The Ballad of Aramei (34 page)

I turn my head to look at her beside me. “How can he be so cruel and heartless?” I bite my bottom lip, forcing the new tears back that burn my sinuses. She had already told me how, but I just can’t accept that.

Eva suddenly retracts her hand from my hair and places both of them within her lap. She appears quietly nervous. And without having to say a word, all the servants in the cabin stop what they’re doing in the same moment and shuffle out the front door. It’s as if she had commanded them somehow, but that can’t be. I come to understand even more now how much of a trained collective they all are, how they know what is being asked of them simply by a gesture or the language of Eva’s body. To be a servant is to be as vigilant.

When the last girl is out and the door is closed, Eva looks over at me and says, “For the sake of your kind, he must be dethroned.”

And for the second time in less than five full minutes, I’m stunned into an unmoving shell.

Chapter 25

SHE PEERS IN AT me, her eyes soft but heavy with what feels to me like the weight of the world. She has done nothing less than seal her own fate by speaking those ten crippling words and although it would never be me who admitted to hearing them, she never would’ve said something so damning if she didn’t already believe that she would be dead soon.

I turn away from her eyes because I feel like the longer I look into them the guiltier I will become.

“It has been a long time coming,” she says. “Those who are loyal to him will always be loyal—Lord Nataša.” She glances at the door indicating those outside, “But there are many who only pretend to be and would follow suit when the time came.”

“
Shit
, Eva!” I hiss through my teeth, “Why are you
saying
this?” My eyes dart back and forth between her and the windows; I worry that anyone could be listening.

“Because it must be said. Because he has been destroying the lineage for the last two hundred and fifty years, since the morning he plucked Aramei from the aftermath. Since he forbade Nataša her duty as his Right Hand and the upholder of his own laws, to destroy Viktor Vargas and his rogue bloodline. Because in choosing love over duty, in taking something from a madman such as Viktor, Trajan’s reign became only to have power over
her
and nothing else. Everything he has done since that day has been for
her
and not the sake of his own race. He has been blinded by his love for her; his need to protect her…Adria, he became a rogue of a different kind. And a rogue with Sovereignty is a death sentence to all.”

I let out the breath I had been holding in unknowingly and then I spring up from the couch.

“I don’t know why you’re telling me this,” I lash out, raising my hands up in surrender as I pace the floor. I stop suddenly and throw my gaze harshly upon her. “You really need to get out more.” I laugh a hopeless, disturbing laugh and start to pace again. “If you knew the crap that I’ve already been through with this family—what I went through just
last night
in losing one of my best friends and watching her kill Isaac’s sister—.” I kick the coffee table and stop to stare coldly at her, my teeth clenched so tightly that the skin around my lips crumples into a series of hard lines. “WHY ME?! Why couldn’t you…,” I’m searching my head for someone who could actually fit the bill and my hand darts out to point at the front door. “Why not Raul, huh? Why not any one of Trajan’s oh-so-loyal guards who have obviously been pinned under his goddamned boot heel for a couple hundred years? WHY PUT THIS ON
ME
?!”

Eva doesn’t flinch as I roar at her.

“Because you’re the only one I can speak to,” she says composed. “I am no longer even allowed to converse with Isaac.”

I shake my head helplessly and sigh heavily.

“He is the epitome of madness, Adria. You think that Viktor is dangerous, but Viktor is predictable. Milord is beyond anything you can imagine.”

“Why do you stay here?” I say, exasperated. I think I’m just trying to find something else to talk about, but I know I can’t get any of this out of my head.

I run over and thrust my feet down into my shoes, bending over and slipping my finger into the heel so I can get them on. I almost fall over.

“You know what—I’ll be back tonight like Trajan told me to be.” I stomp over and stare down at her. “And when I come back, I’m ordering you not to speak a word of this anymore to me, or to anyone else. I swear-to-God. You got that?”

Eva stands and bows to me with every bit of respect. “Yes, Milady.”

This time I don’t feel any need to tell her not to call me that. I just don’t care. I also don’t care that I was ever able to act like the Alpha’s ‘wife’ and that it didn’t feel odd but felt completely natural.

I rush out the front door and jump into Raul’s SUV and he takes me back home.

~~~

I spend the rest of the day in a haze and I start to feel like how Sebastian felt just before he left for home. I don’t blame him one bit because I see more and more as I’m confronted with unbelievable truths and obstacles that this isn’t an easy life to live. My life before, the lonely one I felt stuck in with Jeff and my mom, it was frickin’ Disneyland compared to this.

After lying in Isaac’s bed for several hours while he’s out with Nathan, I finally lift up from the pillow and look across the room at myself in the mirror. I get up and walk over to stand in front of it and I see that I look exactly the same as I always have, yet I look completely different. Maybe it’s the eyes. The differences are all on the inside and can only be seen through the eyes. I peer even closer, propping my hands against the dresser and leaning in, practically pressing my face into the glass and I look deeply into my own eyes. I don’t know what I’m looking for, but I know that something’s there, staring back at me and I just can’t find it. I let out a deep breath and lower my head, letting it hang freely between my shoulders.

The bedroom door clicks open.

“I need to make amends,” Alex says coming inside.

I turn around and lean against the dresser, looking at her questioningly.

“With Aunt Beverlee and Uncle Carl,” she says.

It takes a second to notice I’m actually smiling. I let my hands drop to my sides and I walk over to put on my shoes. “I think that’s a great idea,” I say, stepping down into them and not even bothering to bend over to tie them properly. “We’ll go right now.” Her suggestion couldn’t have come at a more appropriate time; I need to breathe some human home-life air for a few hours.

Alex looks surprised and then shrugs. “Awesome. Who’s going to take us?”

“We’ll take Isaac’s Jeep.” I reach into the nightstand drawer and pluck out the spare set of keys.

Alex raises a brow. “You haven’t even gotten your license yet, have you?” She’s grinning like a trouble-maker.

I shrug and slip my purse over one shoulder. “No, I’m too busy turning into a werewolf and watching people die and all that
freaking awesome
stuff, to worry about crap like driver’s licenses and graduation.” Of course, I’m being totally sarcastic.

Alex smiles. “Well, you’ve gotta admit one thing.”

“Yeah, what’s that?” I stop in front of her, dangling the keys in my hand.

“You’d never go back to that old way of life even if you could.”

I hate to admit it, especially after my little inner tantrum at the mirror, but she’s right.

“Let’s go,” I say walking past her and stepping into the hall.

We pull into the driveway of Uncle Carl and Aunt Bev’s house and Alex looks halfway nervous sitting in the passenger’s seat. And I’m always a little nervous nowadays when I visit or talk to them over the phone because I feel so guilty for everything. Not so much anymore what happened to Uncle Carl—though I’ll always feel somewhat guilty for that—but because of what I am and how I can’t tell them anything. I have to lie to them constantly about why I’m gone so much and it’s really hard because I know Aunt Bev feels abandoned. Uncle Carl probably feels the same way, but he’s not as easy to read as Beverlee. I told Alex yesterday all about what happened to Uncle Carl last winter and she was taken aback by it. And then the anger followed because it was someone from the Vargas pack that caused the car wreck that put Uncle Carl in the hospital.

I put the Jeep in park and we sit here for a moment.

“What if they still don’t want me in the house?”

“They’re too forgiving for that.”

Alex sighs and gazes at the wrap-around porch.

“I think it’ll make them feel better knowing that you’re alright and this time, sincere about your apologies.”

She is definitely a far cry from when she came here the last time to ‘make amends’. She still has that cocky Vargas attitude, but it doesn’t feel uncomfortable to be around her.

I open the front door of the house and wait with Alex as Beverlee meets us. She’s smiling hugely at me until Alex steps up from behind and into view.

“Alexandra?”

Alex smiles weakly and raises her hand to wave awkwardly. “Hi Aunt Beverlee.” And then she puts up both hands and says, “I swear I’m not here to cause trouble.”

Beverlee casts a skeptic glance at Alex and then at me, before pushing the door open the rest of the way and replacing skepticism with happiness.

“Come in,” she says.

We spend the rest of the day with them and I couldn’t be more pleased with how things turned out. Alex was on her very best behavior and she even got up numerous times while we were all talking in the den to get Uncle Carl a fresh glass of tea and to top off his cheese dip and bowl of Tostitos. She
really
shocked me when she started a load of Aunt Bev’s laundry. I laughed under my breath, thinking about how she’s laying it all on a bit thick. But it was genuine and that’s all that mattered.

And to make the day even better, I got a call from Harry. He wouldn’t say where he’s hiding out at because he doesn’t want to risk Minna finding out where he is, but at least I know he’s safe. Of course Daisy is with him.

By six o’clock, Alex and I migrate upstairs to her old room where she just scans it for a brief moment instead of diving into everything like I thought she would.

“What’s wrong?” I say, standing at the foot of her bed that hasn’t been slept in in months. The bedspread is still plastered tightly over the mattress.

“It’s just…well none of this is me anymore,” she says looking around. “I try to picture myself coming back here and finishing out school, but I just can’t imagine it anymore, y’know?” Her gaze falls on me.

I nod, but it takes me a moment to answer because I’m thinking about what she said except replacing her feelings with my own.

“Yeah, actually I do know.” I walk over and sit on the chair that is always overlooking the window. “I intend to graduate, though I’m not sure why it matters anymore. Not like I’m going to get to go off to college or anything.” I pause because I realize that I’m not making a good case. “It’s just that nothing normal feels necessary anymore.” I nod at my own words, finally finding something that actually holds true and hoping that I can make some sense of it. “Alex, I feel weird when I go the grocery store. Seriously. Or, when I pumped the gas in the Jeep on our way over here. I don’t know why or how I’m supposed to feel about it.”

Alex sits on the end of her bed and leans over, resting her elbows on her legs.

“I don’t trust myself here, Dria.” She looks away from me. “I don’t trust myself around humans at all. I know I can never go back to this.”

I swallow down my agreement.

“Can I come in?” Beverlee says from the doorway and Alex and I turn our heads around swiftly.

I wonder how much she heard and already I’m rewinding the things we said back through my mind looking for any incriminating keywords. But aside from those, pretty much our entire conversation was not something I wanted Beverlee to hear.

Aunt Bev walks in, smiling warmly and just seeing her face like that makes me feel worse.

“I can’t force either one of you to stay here,” she says. “Adria, you’ll be eighteen next month—but I’m really concerned.”

I start to speak, but Beverlee stops me.

“Let me finish,” she says kindly, “I need to say a few things.”

Alex and I just look at her, giving her the go ahead.

“You both always have a place here; I hope you’ll never forget that. But whatever you decide to do or wherever you choose to live, I don’t think I can sleep at night—.” She lets out a sharp breath. “I don’t sleep
now
, but I’d like to again someday. I just worry you’re getting wrapped up in a dangerous lifestyle and that’s the last thing I want for you.”

Wow, there’s absolutely nothing I can say to that. Dangerous doesn’t even begin to cover it. But I know that Beverlee is referring to things like drugs and alcohol and abuse.

I stand up from the chair.

“Aunt Bev,” I say, “I can promise you that neither one of us are into drugs or anything even remotely close to that. No one that we hang out with is, either. Isaac and his family are wonderful and he wants the best for me as much as you do.” I feel guilty telling Beverlee this at all because the last thing I want is for her to feel that I’m choosing another family over her. She has been nothing but great to me and no one could ever replace her in my heart.

I make a decision in this moment, though I think it’s one that I made after I returned from Athens Regional not long ago and I step right up to Aunt Bev, cupping her elbows in my hands.

“You’re not like a mother to me,” I say and her face becomes faintly confused. “You
are
my mother.”

It felt so right to say it.

Beverlee’s eyes coat with moisture and in seconds tears stream down her cheeks. She grabs me and pulls me toward her, wrapping her arms tightly around me. Her chest rattles with happy sobs.

“That means a lot to me,” she says, pulling away.

“Well, I’m serious and I want you to know that when I decide I need to move away from here, that it’s just your very grateful not-so-teenage daughter moving on with her life.”