The Complete Vampire Chronicles 12-Book Bundle (The Vampire Chronicles) (355 page)

“ ‘How long have you been in this wilderness?’ I asked. ‘The people in Jerusalem say almost forty days.’

“He nodded. ‘That’s about the right number,’ He answered me. ‘And it’s time now for me to begin my ministry, which will last three years. I will teach the great lessons that must be learnt for admission to Heaven—awareness of Creation and the Understanding of its deliberate unfolding; an appreciation of its beauty and laws which makes possible an acceptance of
suffering and seeming injustice and all forms of pain; I will promise a final glory to those who can attain understanding; to those who can surrender their souls to the understanding of God and what He has done. I will give that to Men and Women, which is precisely, I think, what you wanted me to do.’

“I didn’t dare to answer him.

“ ‘Love, Memnoch, I have learnt to love them as you told me I would. I have learnt to love and cherish as men and women do, and I have lain with women and I have known that ecstasy, that spark of jubilation of which you spoke so eloquently when I could not conceive of wanting such a tiny thing.

“ ‘I will talk more of love than any other subject. I will say things that men and women can twist and misunderstand. But love, that shall be the message. You convinced me and I have convinced myself that that is what elevates Human above animal, though animal is what Humankind is.’

“ ‘Do you mean to leave them with specific guidance as to how to love? As to how to stop war and come together in one form of worship—’

“ ‘No, not at all. That would be an absurd intervention and would undo the entire grand scheme which I have put into motion. It would stop the dynamics of the unfolding of the universe.

“ ‘Memnoch, to me we human beings are all still part of Nature, as I said, only Humans are better than animals. It’s a matter of degrees. Yes, humans cry out against suffering and they are conscious of it when they suffer, but in a sense they behave exactly like the lower animals, in that suffering improves them and drives them towards evolutionary advance. They are quick-witted enough to see its value, where the animals only learn to avoid suffering by instinct. Humans can actually be improved within one lifetime by suffering. But they are part of Nature still. The world will unfold as it always has, full of surprises. Some of those surprises will be horrid, and others wondrous,
and some beautiful. But what is known for certain is that the world will continue to grow and Creation will continue to unfold.’

“ ‘Yes, Lord,’ I said, ‘but surely suffering is an evil thing.’

“ ‘What did I teach you, Memnoch, when you first came to me saying that decay was wrong, that death was wrong? Don’t you understand the magnificence in human suffering?’

“ ‘No,’ I said. ‘I see the ruin of hope and love and family; the destruction of peace of mind; I see pain beyond endurance; I see man buckle under this, and fall into bitterness and hate.’

“ ‘You haven’t looked deep enough, Memnoch. You are only an angel. You refuse to understand Nature, and that has been your way since the start.

“ ‘I will bring my light into Nature, through the flesh for three years. I will teach the wisest things I can know and say in this flesh-and-blood body and brain; and then I will die.’

“ ‘Die? Why do that? I mean, what do you mean, die? Your soul will leave—’ I broke off, uncertain.

“He smiled.

“ ‘You do have a soul, don’t you, Lord? I mean, you are my God inside this Son of Man, and the light fills every particle of you, but you … you don’t have a soul, do you? You don’t have a human soul!’

“ ‘Memnoch, these distinctions don’t matter. I am God Incarnate. How could I have a human soul? What is important is that I will remain in this body as it is tortured and slain; and my death will be evidence of my Love for those whom I have created and allowed to suffer so much. I will share their pain and know their pain.’

“ ‘Please, Lord, forgive me, but there seems to be something wrong with this whole idea.’

“Again, he seemed amused. His dark eyes were filled with a sympathetic and silent laughter. ‘Wrong? What is wrong, Memnoch, that I shall take the form of the Dying God of the Wood, whom men and women have imagined and dreamed of and sung of since time immemorial, a dying god who
symbolizes the very cycle of nature itself in which all that is born must die.

“ ‘I shall die, and I shall rise from the Dead, as that god has risen in every myth of the eternal return of the spring after winter in nations all over the world. I shall be the god destroyed and the god uplifted, only here it will happen literally in Jerusalem, not in ceremony, or with human substitutes. The Son of God himself shall fulfill the myths. I have chosen to sanctify those legends with my literal death.

“ ‘I shall walk out of the Tomb. My resurrection will confirm the eternal return of the spring after winter. It will confirm that in Nature all things that have evolved have their place.

“ ‘But Memnoch, it will be for my death that I am remembered. My death. It’s going to be terrible. It won’t be for my resurrection they’ll remember me, you can be sure of it, for that is something many simply will never see or believe. But my death, my death will spring full blown into a confirmation of mythology, underscored by all the myths which have preceded it, and my death will be a sacrifice
by
God to know His own Creation. Just what you told me to do.’

“ ‘No, no, wait, Lord, there’s something wrong with this!’

“ ‘You always forget yourself and to whom you are speaking,’ He said kindly, the mixture of human and divine continuing to obsess me as I looked at Him, falling into His beauty and staggered by His divinity, and overcome again and again by my own sure belief that this was all wrong.

“ ‘Memnoch, I’ve just told you what no one knows but Me,’ He said. ‘Don’t speak to me as if I can be wrong. Don’t waste these moments with the Son of God! Can’t you learn from me in the flesh as you learn from humans in flesh? Have I nothing to teach you, my beloved Archangel? Why do you sit here questioning me? What could possibly be the meaning of your word,
wrong?
’

“ ‘I don’t know, Lord, I don’t know how to answer. I can’t find all the words. I just know this is not going to work. First of all, who will do this torturing and killing?’

“ ‘The people of Jerusalem,’ He said. ‘I will succeed in offending everyone, the traditional Hebrews, the callous Romans, everyone will be offended by the blinding message of pure love and what love demands of humans. I will show contempt for the ways of others, for their rituals and their laws. And into the machinery of their justice I will fall.

“ ‘I will be condemned on charges of treason when I speak of my Divinity, that I am the Son of God, God Incarnate … and for my very message I will be tortured with such embellishment that it will never be forgotten; my death, by crucifixion, is going to be the same.’

“ ‘By crucifixion? Lord, have you seen men die in this way? Do you know how they suffer? They are nailed to the wood and they suffocate, hanging as they do, weakening, unable to lift their own weight on their nailed feet, and finally strangling in blood and in pain?’

“ ‘Of course I’ve seen it. It’s a common form of execution. It’s filthy and it’s very human.’

“ ‘Oh, no, no,’ I cried out. ‘This can’t be. You don’t mean to climax your teachings with such spectacular failure and execution, with such cruelty and death itself!’

“ ‘This is not failure,’ he said. ‘Memnoch, I shall be a martyr to what I teach! Blood offerings of the innocent lamb to the good God have been made since Humans began! They instinctively render to God what is of great value to them to show their love. Who knows better than you who spied on their altars and listened to their prayers and insisted that I listen! Sacrifice and love are connected in them.’

“ ‘Lord, they sacrifice out of fear! It has nothing to do with love of God, does it? All the sacrifices? The children sacrificed to Baal, and a hundred other hideous rituals the world over. They do it out of fear! Why would love demand sacrifice?’

“I had clamped my hands over my mouth. I couldn’t reason further. I was horrified. I could not sort out the thread of my horror from the overall stifling weave. Then I spoke, thinking aloud:

“ ‘It’s all wrong, Lord. That God should be so degraded in human form, that in itself is unspeakable; but that men should be allowed to do this to God … But will they know what they’re doing, that you are God? I mean, they couldn’t … Lord, it will have to be done in confusion and misunderstanding. That spells chaos, Lord! Darkness!’

“ ‘Naturally,’ He said. ‘Who in his right mind would crucify the Son of God?’

“ ‘Then what does it mean?’

“ ‘Memnoch, it means I subjected myself to the human for the love of those whom I have made. I am in the flesh, Memnoch. I have been in it for thirty years. Would you explain yourself to me?’

“ ‘To die like that, it’s wrong, Lord. It’s a filthy killing, Lord, it’s a bloody horrible exemplum to lay before the human race! And you say yourself they will remember you for this? More than for your rising from the death, from the light of God exploding out of your human body and making this suffering fall away?’

“ ‘The Light won’t burst out of this body,’ He said. ‘This body shall die. I shall know death. I shall pass into Sheol and there for three days remain with those who are dead, and then I shall return to this body and raise it from the Dead. And yes, it will be my Death they will remember, for how can I Rise if I do not Die?’

“ ‘Just don’t do either one,’ I pleaded. ‘Really, I’m begging you. Don’t make yourself this sacrifice. Don’t dip down into their most misguided blood rituals. Lord, have you ever drawn near to the stench of their sacrificial altars? Yes, I used to say to you, listen to their prayers, but I never meant that you would dip down from your great height to smell the stink of the blood and the dead animal, or to see the dumb fear in its eyes as its throat is slit! Have you seen the babies heaved into the fiery God Baal?’

“ ‘Memnoch, this is the way to God which man himself has evolved. All over the world the myths sing the same song.’

“ ‘Yes, but that’s because you never interfered to stop it, you let it happen, you let this humankind evolve and they looked back in horror on their animal ancestors, they beheld their mortality, and they seek to propitiate a god who has abandoned them to all this. Lord, they look for meaning, but they find none in this. None.’

“He looked at me as if I were mad, truly. He stared at me in silence. ‘You disappoint me,’ He said softly and gently. ‘You wound me, Memnoch, you wound my human heart.’ He reached out and put His roughened hands against my face, hands of a man who had worked in this world, labored as I had never labored in my brief visit.

“I shut my eyes. I didn’t speak. But something had come to me! A revelation, an insight, a sudden grasping of everything here that was in error, but could I reason it out? Could I speak?

“I opened my eyes again, letting him hold me, feeling the callouses on his fingers, looking into his gaunt face. How he had starved himself; how he had suffered in this desert, and how he had labored these thirty years! Oh, no, this was wrong!

“ ‘What, my Archangel, what is wrong!’ He demanded of me with infinite patience and human consternation.

“ ‘Lord, they chose these rituals which involve suffering because they cannot avoid suffering in the Natural World. The natural world is what must be overcome! Why must anyone suffer what humans suffer? Lord, their souls come to Sheol distorted, twisted by pain, black as cinders from the heat of loss and misery and violence which they have witnessed. Suffering is evil in this world. Suffering is decay and death. It’s terrible. Lord, You can’t believe that to suffer like this would do any good to anyone. This suffering, this unspeakable capacity to bleed and to know pain and to know annihilation, is what has to be overcome in this world if anyone is to reach God!’

“He didn’t answer. He lowered his hands.

“ ‘My angel,’ He said, ‘you draw from me even more affection now that I have a human heart. How simple you are! How alien you are to the vast Material Creation.’

“ ‘But it was I who urged you to come down! How am I alien? I am the Watcher! I see what other angels don’t dare to look at for fear they’ll weep, and it will make you angry with them.’

“ ‘Memnoch, you simply don’t know the flesh. The concept is too complex for you. What do you think taught your souls in Sheol their perfection? Was it not suffering? Yes, they enter perhaps twisted and burnt if they have failed to see beyond suffering on Earth, and some may despair and disappear. But in Sheol, over the centuries of suffering and longing, others are purged and purified.

“ ‘Memnoch, Life and Death are part of the cycle, and suffering is its by-product. And the human capacity to know it exempts no one! Memnoch, that the illuminated souls you brought from Sheol knew it, that they had learnt to accept its beauty, is what made them worthy to come through the heavenly gates!’

“ ‘No, Lord, that’s not true!’ I said. ‘You’ve gotten it wrong. Utterly. Oh, I see what’s happened.’

“ ‘You do? What are you trying to say to me? That I the Lord God, having spent thirty years in this human body, have not struck the truth?’

“ ‘But that’s just it! You’ve known all along you were God. You mentioned times when you thought you were mad or almost forgot, but those were brief! Too brief! And now as you plot your death, you know Who you are and You won’t forget it, will you?’

“ ‘No, I won’t. I must be the Son of God Incarnate to fulfill my ministry, to work my miracles, of course. That’s the whole point.’

“ ‘Then, Lord, you don’t know what it means to be flesh!’

“ ‘How dare you assume that you do, Memnoch.’

“ ‘When you left me in that fleshly body, when you cast me down for the Daughters of Men to heal and care for, in the early centuries of this very land, I had no promise you would take me back to Heaven. Lord, you’re not playing fair in this
experiment. You’ve known all along you’re going back, you’re going back to be God!’

“ ‘And who better than I can understand what this flesh feels!’ He demanded.