I like doing things for you.”

He reached into the basket and pulled out a bottle of champagne and two long stem glasses. He filled one glass and handed it to her. Then, he filled his glass halfway and set the bottle down.

“Why didn't you fill your glass all the way?” Alex asked, eyeing him.

“I thought I would graciously let you have most of the bottle in case you wanted to really throw down.”

“I don't drink that much.”

Nathan held up his glass. “I want to make a toast to a wonderful woman who continues to make great strides in her career. Alex, you can never be replaced.”

She smiled and they clinked glasses. They both took a sip.

Nathan put his glass down. “So, besides knocking them dead at the office, what have you been up to?”

“Oh, not much.”

“You don't hang out with your family? How's your mother?”

“The same.”

“Aww.” He chuckled.

“She recently dragged me to my cousin's baby shower.”

“How was it?” he asked.

She sucked her teeth. “I don't even want to think about it.”

He frowned. “Why?” Nathan crawled next to her and stretched his legs out.

“Because it was rowdy. There was an argument, someone threatened to call the police.”

“Police? Nobody got hurt, did they?”

“No. They made a lot of noise. That's all.” Alex took a sip of her champagne. “I spent part of the time talking to my cousin's husband.”

Nathan reached into the basket and handed Alex her ham and cheese sandwich on wheat bread. “How did you…?” Alex asked.

“I remember.” He smiled at her. Nathan reached in and grabbed his turkey sandwich. He unwrapped it and picked back up with his questions. “What did you guys talk about?”

Alex didn't know how to explain her conversation with Gerard. She remembered how he had told her to be cautious with Nathan. Technically, he was only looking out for her best interest but she still didn't know how he would take it. She took a deep breath and shook her head. “I don't really want to talk about it. I shouldn't have mentioned it.”

“Why?”

She rubbed her arm. “Because he wasn't exactly convinced you would be good for me.”

Nathan raised an eyebrow. “What? Okay.” He sat his sandwich back down. “Start from the top.”

She sighed. “He asked me if I was seeing anyone lately and I mentioned you.”

He smiled. “That's good. Go on.”

“Well, I told him that we were just reconnecting. He inquired why we broke up in the first place and I shouldn't have, but I told him what happened. He told me to be careful about you.”

Nathan placed his hand over hers and nodded. “Alex, I understand where he's coming from.”

“You do?”

“Yes. I commend him. He's only trying to look out for you. With that said…” Nathan moved his finger under her chin and gazed into her eyes. “All I want to do is love you. That's it. I have no ulterior motives.”

A warm feeling rose within her. She loved it and hated it when he said things like that. It felt like a dream come true for him to
say that he wanted to love her. She hoped those words were the truth. Her future with him depended on it. She shivered at the breeze that hit her.

He put his arm around her. “Are you okay?”

Alex nodded. “Yes.” She knew what she wanted to say next but she struggled with the words. “It's just that. Contrary to my family's belief, I want to be a wife and a mother in addition to being a career woman.” A simple declaration, simple desire yet somehow she couldn't resist the shame of even wanting those things, especially at this point in her life. She sometimes wondered if she were supposed to accept the life she'd been leading as her fate and dismiss her dreams of love and motherhood. “It's only getting later in the game but I don't think it's too late. I could do it and do it well,” she said, hitting her fist on her thigh for emphasis.

“Sure you could.”

“You think so?” Alex asked. She stared into his eyes trying to determine his sincerity.

“I know so. Okay? You're smart and capable. Any man would be lucky to have you as a wife and any child would be happy to have you as a mother.”

She rolled her eyes. “I wish someone would tell my mother that.”

“Hey. Don't let it get to you. You decide what you want out of life and you make it happen. No one can decide what will happen for you.”

“That's what Izzy keeps telling me.”

“Izzy! How is that girl?” Nathan asked, laughing.

“She's good. Her usual optimistic self.” Alex smiled.

“Well, you should consider what she's telling you and stop letting other people's opinions bother you.” He snapped his fingers. “I know what you need.”

“What?”

“A distraction. My friend is performing at Spears later this week. Why don't you come with me?”

“Never heard of that place,” She shrugged. “But I guess I'll come.”

“Great. And as far as everything else, let me know when you're ready to knock out that baby.”

Alex laughed and playfully pushed Nathan away. She couldn't believe how things had progressed. A couple of months ago, she had broken up with Phillip—a bad match for her—now she sat in a park next to Nathan—an ex she'd written off years ago. She marveled at the way things had changed in such a short period of time.

“I'm hoping my husband will take care of that. Thank you.”

“So am I,” he said, reaching for his glass to take a swig. “So am I.”

A
lex was growing tired of seeing her dishes stare back at her. Out of shear willpower, she ran water into the sink and poured dish detergent in it. As she dumped some plates and pans in there, it dawned on her that it had been a little while since she'd talked to her best friend.
I'd better call and check on her.

She dialed Izzy's number and waited for an answer.

“Hello?” Izzy said.

“Hey! How you been?”

“Oh. You know. Dealing with kids and a new job. How have you been? I thought you'd disappeared off the earth.”

“I'm sorry. I've been swamped at work,” Alex said. She really felt bad that she'd deserted her friend.

“Among other things. How's it going with Nathan?”

“Pretty good. By the way, he says hi.”

“So, have you two set a wedding date yet?”

“Ha ha. Very funny.”

“All right now. You think I'm joking. Watch what I tell you. He'll be popping the question any day now.”

“I don't know about all of that but we
are
off to a great start,” Alex said. She turned off the faucet and grabbed the dishcloth.

“What's the problem? Don't you want something more with him?”

“Of course, Izzy. I would love to be married to him and have a child with him.”

“Wow.”

“What?” Alex stopped washing a cup.

“That's the first time I've ever heard you admit to wanting to marry and have kids with Nathan.”

“So?”

“That is a major breakthrough.”

Alex sucked her teeth.

“It really is. You guys really must be hitting it off.”

“Well, yeah. There's that and the fact that I don't have forever. I'm only getting older. I need to get clear about what I want and start to move toward it. I want to marry. I want kids.”

It took a lot for Alex to admit out loud that she wanted her relationship with Nathan to evolve into marriage. She wouldn't say it if she didn't feel like the sentiment wasn't mutual. With the way he'd been treating her, she figured he had to feel the same way.

“I hear you and you'll get it with Nathan. I joke a lot but I really do feel like he's the one. You're about to get exactly what you want.”

“I hope so.”

•••

Five floors up, Alex's office flaunted a wide view of the city's hustle and bustle. Like every weekday afternoon, cars sped down the highway to and fro but Alex remained transfixed on the hills in the distance. Their majestic serenity called to her through her window. She smiled.
I wonder what Nathan is doing now.
Shaking her head back and forth, Alex spun around in her chair and willed her brain to return back to the call center's list. She and Dan were supposed to meet with Mr. Sims again at 9:45 a.m. She tapped her pen on the desk while she scanned her notes and the names of
potential candidates for the job fair. After Alex arranged for the call center to send her a daily list of their candidates, the numbers improved. They were now almost up to four hundred.

Alex, however, would not halt their efforts. She had them continue searching through the agency's database for people that fit the companies' qualifications. Alex had given them a few days to come up with more candidates for each company. She would hold another meeting with them to review their picks on Friday morning. She could have held it that day but she didn't feel like it. Honestly, Alex couldn't focus and her staff needed to see her as her usual self—determined and professional, not distracted and uninterested. But overall, they were on track to have the job fair on the appointed date. That kept her from feeling too bad about her current attention span.

She stopped tapping her pen on her desk.
I can't believe this.
Before reconnecting with Nathan, she would have worked late nights and brought work home—sometimes falling asleep with the papers spread across her bed. Now, she couldn't wait to go to that club with him and she didn't even like clubs. She continued to fantasize about what their life would be like if they married and had children. She bet he'd be a good father. He already had the practice with his first son.

She sighed. Her pride tried to keep her from taking their relationship too seriously but her heart knew different. She had fallen for Nathan all over again.

Alex glanced down at the clock on her computer. She had ten more minutes to go before time for the meeting. Hovering over her list, she refocused on the burning issue that hadn't been addressed for the job fair: money. She had given the sponsorship task over to Dan and she'd even given him the names and contacts
of people who might agree to it but she hadn't heard his update on that yet, which made her a little nervous.

Although Dan had been going above and beyond since they started actively working together on the job fair, the sponsorship was a sore spot in their last meeting with Mr. Sims and she didn't want that to cause another rift, especially since she and Dan had recently learned how to work with and respect each other. She also had to take into account that the food and the venue would cost money. They could not charge unemployed candidates a fee to get in. Their agency would have to get sponsors. They desperately needed Dan to come through with this.

At 9:40, Alex knocked on Mr. Sims' office door. He answered promptly.

“Morning, Alex.” Mr. Sims motioned for Alex to enter.

“Morning, sir. How are you?” She stepped inside the immaculate office.

“Wonderful.”

A minute or two later, Dan showed up with tablet and pen in hand. He and Alex nodded to each other as the meeting began.