I nodded again for her to continue. “Reneau said the problem starts in our early family. Because of the energy competition there, none of us were able to complete an important psychological process. We weren’t able to integrate our opposite sexual side.”
“Our what?”
“In my case,” she continued. “I wasn’t able to integrate my male side. In your case you weren’t able to integrate your female side. The reason we can become addicted to someone of the opposite sex is that we’ve yet to access this opposite sex energy ourselves. You see, the mystical energy that we can tap as an inner source is both male and female. We can eventually open up to it, but when we first begin to evolve, we have to be careful. The integration process takes some time. If we connect prematurely with a human source for our female or male energy, we block the universal supply.”
I told her I didn’t understand.
“Think of how this integration is supposed to work in an ideal family,” she explained, “and then perhaps you can see what I mean. In any family, the child must first receive energy from the adults in his life. Usually, identifying with and integrating the energy of the same-sexed parent is accomplished easily, but receiving energy from the other parent can be more difficult because of the differences in the sexes.
“Let’s use a female child as an example. All the little girl knows as she first attempts to integrate her male side is that she is extremely attracted to her father. She wants him around and close to her all the time. The Manuscript explains that what she really wants is male energy—because this male energy complements her female side. From this male energy she receives a sense of completion and euphoria. But she mistakenly thinks that the only way to have this energy is by sexually possessing her father and keeping him close physically.
“Interestingly, because she intuits that this energy is really supposed to be her own and that she should be able to command this energy at will, she wants to direct the father as if he were that part of herself. She thinks he is magical and perfect and able to supply her every whim. In a less than ideal family, this sets up a power conflict between the little girl and her dad. Dramas are formed as she learns to posture herself in order to manipulate him into giving her the energy she desires.
“But in an ideal family, the father would remain uncompetitive. He would continue to relate honestly and have enough energy so as to supply her unconditionally even though he can’t do everything she asks. The important thing to know here, in our ideal example, is that the father would remain open and communicative. She thinks he is ideal and magical but if he honestly explains who he is and what he is doing and why, then the little girl can integrate his particular style and abilities and proceed past an unrealistic view of her father. In the end she will see him as just a particular human being, a human being with his own talents and faults. Once this true emulation takes place, then the child makes an easy transition from receiving her opposite-sex energy from her father to receiving it as part of the overall energy existing in the universe at large.
“The problem,” she went on, “is that most parents, up to now, have been competing with their own children for energy, and that has affected all of us. Because this competition was taking place, none of us have quite resolved this opposite-sex issue. We’re all stuck at the stage where we are still looking for our opposite-sex energy outside of ourselves, in the person of a male or female we can think of as ideal and magical and can possess sexually. See the problem?”
“Yes,” I said. “I think I do.”
“In terms of our ability to evolve consciously,” she continued, “we are faced with a critical situation. As I said before, according to the Eighth Insight, when we first begin to evolve, we automatically begin to receive our opposite-sex energy. It comes in naturally from the energy in the universe. But we must be careful, because if another person comes along who offers this energy directly we can cut ourselves off from the true source… and regress.” She chuckled to herself.
“What are you laughing at?” I asked.
“Reneau once made this analogy,” she said. “He said that until we learn how to avoid this situation, we are walking around like a circle half complete. You know, we look like the letter C. We are very susceptible to a person of the opposite sex, some other circle half complete, coming up and joining with us—completing the circle that way—and giving us a burst of euphoria and energy that feels like the wholeness that a full connection with the universe produces. In reality, we have only joined up with another person who is looking for their other half on the outside too.
“Reneau said that this is a classical co-dependent relationship and that it has built-in problems that begin to arise immediately.”
She hesitated, as though she expected me to say something. But I only nodded.
“You see, the problem with this completed person, this O, that both people think they have reached, is that it has taken two people to make this one whole person, one supplying the female energy and one supplying the male. This one whole person consequently has two heads, or egos. Both people want to run this whole person they have created and so, just as in childhood, both people want to command the other, as if the other were themselves. This kind of illusion of completeness always breaks down into a power struggle. In the end, each person must take the other for granted and even invalidate them so that they can lead this whole self in the direction they want to go. But of course that doesn’t work, at least not any more. Perhaps in the past, one of the partners was willing to submit themselves to the other—usually the woman, sometimes the man. But we are waking up now. No one wants to be subservient to anyone else any longer.”
I thought of what the First Insight had conveyed about power struggles within intimate relationships, and of the woman’s outburst at the restaurant with Charlene. “So much for romance,” I said.
“Oh, we can still have romance.” Karla replied. “But first we have to complete the circle on our own. We have to stabilize our channel with the universe. That takes time, but afterward we are never susceptible to this problem again and we can have what the Manuscript calls a higher-relationship. When we connect romantically with another whole person after that, we create a super-person…but it never pulls us from the path of our individual evolution.”
“Which is what you think Marjorie and I are doing to each other now, isn’t it? Pulling ourselves off our paths?”
“Yes.”
“So how do we avoid these encounters?” I asked.
“By resisting the ‘love at first sight’ feeling for a while, by learning to have platonic relationships with members of the opposite sex. But remember the process. You must have these relationships only with people who will reveal themselves totally, telling you how and why they are doing what they are doing—just as this would have happened with the opposite-sexed parent during an ideal childhood. By understanding who these opposite-sexed friends really are on the inside, one breaks past one’s own fantasy projection about that gender, and that releases us to connect again with the universe.
“Remember, also,” she continued, “that this is not easy, especially if one has to break away from a current co-dependent relationship. It is a real pulling apart of energy. It hurts. But it must be done. Co-dependence is not some new malady some of us have. We’re all co-dependent, and we’re all growing out of it now.
“The idea is to begin to experience that sense of well-being and euphoria experienced in the first moment of a co-dependent relationship when you are alone. You get to have him or her on the inside. After that, you evolve forward and can find that special romantic relationship that really fits you.”
She paused. “And who knows, if both you and Marjorie evolve further, perhaps you will find that you truly belong with each other. But understand: your relationship with her has no way of working now.”
Our conversation was interrupted as Hinton walked over and explained that he was retiring for the night, and that our rooms had been prepared. We both expressed our appreciation for his hospitality, and as he walked away, Karla said, “I think I’m going to bed also. We’ll talk later.”
I nodded and watched her as she left. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Julia.
“I’m going to my room,” she said. “Do you know where yours is? I can show you.”
“Please,” I said, then asked, “Where is Marjorie’s room?”
She smiled as we walked down the hall and stopped in front of a particular door. “Nowhere near yours,” she said. “Mr. Hinton is a very conservative man.”
I smiled back and bid her good night, then entered my room and held my stomach until I went to sleep.
I awoke to the smell of rich coffee. The aroma permeated the entire house. After I dressed, I walked into the den. An older male houseworker offered me a glass of fresh grape juice which I accepted.
“Good morning,” Julia said from behind me.
I turned around. “Good morning.”
She looked at me intensely, then asked, “Have you discovered yet why we’ve run into each other again?”
“No,” I said, “I haven’t been able to think about it. I’ve been trying to understand addictions.”
“Yes,” she replied. “I saw.”
“What do you mean?”
“I could tell what was happening by the way your energy field looked.”
“How did it look?” I asked.
“Your energy was connected to Marjorie’s. When you were sitting here and she was in the other room, your field stretched all the way in there and attached to hers.”
I shook my head.
She smiled and put her hand on my shoulder. “You had lost your connection with the universe. You had become addicted to Marjorie’s energy as a substitute. It is the same way with all addictions—one goes through someone or something else to connect with the universe. The way to deal with this is to get your energy up and then center yourself again in what you are really doing here.”
I nodded and walked outside. She waited in the den. For about ten minutes I practiced the method of building energy that Sanchez had taught me. Gradually the beauty returned and I felt much lighter. I returned to the house. “You look better,” Julia said.
“I feel better,” I replied.
“So what are-your questions at this point?”
I thought for a minute. I had found Marjorie. That question had been answered. But I still wanted to find out where Wil was. And I still wanted to understand how people would be acting toward each other if they follow this Manuscript. If the Manuscript’s effect was positive, why would Sebastian and the other priests be worried?
I looked at Julia. “I need to grasp the rest of the Eighth Insight and I still want to find Wil. Maybe he has the Ninth.”
“I’m going to Iquitos tomorrow,” she said. “Would you like to go?”
I hesitated.
“I think Wil is there,” she added.
“How do you know?
“Because of the thoughts I had about him last night.”
I said nothing.
“I had thoughts of you, too,” Julia continued. “Of both of us going to Iquitos. You’re involved in this somehow.”
“Involved in what?” I asked.
She grinned. “In finding this last insight before Sebastian does.”
As she spoke, the image came to my mind of Julia and me arriving at Iquitos, but then deciding to go in separate directions for some reason. I felt I had a purpose but it was unclear.
I focused again on Julia. She was smiling.
“Where were you?” she asked.
“Sorry,” I said. “I was thinking about something.”
“Was it important?”
“I don’t know. I was thinking that once we get to Iquitos…that we would go in two different directions.”
Rolando came into the room.
“I brought the supplies you wanted,” he said to Julia. He recognized me and nodded politely.
“Good, thank you,” Julia replied. “Did you see many soldiers?”
“No, I did not see any,” he said.
Marjorie walked into the room then and distracted me but I could hear Julia explaining to Rolando that she thought Marjorie wanted to go with him to Brazil, where she would arrange passage back to the States.
I went over to Marjorie. “How did you sleep?” I asked.
She looked at me as though deciding whether to remain angry. “Not very well,” she said.
I nodded toward Rolando. “He is Julia’s friend. He is leaving this morning for Brazil. From there he will help you get back to the States.”
She appeared frightened.
“Look, you’re going to be okay,” I said. “They’ve helped other Americans. They know people at the American Embassy in Brazil. In no time you will be home.”
She nodded. “I’m worried about you.”
“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry. As soon as I get back to the U.S., I’ll call you.”
From behind me, Hinton announced that breakfast was being served. We walked into the dining room and ate. Afterward, Julia and Rolando seemed to be in a hurry. Julia explained that it was important for Rolando and Marjorie to get across the border before dark and the journey would take all day.
Marjorie packed some clothes that Hinton had given her, and later, while Julia and Rolando were talking by the door, I pulled Marjorie to the side.
“Don’t worry about anything,” I said. “Just keep your eyes open and perhaps you’ll see the other insights.”
She smiled but said nothing. I watched with Julia as Rolando helped her load her things into his small car. Her eyes met mine briefly as they drove away.
“Do you think they will get through all right?” I asked Julia.
She looked at me and winked. “Of course. And now, we had better go, as well. I have some clothes for you.” She handed me a satchel of clothes and we loaded these and several boxes of foodstuff into the pick-up truck. We then said good-bye to Hinton and Karla and Mareta, and drove northeast toward Iquitos.
As we traveled, the landscape grew even more jungle-like and we saw very few signs of people. I began thinking of the Eighth Insight. Clearly it was a new understanding of how to treat others, but I didn’t understand it completely. Karla had told me of the way one should treat children and the dangers of an addiction to a person. But both Pablo and Karla had alluded to a way to consciously project energy onto others. What was this about?