The Click Trilogy (8 page)

From: Shelley Manning – March 14, 2011 – 1:45 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Three strikes and you’re out?

I’ve resorted to the fake emergency before, but not from boredom.  You know me.  I don’t care if they’re boring, as long as they’re hot.  So, was he hot?  Can I have his number?  HA!  I knew that would make you smile.  Don’t give up.  Three dates is nothing.  I sometimes go on three dates in one day.  Knew that would make you laugh, too.  You just need to hang in there.  Lunch at Mel’s on Wednesday?

From: Renee Greene – March 14, 2011 – 2:20 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Three strikes and you’re out?

Lunch sounds great.  Will call Ashley
and let her know.

From: Mark Finlay – March 14, 2011 – 11:05 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: My Profile for Review

Finally!  My profile is – almost – complete.  I’ve written it and gotten feedback from my sister…and your sister (LOL!).  Now it’s time for me to get feedback from the ultimate writing czar and grammar hawk.  Having a friend in PR sure comes in handy.   Hoping you will take a look, make suggestions, check for typos, etc.

If you’re looking for an accomplished and driven, self made man, I could be the right match for you.  My name is Mark and I’m a 29 year old video game designer.  I used to work for a major software developer, but branched out on my own two years ago.  I have high standards for myself and others and wanted greater control over the creative and development process.

I just launched my first cell phone game to solid reviews and critical acclaim.  Despite being very busy, I make it a point to find time to do the things I enjoy.  And, since I spend the bulk of my day in front of computer screens, I spend my non working days hanging out with friends, hiking with my chocolate lab, Finneaus, or going to the movies.  I’m looking for a like minded woman who has intelligence, a good sense of humor and good values.

From: Renee Greene – March 15, 2011 – 8:53 AM

To: Mark Finlay

Subject: Re: My Profile for Review

Say what?!?  You haven’t posted your profile yet.  Dude!  What have you been waiting for?  I thought we were doing this together!

I’ve already been on three heinous online dates and endured a tongue lashing by one psycho cyber stalker and you haven’t even gotten yourself out there?  I am reviewing now….okay.  Just read through.  Only edits are hyphens added throughout – see attached.  When you use compound adjectives to modify a noun, those adjectives need to be hyphenated.  Sorry.  But you asked for the “Grammar Hawk,” no?  Otherwise, looks great.  Now post that bio!

From: Mark Finlay – March 15, 2011 – 9:03 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: My Profile for Review

This is great.  And I indeed asked for the “Grammar Hawk.”

From: Renee Greene – March 15, 2011 – 10:26 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: If you want anything done right, you have to do it yourself

Well, I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands.  I spent a few hours last night scouring the Choose Jews site for my soul mate.  And, I
think
I may just have found him.  Here’s an excerpt from his profile…

After three years of toiling away on litigation suits representing big corporations and insurance companies – essentially helping them stick it to the little guy – I decided the deck was stacked too high in favor of big business.  So, I recently quit my job and went to work for a non-profit legal aid.  Every day, I get an immense satisfaction from helping good, decent people who have been screwed by the system.

I never really thought online dating was for me.  But after being out there in the dating scene for a while, I truly know now what I want and figured this was a way to find the quality person I’m searching for.  I’m looking for a future partner to share my life and raise a family.  My parents always said their job was to raise a productive, kind human being that makes the world a better place.  Although they have both since passed away, I think they would be proud with how I’ve turned out.  And, I want to honor them by doing the same with my children one day.

He sounds so wonderful.  And, you can log on to see his profile.  Very cute.  I’m going to drop him an email shortly.  Fingers crossed!

From: Shelley Manning – March 15, 2011 – 12:35 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: If you want anything done right, you have to do it yourself

Wow.  He does sound pretty great and I know how much you love that whole do-gooder thing.  From now on, I will refer to him as Dudley Do Right.  Two additional things in his favor:  (1) He’s easy on the eyes.  VERY easy.  (2) His parents aren’t around.  That means no Jewish mother in law.

From: Renee Greene – March 15, 2011 – 12:38 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: If you want anything done right, you have to do it yourself

Oh Shelley!  You are so wicked!

From: Shelley Manning – March 15, 2011 – 12:42 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: If you want anything done right, you have to do it yourself

I know, sweetie.  That’s why you keep me around.  Good luck and let me know how it goes.  Mwah! Mwah!

From: [email protected]/PRGal1981 – March 15, 2011 – 1:13 PM

To: [email protected]/LiveRight23

Subject: Hi

Hi Live Right 23.  I was on the Choose Jews site and came across your profile.  I must say I’m very impressed with your recent career change.  How wonderful to feel so good about the work you are doing.  I work in PR and sometimes feel like my time could be better spent helping to raise awareness for important issues and causes, instead of helping to sell toys and ovens.

Anyway, I think we might enjoy hanging out together.  Why don’t you check out my profile and let me know if you are interested in meeting up.  Thanks.

From: Renee Greene – March 16, 2011 – 9:08 AM

To: Ashley Price; Shelley Manning

Subject: I need a stiff drink!

It’s only 9:00 am and I already need a stiff drink.  No sexual innuendo here, Shelley.  I really just need a hard drink.  Okay that probably didn’t help matters much, huh?  Let’s just say I’m eager to meet at Flint’s tonight after work.  In?  Out?

From: Shelley Manning – March 16, 2011 – 9:10 AM

To: Ashley Price; Renee Greene

Subject: Re: I need a stiff drink!

LMAO!  In, in, in!

From: Ashley Price – March 16, 2011 – 9:15 AM

To: Shelley Manning; Renee Greene

Subject: Re: I need a stiff drink!

IN!!!!  I will meet you at Flint’s tonight with my new doo.  Yes! I am taming the wild beast that is my hair with a new haircut and Brazilian blowout at Ra Jai salon (using that free $500 gift certificate from the casino party with Austin).  So, be prepared to be wowed!

From: Shelley Manning – March 16, 2011 – 9:18 AM

To: Ashley Price; Renee Greene

Subject: Re: I need a stiff drink!

Brazilian Blowout?  That sounds kinky.

From: Ashley Price – March 16, 2011 – 9:20 AM

To: Shelley Manning; Renee Greene

Subject: Re: I need a stiff drink!

It’s nothing sexual, Shelley.  It’s a hair-straightening technique that takes out the frizz.

From: Shelley Manning – March 16, 2011 – 9:21 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Fwd: Re: I need a stiff drink!

What’s her problem?  She’s such a prude!

From: Ashley Price – March 16, 2011 – 9:21 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Fwd: Re: I need a stiff drink!

What is her problem?  She’s such a whore!

From: Renee Greene – March 16, 2011 – 9:22 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: I need a stiff drink!

BEHAVE!

From: Renee Greene – March 16, 2011 – 9:22 AM

To: Ashley Price

Subject: Re: Fwd: Re:  I need a stiff drink!

BEHAVE!

From: Renee Greene – March 16, 2011 – 9:23 AM

To: Shelley Manning; Ashley Price

Subject: Re: I need a stiff drink!

Okay.  See you both tonight and looking forward to seeing the new you, Ashley.  :)

From: Ashley Price – March 16, 2011 – 3:20 PM

To: Shelley Manning; Renee Greene

Subject: Re: I need a stiff drink!

Sorry ladies, but I won’t be joining you tonight.  My hair looks like…what’s the word, oh yeah, poop.  Ra Jai completely butchered it.  I’m heading to a walk-in salon in the morning to see if they can fix it.  I think I’m going to cry!

From: Renee Greene – March 16, 2011 – 3:35 PM

To: Shelley Manning; Ashley Price

Subject: Re: I need a stiff drink!

Oh Ashley.  I’m so sorry.  A bad haircut is just the worst.  Remember that doozy I got in 9th grade?  I wore a hat for 3 months until it grew out.  Hopefully someone can salvage what’s left.  Hang in there.

From: Shelley Manning – March 16, 2011 – 3:45 PM

To: Renee Greene; Ashley Price

Subject: Re: I need a stiff drink!

I guess you get what you pay for, right?

From: Ashley Price – March 16, 2011 – 3:48 PM

To: Renee Greene; Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: I need a stiff drink!

Thanks Shelley.  You sure know how to cheer a girl up.  I’ll talk with you guys later.

From: Shelley Manning – March 16, 2011 – 3:50 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: I need a stiff drink!

OOPS!  Guess she really doesn’t get my humor.  Oh well.  See you tonight for a stiff one…and if we get lucky, a stiff one.  Mwah! Mwah!

From: Renee Greene – March 18, 2011 – 9:02 AM

To: Mark Finlay

Subject: Front Line Scoop?

So?  Any news from the front lines of the online dating wars?

From: Mark Finlay – March 18, 2011 – 10:12 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Front Line Scoop?

Oh, I haven’t posted my profile just yet.  I’m still looking for the right photo to post with it.

From: Renee Greene – March 18, 2011 – 10:18 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Fwd: Re: Front Line Scoop?

Can you believe this?  Mark emailed last week and asked me to proof his online dating bio.  And, he’s still choosing a picture.  He hasn’t even gotten online yet.

From: Renee Greene – March 18, 2011 – 10:42 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Front Line Scoop?

Send me his bio.  I’ve got to see what he had to say about himself.  “Anal, controlling, pain in the ass seeks a neat freak to share his coasters.  Knowledge of cleaning products is a must .”  HA!  I do crack myself up.  Gotta run.  See you at Mel’s tomorrow.

From: [email protected]/MusicMan22 – March 18, 2011 – 11:04 AM

To: [email protected]/PRGal1981

Subject: Spider Fire Fan

Hi there.  I’m Matt.  Loved your profile.  I too am interested in the stylings of Spider Fire.  In fact, I saw them a few weeks ago with some buddies in Santa Barbara.  Listen, I was hoping you would check out my profile and perhaps write back.  Have a great weekend.

From: [email protected]/PRGal1981 – March 18, 2011 – 11:22 AM

To: [email protected]/MusicMan22

Subject: Re: Spider Fire Fan

I was hoping to go, but it was sold out before I could get tickets.  I heard it was rockin’.  I did see them at The Greek last year, though.  They were really great.  Did you hear the rumors they may be breaking up?  My friend said she heard that Gene’s drug problem was getting really bad.

From: [email protected]/MusicMan22 – March 18, 2011 – 11:53 AM

To: [email protected]/PRGal1981