The Company of Darkness (16 page)

“I’ll take you home,” he murmured, eyes dropping to the ground as he strode back to the car.  As soon as she stopped shaking long enough to follow, Cady got in beside him, her gaze trained out the window for the duration of the ride. 

Ethan stopped the car on her street, a couple of blocks away from her apartment building, the engine idling.  She finally turned to look at him, expecting to see sorrow or regret, but there was nothing, no expression, no indication as to what he felt as he stared straight ahead, hands at ten and two on the wheel. 

“There’s one other thing,” she said, her voice sounding loud to her ears in the vacuum of silence.  “I used your name, your real name back there in the theater.  I wasn’t thinking, I…”

“It’s not your fault.  None of this is.  It’s all on me, it’s my mess to clean up.”  But he still wouldn’t look at her, and Cady wasn’t sure she wanted him to as long as Ash remained inside of him.

“All we have to do is wait until you get rid of Ash.  Then we’ll be back to normal.”  If she said it enough times, maybe it would be true. 

His brows twitched closer together.  “You’re right.  The best thing we can do right now is to go back to how things were before.”

Cady reached out and squeezed his hand, not wanting to leave things on such a down note.  She knew deep down it wasn’t his fault, and she knew they’d get through it together.  “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”  Though she suspected her hand hurt more than his mouth at this point. 

“I deserved it,” he said dully.  “I’m pretty sure I hurt you worse.”

“I’m fine.”  The terror of Ash’s words had faded enough to shake its grip on her.  She leaned forward, examining his lip.  “It’s hardly even red anymore.”  Whereas she’d have to go up and put ice on her knuckles to keep them from swelling any more.

“At least I get one perk from having demons bound to me, right?” 

“It’ll be okay, I promise.”  She patted his hand again and now he looked at her, head cocked in confusion. 

“After everything I’ve put you through, you’re sitting there trying to comfort me.”

“Is it working?” she asked with a cheeky grin and he offered a broken smile in response.

“You’re not like any girl I’ve ever met before.”

“That’s a good thing, right?”

The sad excuse for a smile faded as he clicked open the automatic door locks.  “You’d better go inside, it’s getting late.”  With a nod, Cady sat forward to kiss his cheek, but he leaned back.  “We’d better not.”

“Right, good point.”  The less physical contact hopefully the less influence Ash had over him.  “That’s okay, it won’t last forever and then we can be together again.”  His silence bothered her, but she could understand it.  “I love you,” she added, needing to say it despite the fact that things were so screwed up between them. 

“I love you, Cady.”  His hand rose to touch her cheek, but fell away as he thought better of it.  “Come what may.”

She shook her head at that, but it was hard to argue against the point when so many things
did
come their way.  Still, as she looked back to give him a final wave from the apartment building’s front door, she couldn’t help but take strength in the fact that he loved her, and that was all that mattered.  They’d get through it together, come what may.

* * *

Hours later lying in bed, Cady stirred at the buzz of a text, pulling her phone close in case it was something important when she saw it came from Ethan’s number.

We have to end it, it’s over.

“It’s too late for his weird sense of humor,” she muttered aloud, fingers clumsy as she texted back,
haha funny, weirdo
.

I’m not joking, it’s time I moved on.  SF has gotten too hot for me.

Had the police somehow tracked him down because of the incident at the movie theater?  Suddenly wide awake, she sat up, turning on the bedside light. 
What about me coming with you?

That was a stupid idea, based on an even stupider idea that we belong together.  It’s all bullshit. 

Screw protocol, Cady called him directly, not wanting to leave something so important to texts, but he didn’t answer.  Even after she called again and again.  Finally, she sent another text, sick with dread. 
Don’t do this, Ethan.  Don’t make any snap decisions when you’re upset.

It’s already done.

That was the last message she got.  No matter what she sent him, no matter how much she begged and pleaded, yelled and ranted, pouring out her heart or calling him every kind of coward she could think of to try to produce any reaction from him, he didn’t send anything back.  For all she knew he’d already dumped the phone and moved on.  Wasn’t that his M.O.?  Be prepared to leave everything behind at the drop of a hat?

Christ, was that what he’d done? 

Pulling on the first set of clothes she found, Cady practically ran more than half the way to Ethan’s apartment, snagging a cab for the last part, but the ride did nothing to calm the frantic pounding of her heart. 
Please don’t let him be gone, please don’t let him be gone…
the mantra ran through her head over and over again, toes tapping with impatience when she stepped into the elevator, the door sliding shut far too slowly, every whir and jolt making her already frayed nerves jump. 

“Ethan?” she called out, banging on the door, not caring what time it was, or that his neighbors probably knew him as Barry, if at all.  “Ethan, open the door, we need to talk.”  Cady had no idea how she’d get in there if he didn’t open up, and wondered if she should’ve tried the fire escape to get the jump on him instead.  Even as she considered pulling the fire alarm in the hallway to flush him out, her fingers tried the doorknob, surprised when it turned easily in her hand. 

“Ethan?” she called out more softly, stepping into his apartment, but almost immediately she knew it was too late.  The place was empty, but that wasn’t the most shocking thing about it.  Habitually neat as a pin, the loft apartment was messy as hell, dirty dishes piled high in the sink, empty cardboard boxes on the counter, the trash overflowing – it looked like someone else had been squatting there instead of Ethan. 

How long had he been living like that? 

The mess wasn’t limited to the kitchen, the bathroom was in an equally sad state of disarray and the bedroom held more dirty clothes than clean ones.  The only thing that showed a trace of his normal neat streak was the bed, which was tightly made with regulation corners.  Cady sank onto the edge of it, the melancholy settling over her like a blanket. 

Ethan was gone. 

How long she sat there, she had no idea.  At some point she remembered getting up and shutting the front door, picking up a t-shirt off the back of the couch and holding it close while she stood in the kitchen, eyes glazed over and unseeing.  Cady was still holding the shirt when she got home, numb from walking without a jacket. 

There were low murmurs coming from Ian’s room, telling her he’d brought Kelli back home with him, and Cady went straight to her own room, not wanting to see anybody happy, not now.  In the privacy of her bedroom, she stripped off her clothes and put on Ethan’s t-shirt, crying like the biggest loser when she caught herself sniffing it as she pulled it over her head.  Clutching a pillow close, she sobbed into the fabric until she had nothing left to give, just a raw, ragged pain where her heart used to be.

* * *

Her alarm went off at six a.m. and Cady hit the snooze button on autopilot.  She hit it two more times, hardly stirring until Ian pounded on the door yelling at her to get her ass out of bed.  If she didn’t get in gear she was going to be late, but she didn’t care.  People were late to work all the time, it wasn’t the end of the world.  They were lucky she was going in at all. 

Eyes grainy and bloodshot, the shower didn’t help pierce the fog, but the extra strong coffee she brewed made a dent in it. 

“Oh sweet, coffee.  Just what the doctor ordered.”  Kelli’s eyes lit up in pure pleasure as she came shuffling out of Ian’s bedroom wearing one of his button up shirts and a pair of tube socks that reached her knees. 

“Help yourself,” Cady mumbled, trusting her to find where everything was.  In the back of her mind she knew she should be eating something more solid, but nothing sounded good.  Just the hot coffee that matched the acidic burn in her stomach perfectly.

“Hey, what happened to you last night?” Kelli yawned, helping herself to a cup and what probably represented a third of the sugar they had in the apartment.  “You didn’t stick around to do the chicken dance, that’s the best part.  You should’ve seen Ian, I actually got him to do it,” she laughed, but Cady barely cracked a smile. 

“I had some other stuff to do,” she shrugged.

“Like that cute cop?”

“No, not the cute cop,” Cady bit out sharper than she’d intended.  “Sorry.  The night didn’t go quite like I’d planned.”

“No biggie,” Kelli said in a more subdued voice.  “Do you want to talk about it?”

The thing was, Cady did want to talk about it.  She wanted to in a big way.  All her life she’d had a friend to talk to when life kicked the shit out of her and poured salt on the wounds.  Kelli had been that friend for the past two years.  There was no one she’d felt closer to, not Penny, not even Ian, not since she was small enough to wear footie pajamas anyway.  But she couldn’t talk about Ethan, not the way she needed to. 

“It’s nothing.  I thought I liked this guy and he ended up being a jerk, that’s all.”

“Just after one thing, huh?”  Kelli perched on the stool across the breakfast bar, stirring her coffee with lazy circles.

“No, I wouldn’t say that.”

“Too much talk, not enough action?”

“Nooo, I wouldn’t say that either.”

“Is he one of those grungy types that thinks it’s sexy not to shower?  I hate that.”  Kelli’s nose scrunched up with distaste and Cady almost smiled.

“No, that wasn’t it either.”

“Deadbeat, expected you to take care of him?”

“No…”

“Treated you like shit?  Couldn’t keep his eyes off of other girls’ racks?  Breath like raw sewage?”  Kelli kept them coming fast when Cady shook her head.

“Nothing like any of that.”

“Well, Jesus, Cady, what’s wrong with him?”

He has a psychopathic demon squatting inside him that creeps me out whenever we touch now, and he’s so worried it’ll end up hurting me he did a pre-emptive strike and hurt me himself? 
Cady smiled to herself over the words, but all she did was shake her head.  “It’s not going to work out, that’s all.”

“You’re better off without him,” Ian muttered, strolling into the living room all dressed and ready for work in his new suit. 

“Better off without who?”  Kelli swiveled around in her seat.  “Have you met this guy?”

“No, but whoever he is, if he’s not treating her right, she’s better off without him.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet.” Kelli dimpled into a smile, offering him her cup of coffee.  Ian took a single sip and winced, swallowing with great difficulty. 

“No,
that’s
sweet.  How much sugar did you put in?” he said, reaching for Cady’s cup instead, which she gladly handed over, taking pity on him. 

“Ah… I don’t know.  I put in enough to get rid of the icky coffee taste.”

Ian and Cady traded looks and she felt the first urge to really smile.  “Maybe we’d better pick up some hot chocolate instead if Kelli’s going to be sleeping over more,” she suggested gently.

“Oh, that would be super yummy!  I can do that later, I don’t mind heading to the store.  You’re also running low on juice and paper towels, on the count of I spilled the last of the juice.” 

“So you’re hanging out here today then?”  That was new.  Cady looked to Ian, but he was busy trying to get his tie straight in the reflection on the TV. 

“Is that a problem?”  Kelli’s head ping ponged from one sibling to the other.  “I thought maybe I could make dinner for you guys?  You know, a real home cooked meal that doesn’t involve frozen foods at all?”  She looked so worried that Cady might not approve, it quashed any worries over how crowded the apartment was going to become if she moved in permanently. 

“No, not at all, that sounds like fun.  I’ll see you tonight then, I’m going to take off.”  Cady picked up her purse and looked back when she got no reply, but Kelli was already helping Ian with his tie, their bodies very close together, intimate words whispered between them. 
Balls
.  It figured they’d have to pick now to be all cutesy in love.   

They were just as lovey dovey when she got home from work, running late because the world was conspiring against her.  First, she’d had to stay late and clean up after an agents’ meeting and they didn’t even leave any good snacks behind for her to take home.  Then she’d missed the bus, and the next one came so late it missed the connecting bus, so she’d been standing around on her feet for what felt like hours in her pretty but not very supportive shoes. 

Add to that the fact that they’d gone ahead and eaten without her, and Cady was in a not so very fun mood when she dished up her home cooked meal of
macaroni and cheese ala Kelli
(which basically meant chunks of cooked hamburger mixed in with shredded cheese on top).  She waved off their offer to restart the movie from the beginning, the last thing she wanted to do was watch a gushy romantic comedy with them.  It was interesting to note that Ian seemed fine to go along with it when Kelli suggested the movie, but dug in his heels whenever she wanted to watch a rom-com. 

Not feeling particularly hungry, Cady picked out all the meat and left the macaroni in the bowl while sitting on her bed, listening to sad, angry music on the headphones.

If only she could find Ethan, she was pretty sure she could knock some sense into him.  Only she had no idea where to look or if he was even still in the city.  That business about San Francisco being too hot for him could’ve been for real.  

Intrigued by an idea, she went to her notebook of sigils, all the ones Ethan had taught her over the past few weeks, wondering if she could piece together an incantation to show her where he was, the way Ethan sought his visions.  The Latin language was easy enough to puzzle through, but the idea of screwing around with magic left a worse taste in her mouth than the boxed mac and cheese.   Plus, she wasn’t sure if she had the talent for visions.  Just because she could cast a simple protection spell didn’t mean she’d ever get the hang of any other spells, and Ethan had never offered to teach her any others. 

But she knew someone who could See. 

Convinced of the brilliance in that plan, she sought the one person who could help her find Ethan and who she could actually talk to about everything that was happening. 

Gobi.