The Click Trilogy (47 page)

From: Ashley Gordon – December 8, 2012 – 8:02 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Daily Digest – Installment 3

Some overzealous mom in our Mommy & Me class said that you shouldn’t have peanuts while you are breastfeeding because you could be contributing to peanut allergies in your children.

From: Renee Greene – December 8, 2012 – 10:15 PM

To: PBCupLover

Subject: Re: Daily Digest – Installment 3

Oooh.  You are such an intellectual.  You even make the funnies more interesting.  I guess it was appropriate we hit the museum on our way to Seattle.  We learned a bit more about Pig Pen, who was the ultimate grunge.  Hopefully that will help Shelley fit into her new Seattle home.

Got to get to bed.  Tomorrow is going to be R-O-U-G-H.  Driving to Calistoga so Shelley can see Old Faithful.  The dirty mind on this young woman is about to get filthy.

Then, we have a full day of driving to Portland.  UGH!

From: PBCupLover – December 8, 2012 – 10:15 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Daily Digest – Installment 3

Anticipation!  Pressure!  Eruptions!  Hot Magma!  Oh my!

From: Renee Greene – December 8, 2012 – 10:18 PM

To: PBCupLover

Subject: Re: Daily Digest – Installment 3

LOL!

From: Renee Greene – December 8, 2012 – 10:22 PM

To: Ashley Gordon

Subject: Re: Daily Digest – Installment 3

Oh, Ashley.  Overzealous moms?  Sounds dreadful.  Hang in there!  Once you stop breastfeeding, I will take you out for sushi, sake, wine, peanuts and anything else you want.

From: PBCupLover – December 9, 2012 – 8:25 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Inquiring minds want to know…

Okay, here are today’s five questions.

1. If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do?
   
2. If you could have chosen your own first name, what would it be?
   
3. If you had to lose one of your five senses, which would you give up?
   
4. If you could be the current world champion in any sport, what would it be?
   
5. If you had to cast an actress to play you in the film version of your life, who would it be? (Like I don’t already know the answer to this one, right?)
   

Safe driving!  I miss you.

From: Ashley Gordon – December 9, 2012 – 11:32 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Funny Story

I know you gals are on the road, but figured you would both totally appreciate this story.  Greg and I went to a wedding last night and my parents came over to watch Siobhan.  The wedding was at the Fairmont in Santa Monica.  We pulled in and I turned to him and said, “What do you say we skip the wedding, get a room…”

His eyes popped wide open.  He could hardly believe it.  He thought he was going to get lucky.  Then I finished “…and take a nap.”   Oh, the disappointment on his face!  Then, the thought of getting 5-6 hours of uninterrupted sleep occurred to him and the smile returned.  Eventually, we realized we couldn’t do it, tempting as it was.

From: Renee Greene – December 9, 2012 – 12:02 PM

To: Ashley Gordon

Subject: Re: Funny Story

Shelley is driving, so I’m typing in a response for her…“Oh Ashley.  You’ve got to give the guy some action.  Really!”

And from me…That’s hilarious.  Poor guy.  And, poor you.  Sleep must be in
really
short supply.  As offered, I’m happy to come sleep over and wake up with my sweet angel for her night feeding whenever you want.  You know how my sweet angel loves me.  Actually, babies and old men always seem to love me.  Not sure why, but I’ll take it!

From: Ashley Gordon – December 9, 2012 – 1:32 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Funny Story

Night feeding?  You mean night feedingS – with a big, fat “S” at the end.  Baby girl does not want to sleep.  She just eats and eats.  I will definitely take you up on your offer soon.

Greg’s mom slept over a few days ago and took the night feedings.  I was able to sleep.  But not just any sleep. 
Drool
sleep.

Keep driving safely and talk soon.

From: Renee Greene – December 9, 2012 – 1:45 PM

To: Ashley Gordon

Subject: Re: Funny Story

Drool sleep is the best!

From: Renee Greene – December 9, 2012 – 4:45 PM

To: PBCupLover

Subject: Payin’ at the Pump!

We’re getting punchy.  We just wrote a rap song about paying for our gasoline at the pump.  It’s called, “Payin’ at the Pump.”  I know.  Real original.  I think this road trip is starting to get to me.

I think Shelley is way “over” this road trip as well.  When I posed one of your questions of the day to her – what would she do if she won the lottery – she replied angrily, “Ditch this effing car and fly to Seattle.”

From: PBCupLover – December 9, 2012 – 4:53 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Payin’ at the Pump!

Rap song?  When will the video be hitting You Tube?  This I HAVE to see.

From: Renee Greene – December 9, 2012 – 4:54 PM

To: PBCupLover

Subject: Re: Payin’ at the Pump!

No video.   Trust me.  No one wants to see this homegirl belting out her horrific rap tune.

From: PBCupLover – December 9, 2012 – 4:55 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Payin’ at the Pump!

Yeah, I’ve heard you sing.  And I can’t imagine what your beat boxing sounds like on top of that!

From: Renee Greene – December 9, 2012 – 4:58 PM

To: PBCupLover

Subject: Re: Payin’ at the Pump!

Ouch!  That stings!  I thought you liked hearing me sing.

From: PBCupLover – December 9, 2012 – 4:59 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Payin’ at the Pump!

What about “Who sings this song?  Well, then let them!” do you not get?

From: Renee Greene – December 9, 2012 – 5:00 PM

To: PBCupLover

Subject: Re: Payin’ at the Pump!

I thought you were joking.  Hrmpf!  ;)  Well, I gotta go.  We’re switching drivers and it’s my turn behind the wheel.  Call you later.  XOXO

From: Renee Greene – December 9, 2012 – 10:52 PM

To: PBCupLover, Mark Finlay, Ashley Gordon, cassidy

Subject: Daily Digest – Installment 4

Exhausted!  Drove too long, too far, too late.  But we’re in Portland and ready for a fun day tomorrow.  Will detail it all.  Night night!

From: PBCupLover – December 10, 2012 – 8:28 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Not feeling clever

Exhausted here, too.  Up all night trying to balance some spreadsheets that weren’t computing properly.  ARGH!  Not feeling all that clever today, so here are a few quickie questions for you girls.  Have fun today in Portland.

1. If you could eliminate one thing you do each day in the bathroom, what would it be?
   
2. If you were to perform in the circus, what would you do?
   
3. If you could be a contestant on any game show, what would it be?
   
4. If you could cure any disease, what would it be?
   
5. If you had to eliminate one odor from the earth, what would you get rid of?
   

Not sure I want to know the answers to any of these, especially #5.

From: Renee Greene – December 10, 2012 – 9:52 AM

To: PBCupLover

Subject: This IS love!

I know it's really love for Shelly.  She just got pulled over for speeding outside of Portland and didn't even try to flirt her way out of a ticket.

From: PBCupLover – December 10, 2012 – 9:58 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: This IS love!

That sounds big.

From: Renee Greene – December 10, 2012 – 10:07 AM

To: PBCupLover

Subject: Re: This IS love!

Enormous!  One time, right after college, we were living in West LA.  She got pulled over on Mulholland around midnight going some insane speed around the canyon.  The officer walked up alongside her car.  She rolled down the window, cranked up the music and rocked out to the song while he stood there and waited.  When the song was over, she turned the radio down and calmly said, "Well, if you aren't going to ask me out, I figured my night was ruined.  I might as well enjoy one last song."

From: PBCupLover – December 10, 2012 – 10:09 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: This IS love!

And that worked?

From: Renee Greene – December 10, 2012 – 10:10 AM

To: PBCupLover

Subject: Re: This IS love!

Like a charm.

From: PBCupLover – December 10, 2012 – 10:11 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: This IS love!

She
is
charming.

From: Renee Greene – December 10, 2012 – 10:12 AM

To: PBCupLover

Subject: Re: This IS love!

The charmingest.

From: PBCupLover – December 10, 2012 – 10:13 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: This IS love!

Charmingest?

From: Renee Greene – December 10, 2012 – 10:15 AM

To: PBCupLover

Subject: Re: This IS love!

I know.  My grammar is not what is should be.  I'm tired of being in the car.

From: PBCupLover – December 10, 2012 – 10:17 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: This IS love!

Well, I'm tired of you being in the car, too.  Miss you, Babe.

From: Renee Greene – December 10, 2012 – 10:18 AM

To: PBCupLover

Subject: Re: This IS love!

Miss you, too.  XOXO

From: Renee Greene – December 10, 2012 – 6:49 PM

To: PBCupLover, Mark Finlay, Ashley Gordon, cassidy

Subject: Daily Digest – Installment 5

Today we made camp in Portland, Oregon.  Topping the list of hilarious attractions on the agenda was America’s largest hat museum with more than 1,000 hats.  The place was “brimming” with information.  Love the pun?  I dare you to top (hat) it.

Second stop of the day was the Bathtub Art Museum which shows all sorts of art in which bathtubs are depicted.  Sadly, there were many people on site who were super serious about bathtub art.  So much so, it was kind of creepy and made me want to take a shower (not a bath!) upon our return to the hotel.

Finally, we ended up at the
Freaky but True
Peculiarium and Museum, which is a mixture of all things bizarre.  Can’t wait to show you the photos of us posing with disemboweled aliens and a life-size Bigfoot, both of which reminded Shelley of past male conquests.  Don’t ask!

All in all, a GREAT day.  Tomorrow is our final destination – Seattle.

From: PBCupLover – December 10, 2012 – 7:02 PM

To: Renee Greene

Cc: Mark Finlay, Ashley Gordon, cassidy

Subject: Re: Daily Digest – Installment 5

I think you’re letting your pun prowess go straight to your head.  But it’s beanie a long time since we’ve had a pun off, and you know I find them simply cap-tivating.

From: Mark Finlay – December 10, 2012 – 8:27 PM

To: PBCupLover

Cc: Renee Greene, Ashley Gordon, cassidy

Subject: Re: Daily Digest – Installment 5

I’m bowl(er)ed over by your cleverness.

From: Ashley Gordon – December 11, 2012 – 2:25 AM

To: Mark Finlay

Cc: Renee Greene, PBCupLover, cassidy

Subject: Re: Daily Digest – Installment 5

I’m not very good at puns, and I’m in the midst of a middle of the night feeding, but here’s a hat joke…One hat says to the other, “You stay here, I’ll go on a head.”

From: PBCupLover – December 11, 2012 – 8:02 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Final questions

Here’s the last set.  I bet I know the answers to them all!  Enjoy your trip into Seattle.  Can’t wait to see you soon, Babe.

1. If you had to have a personal friend redecorate your house, who would you pick to do it?
   
2. If you could do any job in the world for one day, what would it be?
   
3. If you had to get a tattoo, where on your body would you get it and what would it be of?
   
4. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?
   
5. If time and effort wasn’t a consideration, what would you eat for breakfast?
   

From: Renee Greene – December 11, 2012 – 9:12 AM

To: PBCupLover

Subject: Re: Final questions

These are fantastic.  You are fantastic.  I miss you tons.  Thanks for helping to make this week so much fun.  And in case you wanted to check your answers against mine…

1. Ashley!  Otherwise, I’d have to hear her criticize why it looks crappy.
   
2. Sesame Street puppeteer!
   
3. The tiniest dot imaginable on the most hidden spot possible.  You know I have a strong aversion to pain.
   
4. Compel people to tell the truth, so I would know for certain whether you really think I can’t sing or are just teasing me.
   
5. A goat cheese and mushroom omelet, egg bread French toast with an avalanche of powdered sugar and fresh cantaloupe and honeydew melon.
   

Oooh.  I’m hungry!  We’re gonna run and get some breakfast now.  Call you later.