Authors: Evelyn Rosado
“Really what?” she asked. She said it so casually, like it was a cup of coffee she just poured.
I nodded towards the baggie of crystalized white powder in her hand. “That.” My voice echoed throughout the room, well above the muted bass.
“Shhhh. Be quiet.” She giggled and put her finger over her lips. “This? This is nothing. Try it. It won’t hurt.”
I shook my head. “I’m fine.”
“You always were a fucking goodie-goodie. You need to
live
a little.” She took her driver’s license and dipped it into the baggie. On the edge of it was powder about half the size of a dime. She put it up to her nostril and snorted, tilting her head back in ecstasy. She wiped her nose. “Damn. You’re missing out.” She laughed hard and took another snort. “More for me.”
“How long you been doing this?”
“You’re acting like I’m sticking a fucking needle in my arm or something? Everybody does this shit. People you won’t believe.” She snorted again; his time a bigger dab and a harder snort. Her eyes rolled in the back of her head. A dust of powder was left on her nose. “Not gonna fucking kill you.” She bobbed her tiny frame to the distant rhythm. “C’mon. Let’s party.” She pushed the stall door open and pulled me out; the same way she pulled me in.
Back at our table, Gabby went on as if nothing happened. She ordered drink after drink, but didn’t seem to get drunk at all.
“So Aunt Jennifer said you and Tyson finally got together.”
“Well, it kind of ended before it started.”
“You two seemed perfect for each other.” She pulled an orange pill bottle out of her purse. She looked around and put two purple square pills and popped them into her mouth. She chased it with the champagne. I scowled at her.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Jesus Christ, Tiny.” I folded my arms and thought about what happened to my cousin’s lost innocence.
“I don’t know who you are anymore?”
“I’m not the fifteen year old virgin who used to gossip with you about boys.”
“I’m not saying you have to be some schoolgirl…”
“The pills…the powder. That’s nothing. I got it under control.”
“This is just another side of you I’m not used to seeing.”
“I’ve been doing this longer than you know. Even before I left I was doing this.” I was miffed at how nonchalant she was about this. I nervously took a sip of my drink. The ice watered it down. “Remember Maria Escovedo’s quinceañera?” My eyes bugged out. “Me and Jason Hall snuck away to make out in the basement.”
“We were fourteen at the time.” I said shocked.
“He pulled out some stuff. Scared the shit out of me. The kid had a vacuum for nostrils. I tried some. I was hooked.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.”
“It’s nothing. It’s just like drinking ten cups of coffee at one time.” She laughed. I didn’t. “Look, don’t go acting all innocent on me. It’s just a front. I know how you are.” She sucked up another flute of champagne.
My phone buzzed. It was a text from Victor.
‘I miss you more than you’ll ever know,’
it read. I couldn’t hide the smile on my face. I tried to turn my head the other way but she saw me. I stuffed my phone in my purse.
“What was
that
face?” She darted around the table and sat next to me, extending her palm to me. “Let me see your phone.”
I shook my head in terror. She didn’t pull her hand back. I couldn’t hold out forever. She’d stall me out. Always did. I slammed the phone onto her hand.
“Mmmm. Victor,” she said smiling pushing button after button. “Sexy, mysterious name.” Then she paused, pondering something.
“You know you can’t keep anything from me.”
I tapped my stiletto against the floor. I bit my lip. She was right; I couldn’t keep anything from her. She gave me that look. The look she always gave me when she wanted me to spill the beans. “How did you know? No one knows about that.”
“Chandra. I saw her the other day at the gym.”
“I’m gonna kill her.”
“She just mentioned it in passing. I heard he’s got a little bit of money, too. Look at you making it to the big time.”
“We’re not serious.”
“That doesn’t sound like something casual. You know boys, you have to hold a gun to their head to admit shit like that.”
“It’s just sex between us.” Even I didn’t believe that.
“Please. That had the bubbling of love in it. Rich men are this girl’s best friend.” She pointed both of her thumbs at her chest. “I refuse to date anyone with a net worth less than a million.”
“Well you’re in the wrong city.”
“Please. There’s a few in this club right now. I look at their watch. I have an eye for this kind of thing.”
I laughed. “What are we going to do with you?”
***
“You smell like pure liquor,” he said curled up in bed.
“I’m sorry to wake you up,” I said kissing him on the forehead and kicking of my shoes. It was after two o’clock in the morning.
“I called you, but it went straight to voicemail.
“My phone died and I couldn’t find my car charger.”
“Are you coming to bed? I need you next to me.”
“In a minute. I’m going to take a shower. Feel free to jump in with me if you like.”
I went into the living room and plugged my phone to the charger. I powered my phone on and I had twelve missed calls, eight voicemails and sixteen text messages.
I swallowed hard. Somebody was either dead or rushed to the hospital.
I listened and read each one of the messages. Most of them were from mom. No one died or was hurt, but she saw the news. Most importantly, she saw
me
on the news. Smack dab in the middle of a gang of cameras and microphones walking down the street with Victor as we got coffee earlier that day. Scandal and all. I had some explaining to do.
“You’re shaming this family,” she said sounding hysterical on the last message. “How could you? This…man. He does all these things to women…and you’re with him! Arm in arm. And to think…you hid him from me. You’ve never hidden a man from me before. Deandre, Tyson, you told me about them the first week you met them. Now you don’t return my calls. Call me. Now. I want to meet him. Tomorrow. You’re gonna give me a heart attack. Is that what you want? Gonna give…” Then the allotted time lapsed on the message.
I’d call her in the morning.
After I got out of the shower I got in bed, but I couldn’t sleep. Things were happening all too fast.
I went to the living room. The walls felt like they were closing in. I curled up in the corner of the couch and scrolled through my phone and sighed.
I went to my contacts, but I stopped at Matt’s name. I felt bad about how I treated him the other day. My thumb pressed against his name. I took a couple of deep breaths.
He was my dad. And a girl needed her dad.
I was surprised he answered.
“Tiny,” he said with a gruff voice, mixed with surprise.
“Yeah,” I said, choking tears back. “I’m sorry to call so late. How are you?”
“Oh, don’t apologize. It’s okay. I was up. I couldn’t sleep. I’m well though.” He sounded genuinely surprised to see me. Like he didn’t expect to hear from me again after our last encounter. I happened to agree with him. It surprised me too. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I tried my best to sound as calm as possible.
“I honestly didn’t think I’d hear from you again. I was upset at how we left things.”
“Upset?”
“Not at you. At myself.”
“Why?” I knew the answer, but I asked anyway.
“This isn’t new for you. Me popping in and out of your life.” He sighed deeply. Something ruffled in the background. It sounded like he shifted in his seat. “I’ve caused you a lot of pain. Wounds can never heal if they keep getting opened. Coming in and out of your life and not making things right just makes it worse. And I apologize. That happened again the other day.”
“I’m ready to meet you halfway.”
“I saw you on the news tonight. With that guy. I wanted to call you, but after the other night, I didn’t think it would be right.”
“None of it’s true. He wouldn’t hurt anyone. They’re after his money. That’s all.”
“Just be careful. You’re smart. You don’t just throw your trust around to just anybody. That’s one thing I know about you.” I nodded. “Do you trust him?”
“I do.”
“And he trusts you?”
“Yes.”
“Then everything else doesn’t matter.”
“I appreciate that.”
“It’s not my place to give advice, but if you’re all in one hundred percent with him, then I support you one hundred percent.”
“Thank you.” I grabbed a blanket on the couch and pulled it over me.
“I’m getting sleepy.”
“Okay. I’ll let you go.”
“Can you stay on the phone with me? Until I fall asleep?”
“Anything for you.”
We didn’t say anything else to each other. The silence between us was all I needed.
“How do you feel about meeting my mom?” I asked Victor the next morning. “She saw us on the news and she needs answers.”
“Your mother?” His cleared his throat as if to catch himself.
“Forget I said anything.” He dashed over to me and nestled up to me on the couch.
“I’d love to meet her. I know it’s not under the most ideal circumstances.” He kissed my cheek. “But I want to meet her. I’d be honored to do so.” He kissed my forehead. “Just let me know what time.” He my kissed lips. “And I’ll be there.”
“My mom is kinda…”
“You don’t have to explain anything baby.”
“Perfect.” My voice trailed off. I thought about another person who I might want to be there.
“You don’t sound so anticipatory.” He grabbed my hand and stroked my thumb. “Is something else bothering you?”
“It’s Matt.” I swallowed hard. “I spoke with him again last night.” I looked down as Victor’s eyes studied my words intensely. “I’m thinking of asking him to join us tonight.”
“Listen, if you have the opportunity to mend things with him, you should do it. I’m not saying things would be back to where they were or if they’ll ever be. But you should at least give him a shot.” His voice was warm and understanding.
“And he’s always disappointed me.” The image of wax from a dozen candles melting on the icing of my birthday cake flashed in my head. I tried to suppress it, but I couldn’t. “I don’t think I could go through it again.”
“We all make mistakes. Some of us
keep
making them. Some of us make them with the people closest to us. But sometimes we don’t know it and wake up and realize the mistakes we make. Sometimes it’s too late.”
“That’s what scares me the most. I don’t hate him.”
“But you don’t love him either?”
I nodded. “That’s what scares me the most. I don’t feel anything for him.”
“You’re just existing. Knowing he’s out there. Having no emotion can be worse than hating someone.” I curled up next to him and rested my head on his shoulder. He put his arm around me. His warmth comforted me.
“God forbid if something happened to him, I’d never get to know him or what could have been.”
“Maybe the time is right.” He pressed his lips against my temple.
“Maybe.”
I pulled out my phone and called my mom to tell her Victor and I would be at her house at 6pm. I didn’t tell her I’d invite Matt too.
***
My mom was drunk – too drunk. She probably started drinking before noon. The last time that happened was when Frank Sinatra died. She didn’t even drink when Matt left.
I had a lot of explaining to do.
“This is a beautiful home you have here Miss Yancey,” Victor said as she let us in the front door.
“Mmm. Hmm.” She rolled her eyes at him. She took another sip of her brown beverage. It was probably scotch, whisky maybe.
“Mom,” I said trying to hide the look of disgust on my face, “don’t you think it’s kind of inappropriate to drink like this in front of a guest.” She closed the door behind us. It was interrogation time.
“Nonsense, Tiny,” she said, “it’s my house, I can do whatever the hell I want.” She stopped for a moment. “I ask the questions. And the main one I want to ask is…”
The doorbell rang.
Things were about to get real interesting. “I’ll get it I said.” It was Matt. He greeted me with a warm smile and a hug.
When my mom laid eyes on Matt, you could have said the devil himself walked in.
The glass nearly slipped from her hands. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” she said under her breath. Her voice abruptly rose from a murmur to a scowl. “How dare you bring this man in my house.”
“I invited him,” I said. “He has a right to be here.”
“You don’t pay bills here. You don’t have the right to say who comes into this house. Especially this…man.”
“Tiny, I should be going,” Matt said.
I grabbed his arm. “No, I want you here and you’re going to stay. We’re all adults here. Let us be civilized and behave like adults.”
“This man doesn’t have the right to call himself an adult after what he did. I could smell him from outside.”
I cleared my throat and placed my hand on Victor’s shoulder. “Victor, this is Matt…my father.” He stood up and shook Matt’s hand.
“Nice to meet you,” Matt said.
“Likewise,” Victor said. They both smiled at each other while my mom continued to frown and blow hot air and steam through her nostrils.
The tension filled small entrance to the kitchen.
“Okay,” my mom said, “since you all are going to act like I don’t even exist in my own house, let’s just cut to the chase.” She took another sip and her eyes fell upon Victor. “So is all this shit true?” Matt choked on his water and coughed repeatedly. Everyone except my mom had and uncomfortable uneasy look on their face. And Victor. He was calm and smiling slightly. He was used to being interrogated. I knew it was bound to be asked. He played along; I guess for the enjoyment. For me it was pure, unadulterated torture.
“Mom, please,” I placed my head in the palm of my hand, covering my face in shame.
“What? I’m not supposed to ask? There’s a pink elephant in the room and I’m supposed to sit here and talk about the weather and how the pot roast tastes? C’mon. You kidding me?”
I massaged my temples. “It’s okay, babe,” Victor said rubbing my arm.
“So, spill it,” mom said. She swirled her drink in her glass. The ice cubes clinked together; it was the only sound heard at the table.
“It’s not true. None of it,” Victor said. He sounded as confident as the first day I met him.
“Are you sure? Seems like every other damn day I turn on the news and another skank pops up saying you took their cookies from them.”
“Absolutely not true,” Victor said, still smiling.
“He has a huge target on his back,” I said interjecting.
Mom shot back at me. “Let the man speak for himself, Tiny.”
Matt had been quiet the entire time, but him fidgeting with the sleeve on his coat.
“Nothing you see or hear on TV is the truth. All of the women are lying. I could never do or have done things like that – to anyone.”
“Where there’s smoke there fire.” She said swirling her glass rigidly staring at Victor. She didn’t realize she was now trying to cut through the bone.
“I care about your daughter very much. And I’m committed to her.” He folded his fingers into mine. “I would never hurt her.”
“You just hurt
other
women?”
“Mom!” This was starting to get ridiculous.
“
Any
…woman. These are all lies. Unfortunately when you’re in the spotlight, all types of unsavory people want to take what you have. These women want money.”
“And when you give them the money and this blows over – what happens to my daughter? You’ll get bored with her and move on to your next conquest.”
“I’m grateful for Natasha coming into my life. I’ve never met anyone like her. She sees the real me. That’s rare with the women I used to meet. We have a connection. She’s strong. And I see where she gets it from.” I know my mom wouldn’t admit it, but I knew she enjoyed being charmed by him. “I don’t mind the questions. It shows you care about her well-being. That’s how I knew I made the right decision being with your daughter. Most women would have left me by now because of what’s transpiring. But she’s still by my side. And it’s not because of my money. We all know she doesn’t care about that. She cares about me. And that’s all that matters.”
My mom clapped her hands slowly and louder with each clap. “Incredible speech. Was that rehearsed?” Her words slurred slightly.
“Mom, I think you need to go lie down.”
“The hell I will. Tiny, I just can’t believe you wouldn’t tell me about this.”
“I was waiting for the right time.”
“Right time? How about whatever time before I see your face plastered all over the TV.” She shook her head. “Now you’re trapped up in this man’s problems. All he’s going to do is eat you up and spit you out and then go and buy another woman. What is he doing paying your rent?”
She was crossing the line.
“Marie, stop it,” Matt said. He’d finally had enough. “The man said it’s not true,” Matt said, banging his fist into his palm. “Take the man at his word.”
“Don’t you dare speak one word to me!” Her voice rattled me. Her face rushed with redness. “And then you bring him here. After all he’s done. You just waltz him in here like I’m supposed to be okay with it? Really? What are you trying to do give me a heart attack?”
My voice rose louder than it should’ve, but I didn’t care. Things were getting out of hand. “He has a right to be here.”
“The hell he does. He walked out on us and walks in here like he’s made up for it because you actually agreed to meet him. He actually thinks he’s doing something.” She glared dead between Matt’s eyes. “So what’s it been? Four, five years since you’ve seen your daughter?” She laughed mocking him. “He doesn’t deserve another chance. He’s not…a man. And never will be.”
“Marie, that’s enough,” Matt said. My mom looked shocked he used that tone of voice. “Tiny invited me here. It’s not under the best circumstances, but I’m here. She wanted me here and I wanted to be here. You don’t have to like me. I’ve done wrong. Plenty. But I’m trying, Marie. I’m really trying.”
“I’ve heard that before,” she said rolling her eyes.
“I’ve
said
it before,” he shot back. His eyes never left her face. “I’m going to be in her life. This is a big step. It’s asking a lot, but at least allow me the opportunity to try again.”
“You don’t have to ask her for anything,” I turned and said to him. “I’m a grown woman.” I faced my mom. Her gaze was directed to the window and the snowflakes falling outside.
She threw her hands up, nearly knocking a vase over. “This is insane. I have a daughter who’s dating a rapist and…you know what? Nevermind.” She slammed her drink onto the corner table in the hallway. “Do what you want.”
Matt looked at me. “Maybe it’s best I leave,” he said.
“Yes,” mom shouted. “As a matter of fact, I want everybody out. Now. My own damn house and no one tells me a damn thing.” Her voice trailed off as she stomped out of the room, stumbling along the way.
She slammed her bedroom door behind her.