Authors: Christopher Shields
“Including you?”
“Yes, including me, and I don’t want you to tell me what you’ve learned. I think it’s very important for you to keep each new ability a secret. Neither Sara nor I would purposely
endanger you, but it is best that neither of us know
s
what you
’
r
e
capable of
…
for the time being.”
He was angry again, and I didn’t need to read his mind to know why. Billy was thinking about Ozara. “I suspect you will make some remarkable discoveries.
Reflect
on those things, Maggie.”
He emphasized the word reflect, but I knew from his face that I had to figure out why.
“Billy, it may be none of my business, and you can tell me
to
shut up if you want, but I was wondering why you left the Seelie Clan
—t
he real reason.”
“Haven’t I told you enough?” His expression was gentle, a slight smile hid
ing
his perfect teeth, but there was a definite note of sadness in his voice.
“You’ve said plenty, and I’ll accept it if you say human nature was the only reason, but I think there’s something else. You always look so sad when you talk about this place.”
A subtle change marked his face—he seemed to drift away in thought for a moment.
“Follow me.”
***
With sunlight streaming through the leafless branches of the Weald’s ancient trees, Billy lead me back toward the cottage along game trails that cut through underbrush and hugged the narrow areas adjacent to the numerous worn and weathered bluffs. Unlike most of our walks together, I didnt have trouble keeping up, as Billy was in no particular hurry. He didn’t talk—I guessed he was busy arranging his thoughts.
Still walking at an uncharacteristic
al
ly casual pace, he cleared his throat.
“Toward the end of Willard O’Shea’s life, when he was too frail to keep up with the duties of being Steward
,
and before Lola’s training was complete, your family hired a local man to tend the gardens and make the improvements Lola desired. I met him that first day, all those mornings ago, down at the grotto where the elemental temple once stood.”
Billy wasn’t facing me, but I knew from his voice he was in pain. Each breath he took was more labored than normal, louder.
“He was preparing to disassemble the stonework, marking each piece so he’d know how to put them back together.” Billy laughed quietly. “He was whistling—that caught my attention. Nobody else on the Weald whistled except perhaps to call a dog back from the woods.
“Despite not missing a note in the tune, Patrick’s mind was busy working out how to move the structure without causing damage. His thoughts were sharp and clear—he was brilliant.”
Billy stopped walking when we came to a bluff face a quarter mile from the cottage. He leaned against a large slab of stone that had broken free from the rest of the bluff. It was a beautiful place nestled between two hills—I’d never been
there
before. Shaded from the midday sun, dormant moss clung to the surface of stone and tree alike.
“After a casual conversation or two, I was intrigued by him. He wasn’t an educated man, but he was wise beyond his twenty-five years. We became friends, and then…and then we became more.”
Words escaped me as I stared at him with my mouth open. Billy laughed.
“The cat has your tongue, I take it.”
“I…” was the only word I mutter
ed
.
“I know, it was the last thing you expected me to say. But now at least you know why I’ve been sympathetic about you and Gavin.”
“Did you love him? You know, the edict?”
Billy smiled, but his gray eyes held no secrets. They were
wet, and
full of emotion. He didn’t need to answer my question. I wanted to ease his pain—I needed to make him laugh.
“I never knew there were gay Fae.”
He shook his head grinning from ear to ear. “Surely Gavin told you that we have no gender in our natural form?”
“Yes, he told me that.”
“I’ll tell you something else that too many of your kind conveniently ignore: in it’s truest form, love doesn’t either.”
“Do the Fae share human biases?”
“We have our own biases. The Fae could care less about gender
. T
hey do
,
however, care a great deal about species—as you know.”
“Did Ozara know about you and Patrick?”
“She tried to know—it was an excrutiating experience. Aether is a powerful truth s
e
rum, but it isn’t perfect.”
Sara hadn’t told me that it was possible
to
resist Ozara, so my interest was piqued. “You can resist?”
“It’s unwise to resist and more foolish to deceive, but yes, it is possible to hide the truth. That’s precisely what I did—what I tried to do to protect us both.”
“What happened to Patrick?”
Pain returned to Billy’s sculpted face and his cheeks flushed.
“He died. Here. Crushed.” There was a bitterness in his voice that I hadn’t heard before. It chilled me to the core.
“I’m so sorry.”
He nodded
,
acknowle
d
ging my apology.
Somewhere, buried deep in my memory, it clicked. The conversation I had with Aunt May back in the gazebo flashed in my mind—she’d told me this story the day I learned about the trials.
“The Unseelie?”
“No, not the Unseelie,” he seethed.
“Who? Humans?” I whispered.
Billy was enraged. The area around us grew warmer. If I closed my eyes, I would have guessed it was the middle of August, not the beginning of March. It reminded me of Gavin in the meadow after the Fire trial: Billy was so angry he was putting off heat.
“It was only a matter of time before Ozara and the others discovered that Patrick and I were involved. Though I denied everything, they could read the emotion and see the images in Patrick’s mind. If only he had your talent.”
Billy looked up at me. “Ozara sensed the danger. After she finished questioning me
,
and was satisfied that I’d not yet crossed the threshold, the situation cooled down for another month. She had Willard fire Patrick and order him off the Weald—a protective measure
,
she said.
”
The pain in his voice was grew as he recounted the story.
“Then I made the ultimate mistake. Patrick snuck onto the Weald and found me. I tried to tell him that it was too dangerous for him to be here, that I wanted to call it off, but he assumed that I was just afraid of being discovered. He was blindly putting himself in jeopardy.”
“Oh my god, you told him didn’t you?”
Billy winced. He clearly still regretted the decision. “I told him, showed him even, hoping that learning about us would be enough to persuade him to leave. I was only trying to protect him, but I was a fool. I could read the emotion each time he looked at me and knew he’d never simply leave,
but
the truth is, I didn’t want him to. I tried to figure out a way, any way, for the two of us to be together safely. While I searched for a solution, I made him promise me that he’d leave the Weald and not come back, and in return I promised to find him.”
“He didn’t stay away, did he?”
“No, I hadn’t told him enough about us. I hadn’t scared him enough. So he returned looking for me
. H
e w
a
ndered down the same trail we just walked and they found him here. When Ozara saw in his mind that he knew what we were, she killed him.” Billy’s voice cracked.
“I’m so sorry, Billy.”
My lower lip was trembling and I’d already start
ed
wiping tears.
“Yes, so am I.”
“How are you able to cope with the pain?”
“I believe the appropriate human term is denial. This is the first time in eighty-three years I’ve spoken about what happened, and you’re the first to know everything. Even now
,
it doesn’t seem real.” Billy slumped forward and his shoulders heaved. “The pain is terrifying—it festers each day, growing stronger
,
more difficult to control.”
“From what Gavin said, it’s remarkable you have it under control at all.”
“I’m not in control of it, Maggie. It controls me completely.”
He looked up at me, his tears evaporating as soon as they touched his cheeks.
“Is there anything I can do?”
His face softened and he quietly laughed. “You give me hope, Maggie. I don’t need anything else from you. What I told you the day we met was the truth. Mankind has failed the Seelie, failed the world, failed itself—failed so miserably that I considered joining Zarkus for a while. Then Maggie O’Shea w
a
ndered over to Vada’s pen and changed everything. The free-thinking, courageous, and exasperating Steward of the Weald. Just when I’d stopped looking for it, you forced me to see the good in humanity once again. I knew it was there—I’ve always known. I simply didn’t want to see it.”
He shook his head.
“If only you were right about humans, if only Sara was right. The elusive human soul. You know
,
I once believed as she does, that there was more to people than a tragically short existence.”
Billy’s voice crescendoed until he was yelling. “I spent eighty years searching for it—some trace of what Patrick once was. Here, where he’s buried, where he lived, and from time to time I’ve even lingered in the room where he was born. If I could be in his presence in any way, sense him even for a moment, I know it would be easier to go on.”
“Go on?” The words scared me.
He smiled and began to calm down—it was growing cooler again and he spoke at a loud whisper. “Maggie, I don’t want you to worry about that. I’ve made you a promise, remember. I’ll be here as long as you’re here.”
A lump formed in my throat. “Billy, what do you mean to do?”
In a whisper that was barely audible, he said, “Nothing you need to be concerned about.”
“That’s not an answer,” I said angrily.
“No, it isn’t
,
I suppose.”
He laughed and it ma
d
e me uneasy. “Well, why not tell you? I’ve told you everything else. I mean to avenge Patrick, or die trying.”
His words frightened me. If he tried to challenge Ozara
,
he’d die—I knew it and he did
,
too. I couldn’t imagine a world without Billy in it. “No! You can’t mean that! Suicide is never the answer!” I protested.
Billy began laughing.
“Why are you laughing at me?”
“Suicide?”
“Well, that’s what it means…”
He waved his hands and cut me off. “Maggie, I said I’d avenge Patrick or die trying. To be honest, I
’d
rather avoid obliteration, but I realize that might happen. I never said anything about suicide.”
“Okay, fair enough, you didn’t. But doesn’t the loss of a significant other drive the Fae crazy?”
“Yes, usually, or at least that is what the eldest among us have said. I won’t pretend that losing Patrick has been anything short of the most searing pain I’ve ever experienced, and I won’t deny that I have a desire to bring suffering to all those responsible
, b
ut I’ve managed to keep from raining fire down on cities for over eighty years. Yes, his death was horrific and my anguish hasn’t abated, but I suspect the stories of grief-crazed Fae have more to do with Fae bigotry regarding cross-species pairing than they have to do with any real danger.”