The Breeders (8 page)

This is all my fault. I led his killer right to him.

As we approach, Ethan begins to shake. I stop and put my hands on his shoulders. “You don’t have to do this,” I say, looking into his eyes. “I can bury him myself.” Can I? I’m not even sure I can take another step.

He shakes his head and wipes at the tears that trickle into the dust on his red cheeks. “He’s my dad. I need to bury him.”

Today, my brother becomes a man, though I would trade all I had in the world to keep him a boy.

We arrange Arn’s body so it looks like he’s sleeping. It gives me some comfort to see him lying back, eyes closed, arms over his chest, like he’s fallen asleep in the shade. We get shovels and spend the rest of the day pouring our pain into the dirt. We bury Arn as the red sunset bleeds out across the horizon. Neither one of us cries. The grief is too big for tears.

* * *

The next days are a fog. I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. Ethan pushes food at me that he’s brought up from the cellar. The opened cans go uneaten. I close my eyes and my dreams are splashed with horrors. I open them and the horrors are the same, except awake I can feel pain.

When I’m awake, the guilt eats at my insides like acid. All of this is my fault. I went into town and pissed off the Warden. I led them back to our house. It doesn’t matter that I rescued Arn. He’d have been better off in jail than under six feet of dirt. And now my mama and Auntie are gone. They are likely dead or wishing they were. And Ethan? I get to watch him starve to death. When he brings me the meals that I keep refusing, I can’t look him in the face.

The only time I feel alive is when I think about revenge. I think of hurting the motherless bastards who did this. But mostly I think of Clay. I picture myself standing over his crumpled body and aiming my gun at his chest. I thought he was a good guy. He was just setting me up so they could follow me home and take everything. Why Ethan and I are still alive is a mystery, but I assume it’s a minor setback. He’ll be back to finish the job, and when he does, my hunting knife will find its last victim.

That night I have another nightmare. My mother cries in the distance. I run through the desert looking for her when something shakes me.

“Ri, wake up.”

I swim up out of the nightmare and open my eyes.

Ethan’s gaunt face hovers a foot from mine. His black hair hangs lank on either side. Seeing him like this brings the stab of pain to my chest. I roll away and face the wall.

“Let me sleep.”

He shakes me again. “Someone’s here.”

I sit up, heart pumping. “Who’s here?” I grab my hunting knife. When I stand, the room spins. God, I’m weak. I shake the dizziness away and let anger wake up my limbs. I stalk to the front room.

An engine grumbles outside. I blow through the front door and stride onto the porch. At my feet is a package wrapped in white paper. On the road I spot a leather-clad biker on a black motorcycle. The helmet’s face shield is down so I can’t tell who’s out there. The biker watches as I pick up the package.

There’s charcoal scrawl on the white paper.
A peace offering—Clay

I drop the package, jump off the porch and run toward the motorcycle. The sand sears the bottoms of my feet as I tear toward the bike, but I barely feel it. I sprint with my hunting knife gripped in my fist. He watches for a moment, revs the engine and takes off. By the time I hit the road, he’s a cloud of dust in the distance. I pick up rocks and chuck them after him.

“Come back and I’ll kill you!”

He’s gone. All I can do is choke on the dust.

My adrenaline spent, my legs barely carry me back to the house. Splotches of light dance in my vision. I mount the porch and kick Clay’s package into the dirt. Then I stumble up the remaining steps, slump onto the couch and pass out.

The sound of sizzling wakes me. The delicious aroma of cooking meat sends my stomach twisting. My mama cooking bacon? Then I remember.

I drag my useless body into the kitchen. Ethan’s at the stove tending whatever’s smelling so wonderful. I walk over to him and see two prime cuts of beef sizzling on the skillet.

“Where’d you get that?”

A smile forms on his face. “From the package. Who’s Clay?”

I recoil. “We can’t eat those!”

“Why not?”

“They might be poisoned.” I grab the nearest fork and stab the delicious steaks. Warm red juice drips down my hand as I open the belly of the stove. I toss the steaks into the fire.

Ethan cries, “Stop! What are you doing?”

I slam the stove shut and stand in front of it. “Clay’s a monster.” I look Ethan hard in the eye. “He killed Arn. We can’t trust him.”

We watch through the slats in the stove door as the steaks crinkle in the fire. The delicious aroma turns to a charred stink. Ethan bursts into tears beside me.

“What’s wrong?” I say, standing over him as he sinks to the floor.

He buries his head in his hands. I crouch down beside him and put my hand on his bony shoulder. He shrugs it off.

“Listen,” I say. “I’m sorry about the steaks, but it was for your own good.”

He lifts his head and glares at me. “Since when do you care about me?”

I lean back, hands up in defense. “What’re you talking about?”

He pulls at his hair in frustration. “You’ve been sleeping for three days! You won’t even look at me! You said you wouldn’t leave me, but you already have.”

I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel worse. The one person in the world I have left to care for, and I’ve turned my back on him. I put my hand on his shoulder. This time he doesn’t shrug it off.

“I’m sorry.” If I can get through this without crying, it’ll be a miracle. “It’s just real hard.”

He sniffs. “I know.”

“Yeah, you do. But I gotta get over it. Get my ass in gear, as Auntie would say.”

He wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. “She’d say you were being a lily-livered dirt eater.” He frowns, remembering.

The memory of Auntie’s strange sayings lingers bitterly on my tongue. I stand and my legs buckle. Ethan grabs my hand and helps me up.

I throw my arm over Ethan’s shoulder and press my face into the top of his head. “We’ll eat lunch and then set some snares. A couple of rabbits and we’ll be all set.” He looks up at me, his face searching mine for reassurance. I squeeze his shoulder. “It’ll be okay.”

What a terrible liar I am.

Chapter Seven

The next day there’s three unopened aluminum cans in a small pyramid on our porch. I squat down and examine the rippled cylinders. The labels are long gone, but the cans are in good shape, no dents or weird bulges. Food from another time. I wonder how long ago these were made. I’m about to chuck them in the trash when Ethan appears behind me. He looks longingly at the cans.

“Those can’t be poisoned, right?”

I shrug. “Maybe there’s poison on the outside of the cans.”

He disappears, returns with Mom’s rusty tongs. “There,” he says, picking one up. “Now we can’t get sick.” He smiles at me. “Let’s eat.”

His feet thud smack on the wood floor as he runs into the kitchen. I hear him open drawers and digging out utensils. I stand on the porch and stare down the road. There’s no motorcycle, no sign that Clay is lurking around. Something glints in the distance behind a large pile of rocks. Is he watching us? I stare in that direction for several minutes until Ethan calls from the kitchen that the food’s done. The smell that trickles past my nose is enticing, but I can’t stand the thought of eating something Clay’s brought us. On the other hand, what choice do I have? My snares haven’t caught anything, and the canned goods in the cellar won’t last more than a week. We either eat Clay’s offering, or we starve.

I sit at the table with Ethan and spoon manufactured chicken noodle soup in my mouth. The soup is thick and savory and I can’t help but enjoy it a little. As I roll the slippery noodles around on my tongue, I think about Clay and what he’s playing at. Why would he want us to trust him? If he wanted to capture us, he could pull up with a band of armed men. What could he gain from being kind? Maybe he just likes torturing his prey before he pounces and bites their heads off.

The next day, there’s a homemade apple pie sitting on the porch. Ethan watches me with desperate eyes as I cradle the pie and bring it to the table. We hover around it and stare at the sugary apples peaking out through the slats of toasted crust. My stomach somersaults.

“Please don’t throw it away.” Ethan tugs on my elbow.

Though I’m desperate for the taste of that pie in my mouth, my pride can’t allow it. I push the tin towards Ethan. “Eat it all.” I leave before I can change my mind.

I head to our bedroom and pull on my coveralls, long-sleeved t-shirt and boots. I gotta do something other than sit and sulk at my inability to provide. At Clay’s ability to do it so easily.

“Hey, pie face,” I yell. “Let’s go check some snares so we don’t have to depend on treats from terrorists.”

Ethan meanders in, smelling of baked goods. The wide smile on his crumb-covered face deepens the hurt mounting in my gut. Clay brought him that happiness.

“Put your boots on,” I grumble.

The smile slips off Ethan’s face, but he does what I ask. God, no matter what I do I feel like a loathsome, hairy dirt pie.

The sun bakes our heads as we tromp through the yard to the snares. The dust kicked up gets Ethan’s asthma going again. We take a break in the shade of a rotted cactus husk and stare out over the crumbling landscape. The sea of brown stretches as far as I can see. Life was nearly impossible with three adults working their fingers to the bone. Now it’s just me and the kid. We have four more days of canned goods in the cellar. Without the gifts from Clay, our only hope is the snares. Rabbits are plentiful, but the coyotes get to them before we do. And leaving isn’t an option. Even if we had somewhere to run, we got no fuel. I tuck my chin to my knees and try not to think about what it would feel like to starve to death.

A buzzard spins in lazy circles overhead and Ethan tracks it with his eyes. “You think buzzards see color?”

I glance at him. A dark lock of hair falls in his eyes and he blows it up with a puff of air. A hint of a smile sits on his face as he watches the bird. When he sees a buzzard, he thinks about the wonderful things the bird can see. I think about the carcass that bird’s about to eat. Ethan deserves to survive. It’s my job to make sure he does.

When we find the first snare, it’s empty. I tuck my hands in my pockets and hide my disappointment when Ethan looks from me to the empty wire loop. In my pockets my hands clench and unclench.

The next snare delivers. A fat brown gopher lies strangled to death in my wire. Its paws have dug four deep ruts in the dry earth. Its tongue lolls to one side of his matted brown muzzle. I loosen the wire and lift him up by his hind legs.

“Gotcha,” I say to the gopher. Then I turn to Ethan. “I’m gonna reset this snare. Go check the one over the hill and yell if we got something.”

Ethan nods and clomps over the rise.

The snare wire is kinked and it takes me a while to straighten the noose and secure it on the game trail again. Just as I’m driving the anchor back into the ground, I hear a scream.

I sit bolt upright. “Ethan!”

I drop everything and run. The rise of the hill blocks my view, but then I hear a sound that sends gooseflesh over my arms—the distinct growl of a predator.

“No,” I whisper as I sprint up the hill and dig out my hunting knife. How could I have let him go alone?

When I reach the crest, I spot Ethan. Four coyotes—snarling mongrels with their hackles raised, their bloodstained mouths contorted in fanged smiles—circle him. They’d picked up the scent of the rabbit in our snare, but Ethan stumbled upon them. Now their eyes glint as they circle another treat. They close in. This can’t be happening. I sprint faster.

Ethan hears and throws me a desperate look. His arms are extended, his palms out, as if he could shoo them away. He’s complete unarmed.

The ground blurs. My heart pounds. Twenty yards to go.

The alpha, a mangy mongrel with a blood-flecked muzzle, must sense me coming. He lurches. In a flash of yellow teeth, the coyote bites Ethan’s outstretched arm.

“No!”

I close the last few yards in giant bounds and barrel into the pack, my knife out, teeth gritted. I charge past the three coyotes in the back and head straight for the alpha that’s trying to drag Ethan away.

Time slows. The ugly scene is crisp as I lock onto my prey. Face contorted in terror, Ethan’s free hand digs into the coyote’s scruff. The coyote’s tail is a taut brush behind him. His ears are erect triangles marking my approach. The frothy saliva runs from his fangs into my brother’s bloody arm. There’s a low, guttural growl, deep in his throat.

I fall on him. The only sound is the beat of my own heart as I jab my hunting knife home.

The serrated blade slices into the coyote’s mangy hide. I bury it to the hilt in fur. With a fierce yelp, the coyote jolts and skitters sideways. He drops my brother’s arm. Blood gushes from the animal’s haunch. The coyote looks to his wound and then to me. He growls, flashing bloody fangs, but then limps sloppily over the ridge. His pack follows.

They’re gone. Ethan.

With my blood still thrumming in my ears and the prickles of heat flooding my veins, I drop beside my brother, now pale and covered with dust.

“Ethan,” I say, reaching for his bloodied arm, “are you okay?”

Of course he’s not okay. His arm is a torn mess of shredded skin, blood and coyote drool. His face drains of color and his eyes well with tears.

“He … he bit me,” he stammers. He looks like he’s going to faint.

I cradled him and take off running. I keep my eyes on my brother’s pale face. He has to be okay.

By the time I reach the house, my lungs feel like deflated balloons and a stitch digs like a knife into my ribs, but none of that matters. I know what an infection means. With no antibiotics it means a horrible agonizing death.

I am stumbling through the yard when the figure blocks my path. A muscular man in clean denim, a faded t-shirt and cowboy hat. My eyes mark the silver revolvers at his hips. Clay.