The Bathrobe Knight: Volume 2 (38 page)

“Got it. Let’s go, Minx! Let’s prove that we’re faster than the boys!” Kass shouted and took off. Minx, her new Scaley Waley and half the Blue-Drakes chased after Kass. Minx looked like she was holding on for dear life as her new mount reached faster and faster speeds.

“We could go super fast and try to beat them there,” Kitchens started to lead AzurWrath off for a moment as he calmly flew down his route with Darwin, “or we could have a cup of tea, let them think they won and be the happier for it.”

“Do you have any tea in your inventory?” Darwin wouldn’t put it past Kitchens.

“Unfortunately, no,” Kitchens said, frowning.

“Then I suppose that only leaves us one option.” Darwin was about to shoot off with his new flying ride when Kitchens held up a hand for him to wait.

“But, in lieu of tea, I do have some nice cold Japanese sake that I may have picked up in town. For some reason, no matter how long I keep it in my inventory, it will always stays chilled.” He pulled a bottle with odd Japanese words on it out of thin air. “Will this do in the absence of tea?”

“I suppose it will, but is there any reason you’re stalling me?” Darwin questioned the man who was already pouring out two glasses skillfully.

“A father must always let his daughter believe she won,” Kitchens smiled, “and it’s rare that I get to drink with a friend these days.”

“Fair enough,” Darwin eagerly flew close and took a cup of the sake that Kitchens had just poured, “but let’s not be too slow about it. We still have a boss to kill.”

“Indeed.
Kanpai
,” he said, raising his glass.

“Cheers,” Darwin raised his glass and then took a sip. It was a weird experience, drinking sake in the middle of a dungeon on the way to a boss.

Kitchens took another sip of his sake, and then, after a moment, he finally asked what had clearly been on his mind. “You’re going to try to kill the Panda King after this, aren’t you? That’s why you keep stealing everything we kill that has any value, right?”

“I’m afraid I won’t have a choice. Those ninjas were sent before we had even hinted of treachery. You know what he’ll do once he finds out we didn’t kill his enemies, but empowered them.” Darwin found himself enjoying the taste of cold sake much more than the thought of what was to come.

“So you wish to cast the first stone?”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. I’d rather avoid fighting altogether. Any fight will lead to death on both sides. And last time I checked, death isn’t a good thing no matter how you get there. Also, I have no claim on the lands, but my people have been forcibly made into vagabonds, so I’m going to have to settle down eventually. They deserve to rest their head on their own pillow in their own home one day.” Darwin took another sip of the sake. The entire situation, two men sipping sake and discussing politics atop winged serpents in the middle of a dungeon on their way to a boss with dozens of Blue-Drakes following them, was surreal and nothing like his usual gaming experience; but, for some reason, Darwin rather enjoyed not grinding for a change, a thing that he would never have imagined in his life before Tiqpa.

“And this is where you wish to make that last stand? In a dead volcano?” Kitchens made an obvious point of looking around. “Seems almost too fitting given I’ve been calling you fire.”

“I’m hoping it’ll be less of a last stand and more of just an average week day,” Darwin chuckled.

“Are you going to bolster your forces past only a few players and NPCs?” Kitchens wondered aloud. “I imagine if you were to tell people that they could ride their own Blue-Drake, you’d have volunteers from among the high-Level players in the region.”

The idea of recruiting players and not just NPCs didn’t sit well at all with Darwin for some reason. He liked Kitchens and Minx well enough, and Daniel, Valerie and Mclean were fun to talk to, but the thought of any others left a sinking feeling in his stomach like he had swallowed a giant ball of lead, and it was working it’s way down his gut. “I haven’t considered that.”

“I’ve read many times about the need for a warrior to have a general and resolute acceptance of death, that he must understand and accept his fate before even unsheathing his sword.” Kitchens sipped his sake again. “But accepting that you will one day die and giving up now are two different things. Consider your options carefully before rejecting a great force like the players of this realm, especially when they are likely to be your enemies if they are not your allies.”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Darwin nodded, understanding that if he didn’t find a way to pull players to his side in the upcoming war, they were likely to side with the King. He had been able to fight the ninjas, but even for him it had been a tough battle.

“Fair enough . . . and don’t tell Minx we were drinking before a fight.” Kitchens finished off his sake and put the glass away. Darwin tossed his glass over to Kitchens after he was done so he could stash it too.

“Shall we?” Darwin said, riding up to the giant platform hosting the boss.

“I need to tell Kass her impression was perfect,” Kitchens snickered.

“What?” Darwin asked, missing the punchline entirely.

“Nothing. They’re waiting. Let’s do this.” Kitchens shot off towards Kass and Minx on the other side of the arena.

On the way over, the massive, iridescent, feathered dragon perked its head up and started flying directly at Kitchens and AzurWrath. While maintaining the shape of a western-style, European-themed dragon, it was the size of three wooly mammoths.

Crap, he’s spotted us before the fight even started.
Darwin panicked, looking around at the drakes behind him.
Do I call for backup, or can we do this?

“Darwin!” Kass yelled when she saw the dragon move. “We’re on our way!” Kass kicked off with Minx like bullets towards the two men. It was starting to look like all five of them, the dragon and the four players, were going to collide in mid-air until the suicidal game of chicken came to a close with Kitchens and Darwin pulling up and Kass and Minx diving down as the dragon barreled past the dreaded collision point.

Once the dragon realized that it had missed its target, it stretched its wings to their full span to stop its forward momentum, creating a giant gust of wind and almost instantly halting it in the air. It then yanked its tail around to slice at Kitchens and Darwin. Kitchens dodged it, but Darwin’s drake wasn’t fast enough. The jet-black dragon barely managed to lift its arms and legs up to brace for impact as the tail came sliding into it, the force of the hit throwing Darwin off his comfortable seat and sending him flying up the drake’s neck.

Kitchens, who saw the whole thing, flew over to catch Darwin, but it was too late. Darwin wasn’t falling where Kitchens had thought he would. Instead, Darwin had managed to sink his blade into the tail of the boss as it rushed past him with his black mount carried away by it, leaving him hanging off the tail long enough to slow his fall and throw his trajectory a good ten or twenty feet higher than Kitchens had anticipated. Luckily for Darwin, Kass and Minx had gone under the dragon during the turn, and Minx was able to get herself positioned in time to catch Darwin.

“Forget his eye; I caught the whole guy!” Minx laughed as she held Darwin with impressive strength in the same fashion as the knight always caught the damsel back in children’s movies. The princess-like-carry turned out to be a rather awkward position for Darwin, who sat overflowing her small arms.

“Ummm, thanks, but, could you . . .” Darwin motioned at the feathered dragon. “You know, throw me on that guy?”

“Sure sure! Minx the Lynx can do it all!” she laughed excitedly, pulling her drake up and charging the dragon.

Kitchens circled with Kass around the flanks of the dragon, looking for an opening, while Minx just went straight up the middle in her usual, haphazard fashion. The feathered fiend turned and faced her, wings still spread out as it hovered in the air, and opened its mouth to release a giant, elephant-sized blast of molten-hot fire breath. Darwin flinched at first as the fiery torrent pummeled into Scaley Waley, but Minx didn’t even blink, she just kept pressing forward. Sure enough, the angle of the drake’s head was just right that the scales on its head and neck took the entire hit of the flames leaving her unscathed.

As Minx got closer, the dragon started reaching out with its front claws to try and either swipe or grab her, but she, still holding Darwin in her arms, tossed Darwin like a hot potato right into the dragon’s chest and dove under the monster to avoid the mauling.

Darwin, soaring through the air in an awkward arms-flailing fashion as if he were an inflatable tube man, managed to land straight on the foe’s chest, where he would have just bounced right off if his Burizza’s Blade hadn’t managed to sink far enough in to create sufficient leverage to swing himself back towards the beast.

“You got it?” Kass asked, circling under the boss just far enough away to stay out of immediate attack range.

“Yeah, I think I got it,” Darwin grunted as he dug his second Burriza in. Then, at the last minute, he rolled across the dragon’s chest and out of the way of an incoming claw intent on removing him. “Kitchens, can you get on its back? I’m hurting it here, but it’s barely anything at all. We’re going to need to get its neck.”

“Got it,” Kitchens said, diving onto the back of the almost stationary dragon as it kept swiping and pawing with its front claws in a mad grab to swat the pesky Darwin-fly.

Darwin wished he could see how well Kitchens was fairing on the back, but, as soon as he landed, it was evident he had done something. The dragon started to spin around in the air faster than a tea cup carnival ride, throwing Darwin to first one side and then the next as he changed directions, the whole time shooting out fire balls that landed harmlessly on the four Drakes circling him.

“I’m at his neck on this side, can you make your way up his chest on that one?” Kitchens called out below.

“Yeah, I can try,” Darwin did his best to dodge the flailing dragon arms as he dug his Burizza’s Blades, one after another, into the dragon's chest and climbed its scaly exterior like a ladder up to its neck. “I’m ready on this side! You still good?”

“Behead the beast!” Kitchens shouted, and he and Darwin both stabbed the giant oak tree sized neck. The shrieks that came out of the dragon as it reeled in pain midair were loud enough to physically hurt Darwin, and it took every bit of willpower he was able to muster up in order to not grab his ears in pain. Finally, relief from the screams came when his blade finished severing the boss’s jugular and cut into the windpipe. It was going smoothly except that, at this point, the nearly dead dragon’s wings fell limp, and where it once was hovering in the air, it now began to sink little by little as gravity bore it downwards.

“Minx! Kass! Can you get us off this thing?” Darwin yelled for help from his two companions as soon as the creature began plummeting towards the ground, happy to find Kass and Toothifer waiting for him as soon as he pressed off from the creature’s neck.

After the boss crashed into the ground, Darwin was preparing himself for the next phase of the battle on land. Instead, what he saw was the beast writhing around in pain like bacon trying to avoid touching the pan as it flapped about in its own guts

A familiar message popped up in front of him:              

You have reached Level 50!

Please choose from one of these abilities:             

Ketchup is a vegetable!
(Passive) - Heal 1% life every 3 seconds blood splatter is on you during combat.

If you can't find the right nutrition for your meal, just pretend like ketchup is a vegetable.  My school did.

Knock off the horns, brush off the hair, and run it through the kitchen!
(Passive) - +10% to flat elemental resistance.  +10% additional resistance to fire magic. 

Extra crispy is only good for chicken fingers, not a good slab of beef.  Make sure to always order your steaks rare or don't even bother.

             
Tiqpa, I pick ‘Ketchup is a Vegetable!’
Darwin answered without a second thought. Elemental resistance was key, but every enemy he had encountered so far bled, and he desperately needed ways to heal since they lacked a proper support class.

              “What did we get? What did we get? What did we get?” Minx practically bubbled as she bounced as much as ran to the fallen boss for loot.

              “Well it seems there is only a blade, a staff, a bangle, and a really large stone,” Kitchens said, going through the loot.

              “What? No daggers? That’s not fair!” Minx frowned with a harumph and threw her arms over her chest.

              “Well, like I said, there is a bangle, Band of Feathers. Do you want it?” Kitchens offered his daughter an actual band of feathers, iridescent like the dragon.

              “And the staff?”

              “Here you go,” Kitchens handed her a black staff with red flames crawling up and down the sides of it. The flames must have been for decoration though because none of them seemed to burn either Kitchens as he passed it to Kass or Kass as she held it.

              “So what’s with the stone and the sword?” Darwin asked, wondering which one he would get.