‘Fair enough.’ He pushed a couple of dishes along the table, to show that he was willing to tidy up but that there was no time, and followed Kate out to the hall. He smiled at the other couple on the way past. ‘Congratulations again, Declan and Shirley. I wonder which of us will be married first.’
‘I wonder,’ said Shirley, knowing full well that Kate was prepared to marry a homeless drunk off the street rather than let her sister have her big day first. She might have known that something like this would happen.
When the front door closed, Declan hugged Shirley tightly and told her not to worry any more.
‘She’s a spiteful cow, Declan. She never said congratulations to me. Not once. She’s just raging that I beat her to it. And Mum and Dad are going to be totally useless. It’s hysteria or depression with them, and nothing in between. I told you it would be like this.’
‘I know it’s hard work, love. But it won’t be for much longer. I’ll rent a flat right away. I promise. Soon we’ll have a cosy little place of our own, where no one can bother us, and we’ll have lovely nights just curled up together in bed, listening to music, and making our plans for the future.’
‘I hope so. I hope so.’ Shirley went into the kitchen to make tea. On the way she bumped into the stereo, and the record that Mrs Winters had threatened to burn dropped onto the turntable and crackled into life.
‘I love that song,’ said Declan. ‘Come on and we’ll dance!’
‘There’s not enough room.’
‘Then we’ll stand very close together. Come here.’ He put his arms round her, and they swayed gently in each other’s arms beside the brightly coloured debris on the dining table. ‘I love this time of the day when things are winding down and the place looks lived in.’
‘I love you. You’re too good to be true. I’m so lucky.’
‘I am not, Mrs Greenwood-to-be. I’m the lucky one. And by the way, I love you, too.’
Then, the ugly man with no teeth sang the most beautiful love song of the decade and Shirley felt utterly at peace. Kate and her parents could rant and rave and moan and complain all they liked about the new baby. But they couldn’t touch it or take it away from her. Shirley finally had something that was hers and hers alone. Well, hers and Declan’s. Kate might move heaven and earth to make her wedding more spectacular than Shirley’s, but she was surely not prepared to have a baby as well, was she? Shirley didn’t think so. She smiled a huge smile. She was completely happy.
January arrived, and the Winters’ home was a flurry of excitement. Mrs Winters had finally emerged from her holy statue-laden boudoir and was on a manic high. She had prayed non-stop for days and had consulted with the priest and several relatives and friends, and everyone seemed to be okay about the baby. So, she was okay, too. She was on the phone constantly, telling everyone that both of her beautiful daughters were engaged to be married. Both of them! And what a total surprise, she gasped, a thousand times, at British Telecom peak rate. They were dating their young men for only a month or so before Cupid shot his arrow. She even told the young man from the department store about it, when she called in to return a skirt. He was fascinated. Well, she explained, it was a family tradition, that wedding proposals came quickly to the women.
‘I’m pregnant,’ Shirley casually told the girls at work, one morning over scrambled eggs and toast in the canteen.
‘Holy guacamole! Is it Declan’s?’ squeaked Amanda.
‘Of course it’s Declan’s,’ said Julie.
‘You know it’s Declan’s,’ said Shirley. Indignantly. ‘I’m not a prostitute in my spare time, you know.’
‘Oh, my God!’ cried the girls.
‘Oh. My. God.’
‘I know it’s a bit sudden, but there you are,’ said Shirley. ‘I’d be very grateful if you could all support me in this. I’m feeling a bit delicate.’ She looked at the faces of her stunned colleagues, and tried hard not to laugh.
‘Is this young pup going to marry you? That’s what I want to know’ Amanda had read too many hard-luck letters to think like an optimist any more.
‘Don’t be so old-fashioned,’ said Shirley, keeping them in suspense.
‘Is he, pet? We only want to know, so we can buy a present,’ soothed her friend. ‘We’re not making moral judgements.’
‘Yes, we
are
getting married. Sorry for teasing! In April. You’re all invited, of course. I may need one of you to be my bridesmaid, now I come to think of it. Kate is acting very strangely these days. She may be committed by April.’
‘She’ll get over it. What did your da say?’ Julie asked.
‘He keeps saying, “I’ll be in the front room, counting my life savings, if anyone wants me.”’
‘Aw, typical father!’ said Amanda. ‘They’re all the same.’
Marion told Eddy to start house-hunting for the young couple. Somewhere far enough away from Derryvolgie Avenue, so that Declan could feel independent. But near enough for Marion and Eddy to pop in every day to help out a little bit when the baby came, if they were needed.
‘Don’t you see?’ she said to Eddy, late one night. ‘This will be the making of him. Now that he has responsibilities.’
‘She’s a nice girl, isn’t she? Pretty enough. They’ll be happy, won’t they?’
‘Oh, yes. They’ll be very happy. Shirley is a sensible girl.’ And Eddy left it at that. Marion was delighted, and that was all that mattered to him.
Johnny Hogan had not been in touch again, and he should be jetting out of their lives for ever, any day soon. The ballroom was up for sale at last. There were notices in all the local papers. Eddy was sleeping better than he had for a long time. And Declan was going to be a doctor, after all. A little stint as general manager in the restaurant had put him off the hospitality business.
Shirley continued to tell everyone she knew at work that she was expecting a child. She thought it was better that way, to be honest from the start. And just in case she might suffer from a touch of morning sickness. Miss Bingham collapsed in the toilets when she heard the news. She dropped the china mug she had been rinsing in the sink, and it shattered into a hundred pieces. She had to be held up by two women from Self-Employed, and have cold water splashed on her face.
‘Well, I’m not surprised,’ she managed to whisper, when her blood pressure had returned to normal. ‘She’s got no manners. Like her sister, Kate. I had to sack her, you know. The language of her, when I told her! I blame the parents. My God! No doubt, Shirley’ll be in to the Housing Executive, looking for a free house off the taxpayer.’
‘Oh, not at all,’ said the first woman, whose name was Beryl. ‘She’s engaged to, some stunner, I believe. Some big, tall fella. I haven’t seen him, but they say he’s gorgeous. And his parents are very well off, and they’re buying them a house and paying for the wedding.’
‘I don’t believe it,’ said Miss Bingham.
‘Shirley’s landed on her feet and no mistake. Oh, yes!’ added Beryl’s friend, Kathy. ‘We’ll not see her in here with her hand out. I’m sure she’ll be handing in her notice, to tell you the truth.’
‘Oh, don’t tempt me!’ muttered Beryl. ‘Who, in their right mind, would work here if they didn’t have to?’ The women knew all the details. And Miss Bingham collapsed again. She wasn’t feeling right for days afterwards.
Neither was Kate. Shirley had destroyed the whole system and proper order of things. If Shirley went up the aisle first, it would make Kate look like an old maid, like a woman who had been passed over. And that was why she had decided to get married as well. She told Kevin they could set the date, after another few passionate afternoons on the lime-green sofa.
Kevin was so pleased with himself, he couldn’t concentrate on the garage, and didn’t get any cars fixed for two days. Kate told her parents she was getting wed immediately, and they began to plan for the expense. They told Shirley and Declan about it over supper one night. Declan didn’t want them to worry, especially since he felt partly responsible for this new development. He kindly suggested they have a double wedding.
Kate was initially against the idea, but in the end, she reluctantly agreed. She’d wanted a dream wedding with a fleet of limousines and expensive champagne and six bridesmaids; but her father had informed her that all he could provide was turkey and ham for forty. No frills. All the extras were up to herself and Kevin.
Marion Greenwood, on the other hand, was already up to her eyes in planning. She was having a lavish hot-and-cold buffet, ice sculptures, and a string quartet. (She was a big fan of the television show
Dallas
.) When Declan told her that he had offered to share his big day with Kevin and Kate, she was mildly disappointed. But Kevin didn’t have many relations, as it turned out, and they were all very shy; they could be squeezed in at another couple of tables near the back of the room. It was all agreed. Thankfully, the invitations had not yet been printed.
Kevin said he’d pay for a lovely honeymoon for Kate and himself, the suits for all the gents, and the wedding cars. Eddy shook his hand and said he was a good man. Marion Greenwood wasn’t exactly delighted that her only son’s glorious wedding was being hijacked by Shirley’s bossy sister, Kate. She had met Kate only twice and disliked her intensely. However, that was the only fly in the ointment, so she decided to be gracious.
Shirley wasn’t exactly pleased that Kate was sharing her big day either, but she didn’t have the energy to fight about it. On the positive side, it took the spotlight off her a little bit; and the pregnancy scandal was submerged in the terrific excitement of the double wedding. No one could remember any such thing happening in the district. And it had made her father very happy, to be relieved of the expense of the reception. Shirley sometimes resented Kate for the way she was turning the whole wedding into a drama-laden pantomime. But she kept quiet, and daydreamed of a little flat where she and Declan could be alone together at last.
She watched a programme about space, one Saturday morning, when she was alone in the house. The programme was designed for children, but Shirley found it fascinating. It explained how the universe did not have a top or a bottom, and, therefore, neither did the planets. It was quite a huge concept to take in. Shirley found the information more perplexing than enlightening. What exactly was it that kept all the planets and suns spinning along merrily in the black emptiness of the universe? A universe that had no top, and no bottom. And if it
was
God and he was so powerful, then why couldn’t he have helped her father and mother to find better jobs, and not spend the best years of their lives cleaning toilets and floor tiles? And smelling of very strong pine-scented disinfectant and eye-watering bleach?
Then she had to rush to the bathroom for another hearty session of morning sickness, and that put an end to her musings for the day. She knelt beside the toilet bowl, her shoulders heaving with the effort, unable to concentrate on anything except her body’s immediate physical needs. She was astonished at the power of her own body. It was like she had no control over it. Afterwards, she lay on the floor sweating, exhausted, purged and calm. Being sick was a little bit like making love, she thought sadly.
After a few minutes, Shirley began to shiver. She dragged herself to the sink and splashed some warm water onto her face. And even though she could hardly be bothered to, she brushed her teeth as well. It would be horrible later, if she didn’t. Her face in the pretty seashell mirror was grey and terrified. She wondered if she’d look this awful on her wedding day. She wanted to look nice for her family. Weddings were for the bride and groom’s families, really, she thought. She and Declan had made their vows to one another in other places, in other ways. She padded down the hall to her tiny bedroom and lowered herself delicately onto her little bed, drawing the patchwork quilt over her shoulders. She always felt cold when the morning sickness subsided. She wouldn’t think so much in the future, she decided. She’d try to be more like Kate, who was a complete idiot, but very happy most of the time. She tried to concentrate on the background noises of the street. A dog barking, some builders hammering, a police siren. But it was hard to stop thinking when you were all alone in an empty house, and your stomach muscles were aching from nausea. Would Kevin and Kate be happy, she wondered. Would
she
be happy with Declan, for that matter? Would Declan get bored with her? Would he dump her in September for a clever fellow student with blonde hair and tight jeans? Would their eyes meet over the cadavers in the dissecting hall, and would that be the end of Shirley Winters and her big ideas about love? ‘Stop it,’ she told herself. ‘I’m just run down because of the nausea, and it’s making me morbid,’ she confided to her old teddy bear. ‘Declan loves me. He does.’
Even though the room was bright, Shirley closed her eyes and drew the quilt tighter around herself. The shivering stopped and she relaxed. She slept for a while and dreamt that all the planets were held up by string, and that her parents won the lottery and threw away their stinky mops for ever.
Kate told everyone she was getting married on the same day as her sister, in a shared ceremony, because she’d been madly in love with Kevin McGovern all along, and just hadn’t realized it.
The date was set for 21 April. Shirley’s morning sickness would have settled down by then, and the bump would still be only tiny. Mrs Winters went shopping for hats on a full-time basis, breaking for lasagne in Maguire’s coffee shop at lunchtime. Mr Winters spent a lot of time putting up more shelves in the shed. In time, he came to terms with the shock and was happy that his unpredictable daughters had finally managed to snare themselves some decent men. And secretly very pleased that they were having a joint wedding. It would save him a fortune, although that wouldn’t be a nice thing to say out loud. The Greenwoods were paying for the food, Declan and Shirley’s honeymoon, even the iced fruitcake. And Kevin was forking out his share too, praise the Lord. So all he had to pay for was Kate’s dress. He was in seventh heaven, until Kate decided she would like a designer gown, specially created just for her. And he was plunged into worry once more.