The Beats in Rift (10 page)

A lone tear falls from my eye as I struggle to look at him. I don’t have to. Justin has known me since we were thirteen years old, we’ve been through everything together and he knows in this moment he won’t be my first. My tear the only evidence he needs. He steps away from me, the material dropping from his fingertips.

“Look at me, Meadow.”

I can’t. One tear has turned into many, the gentle sobs forcing my body into a tremor.

“Oh, God. He was home for two fucking weeks. I never was your choice was I? Just a stand-in until you could have the right twin back.” The pain in his voice cripples me. The guilt overwhelms my body. I crumble to the floor, my legs no longer steady enough to hold me. “I’ll never forgive you for this,” he whispers.

I look up at him through my tear-filled eyes; he looks disgusted. I’ve seen that look before in the hateful eyes of his Father.

“It’s not like you think, Justin,” I manage to strangle out.

“Did you or did you not fuck my brother?” He sounds so cold now, nothing like the boy who picked me up and mended my heart when his brother left it in tatters. “Answer the fucking QUESTION!” he roars, making me flinch.

“Yes, but…”

He doesn’t give me a chance to finish. “Get out. I can’t even look at you. You disgust me. You really are her daughter, Med, no matter how hard you tried not to be. Jared knew it too, that’s why he left you again.”

The realization of what I’ve lost crashes into me. The painful words from someone I’ve always loved and relied on blankets me with an icy chill. I feel like the first fall of winter’s snow has fallen over my body, burying me. On the outside I will be perfect, like untouched snow, but underneath I will remain cold, my heart frozen, protected from the pain of the Jacobs twins.

I stand, feeling a little dizzy. I take a few deep breaths and without looking at him I leave.

I LIFT THE beer bottle to my lips, gulping it down like water.

“You need to chill with the drinking, we’ve only been here an hour and that’s your fourth beer.”

I look over at Max. “I’m nervous.”

His throaty laugh makes me glare at him.

“Hey, less with the glaring. I’m doing you a favor. You sure she’s even going to be here?”

I tip the beer bottle back to my lips, emptying the contents down my throat. I place the bottle on the table and hold my hand up to signal for Drew’s new waitress to bring more drinks. Her flustered face fake smiles, with a nod in my direction. “She will be here, it’s her Mom’s wedding.” I spin the coaster, needing to occupy my hands.

“From what you told me, she hated her Mom.”

I look up at him. “It’s still her Mom.”

The barmaid makes it over to us, placing four bottles on the table. I look up at her to question the four and not two. “It saves me going back to the bar and you calling me straight back,” she explains, annoyance evident in her tone. She turns on her heel and heads back to the bar.

I look over at Max. “Was it just me or was she being funny?”

Max laughs but then his smile falls from his lips. He lowers his bottle, taking in someone across the bar. I know it’s Meadow; she elicits that reaction from men. “Damn,” Max mutters.

I flick the coaster at his head; it rebounds off, hitting the bottles then the floor. I follow his gaze, and true enough, there she is in all her beautiful glory. I swallow, trying to clear the rush of saliva filling my mouth. She’s wearing jean shorts, her long toned legs on display in wedged heel sandals with ribbons that travel up her calf. She’s wearing a dark blue fitted t-shirt with
Monsters in the Dark
written across the chest. Her hair flows freely down her back.

“Justin. You going to be ok being around her, man. I don’t know how you’ll cope if she’s still pissed” Max’s voice snaps me from my thoughts.

“That’s right, you don’t know, but you know she’s off limits so put your eyes back in your head and your dick back in your pants.”

He raises his hands in mock surrender. “Chill. She’s cute but I know she’s off limits, not hurting for women here Just” He grins.

Truth is, I can’t chill. It has been over a year since she walked out of my apartment and never came back. She was never on campus and it quickly became apparent that she had left for good.

I look back across the bar and find her unique violet eyes trained on me; there’s so much in them, sorrow, guilt, love, memories. I return her look with the same intensity she’s showing me. I lift my lips into a smile and her chest expand like she’s releasing a breath. Her feet start to move in my direction and my heartbeat accelerates. Her flowery scent invades my space as she approaches.

“Hey,” she murmurs.

“Hey, Meadow,” Max says tilting his beer in her direction. Her eyes don’t leave mine, even when she returns his greeting.

“You came,” I say.

She looks around the bar and smiles. “I never thought I’d see the day. I just wanted to make sure it was true.”

“Well, it is. So I guess were going to be family.”

Her nose twitches and a tilt lifts her lips as she nods her head. “I don’t think either of us has really ever had that.” Pain tortures her still from the loneliness of never really having a real family and I still want to hold her take away her sorrow after all this time.

“Drink?” Max breaks the uncomfortable atmosphere that had fallen over us. Her face transforms into a beautiful grin.

“Hmm, I always liked you Max.”

He chuckles as he slides out of the booth. “You called me Max. I didn’t know if you would remember me.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Are you kidding? You taught me I’m allowed to drink any time of the day. Some teachers stay with you.” She places a hand over her heart and he beams down at her.

“Glad I had an effect on you.” He winks and ushers her to the bar. I have to fight my instinct to not punch his face in, and try to remember she doesn’t belong to me and this is just Max, who’s like this with everyone.

I follow them to the bar.

“No way. Have you finished them already? I need to cut you off. You’re going to die if you don’t slow down.”

Max and Meadow are both staring between me and the new barmaid; Ellie, I think she said her name was.

“Ellie, you need to learn if people are spending, you keep serving,” I inform her.

She lifts a tea towel and begins wiping the bar. “Well, you haven’t been paying so I’m not serving.” She smirks.

I look at her in disbelief as Meadow begins to giggle. I cock an eyebrow and pin Meadow with a ‘what’s so funny?’ stare.

“Ellie, serve my nephew his beer and serve my new daughter whatever she wants.”

Ellie looks embarrassed, the tinge in her cheeks giving her away. “Sure, boss,” she squeaks out. I can’t help but smile. She places the drink in front of me, and before she can walk away I reach for her hand to hold her in place.

Her eyes dart to mine. “If you would have asked instead of jumping to conclusions I would have told you I don’t need a beer. I have three on the table.”

Her blush consume her face. A warm, soft hand touches my arm; I feel her touch all the way down to my groin.

“Don’t be mean.” Meadow’s breasts unintentionally push against my arm and I’m back to being that thirteen-year-old boy who saw her cleavage for the first time when she stripped her sweater off and gave me my first of many erections.

I release my hold on Ellie and turn to Meadow. “How long you in town?”

“A week. You?”

“A week.”

“Shots!” Max bellows, sliding shot glasses our way. We waste no time knocking them back. Meadow’s Mom and Drew join us for a few drinks. Before we know it, they’ve disappeared upstairs and it’s closing time.

“Let’s go into town,” Meadow slurs. She’s completely letting her hair down, she seems to of changed quite a lot in the year away from us all.

Max raises a hand. “Yep, let’s do it. I need a woman for the night.”

“Okay, fine. But, Meds, you’re not really dressed for the club.”

She looks down at herself. Mine and Max’s eyes follow her observation of her body.

“She looks fucking hot,” Max says. I glare at him.

“I look more ready for the beach than the club, don’t I?” she moans. “Oh, hang on.” She opens the hatch and disappears behind the bar. I hear her rustling around, then clothes appear on the bar. “My suitcase.” She beams.

I look over the bar and down at her feet is her suitcase.

“I came straight here, I haven’t checked into my hotel yet.” She smiles then falters. “Oh, shit. I haven’t checked in yet!”

I laugh at her panicked expression. “It’s fine, you can check in anytime,” I reassure her, and her smile reappears.

“Ok” She comes back around the bar and holds up a red piece of material. “This okay?”

“Fuck yes!” Max says.

My mouth has gone dry.

“Okay, turn around you two.” We both turn towards the bar like whipped school boys. I watch in the mirror that spans the entire length of the bar as Meadow lifts her top from her body. Her black lacy bra hugs her perfect tits, her skin is flawless, a golden tone of smooth silk. I shift to accommodate my growing erection and watch as her fingers fumble with the buttons on her shorts. She manages to unzip them, shimmying them down her thighs. Her little black panties cling to her like leather to skin on a hot day; she’s pin-up worthy.

“Oh my God, I need to get laid,” Max groans next to me, and it’s then I realize I’m not the only one getting a show. She slips her dress over her head.

“Done, you can turn arou…damn! You can see me in the mirror! Justin!”

I have to laugh; she’s so cute when she’s drunk. I haven’t seen her this carefree since before Jared left the first time.

“You told us to face away, Med. We did as we were told.” I try to keep a straight face.

“For what it’s worth, Meadow, I think you should lose the dress and just come clubbing in your underwear,” Max informs her.

She pouts. “You don’t like my dress?”

Max looks at me and then back to her and we all break into a laugh. “Should we tell Drew we’re leaving? He might need to lock up?” she asks.

I shake my head and lead her outside.

LAST NIGHT’S EVENTS keep replaying in my mind as I’m waking up. My memory’s foggy, and then completely blank after Max asked Justin if Jared was coming to the wedding and Justin said,
“No, he’s settled down with a girl. He has no reason to come back, there’s nothing he wants here.”

That hurt and that was what led me to drink multi-colored cocktails at Club Ruby. The ice I had formed the day I walked out on Justin, evaporated into a puddle when I saw him. It had served me well, never allowing any man to chip away at it. I was the ice princess and happy to wear that title until every pep talk I had given myself before coming back blew away on the wind of the tornado that was the Jacob twins. I was back to being the girl completely consumed by the need to love them. Justin was comfort, my body automatically soothed when he spoke to me. I vaguely remember Max dry humping some girl in the corner of the bar, and Justin and I giggling about it like we were in high school. I remember Justin asking me why I was so happy and free. I told him it’s because I refuse to love again and it’s freeing. It wasn’t exactly true. I just refused to love anyone new.

I moan, strangely aroused. My mind comes more into consciousness, telling me there’s a hand between my thighs. I react on instinct, and my hand goes down on top of the hand that’s down there to still the movement. My body stiffens. I slowly peel open one eye, and staring back at me is the golden glow of Justin’s eyes.

“Hey beautiful,” he says, kissing my neck. A million questions race through my mind:
‘Why is Justin kissing me like we’ve never been apart?’

‘How the fuck did I end up here?’

‘Where is here?’

‘Why am I naked?’

‘Oh, God. Did we finally have sex and I missed it in a drunken stupor?’

“I want to hear you moan again before we have to leave this room,” Justin says into my neck. So the answer is yes; I clearly blacked out sex with Justin. God, my life sucks. I can’t believe I put out so easily, and to Justin! We haven’t even talked about the way we left things.