‘Dad, what are you thinking about?’ she asked.
‘Oh, nothing,’ he replied, shaking himself out of his thoughts.
‘I was just thinking how lovely the woods look in this light. Besides spring, early autumn is my favourite time of the year.’
He smiled now and looked around him. ‘We have a lot to be grateful for.’ He nodded. ‘Harvest festival reminds us of that.’
‘That’s true. We have everything we need,’ she added.
‘Happy people aren’t necessarily those who have everything, but those who make the best of everything they have,’ he said wisely. ‘We do all right, you and I, don’t we, Grace?’
‘We do better than all right. The things that make me happy aren’t the things that can be bought, Dad. Happiness comes from accepting what one has. You taught me that.’
‘I’d like you to have had a mother,’ he said, his face becoming solemn again. ‘But God had a plan and that wasn’t part of it.’
‘Auntie May has been a mother to me,’ she replied.
His expression softened and he turned his face to the sun and sighed. ‘She’s always been there for you. I don’t think I could have done without May.’ He thrust his hands into his trouser pockets.
‘She’s been there for you, too, hasn’t she?’
He glanced at her and frowned. ‘She’s been a steady friend. It’s hard bringing up a daughter on one’s own. Your grandma and aunt tried to help in the beginning, and they did for a while, but they wanted to take over, not just you but the house too and me with it! I sent them both packing. I don’t know anything about women’s things. If May hadn’t been there to step in, I don’t know what I’d have done.’
‘You’d have done just fine, Dad. We’d have muddled through.’
‘I wanted more for you than muddling through, Grace. May’s a fine role model. She’s kind, gentle, hard-working and funny. I remember thinking, when you were a little girl, that if you grew up to be like May, you’d make me and your mother proud. May was the closest friend your mum had and I know she’d approve of her taking over and setting an example for you to follow.’
‘And how have I turned out?’ She gave a little smile, but her father took her seriously.
‘I’m proud,’ he replied. ‘I know I can speak for your mother. She’s proud, too, wherever she is.’
‘Not far away, I don’t think,’ said Grace.
‘She’s always with us, Grace. Don’t ever forget that. Just because you can’t see her, doesn’t mean she’s not here in spirit. The body’s only a shell and she doesn’t need it where she is. She can be anywhere at any time, in a single thought.’
‘That’s a nice idea.’
‘It’s true. We’re here to learn, Gracey. To grow in love. That’s all there is to it. It’s not complicated. And the way to grow is through selflessness, forgiveness and compassion: love. That’s all there is. Putting oneself second, not first. Looking out for one another, like the bees.’
He glanced at her and smiled. ‘Do you think the bees are ready for harvest?’ he asked.
‘They’re still foraging a bit, but it’s getting chilly now, especially in the evenings.’
‘I suggest we start next week.’ He stepped up his pace. ‘Let’s have a look when we get home. But I hazard a guess that the time has come to extract the honey.’
‘Everything’s ready. I’ve prepared all the jars.’
‘You’re a good girl, Gracey. I could have had a rebellious or difficult child, but I got you.’
‘Made in your image, Dad,’ she laughed.
‘Perhaps on the inside, Gracey. But on the outside, you’re the image of your mother.’
After lunch, Grace cycled to Freddie’s house. Her heart inflated and began to beat faster as she approached his home. All this for Freddie, she thought, laughing at the absurdity of feeling nervous about the boy who was like a brother to her. But when he stepped out into the street, it was a very different Freddie from the lad who’d always anxiously waited for her to come and spend time with him. This Freddie made her feel awkward and a little shy. His gaze was heavier, his manner more confident, his smile wiping away the old sneer of resentment she had never understood. When he suggested they cycle to the river, her skin rippled with a mixture of apprehension and excitement. She didn’t realize that she no longer had to concentrate on keeping Rufus out of her thoughts; Freddie had taken up all the space there.
As they raced down the path that wound its way alongside the river, she began to feel less uncomfortable. He cycled in front of her, throwing back the usual banter as their bicycles sped over stones and tree roots crossing the track. He was faster than before and she had to shout for him to slow down. He teased her for being a girl, but the tone of his voice and the way he laughed was full of affection, and she was aware, as never before, that he was a man and she was a woman. He was suddenly more than just
Freddie.
They reached their usual place and leaned their bicycles against the tree. Freddie untied the rug off the back of his bicycle and laid it on the grass. ‘Are you going to swim?’ she asked.
‘Might do, if I get hot,’ he answered.
‘Do you remember how you used to dive off that bridge?’
‘And nearly kill myself in the process.’
‘No, you were much too good. You skimmed the surface like a swan.’
He grinned and sat down beside her. ‘You were always a fine audience, Grace.’
‘Well, I was always impressed,’ she replied truthfully. She hugged her knees.
Freddie lay back and propped himself up on his elbows. ‘They were halcyon days.’
‘They still are. In fact, I’d say they just get better,’ said Grace happily.
‘They won’t get better if there’s a war.’
‘War? There’s not going to be a war,’ she retorted, feeling suddenly afraid. ‘No one wants another war.’
‘I don’t think we’ll have any choice, Grace.’
‘Don’t say that.’ She gazed out over the water. ‘Let’s not talk of sad things. Entertain me instead.’
‘How?’ He laughed.
‘I don’t know. Go and dive off that bridge again.’
‘OK, I will,’ he replied, rising to the challenge. ‘Anything for you, Grace.’
Suddenly, she caught sight of what looked like her father standing on the other side of the river. She shielded her eyes against the sun and squinted. ‘Dad?’ She frowned.
Freddie followed her line of vision. ‘Arthur, where?’ he asked.
She pointed. ‘There, on the bank.’
‘I can’t see anyone.’
‘It’s Dad.’
Freddie chuckled. ‘It’s just the light and shadow, playing with you.’
The vision disappeared. ‘I’m sure it was him,’ she said quietly.
‘What would he be doing on the river bank?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘You’re seeing things.’
‘Or someone else, spying on us. What do you think, Freddie? Do you think we’re being spied on?’
‘You’re mad. There’s no one there. There never is. It’s just you and me.’
‘I hope so.’ She laughed uncertainly. ‘It just looked like him.’
‘Do you want me to jump off that bridge or not?’
‘Yes, I do. But be careful.’
He got up and stripped down to his underpants. She forgot all about the sight of her father on the bank and laughed nervously as Freddie tossed aside his clothes and stood before her, tanned from the waist up, broad and muscular. ‘Are you going to come in?’ he asked, smiling down at her.
‘No, much too cold.’ She shooed him away with her hand. ‘Go on!’ He walked through the trees and appeared a moment later on the bridge. She could see him watching her to make sure she didn’t take her eyes off him. He didn’t realize that she
couldn’t
take her eyes off this dashing new Freddie, even if she had wanted to.
Her heart was suddenly filled with panic as he climbed up onto the balustrade. She changed her position and knelt up on the rug, praying that he didn’t do something stupid and hurt himself. It had been a long time since he’d jumped off that bridge and he was bigger and heavier now.
He put his arms above his head and took a deep breath. ‘Ready?’ he shouted.
‘Be careful!’ she shouted back. As he pushed himself off into the air she placed her hands over her mouth and gasped. He jumped very high then came swooping down like a swallow, arms out like wings, before putting them together and skimming the water, just below the surface. He then disappeared, leaving the water rippling gently where he had broken through.
She was poised, ready to clap, but he didn’t come up. She leapt to her feet and anxiously searched the river. He still didn’t come up. Her heart seemed to stall and fear rose to blacken the happiness that had, only minutes before, filled it to the point of bursting. ‘Freddie!’ she cried. She was about to choke on her fright when Freddie stood up, only a few feet in front of her, smiling jubilantly.
Grace burst into tears. ‘You idiot!’ she shouted furiously. ‘You scared me!’
‘Grace, I didn’t mean to frighten you.’ Freddie waded out of the water, his face contorted with remorse. Then, before she could reply, he had pulled her into his arms and was kissing her so passionately that she didn’t know whether to be angry or pleased. His mouth was warm and wet and surprisingly exciting. He pulled away a moment. They stared at each other, both surprised and a little afraid. Grace had stopped crying. She was calm now, too astonished to be cross. She felt the rising swell of desire and edged forward a step. It was barely perceptible, but it was enough to encourage Freddie. He wound his hands around her neck and kissed her again.
Lying in Freddie’s arms felt like the most natural thing in the world. They were on the rug, Freddie’s wet body drying slowly in the sun and against Grace’s summer dress. He ran his lips over her cheeks, across her jawline and down her neck, and she laughed softly as the sensation caused her body to tingle, right to her toes. This was her very first kiss. She had often imagined being kissed, but the reality far exceeded her expectations. It stirred feelings in her she never knew she had, and she recalled with tenderness how Freddie had said that when he thought of her he thought of flowers.
Her father was right: perhaps she had loved Freddie all along and just never realized. She had been so busy looking over his shoulder that she hadn’t noticed him, until a summer on the farm had made him man enough to attract her attention.
They lay kissing for what felt like hours. Intoxicated by the smell and feel of each other’s skin, they kissed and touched with an unquenchable thirst for more. But the end of the day came and the shadows lengthened and the air turned cold. Freddie got up and put on his clothes. ‘Don’t frighten me like that again,’ she said, watching him buttoning up his shirt.
‘I’m glad I did,’ he replied. ‘If I hadn’t I might not have had the courage to kiss you. I’ve wanted to kiss you since I was fifteen,’ he confessed.
‘Really? For that long?’
‘You’ve always been the girl for me, Grace. Always.’ He sat down beside her and swept her hair off her face. His eyes were heavy with emotion. ‘I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. I feared you’d never love me back.’
‘I didn’t know I loved you until today.’
He beamed happily. ‘So you love me, Grace?’
She smiled shyly. ‘Yes, Freddie. I do. You’re different. You’re not a boy any more.’
‘And you’re not a girl, either.’
‘Our games have got much more exciting,’ she laughed.
‘Let’s play a little more, then. I’m not ready to take you home.’
‘
Are
you going to take me home, Freddie?’
‘You’re my sweetheart now. I’m not going to let you cycle home on your own. I’m going to take care of you from now on.’ She smiled with pleasure and lay down so he could kiss her again. ‘You’re my sweetheart, Grace,’ he repeated. ‘I love the sound of that, and I love the sound of “I love you.” I’ve only ever said it in my head.’
‘To me?’
‘To you.’
‘And I never knew.’
‘You do now.’ He kissed her. ‘I love you.’ He kissed her again. ‘I love you.’ And presently he kissed her again . . .
Chapter 13
It was almost dark when Grace and Freddie cycled back to the Beekeeper’s Cottage. They pedalled side by side, laughing and chatting merrily, trying to bicycle and hold hands at the same time. They wobbled and weaved, and when Grace nearly fell off, Freddie steadied her by taking hold of her handlebar and guiding her back onto the track. There were no barriers between them now, nothing to prevent them from feeling entirely intimate with each other. They had declared their love and the evening looked more beautiful because of it.
They reached the cottage. The windows were dark. Grace leaned her bicycle against the wall and wandered into the garden. ‘Dad!’ she called. There came no reply from the borders. She could see no activity about the hives. ‘Where is he?’ she asked Freddie, who was striding across the grass behind her. A moment later Pepper appeared. He wagged his tail, happy to see them. Grace bent down and stroked his ears. ‘Where’s your master?’ she asked, but the dog looked back at her with big, shiny eyes, communicating nothing but his desire to be petted.
‘Let’s try inside,’ Freddie suggested. They walked into the cottage and switched on the light. Grace could tell immediately from the feel of the place that her father wasn’t there. It was quiet and empty, like a tomb. She began to feel anxious. If he had gone out he would have left her a note. He certainly wouldn’t have left Pepper to roam freely about the garden.
‘Oh, Freddie, I’m worried,’ she said.
‘Don’t be. He’ll probably be at the pub.’
‘He would have let me know. He would have shut the dog in the kitchen.’
‘Perhaps he’s gone looking for
you.
’
‘Maybe,’ she replied, feeling a little better. ‘He’s probably at your house.’
‘Let’s go and see. I don’t know about you, but all that kissing has made me hungry.’
‘You boys only ever think of your stomachs.’ She laughed despite her concern.
He drew her into his arms. ‘How can I think of my stomach when I’m with you?’ He kissed her nose. ‘How ungallant.’
But something tugged on her gut. ‘Let’s have another look in the garden.’ She pulled away and hurried back outside.
Grace walked about the flowerbeds, sensing something strange but unable to decipher what it was. Pepper sniffed the grass then took off towards the hives. Instinct told her to follow him. Her heart heavy with dread, she watched the dog disappear into the shrubbery. Then she saw a pair of feet peeking out from beneath a bush. The shoes and socks were unmistakable. ‘Dad!’ she cried and ran over to where her father lay inert on the ground. Freddie was beside her in a moment. Grace let out a howl and fell onto Arthur’s chest. There was no heartbeat beneath. No sound of life. Nothing but a limp and vacant shell. ‘He’s gone!’ she exclaimed in horror. ‘He’s gone!’