Authors: Sean McIndoe

The Best of Down Goes Brown (22 page)

BOOK: The Best of Down Goes Brown

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5.
The first few years of the nineties were marked by fast, high-scoring, exciting games. How do you feel about the league's current style of play?

Current product is incredibly entertaining as is, but just in case, we should probably check back every ten years or so and see if anything has changed.

To be honest, I find the nets kind of distracting; let's increase the size of goaltending equipment so that we never have to see them again.

Pretty sure we could increase scoring even more if we randomly painted trapezoids behind the net for no reason.

The NFL is super popular, and those guys are constantly grabbing and tackling each other; let's spend the next few years making that legal in hockey.

6.
Hey, you do realize that Canadians are going to complain about every single thing you do, no matter what, right?

Yep.

Oh yeah.

Definitely.

What are “Canadians”?

7.
The NHL experienced its first league-wide work stoppage in 1992 when the players went on strike for ten days. If you became commissioner, what would be your approach to ensuring continued labor peace?

Lull the fans into a false sense of security by always letting a few seasons go by before another crippling work stoppage.

Make sure that we never allow the cancellation of a full season to impact the league's popularity in the United States by first working hard to ensure that we have none.

Just be glad we don't have to deal with a union head like that guy who's in charge of the MLB players association right now, because man, that dude is crazy!

Oh, let's just say you won't have to worry about any ten-day work stoppages when I'm around. Muhahaha!

8.
Um, did you just cackle evilly in a written application form?

. . .

Maybe.

BOOK: The Best of Down Goes Brown

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