The Braxtons of Miracle Springs (14 page)

We were nearly back to the house now.

“Let me ask if you're willing to do something a little more immediate than wait thirty years,” I said. “Would you be willing for us to go inside and ask Christopher about this?”

“Oh, I'd be too embarrassed, Corrie!”

“He is a wise man.”

“I know that, but . . .”

“I'm certain he could shed more light on it for you than I've been able to.”

“Maybe, but you are my sister. You understand these kinds of things. It'll be hard to talk to a man about it—especially your husband.”

“Christopher's not only my husband, Becky. He's your brother now, too. Just talk to him like you would me.”

We went inside the bunkhouse. Christopher was sitting in his chair reading. He glanced up with a smile. I could tell he noticed Becky's tear-stained face and my serious expression, but all he said was, “Have a nice walk?”

“Very nice,” I replied. “We would like to talk to you about something.”

“Of course. Have a seat.”

Becky and I sat down on the only other two wooden chairs we had in the room. I briefly recounted the gist of my conversation with Becky, and eventually Becky repeated her most pressing questions for Christopher, too.

“It's just so hard,” she concluded, “to understand why God would want me not to be married and why he hasn't answered my prayers about it.”

The small bunkhouse fell silent. Christopher always collected himself before saying anything. I knew he was inwardly praying for the right words.

“The questions you raise are good ones,” he finally said, “and very difficult to answer. You've voiced some things I know many people wonder about. You can't imagine how many times I heard similar questions when I was pastoring. That experience was one of the things that helped me be so patient myself in waiting for Corrie.”

He paused. “So you say you have prayed about this, Becky?”

“Oh yes,” she answered, “for years.”

“But you think God hasn't answered you?”

Her voice quavered, fresh tears not far away. “I'm not married. So I assume he hasn't answered me.”

Christopher paused another long moment and then answered with great gentleness, “But what if his answer is no? What if his answer is that he has something else planned for you that is just as good, or
better
—but that you can't see as better yet?”

Becky shrugged. “Something better than marriage?”

Christopher nodded.

“I don't know,” she said after a bit.

“Let me ask you something else, Becky,” he said. “I want you to give me a straight, honest answer—agreed?”

“I'll try.”

“All right—does it seem to you as if I probably don't know how you feel, that I probably haven't faced the kind of heartache you are going through, that probably all of my prayers
are
answered?”

Becky squirmed a little in her chair.

“I suppose maybe so,” she said with an uncomfortable smile.

“I thought perhaps that might be the case,” Christopher said. “That is often how it is—after someone has grown and has developed a certain level of spiritual maturity, which is perhaps how I seem in your eyes, it can be easy to assume that person has led an easy life, when in fact it may have been severe hardship that has led to that maturity over the years. Let me tell you something, Becky—I have had a very difficult and painful life. Perhaps one day I shall be able to tell you about it. Meeting your dear sister has truly been the most joyful thing that has ever happened to me—the
only
really happy thing . . . outside of knowing God, I mean.”

When he said that, it was my turn for tears. What a privilege—and a responsibility—to be that to another person!

“I have come to be very, very thankful to God for my past,” Christopher went on, “but it was a gratefulness I had to learn. One's first response to hardship is to complain, and I am no different from anyone else. I have had to learn how to pray in difficult circumstances, too. I have had to struggle with thinking the Lord hasn't heard me. I have had to face the answer of no many times when I wanted the Lord to say yes.

“And through all those experiences I have learned some deep truths that I have come to depend on for my daily existence as much as I depend upon air to breathe and water to drink. May I tell you what they are?”

“Yes,” Becky nodded.

“The first truth I have learned to depend on,” Christopher said, “is that I
know
God is good. I know that God is
always
good and is good in
all
things, whether I see it or understand it or not. That must remain our foundation stone in life—yours and mine and Corrie's and everyone who calls himself a child of God—when we don't see answers.

“God is good. We must hang onto that, even if sometimes there aren't answers we can see. Perhaps sometimes that in itself is the answer:
God is good!
”

Christopher paused, and Becky nodded. She seemed very intent on what he was saying.

“I know also that God operates on a longer timetable than we do. Imagine—he waited four thousand years to send Jesus after man had sinned. God's purposes are never rushed. How much less will he be hurried in the small matters of our lives?

“Another truth I have learned to depend on is this: Besides being good, I know God is trustworthy. Therefore, I think our responsibility is to trust him even when we see nothing and where his timetable is lengthier than we would like.

“Does he hear our prayers? We see no answer . . . but we trust him anyway.

“Is life hard? Often, yes . . . but we trust that God is good.

“Will we see answers to all of our prayers before we die? Perhaps not . . . but God is still good and to be trusted, and we cannot hurry his purposes.

“Would you like to be married and don't understand why God might have other plans for you? Yes . . . but he is good and you can trust him to do his
very best
for you. Do you see the perspective I am trying to get across?”

Becky nodded slowly. “I think so.”

“We can pray our prayers, trust him to hear, trust him to respond as he knows is best—which will always be best, because he is good—and then rest in that . . . trusting him.

“I suppose in short I would simply ask—do we believe God can be trusted above our own desire at times to see quick answers to our prayers?”

“And do you always believe that?” she asked. “Is it always so easy for you? It isn't for me.”

Christopher met her eyes and sighed deeply. “Oh, Becky, if only you knew. No, it's a daily struggle for me, too, as it surely is for all growing Christians. I have to say over and over, ‘Yes, I do believe that—God help my unbelief.'

“Do you remember that story in the New Testament?” he asked. “Help my unbelief—I love the dear father of the demon-possessed boy who replied to Jesus with those words. What an example for us all!

“We cannot help but struggle with these things, Becky. We always will, because we are temporal human beings. There is a portion of us—the part that wants to do good—which believes. There is another portion—the part that
doesn't
want to do good—which we might say is ruled by
un
belief. And the two will always be in constant tension as we work at learning to listen and act upon faith rather than unbelief. But learning is a lifelong process.

“I can tell you that Corrie struggles with such things as well. But even as we struggle, we remind ourselves that God's purposes—his eternal purposes and his very specific and personal purposes for us—generally take longer than we in our shortsightedness are comfortable with. Then we try to return to the fact that we can trust him.”

He sighed once more, deeply, then leaned back against his chair. “But I am preaching again, when you came to me for brotherly counsel.” He leaned forward again. “It may be that my answer will seem cheap to you. After all, I am married, so how can I possibly know what it is like for you? But I just ask you to remember that Corrie and I were unmarried when we were your age and planned to remain that way.”

“I'll try to keep that in mind.”

“It is obvious that most people do marry,” he said. “Yet being single is truly not the end of the world. It is only the end of the world if you let it be. I think it all boils down to whether you trust God or not.”

We all sat silent for a very long minute, then Christopher surprised us all with a very blunt question.

“Do you want to be close to God, Becky?” he asked her.

“Yes . . . yes, of course,” she replied.

“If you had to tell me the deepest desire of your heart—would it be to be married or to be close to the Lord for the rest of your life? I'm not saying you can't do both. I only ask which is the
deepest
desire? Which do you want most?”

“I suppose to be close to God?”

“Are you just saying that? Or do you really mean it?”

Becky thought in silence a minute.

“No, I think I really do want to be God's daughter more than anything and to be close to him . . . even though sometimes it is hard.”

“All right, then. Do you trust him?”

“I think so.”

“Do you trust him to do what is best for you?”

Becky nodded.

“What if—just maybe—he knows that the way to answer that prayer—
Lord, bring me closer to you
—is for you to remain single?”

Becky sat staring into her lap but said nothing.

“I do not say this is the case,” Christopher added, “but it
might
be. You say that sometimes it seems you receive no answers to your prayers, but that you desire to come closer to God. What if being single
is
the answer? What if God has things for you to learn unmarried that you could not learn if you were married?”

Again he waited. I know this was a hard thing to put so straight to her, but I knew Christopher felt Becky was sure to continue being miserable if she didn't see what was really at stake in her life—God's plan for
her
.

“If singleness is God's will for you,” he went on, “and I do not say one way or the other, only that
if
it is—then you owe him deep and loving thanks . . . for by it he will be doing his very best for you. And whatever his ultimate plan for you is, it is obvious that it is his will that you are single
now
. So thank him, treasure this time—make the most of it!

“Again the question is: Do you trust him?

“Just think, Becky—your remaining unmarried may be the best tool for the Master to use to mold your character into Christlikeness for eternity.

“On the other hand,” Christopher now went on after a brief pause, “maybe you
will
marry some day. If so, let me offer some perspectives.

“For one thing, marriage is difficult. It is not all happiness and bliss. Tom and Jennie are having a tough time of it. Corrie and I will inevitably face misunderstandings and disputes.

“Because of this, there are those couples who are not able to weather it. I could cite you many examples from my pastoring days. I witnessed a few marriages break up. I saw many others in which the partners lived together in emptiness and pain. Even among married Christians there is separation and heartbreak and broken lives.

“And then, finally, there are a lot of unworthy and immature young men out there for a woman to marry who will make married life far more miserable than is single life. I become downright angry when I see some of the awful things my fellow males do and say to their wives. It's terrible and yet all too common.”

By now Christopher was leaning far forward, his elbows on his knees, a tender fire in his blue eyes.

“My advice, then, would be this: Stay single, and rejoice in being single for as long as God chooses to keep you that way! It is not only all right to be unmarried. It is something you can learn to see as a great blessing! It may be that your singleness will protect you from an unpleasant marriage situation.

“On the other hand, marriage may be in your future. But don't settle for an immature man without spiritual character and fiber just because you want so badly to be married. God is in the business of making men of God. Give him time to make one for you!”

The bunkhouse fell quiet, and Christopher let his last words settle deeply into Becky's consciousness.

“But what should I spend my time doing?” Becky asked at length. “Sometimes I cannot help being lonely for someone.”

“How well I know!” replied Christopher. “Yet there are so many ways to make use of this time. Maybe the opportunity will come for you to visit Emily or Laughing Waters. Read to your heart's content. Relish the opportunity to be a help to others. Do things that young married women miss out on. If this single time is for a season, you don't want to look back when it is ended and feel that you wasted the time that was given you.”

“I suppose you are right,” she said hesitantly. “There is a lot someone like me can do that Jennie and Corrie and Almeda and Aunt Katie and Emily aren't able to do.”

“Exactly. I would emphasize to you again, Becky,” he added softly at length. “The Lord has you right where he wants you. If it is his will for you to find a worthy young man some day, then that man will have found a gem, too.

“If that is
not
his will, then the Lord is preserving the precious jewel for himself alone. That jewel is you!”

When Christopher stopped, I knew from the tone of his voice that he was through. Becky's head was bent, and she was softly weeping.

I knew this had all been very difficult for Becky to listen to. Christopher had a way of probing straight into the heart of things. He had done it with me, and I saw him doing it constantly with himself. I had learned to trust his wisdom and silently prayed that Becky would be able to as well.