The Broken Girl (Lonely Girl Book 2) (6 page)

“As long as you’re safe then I am saved, Becca.”

* * *

The last three days that I’ve spent with Jake, I’ve seen Sarah in the halls going to see Keegan but I haven’t gone to see him. Sarah hasn’t come to see Jake again. It’s probably because now that he’s awake, he’d tell her to get out. Drake and Charlotte have been attached at the hip and have been here every night. Alec hasn’t really said much to me but he is continuously staring at me all the time. I feel like he wants to say something but doesn’t. He has been spending a lot of time with Keegan and I think that guilt is bothering him because he feels torn. Jake is getting to go home in a few more days and he is adamant that he goes where I do. My brother hasn’t asked where I’m going but I can’t live with Keegan and see him falling into Sarah’s games.

“Becca, can I talk to you?” I turn from Jake, looking to Alec with a puzzled look. I look to Jake silently asking if he told my brother about the note but he just shakes his head. “I don’t think this is the right time, Alec?” Drake seems to know that whatever is about to happen, I’m not going to like. I can’t just not talk to my brother. “Sure, I’ll be right back.” With that, I turn from Jake. As I walk, his hand slides out of my fingers and I hate the lack of our touch. Once we get out into the hall I expect him to talk to me, but he just puts his arm around me and leads me further away from Jake’s room.
“Becca, I know you don’t want to hear this but we have to talk. It’s about Keegan. I’ve asked him to move out…” My heart plummets and I take a step back.
Keegan has lost so much and now he’s losing his home although it’s not like he remembers the house. “
And, well, he’s agreed.” The sting still hurts from knowing I won’t see Keegan around anymore. “I’d like you to consider living with me, but if you don’t want to, that’s fine. But your room will still be there for you. Keegan is moving into his own place in the apartments across the street from our house, and not with Sarah.” I can tell he’s added the last part for my benefit but it doesn’t lessen the blow.

“
Keegan’s is being released today.” I don’t look at my brother but continue to look out the window. I’ve now found out that it gives me an escape from all this. “Becca…” I knew he was going to be released. I just hoped he’d get his memory back first. “Becca... He’s asking to see you.” Hearing that, my eyes snap from the window to my brother’s face. I can tell immediately that he’s not asking because he remembers me. “I don’t think I can do that, Alec, Why does it matter anyway? It’s not like he knows me. He just has some misplaced guilt about everything that’s happened. He feels he needs to see me and say words I don’t want to hear. Just tell him that it’s fine and I’m fine. Everything is fine, okay?”

I hear my brother make a sound that almost comes off like a growl and I see that he’s furious to my response to him.
Oops!
“REBECCA POTTS, you are going in there and you’re going to let him say what he needs to. That’s Keegan in there not some nobody! He has been there for you and you damn well are going to be there for him in whatever capacity he needs. He… God, Becca, he needs you even if he can’t remember. I know I have no right to ask this of you or to involve myself but I can’t help it. I need you to wait. Don’t move on with Jake yet. Please just give Keegan more time. If he wakes up from all this and realizes that he’s lost you, I don’t know what will happen.”
“He loves you and I know you love him. I know you love Jake too, so just wait. I know Jake will wait because, just like Keegan would, he wants you to make the best decision for yourself. They both want you to be happy and they are both willing to settle with just being friends to have you in their lives. Just be Keegan’s friend, that’s what he needs right now.” I shake my head, feeling the weight of tears in my eyes.

“He doesn’t need my friendship. He doesn’t
remember me.” I feel my brother’s fingers swipe away the tears that have now started to fall down my cheeks. “Becca, he might not remember you but he feels the loss of your presence. It’s time to show him that what he feels he’s missing isn’t gone. It is just broken and it can be repaired, I promise.”

“You should be able to wait and let things happen naturally. Don’t rush into things with Jake. I will support whatever makes you happy. But remember that if you go there with Jake, you risk losing your friendship. So make sure when you make a choice that you are making the right and final one.” I feel like my brother has shamed me and I want to hate him for getting involved, but I can’t. Keegan is his best friend and I wouldn’t expect any less from him. He’s not wrong. I do love Keegan, but I love Jake too. It’s always been Jake I ran too. But... does that mean that it’s more love than the feelings I have for Keegan?  “If you really love Keegan, you should be able to remember that love for the both of you, Becca.” My eyes are wandering around, looking for any escape from these overwhelming emotions.

“Because if you were in Keegan’s spot, he’d never give up on his love for you.”

Keegan

When I asked Alec to see his sister, I see hope in his eyes. At least until I say that I just want to talk to Bec alone. For someone reason, I just can’t adjust to calling her Becca. I knew her as Bec, so that’s just how it’s stayed in my head. “Sure, man.” I know he doesn’t want to bring her to me. He’d probably rather punch me in the head.
Hey, there’s a thought. Maybe it will bring back my memory.
When he left, I felt my chest tighten, with what feels like fear, about what she’s going to say to me.
What the hell is wrong with my dumb ass? I’ve never felt shit like this before, not even with Sarah.
That scares the shit out of me even more because I wish I could remember her. And why do I feel this constant panic without her around? I get up to put all my stuff in the corner, and wait. “Hey, dude, I just wanted to find out when you want me to take you to your place.” Drake hasn’t said much, but to give the man credit, I haven’t been up to much talking.
“I’ll be ready soon… I’m waiting to talk to Bec.” I see Drake tense and I’m surprised as shit by his reaction. “BECCA. Her name is Becca.” I don’t need to justify my shit to him. “Always be Bec to me and I don’t think she needs another dick trying to get to her, eh, man?” Before I can regret what I’ve said I am pushed up against the wall of my hospital room. “Becca will always be Becca. Just cause your brain is having a shit time doesn’t mean you will treat her like an option, man. I won’t let it and if Potts heard that shit you just spewed out of that dumbass mouth of yours, you’d be sporting a fat lip. I don’t think it’s a good idea, man. Just let her go with some of her heart left intact, man.” I move out of his grasp and try to comprehend his words. “What if I can’t let her go though?”
“Ah, Key, I can’t tell you what to do, man, but this whole thing is just messed up. Becca is barely keeping it together; Jake is doing well and will be heading home soon. Before you get your shit out of joint, they aren’t together because, unlike that tramp you are fucking with, Becca doesn’t move on like a hooker looking for her next fix. So remember that shit when you wake up and have put her through hell with all this Sarah shit. If you break her, I will break you, and don’t doubt that. Text me when you’re done and you better leave her in the same condition or better than what she came to you in.” With that, he stomps out, leaving me reeling from his rant.

I’m still trying to get my shit together when I hear a soft knock at the door and Bec peeks her timid face in. “Can I come in, Keegan?” She’s beautiful, and not just in an
‘I want her way.’ She’s so beautiful, it should be damn well illegal. Wars would be fought over this beauty.
I’d fight till my death for her.
Whoa! Where in the ever loving hell did that come from? “Thanks for coming, Bec. I wanted to talk to you, if that is alright?” She nods and all I see is this gorgeous creature looking at me. Her eyes are the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen; the only way to describe them is that they are crystal blue. You can see so much of what she is feeling by her eyes and she wants to be anywhere but here with me. I feel a pain in my heart as I realize I’ve caused her this feeling. She has this long blonde hair that has different shades in it now that she’s fully under the light. Her body… Well, I know what I want to do to it and it’s nothing I’m ashamed of. Shit, how could I have not gone there with her? If I did, how come I can’t remember? In this florescent light, no one is supposed to look this damn beautiful. She goes to open her mouth to talk but all I see are her lips, pink and perfect, just like the rest of her.
I have to kiss her.

“Keegan?”
Ah, shit, she was saying something and I was too busy looking at her lips to actually listen.
“You wanted to see me?” I don’t know what I’ve done to her to make her this way. I have this feeling that I should be the only one feeling timid and embarrassed, as if I’ve harmed her in some way. “Yeah, Bec, let’s sit and talk. Is that going to be alright?” She nods and I walk over to the bed and pat the bottom of it for her to come sit beside me. She follows, but is hesitant. She sits but doesn’t look me in the eyes and I want to reach out to her, but I fear her damn rejection. Against my better judgment, I bring my hand up and lay it on top of hers. I feel her eyes linger on the spot where my hand is but I can barely keep my breath in check. Touching her damn well knocked the wind out of me.

“Keegan, are you okay?” she finally asks.

Great. I probably look like a damn stalker with how I’m staring at her. Get your shit together, Key!
“Yup, I’m fine. I wanted to talk to you about everything… I just…” She interrupts me and I want to be mad, but the sound of her voice makes everything else go away. At least until I actually hear the words coming out of her mouth and then I begin to panic.

“Keegan, it’s fine. You’re with Sarah or something. I understand you don’t remember me; we can still be friends, of course. That is, if you still want to be my friend.” I don’t know what’s going on but my
heart and body aren’t listening to my head.

I grab her by the sides of her face and crash my lips against her. She tastes so damn sweet. God, she’s perfect. I hear her moan lightly against my lips and I swear that’s the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard. I crave it and want more of it. I take my chance and deepen the kiss, tracing my tongue along her bottom lip until she gives me access to her mouth. I dive in and claim what’s mine.
What the hell? What’s mine?
I feel her start to pull away but I don’t let her. I slip my arm around her back trying to give her everything I’ve got so that all this messed up shit doesn’t mean that I don’t get to see her again.

“Keegan…”

I feel her hands on my chest and I pull away. Her lips are shining and I want to immediately dive back in.
Damn, this girl is addictive.

Deep down, I know all this shit is going to come crashing down. Shit never goes right with me and I will end up screwing it all up. I have a feeling I’ve done something before the accident to already make me lose this beauty that’s sitting here not even understand how goddamn beautiful she is. “God, I wish I could remember you.” I see a tear coming down her cheek and I wipe it away. “I wish I could give you what you want and it’s killing me that I can’t.” No truer words have ever been spoken. I want her. I want everything with her but I just know I won’t get it.

“Me too. Keegan. Me too.” 

I can’t be who she wants and needs. I’m not that guy. I might have been before the accident, but whatever changed me to deserve this girl isn’t around anymore. I’m not that guy. I wish I were because it’s hard not to love her even though I don’t remember her.
“Please don’t leave and stay away from me. I need you, and I want to remember, but if it doesn’t happen.. I still want to have you in my life anyways. I think it’s important. Please tell me you will stay.”
I’m such a selfish prick.

“Keegan, I will always be in your life.” I feel my heart pick up but just like that, it comes crashing down again. She utters the words I dread hearing. “I’ll always be your friend.”

We talked about a few things, like me moving. She said she’d help and pack up what stuff is still left there and what is in her room of mine. I really want to ask her to let me go to her room but that will lead to no good and is not fair to her. I can’t give her everything she wants, no matter how much I want to. I can tell this space between us is killing her like it is me. She’s going to leave. I can feel it before she even says it.

“I have to get back, but I will call you, okay? My number is in your phone if you need anything, Keegan. Just call me.”

I nod and as she steps to the door, I feel the panic. I then ask the one thing I’m dying to know.

“Bec, wait!” She turns and I see that it hurts to hear me call her that too but I just can’t manage to call her Becca. It doesn’t feel right. “What did I do? I did something to you before the accident?”

She shakes her head and goes to leave. “It’s not important anymore, Keegan.” I get up and grab her hand, pulling her back from the door.

“Please just tell me…how am I supposed to deal with all this if I don’t know?” She looks so damn torn. I feel bad for this because it’s obviously hurting her to rehash these memories.

“You called me Sarah.” I drop my hand from hers
and my whole body goes numb.
Okay, I get it, not cool but not the ending of the world unless?