The Bad Boys of Eden (121 page)

“You were the first since then.”

He shoved his hands in his hair and stared at the ceiling. Shit. Shit. Shit. And he’d been rough and careless and a fucking brute every single time. Because when it came to Bonnie, he couldn’t maintain control. She needed gentle. Kid gloves. He knew that even without the whole story.

“Dex.” She touched his chest. “It’s not a bad thing. I’m really glad it was you.”

Buzzz. Buzzz
.

“That’s going to be my ride to the plane.” She tried to push off his chest and stand, but he wrapped his arms around her and stopped her.

“Stay with me. We have a whole week. Let me make it up to you.”

Her eyes widened in obvious shock and her teeth sank into her bottom lip. “I want to,” she said, her voice soft. “But I—I can’t.”

“Why not? I know you don’t have to get back to work.”

Bonnie took a deep breath and blew it out a tiny bit at a time, obviously clearing her thoughts. “I have to go, Dex. I’ve been thinking about making some important changes in my life and—” She hesitated. “I want to find a Dom who wants me like I want him. Not temporarily. I think it’s time.”

Dex ground his teeth together. The thought of her submitting to a different man didn’t sit well at all. He wasn’t quite ready to focus on that. “Then stay the rest of the week and when we get home, I’ll help you find the right Dom.”

Her face fell. “I can’t. If I stay with you any longer, I won't have enough pieces of my heart left to put it back together again. I’m not like you. I can’t do casual, no matter how good it sounds.”

This time she hauled herself off the couch and ran to the door. He heard her tell the woman who’d arrived that she needed five minutes to get dressed and she’d meet her outside.

Dex gathered the coffee cups and supplies and carried them to the kitchen. She was right. He had to let her go. She deserved happiness, and for that she needed a firm but gentle Dom. His polar opposite. So why did his chest hurt so much he couldn’t breathe?

Chapter Thirteen

Ten days had passed since he watched Bonnie leave the cottage and walk out of his life. And it felt like months. He left the island shortly after she did and immediately buried himself in work at the tattoo shop. He took on extra appointments and stayed busy enough to keep thoughts of her at bay.

He still contended with the nights. Dex hadn't returned to Purgatory. While he didn’t need the job for the money, it did serve as an outlet for his physical desires. But after the less than satisfying night in the Eden dungeon, he was in no hurry to get back into the play scene.

While he only spent one night a month in a scene with Bonnie, it had been more than a year since he’d gone this long without seeing her. It surprised him how much he missed her. Her smile lit up a room and her loyalty to her friends at Purgatory inspired most of the staff and him a hell of a lot more than he realized. Some nights he only went to work because he wanted to see her, and now everything had changed for them both.

“You planning to mope around here again tonight?”

Dex lifted his brow at his friend and business partner, Sterling Cage. They’d been working together a long time now and it wasn’t a surprise he noticed how his trip to Eden had fucked up his mood. “I’m going to ignore you just said that.”

“That’s one option.”

Unfortunately, his friend came into his office space and took a seat in front of his desk instead of going away.

“Dare I ask what you think my other option is?”

“Tell me what happened on that island to get your panties in such a twist.”

Dex frowned. “Your ability to put together such an eloquent sentence astounds me. Don’t you have anything more important to do than harass me while I work?”

“Well, that’s the thing. It’s great you’re here and working your ass off. The problem is you’re scaring the kids.”

Dex rolled his eyes. “Pussies.” It was not in his job description to baby their employees. More importantly he didn’t want to talk about Bonnie.

“Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, you’ve got a bug up your ass and you need to get it out.”

Dex took a deep breath and tried to regain his fast fading composure. Taking off his friend’s head probably wasn’t the smartest move. His saving grace came in the form of his phone ringing. He picked it up from the desk and saw Gabe was calling. “I’ve got to take this.”

Sterling stood. “Understood. Later if you decide you want to talk, I’ll be around. Otherwise maybe lay off the gloom and doom attitude.”

“Message received.” Now to get over the next obstacle in getting his life back. He turned his attention to the phone and swiped the screen to answer, grateful to escape his friend’s inquisition.

“Hey,” Dex said.

“So you aren’t dead.”

“Not yet.” Dex picked up his pencil and absently started shading in the tiger tattoo he’d just drawn.

“What’s going on with you, Dex?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, for starters, are you planning to come back to work? I’m being bombarded with submissives who miss their favorite Dom.”

“Yeah, I’ve just been busy.” Only because he’d over-scheduled every day since he returned from Eden.

“I wasn’t surprised to hear from Roan that you were a hit in the island dungeon. I was, however, surprised to learn Bonnie left after only two days. Care to explain?”

Gabe’s question set him on edge. “Bonnie was my submissive at the time. We both know what happened is none of your business.”

“Bullshit. Jim was my friend too and I feel just as responsible for her as you do.”

He doubted that. “So that’s why you tried to set us up? Because it’s what Jim wanted? That’s low, man, even for you.”

Dex could hear Gabe’s exasperation in the heavy sigh that came over the line. “No, you ass. I set you up because you two want each other so bad you can’t stand it. And I figured you were never going to work through your issues in a club scene. You needed time away from here to talk and tell each other the truth.”

“That didn’t work out so well did it? Her story tore me up, but it reinforced the fact that she needs a gentle Dom. Someone like Jim who will firmly guide her in love and submission. Not someone like me who is bound to hurt her.”

Gabe laughed. “Wow. She has made you dumb as hell. Of course that’s what love does when it sneaks up on you.”

Dex stopping working on his drawing and stood. “What I feel or don’t feel has nothing to do with this. It’s about her and what she needs. I’m not going to fuck up her life.”

“Dumb, deaf and blind. Jesus, Dex. Jim was interested in you taking her on because of exactly who you are. Not because he thought you’d be someone different for her.”

“But I have been different with her. I hold back.” Except at Eden. He’d been driven by instinct after finding her on the beach and couldn’t stop.

“I’ve seen your scenes with Bonnie. You may think you're holding back, but you aren't. That woman likes your brand of pain play as much as you do. If you can’t see that, then there may be no hope for you.”

Dex didn’t know what to say. His mind churned at warp speed as memory after memory took over. Bonnie on his cross, Bonnie tied to the table and Bonnie on his bed taking a belt. His grip on control was faltering once again. If this is what love did to him, he had no idea how to embrace it or get the hell away from it.

Wait. Love?

“This is insane, Gabe.”

“Yeah, it is. But tell me this. How do you feel about me setting her up with someone else tonight?”

Dex felt his chest tighten. He had half a mind to go to Purgatory and pound on Gabe for a while. He wouldn't let up. It was inevitable this would happen but the thought made him see red. She wanted more from him than he could afford to give. “I can’t take chances with her, Gabe. She deserves to be with someone who won’t hurt her.”

“She deserves to be with someone who loves her. Who will care for her.”

“I’m not a caretaker. I'm a pain giver and that's it. You know that.”

“Bullshit. I’ve never seen anyone take more care with every woman he touches. You may not have done long-term with any of them, but you damn well made sure every one of them left you a happy submissive. That’s caretaking, Dex.”

His chest tightened the more this conversation dragged on. “Bottom line, Gabe. Bonnie needs someone who hasn’t been warped by the shit I’ve done. She’s sweet and kind and tender-hearted. We both knew the score when this started. It was nothing but a temporary arrangement and it’s better she cut her losses with me now before she really gets hurt. You of all people know who I am. You should not be questioning this decision.”

“Don’t let her go because you think you might become your father, Dex. You are not your father’s son. He was a selfish, evil prick who cared for no one but himself. He’s dead and gone. It’s time to let it go and love the woman you need.”

“You really do think you’re some kind of kinky cupid don’t you? Enough with the lecture. What’s done is done.”

“I disagree. It’s not over until it’s too late. But time is running out. If you don’t believe me, come see for yourself. Tonight. Think about it. Gotta run.”

“Okay, I’ll think about it. Fuck.” The phone call disconnected and Dex dropped it into his pocket.

Gabe may have meant well, but his speech had given Dex one hell of a headache. He walked over to the coffeemaker in the corner of the room and poured a cup, hoping to shake the crap thoughts out of his head. One look at the black sludge someone had made and he knew it wouldn’t be enough. He opened the cabinet overhead and pulled out a bottle of whiskey and added a generous amount to his mug.

Now maybe he’d get somewhere.

The rest of the day progressed with no further interruptions and he was damned grateful. Although Bonnie was never far from his thoughts. All afternoon he’d questioned everything. He replayed every moment of the island through his mind again and again. He’d needed more time to get her out of his system, but she’d been smart enough to admit anymore time with him and the intense emotions brought on by their scenes would carry over where it shouldn’t. He admired her for recognizing and voicing her limitations.

He glanced at the clock on his computer and imagined Bonnie arriving at work a little early. She was always punctual and well-prepared. She’d don her black corset and sheer black skirt she thought somehow hid her body better than the short skirts the other subs wore. Little did she know, the see through black material made her even more alluring. Every man in the club wanted to be the one to take it off her.

Shit.

If Gabe really connected her with a Dom tonight, she’d be gone forever. Did Gabe even know her history? An introduction to the wrong man without that information could be disastrous. He had to warn him. Dex dug through all the drawings scattered across his desk looking for his phone when his gaze landed on the sketch from the island. He wanted to give her that drawing while they were there and never got a chance.

The artwork now included a naked Bonnie outside a glass window, looking out at the ocean. She’d been an amazing gift to him that night. He would never forget it.

His phone sat next to the drawing. He could call Gabe and hash out Bonnie’s past or he could do whatever it takes to make sure she was cared for properly.

With the decision made, he scooped up his phone and headed for the door. He wanted to touch her one more time…

Chapter Fourteen

Perched at the second floor entrance to Purgatory, it felt strange not to see Dex working at the flogging station. Before Eden, she could always count on seeing him at work if nothing else. It also made her sad she couldn’t stop thinking about him. Although that didn’t deter her from moving forward. The days since her return had been a whirlwind of paperwork and testing to get re-admitted to college. Classes started next week, giving her only a few days to kill before things got hectic.

So on impulse she contacted Gabe and accepted his offer to help her find a Dom and he set up a meet and greet for tonight with someone new. But she missed Dex. Whenever she had a moment to breathe, her mind wandered back to him.

It also felt awkward to have someone else setting her up with a Dom. What if there was no chemistry? No spark? She might be making a mistake.

The door beside her opened and a group of women entered, flashing their VIP passes. They were each dressed in teeny-tiny outfits that showed off their perfect bodies. Bonnie pasted on a smile and hoped no one could tell it wasn't real. She scanned each of their tickets and watched them disappear into the crowd. How was she supposed to compete with that?

Every unattached submissive she knew already told her ad nauseum that all the good Doms are taken, and there was no shortage of submissives searching. So she had to work on her patience. That was doable. Her time with Dex taught her she was ready to broaden her experiences and pursue something more than before. And her time with both Jim and Dex was filled with meaningful lessons that made her a better submissive. If it took a while to find the right person, so be it.

So why did her heart still ache for the man she couldn’t have?

“Bonnie.”

The sudden sound of Dex behind her caught her off guard and she had to grab the railing to steady herself. She didn’t turn right away to look at the man she thought of night and day. Instead, she took a deep breath to slow her racing heart. Everything about him remained seared in her memory. The short dark hair he always ran his hands through when he was on edge, the five o’clock shadow on him no matter what time of day it was, and the intensity that burned in his eyes when he looked at her.

“Bonnie,” he said again, this time in a more commanding tone. The Dom voice he knew would get her to turn around no matter what. He was right. She swiveled on the stool and found him only inches away from her face. A weird sense of déjà vu reminded her that a night two weeks ago had started just like this.

“Dex.” She averted her eyes when she said it. If she looked at him she wanted to touch him and touching was definitely off the menu. He wasn’t dressed in the dungeon leathers or his utility kilt that he favored when he worked. In fact, he looked a little worse for wear in well-worn jeans with ink stains on his right thigh and a plain navy blue shirt with the logo of his tattoo shop printed on the pocket.

She would regret never having visited him there. She'd always wanted to watch him work ink into skin with a needle. The process fascinated her.

“I thought you weren’t working tonight,” she said. Her hands dropped into her lap and she twisted them together in an effort to forget what she just said. He now probably thought she’d been keeping tabs on his comings and goings.

"I’m not working. I came to see you.”

Bonnie’s jaw dropped open. “But why? We agreed to let things go.”

“No, you decided to let things go and I went along with it because I thought it was for the best.”

“Was?” She tamped down on the hope trying to spring free. She could not get snared into those dreams again.

“I was hoping we could talk. Take a break and come outside with me. We can go down to the park.”

The idea of being in the greenway park at the far end of the building that housed both Purgatory and the attached restaurant, Fire and Ice, sounded romantic and extremely dangerous to her peace of mind. Thank God she had an out. She shook her head. “Can’t. They’re already shorthanded around here. Gabe said it’d be a little late before he could give me a break. Besides, opening the wound definitely isn’t going to help. I’m trying to move on. I even have a meet and greet scheduled for later.”

“A meet and greet? What the fuck is that?”

Mortified, Bonnie glanced around to see if anyone was watching. To her horror, more than a few sets of eyes were, including Gabe and her best friend Cass.

“Dex, shhh.” She nodded her head to their observers. “We’re attracting attention.”

He turned and saw whom she meant. “They’re just waiting to see if I hoist you over my shoulder and carry you home like the caveman they think I am.”

She didn’t know how to take that. “No one thinks you’re a caveman.”

A deep masculine sound from deep inside his chest rumbled over her and shot straight to her heart. How long had it been since she heard him chuckle?

“Maybe not a caveman, but there are other names I’ll hear if you wont hear me out.”

“Hey, Dex. Welcome back.”

Bonnie fought to keep a straight face as one of the regular unattached, and available for play anytime, submissives greeted Dex.

“Hey, Kelly. Perfect timing. Would you mind monitoring the door here for about fifteen minutes or so, so I can talk to Bonnie?”

The woman smiled up at Dex, with a look that said anything he wanted was available for the taking. “Sure thing, Dex. Are you taking signups for tonight? I’d love to play a little.”

“I’m afraid not. I just came in to see Bonnie.”

The woman’s brow furrowed in obvious disappointment. Bonnie was so entertained by Kelly’s machinations it hadn’t sunk in what Dex did until he’d grabbed her elbow and was steering her towards the stairs.

“Wait. Dex. We can’t—”

“Sure we can. We’re just going upstairs, so if anyone needs something they’ll know where to find you.”

Not up for making any more of a scene, she allowed him to drag her up the flight of stairs and into the employee locker room.

“I don’t understand what’s gotten into you. What’s so important it can’t wait?”

“I don’t feel right about the way things ended,” he said.

“Dex, you don’t have to do this.” Actually she wasn’t sure she could take reliving the end. Her flight home had turned into a heart-wrenching experience, between her fear of flying and the unshed tears she refused to spill after Dex’s offer. He still had his hand wrapped around her arm and she tried to pull free. “Please. You were crystal clear about where we were headed. There’s nothing left to hash out. Gabe is helping me now.”

He compressed his lips and frowned. He obviously didn’t want to hear about what Gabe was doing for her.

“I made a mistake.”

“How so?” she asked, preparing to bolt as soon as she could.

“I shouldn’t have let you leave. You opened up to me and you deserved more consideration for something so important. Although I will say, that information about your sexual well-being is information I should have had from the get go.”

“Dammit, Dex. I’m not your submissive anymore, even temporarily, so you can’t keep lecturing me on what I should and should not do. I’m on my own now.” Whatever he was thinking he needed to stop. She couldn’t let hope crawl into her heart again. Not where he was concerned.

“It’s important because things could have been different. I would have been more careful. Jesus, Bonnie. Do you know how it makes me feel to remember how rough I was with you? You needed kid gloves.”

Bonnie tried to shove at his chest and get him away from her, but he didn’t move. He towered over her like a damn mountain. An immovable mountain who appeared to be going nowhere until he said what he wanted to say.

“You’re seriously pissing me off, Dex. What the hell is that supposed to mean? I need kid gloves. Are you out of your mind?”

“Probably. But I can’t get you out of my head. You’re stuck like a thorn I can't extricate.”

“Oh thanks, that makes me so much better.”

He shook his head. “This isn’t coming out right. I’m telling you I can’t stop thinking about you. That wasn’t supposed to happen. But it did.”

Her head was starting to throb for all the sense he was making. If he couldn’t stop thinking about her, what did it mean? Against her will, a kernel of hope wedged into the corner of her heart.

“You deserve a good and gentle man. Not someone with a violent past who refuses to get into a serious relationship for fear of the danger.”

Now she was really confused. Bonnie started to touch him and stopped, instead propping her hands on her hips. “I don’t know what you’re trying to say. I feel like I’ve walked into the middle of a conversation about me and I’ve missed the most important parts."

Dex took a step back and shoved his hands through his hair as was his habit when he struggled with something. She’d seen it more than once and it gave her a small token of comfort to know that about him. He wasn’t infallible. He could possibly be as imperfect as her.

“When I was eleven, I saw my father nearly kill a woman and I almost let it happen because I didn’t know how to stop him. Was afraid to stop him.”

Bonnie gasped before she could prevent it. Her hand flew to her mouth to smother it, but it was too late.

“Dex, I don't know what to say."

“Dear old dad was a violent angry man who liked to take out his frustrations on women. First my mother, and then when she would run away, he’d find other women to bring home and beat. I tried to be smart and leave in the morning before he woke up and not come home until late after he’d passed out. That night I came home too early and made the mistake of sticking my nose in his business.”

Bonnie’s stomach churned the more he spoke. She was afraid to find out how this story ended. Which didn't stop her from asking anyway. “What happened?”

“When I saw how badly he'd injured the woman, I tried to distract him from her. It worked and as I was about to take the next beating, she intervened, grabbing his attention long enough for me to run. He chased me and got really close to catching me. Luckily, I made it out the door and he tripped on the steps. I ran ten blocks to my best friend’s house and his parents called 911.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “The cops barely made it in time to save her. She spent a month in a coma because of me.” He’d started prowling through the room like a caged animal about to pounce.

“God, Dex. You were a kid. What were you supposed to do? Die in her place?”

“Maybe. No. It messed me up for a long time. I grew angry and at fifteen, I hit a growth spurt and I was no longer small. I hooked up with some bad kids. One thing led to another and the next thing I knew, I was fighting for my life five nights a week in an underground fight ring.”

The anguish in his eyes broke her resistance. He'd given a piece of himself to her that she'd bet her life he rarely gave to anyone.

“So now you see why I can’t be the gentle Dom you need. My father used violence to deal with his shitty life and when I couldn’t take it anymore I too turned to violence. When I stopped fighting, I came here for an outlet. History is simply waiting to be repeated.”

“Dex, don’t take what I’m about to say the wrong way because what you went through was hell and no child ever deserves that kind of life. But using it as your excuse to shut me out at Eden… Well, that’s just bullshit. That’s not who you are, so I’m never going to believe you’ll morph into an evil clone of your father when you find a woman who means something to you. That’s plain dumb.” She was so angry she shook, torn between burying her face in his chest and clinging to the hope that had taken hold, or walking out on his ass. She was about to explode.

“My head knows that, but it’s taken a long time for the rest of me to believe it.”

She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. “Why do you keep talking about me needing a gentle Dom? When did I ever say I wished you were gentler? Where is that coming from?”

“Jim was a Daddy Dom. You were his baby girl and you were happy with him.”

Bonnie snorted. “You’re right. Jim was gentle. Nearly always too gentle when it came to me. And I frustrated him. He would spank me when I needed punishment and I got off. I don’t think I was supposed to love it that much. So he’d spank me harder the next time and I still got off. Not long after that experiment, he introduced me to you. I guess why is kind of obvious now. I don’t need a gentle Dom, despite what you think, and he knew it.”

Dex dropped into one of the comfy chairs that occupied the lounge and his hands went through his hair again. “And I told him no,” he whispered.

“What did you say?" Bonnie strained to understand what he'd just said. "You told him no? To what?”

Dex didn’t answer right away, but he didn’t have to. They’d talked about this. “Oh my God. He did want you to take me didn’t he?
You knew
.” Bonnie wrapped her arms around her waist and slid against the wall until she was nearly to the floor. The weight pressing in on her chest was more than she could bear. The room started to spin. “I was right all along. Every man I’ve ever been with didn’t want me.”

The sound of blood rushed through her ears as tears splashed on her cheeks like wild rain. It was one thing to suspect it and another thing entirely when all her fears were confirmed. Bonnie banged her head on the wall and wished for the floor to open up and swallow her so she could escape this nightmare.