The Column Racer (28 page)

Areli’s cheeks were fresh with tears and she felt empty as her carriage continued through the quiet streets of Abhi. But she knew, if she was to protect her family and her dragon, she had to find a way past it. When the carriages entered into the gates of the community, all the riders went home. Areli was at her house briefly, and then received permission to go to Fides. Her mother knew she needed her friend, and Areli was grateful for it.

Fides and Areli lay silently in Fides’s bed. No words were spoken between them, just comfort and warmth. Areli didn’t remember when she fell asleep, but she knew it was after Fides, as she listened to the deep breaths of her friend. But with eyes heavy, and surrounded by warmth and love, she let the night carry her away.

Areli awoke with a startle. She didn’t scream or spring out of bed. Her eyes just violently sprung open. As if the air had pried them open for her. Fides was still breathing heavily next to her. Soft, peaceful, and calm. Areli looked into the fireplace at the logs that were in there before, which had become nothing but little embers of glowing char and ash.

She took a deep breath and then tried to fall back asleep. But she couldn’t. It didn’t matter how much she tried, or which way she rolled, sleep had escaped her, leaving her wakeful, her mouth dry. She looked at the gold chain that, if pulled, would signal a bell several floors below calling a servant up to her. But for some reason, Areli decided to get the water herself. She liked Fides servants, and maybe a light conversation over a late night snack and a glass of water would be enough to entice sleep to come back to her.

She was careful to crawl out of bed. Careful to open the door and careful to shut it. She moved with the grace of a dancer through the halls and down the stairs, but then she stopped. There were voices.
Arguing
voices. Areli knew she should have turned to walk back up the stairs, but it was something she heard that kept her put. No, not something she heard, as she continued to listen, but one of the voices. It was familiar. She moved down the steps, lithe and stealthily. The closer she got to the bottom, the faster her heart raced, and the more her conviction took hold. She knew the voice. She had to. It was unmistakable. Her heart was filled with happiness and apprehension all at once, as if flooded by both lead and song in one quick breath.

Areli continued to listen as she got to the bottom of the stairs. The voices were coming from the study. She made her way across the marble towards it. She knew she shouldn’t be doing what she was doing, but she couldn’t help it. The voice brought her down here, and now, she couldn’t turn back. She started to rationalize that she was meant to hear it. That this was the voice that lifted open her eyes.

She placed herself against the wall and moved closer to the study doors. Light was pouring out of them, supplied by the lanterns that lined its walls.
Could it be
thought Areli. She fought with herself. She had to confirm the voice had actually belonged to the one she knew. The one she had ceased to think about. The one she was sure she would never see again. She inched closer to the doors, not even registering what the voices were discussing, complaining, or heating up about. All she cared about was not getting caught and confirming the owner of the voice.

She peeked over one of the doors. She saw the shelves lined with books backed in covers of every shade, and then she saw him. Her heart almost skipped at the sight of him. He was alive. And speaking to Fides father, Edsel. Their argument wafted towards her like a pungent perfume. She had to resist running to him. Just to hold him. To make sure he was real. But then she would have to slap him. She holds grudges. She can’t help it.

“I’m just saying you can’t turn yourself in, Edsel,” said the voice.

“What do you expect me to do, Talon? People are dying. Good people.”

“And if we give up now, that’s all they will do.”

“He’s right, Edsel,” said another man, “you are the only one that can give them hope. They are counting on you to do something. Why do you think the sectors are holding their silence? I mean you heard the message sent from B.”

“He can get them rounded up, Edsel,” said Talon, “you just have to wait.”

“And then what, Talon. Suppose you’re right. And he is able to recruit soldiers for a stand. Has history proved nothing to you? It’s over. We’re done. A war against the Emperor would be a bloodbath and all the casualties would be on only one side.”

“You mustn’t talk like that Edsel. It can work.” Edsel buried his head into one of his hands.

“Why did it have to come to this?” asked Edsel, “I can’t sleep anymore. I can’t eat. I can’t even look at myself. I can’t keep this going. Their suffering has become my suffering.”

“Edsel,” said the messenger, “as I traveled the Empire . . . The people, they believe in you. They believe in Degendhard the Great. They don’t believe you will abandon them.”

“But we are no closer to saving them,” said Edsel, “I sought to extend the nature of life, not hide and watch it end so abruptly.”

“If you turn yourself in, Edsel,” said Talon, “then all is lost. Degendhard the Great would have been for nothing. The people need change. They need a true leader. Not a monster and his dragons.”

Areli eyes became wide. Was Fides father Degendhard the Great?
No
, said Areli,
it can’t be. It just can’t be
. She kept her position on the wall. She had to hear more.

“Edsel – you are Degendhard the Great – remember that. Remember your promise to save lives. Now we have to think about saving our future.”

Areli had to clutch her mouth to keep from screaming. She couldn’t believe it. Fides father, Degendhard the Great. It seemed too implausible to her. She needed to get out of here. She needed . . .

A hand grabbed her fiercely around her mouth. Suffocating her. It was big, strong. Her arm was pinned to her back, and it shot a searing pain up her arm and into her shoulder blades. She wanted to scream. The pain was blinding and as severe as if someone had tossed her onto hot coals. Whoever it was that had her, he was big. He lifted her off the ground. She tried to kick him. His legs were built like trees – the only damage she did was to herself. The person forced her into the room and threw her onto the floor.

“I found an intruder,” said the man.

“She’s no intruder,” said Edsel in controlled hysteria. Areli felt someone kneeling over her. All she could feel was the pain in her arm, the pain in her legs, and the pain present in the heels of her feet.

“Areli?” said Talon, “Areli, is that you?” She lunged for him, hoping that he would protect her, as her family protected him when her father brought him home, bloody and filthy. She held him out of fear, and for the need of safety. He held her out of tenderness, love, and regret. He could hear the words
I’m sorry
, forming in his mind. But he held his tongue. As she pressed up against his body, he wished it could stay this way. Her in his arms. He dearly wished this is how things would have happened in the marketplace, and it pained him to think about the truth. “It’s okay, Areli . . . it’s okay.”

Talon forced her arms off from around his shoulders, fearing that he might never want to let her go, and helped her into one of the chairs. Edsel moved swiftly to the doors. Areli looked over at him, as he looked out into the hallways and then quickly shut the doors and locked them. He then made his way quickly towards her. Areli didn’t know if she should look at him with defiance or with respect.

“Areli,” said Edsel, “where is Fides? Did she come with you . . . please, Areli. This is important.” Areli could only shake her head. He gave a soft sigh of relief and collapsed in the chair beside her. “Thank the stars,” said Edsel under his breath.

“Wait . . . so you know this girl?” came the voice of the man who was in there before with Edsel and Talon.

“Yes – yes, she is my daughter’s friend,” said Edsel, “she rides for the Emperor.” The man walked to the side and examined her closely. Areli hated how his eyes took their time, especially since she was in nothing but a dressing gown.

“She’s the one from Sector D,” said Talon, “the ones that took me in.”
The one that I love
, he thought to himself,
the one that I will always love
.

“Brave of her,” said the man, “but yes, I recognize her. You’re the one who rode their dragon bareback.” Areli nodded her head and then looked around at the faces of the room. Edsel looked a lot like Fidelja. She didn’t see him much. Always working. Always busy. The man who continued to look her over had grey hair wrapped into a pony tail and dressed in all black, except for the red in his tie. She looked at the man who had grabbed her. Her eyes took in the large animal-like muscles, his head and neck being half the width of his burly chest. Talon looked as beautiful as ever. She noticed he had taken her father’s exercises to heart, as his posture and walk were flawless.

He smiled at her, and she could do no less than the same. The feelings she had for him, which were forgotten and suppressed, resurfaced with abrupt force. She found herself still attracted to him. And she hated him for that.
She was with Yats now.
She would always and forever be with Yats. Areli allowed herself to look around the room, a distraction from her feelings, something she had to do the last time she and Talon spoke. She let her eyes rest on Fides father, who still had his head buried in one hand. The formidable Degendhard the Great – head buried in hand. It made her mad. It infuriated her so much that tears came to her eyes. She hated the man for so long for not turning himself in, but then she couldn’t help but be affectionate towards him for not.

“Can I get you anything, Areli?” asked Talon, kneeling next to her, rubbing away the tears on her cheeks. He pulled his hand away quickly. He could not trust himself around her. His feelings for her were too great. She shook her head and tried to tell herself to get a hold of herself, but she couldn’t. Hate and love for both Talon and Degendhard collided with one another, and she could do nothing but feel it’s pain, so immense, so excruciating, that she found it hard to breathe.

“You must hate me,” said Edsel, looking over at Areli, his own eyes a mess of red and wet. Areli shook her head. Again wiping the line of tears that slid across her skin. “I want you to know . . . that I . . . that I never meant for it to get this far.” She couldn’t speak. She didn’t know what to say, even if she tried. “Fides doesn’t know . . . she can never know.” The only word that seemed to circulate around her mind was
why.
And Areli thought about Sofi. This would be the information that would bury Fides. The information that would take her life. Fides own father was going to kill her. As inadvertently as it was, a fact was a fact. He was going to be the cause of her death. Areli had to be strong. She had to protect her friend. She had to find composure.

“Promise, Areli,” said Edsel, “I beg of you to promise me you won’t tell her.” She felt a burning in her heart that traveled to her stomach and then spread to the far reaches of her body.

“She deserves to know,” said Areli, her voice soft, tears still crawling from her eyes.

“I know she does,” said Edsel, “but I’m asking you not to tell her.”

“Why?” asked Areli, exhaustion and desperation on the tip of her tongue.

“Because,” said Edsel, “I know she is strong. She is. But if you told her . . . It would destroy her.”

“But you’re Degendhard the Great,” said Areli.

“Timing,” said Edsel, “when the time is right. Then she can know.”

“And
when
is that?” asked Areli, her voice vicious, like a mother scolding a selfish child, “when she is captured, beaten, and executed in front of the entire city?” Edsel looked back into his hands. “I mean do you have any sort of plan? What have you been doing while others suffer? Tell me. What?”

“Areli,” said Talon, putting a hand on her shoulder. Enjoying the touch and then regretting it. She looked at him with furrowed brows.

“NO!” yelled Areli, shrugging Talon’s arm off of her, “I want to know. What have you been doing Degendhard? Huh? What?”

“I’VE BEEN TRYING TO KEEP MY FAMILY ALIVEI!” screamed Edsel, his eyes a mess of tears and inner torture, “think what you want of me, Areli, but I didn’t go into this thinking people would actually be sent to their graves because of this. I saved so many lives. We saved so many lives. And it’s all falling apart. All of it. And I am struggling just to keep it together.” Areli looked at him. She was so mad, so disgusted, that her tears started to evaporate away. Either that or boil off. She could hardly stand the sight of him. This broken man. This so-called hero. He was ugly to look at. And the sight of him burned her raw. She grabbed a vase of flowers on the table next to them and threw it at a wall, shattering it to pieces, screaming.

Talon grabbed her around the arms, collapsing with her onto the ground. She couldn’t believe how much she hurt. How helpless she felt. How helpless Edsel must have felt. Even the best of intentions can be soiled. Showing that a courageous man is just as weak, as selfish, and as human as everyone else. The Empire was waiting for him to save them from the Emperor, and he was only looking to save himself. The world never seemed crueler.

Talon escorted Areli back to Fides room afterwards. He wished he wouldn’t have thrown her presents in the trash. The silence between them was horrendous, and it felt like they were walking on opposite sides of the steps, even though they were right next to one another. Talon wished he could tell her how he felt about her. He could at least tell her ‘Happy Birthday,’ it was a simple enough starter, but his tongue didn’t allow his mouth to open, or was it his teeth.

Areli was happy to see him, relieved that he made it out of Sector D alive. But she was also frustrated about seeing him. And her mind was further bothered by the swirling fact that Edsel was Degendhard the Great. Sofi was after Fides. As far as Areli was concerned, this was the information she was looking for. The information that Areli had to keep hidden from her informants. She needed to say something. She hated this silence between her and Talon.

“Why didn’t you come and see me?” asked Areli, “I mean, how long have you been here?” She didn’t know why she asked that question. She could care less if he came to see her. But her mouth must have thought otherwise. Talon bit his tongue and pointed his face away from her so she couldn’t see him grimace. “What’s wrong? Talon, I can tell something’s the matter. Tell me.” He shook his head, fighting whether or not he should tell her the truth.

“I’ve been here for a while, Areli,” he said with clenched fists.

“Why didn’t you come and see me then?” asked Areli, still wondering why she kept pushing the question, “or my father or mother?” Maybe it was closure. He didn’t want to see her because he didn’t love her. He didn’t want to see her because he was in love with somebody else. He didn’t want to see her because he could care less about her. She wanted something. Something to confirm he would never love her. This was her moment to confront him, like Fides confronted Amer. Talon took in a deep breath and looked at her with red and pained eyes.

“I did search for you,” said Talon, slowly, struggling with the hurt, his lungs collapsing in his chest.

“And?” prompted Areli, “did you find me?”

“I did,” said Talon, wiping his eyes now.

“Then why, Talon? Why didn’t you bother to say hello?”

“Because you were with someone.”

“Oh,” said Areli, with nothing else to say.

“I take it he’s your boyfriend?”

“Yes, Talon,” said Areli, “he’s my boyfriend.” She was irritated and angry at him. “However, that shouldn’t have deterred you from approaching me. I would have introduced you. You didn’t have to be all shy about it.” They were nearing Fides door. Talon’s promise to the maid came rolling into his head. He promised her. Even though, given the circumstance, he knew he shouldn’t. A promise was a promise.

“Areli,” said Talon, gently.

“What? Talon, what is it?” She was tired, agitated, and annoyed at this point.

“I came to Abhi to find you. I came back because I had to tell you something.” Areli looked at him. His eyes were cast to the floor. He had looked so strong before. But now he looked weak – vulnerable. “Areli . . . I . . . I love you. I’ve loved you since the first day I opened my eyes again. I should have told you before. I was stupid. It was foolish of me not to tell you. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry it took this long to tell you. I’m sorry I’ve said it too late.” Areli’s heart had stopped beating. She let out a breath of air and she feared she would never inhale again. She had dreamed of his lips saying those words to her. She had dreamed it forever. She had even prayed so dearly to the stars for Talon to love her.

She approached him. A tear rolling down her cheeks. Snot boiling up in her nose. His eyes a mess also. And his shoulders shook from the weight of it all. She cringed her forehead, and she twisted her lips in a funny way. And then she slapped him in the face. And then she slapped him again.

“How
dare
you, Talon,” said Areli, in pained grasps, “how dare you do this to me. Do you know how much you’ve hurt me? How many tears I’ve spent on you? And now. Now, of all times, you tell me this. No! No, Talon. I’m with Yats, now. I’m sorry, Talon. I loved you. I
had
loved you. But you should have told me then. You should have gone after me then. It’s
too late
for us now. It’s just too late.” She covered her mouth and her hand shook as she did. Tears carved their way down her face. He tried to reach for her.

Areli backed away. She shook her head once, and then disappeared into Fides bedroom, locking the door behind her.