Authors: Dallas Schulze
"I don't know," Kelly said slowly. "I couldn't speak for Dan."
"Why don't you ask him? It would be nice to get together as couples, wouldn't it?"
"It would have to be up to Dan," Kelly said, thinking it unlikely that he'd have any interest in taking her out among f his friends.
"Why don't you ask him? Maybe dinner at El Gato Gordo i a week from Saturday?"
"Maybe. I'll ask him," Kelly promised, though she was sure she already knew what his answer would be.
Considering their strained relationship these past few days, it was difficult to imagine even approaching him on the subject.
Dan fingered the envelope in his pocket as he climbed the stairs. It had seemed like such a good idea when he first thought of it. Kelly wanted to get a degree so she could be a librarian. But she couldn't think about college until she had her high-school diploma. And to get that she had to take a high-school equivalency test.
When he'd picked up the application, it had seemed like a good way to break down the barrier that Kelly had forced between them. She would be excited by the idea of taking a step toward getting her degree, she'd think it was thoughtful of him to have gotten her started. They would be able to put this awkwardness behind them and get on with life. Now he wasn't quite so sure.
She might look on this as interference on his part Lord knows, he'd interfered with her life in some pretty major ways already. Maybe he should just ditch the application and pretend he'd never had the idea in the first place.
But she had looked so wistful when she'd talked about becoming a librarian, as if she were talking about something she could only dream of doing. She'd had so little in her life. He didn't see any reason why she shouldn't have this.
Besides, he needed something to get her talking to him again. He missed her. He missed that shy smile; he missed talking to her about what he was doing, listening to her tell him how she'd spent her day. They might be still sharing the same place, but she'd pulled back so that there were times when he felt almost as if he lived alone.
They'd come close to... to what? He stopped halfway up the stairs, frowning into space. Just what had they been heading for? Not exactly friendship. A certain acceptance, maybe. Whatever it was, it had taken only that one little kiss to shatter it into a million pieces.
Of course, calling it "one little kiss" was rather like calling War and Peace an interesting little story. It didn't even begin to describe what had happened. The minute he'd touched her, he had forgotten everything but the need to have her in his arms, to feel her melt for him.
He'd forgotten everything that had gone between them, including her pregnancy. It wasn't the idea that she was carrying his child that had made his head swim with desire. It had been the scent of her, the taste of her, the feel of her against him.
If she hadn't pulled back, he didn't have any doubt that they would have ended up in bed. Which, of course, wasn't at all what their arrangement had been. He scowled at a potted geranium that sat in front of old Mr. Tancredi's door.
That arrangement was beginning to annoy him. It seemed that every time he and Kelly began to really develop an understanding, something happened to remind one or the other of them of that damned arrangement
He had no intention of expecting Kelly to simply hand her child over to him and then walk out of their lives. It was important for a child to know both parents. They had created a child together. Why couldn't they just go from there and see what happened?
He drew the envelope out of his pocket, tapping it absently against his thigh. The application could either help melt the wall between them or it could build it even higher. He wanted
Kelly to have her dream. And to do that, she had to start somewhere.
When Kelly heard the front door open she looked up from the lettuce she'd been tearing up for a salad. She knew Dan had gone to Indianapolis for the day to talk to an old friend of his father's—another contractor. Nearly an hour ago, she'd heard a news report on the radio that said there'd been a major accident on the highway. Since then, her imagination had been filled with pictures of the sleek black Corvette crushed and broken.
She nearly sagged with relief when she saw him come in the door. He looked hot and tired but he was unhurt. Without a word, she took a pitcher of iced tea out of the refrigerator and poured him a tall glass. Dan muttered his thanks as he took it from her, tilting back his head to drink.
"You'd think it was summer already from the heat out there," he said, lowering the empty glass.
"I heard on the radio today that we're probably going to get an unusually hot summer."
It was the sort of conversation they'd been having this past week. Friendly but impersonal. No chance of touching on any awkward subjects.
Dan watched Kelly cutting a cucumber into neat slices, feeling a surge of impatience. He didn't want friendly, impersonal little chats with her. He wanted... Hell, he didn't know exactly what he wanted, but he wanted to break this odd little dead end they'd hit.
"I've got something for you," he said abruptly, his tone almost challenging.
Kelly glanced over her shoulder, setting down the knife when she saw the envelope he was holding out. There was something in his expression, something—was it defensive or hostile? Nervous now, she wiped her hand on a towel and reached for the envelope. What could it be that would make him look like that?
She slipped the papers out of the envelope, skimming over them before lifting her eyes to his, her confusion obvious.
"This is an application to take the high-school equivalency test," she said, as if he might not have realized what he'd given her.
"If you're going to go to college, you've got to have your high-school diploma." He said it almost casually.
"I'm not going to college."
"Yes, you are. It's what you want, isn't it?"
"Well, yes. But it's not that simple."
"I don't see why not. Once the baby is born, there's no reason you couldn't go to school."
Of course there wasn't. Kelly's hand trembled as she slipped the application back into the envelope. After all, she wouldn't have to worry about day care or any of the things most new mothers had to worry about. Because she wasn't going to be a new mother, not in the most important sense of the word. She kept her head lowered, forcing back the tears that blurred her vision.
Dan, sensing her distress and misinterpreting it, tried to assure her. "Look, I'll pay for your tuition and things. All you'll have to worry about is getting your degree. This is your dream, Kelly. Isn't it?"
It had been, not that long ago. That was before her life had changed. Before she'd found herself pregnant. Before she'd gotten to know Dan in more ways than just the one that got them into their predicament. Before her dreams had begun to revolve around little houses and perfect little families.
"Yes, of course it is," she said slowly. He'd done this because he thought it was what she wanted, because he thought it would make her happy. It wasn't his fault that she'd set her sights so much higher.
The thought brought a new rush of tears to her eyes and she forced them back, cursing her unaccustomed weepiness.
Dan watched her downbent head, wishing he could see something of her face, get some idea of what she was thinking. Was she angry? Happy?
"And if you're nervous about taking the test, don't be," he said finally, when it seemed as if she was never going to speak. "You'll ace it. You've got plenty of time to study up on anything you're not sure of."
He believed in her. The thought eased its way into Kelly's muddled thinking, bringing with it a sweet pang that was both pleasure and pain. He believed she could do this. No questions. No doubts. His confidence made her at once proud and uneasy. What if he was wrong? What if she failed?
"Look, you don't have to take the test if you don't want to," Dan said uneasily. "Just say something. Or you can slug me if you want to."
Kelly shook her head, lifting her eyes to his at last "I don't want to hit you. I'm just a little overwhelmed, I guess. I've never had anyone try to make one of my dreams come true."
"It was no big deal," Dan said modestly, but quite pleased with himself. "I just picked up the forms. You're die one who's going to have to do all the work."
"Thank you." Surprising herself as much as him, she rose on tiptoe and brushed a quick kiss over his cheek. She drew back hastily, her cheeks pink. Her lips tingled from the brief contact. She cleared her throat. "You've got time to clean up before dinner if you want"
"Sure. Thanks." Dan lingered as if to say something more. But apparently he changed his mind and turned away.
Kelly picked up the knife and began slicing the cucumber again, concentrating on the simple action as if her life depended on it The envelope he'd given her lay on the counter, just visible out of the corner of her eye.
Her dream. Six months ago, nothing would have made her happier than a chance at going to college. Nothing had seemed farther out of reach. Now she just wanted to put her head down and howl.
Everything had changed since then. She wasn't the same person. Those dreams belonged to someone else, someone who hadn't known Dan Remington. Someone who wasn't carrying a child—a child she'd promised to give up.
It wasn't Dan's fault that the dream he was willing to help her achieve was no longer die one that held the key to her happiness. She brushed the back of her hand angrily across her cheek, wiping away the single tear that had escaped.
Well, it was the only dream she had much chance of achieving. She might as well get used to that. Wishing for the moon wasn't likely to get her anything but hurt.
While the application didn't have precisely the effect Dan had hoped, it did serve to break the tension between the two of them. Kelly's reaction, which seemed more resigned than excited, was confusing, but he decided not to push his luck by questioning it. For now, it was enough that they were able to talk again.
When Kelly told him about Brittany's suggestion that the two couples get together for dinner, his first urge was to do exactly what Kelly had expected—make some excuse not to go. But not for the reasons she'd thought.
It had nothing to do with a reluctance to introduce her to his friends. It had everything to do with knowing exactly what Brittany was up to. She'd had this bee in her bonnet about his relationship with her and Michael ever since he'd come back from Europe. She wanted them all to be friends.
She just couldn't seem to accept that things had changed. No matter how civilized they were all being about it, there was still a certain strain between the three of them.
There was the fact that he and Brittany had been lovers, that it was his child she'd been carrying when Michael fell in love with her. And there was the fact that it had been Michael who'd married her, become a real father to that same child. Michael who'd ended up with the home and family Dan had always thought would be his.
He didn't feel any anger or bitterness anymore, but he wasn't such a fool as to think that all that had happened could simply be written off and friendships resumed as if nothing had happened. And the last thing he wanted was a strained dinner with Michael, who was not likely to be any happier about this than he was.
Yet there was more to think about than simply what he wanted to do. There was Kelly to consider. No matter what Brittany's motives might have been when she suggested this dinner, she and Kelly were apparently on their way toward developing a real friendship, something Kelly hadn't had much of in her life. He didn't want to do anything to discourage that friendship.
If anyone could understand what Kelly had gone through, it might be Brittany. Though her parents had not been abusive, they'd failed her when she needed them most—more concerned with what people might think than with their daughter's well-being. And she had also been young and alone at the start of her pregnancy.
Besides, if he made an excuse not to go and didn't tell Kelly the real reason, she was likely to decide that it was because he didn't want to be seen with her or something equally foolish. It was going to be a long time before she regained the self-confidence that should have been hers.
So he smiled and told Kelly that dinner sounded wonderful. He did suggest adding Ben Masters to the mix. No one was better than Ben at keeping things from getting too sticky in a social situation.
On the other hand, not even Emily Post could have completely overcome the tensions that stretched over the small group that gathered at El Gato Gordo.
For Kelly, the evening started off on a sour note when she discovered that her stomach had grown—seemingly overnight—so that there was no longer any graceful way to conceal her condition. Nervous already, the last thing she wanted was to go public with her pregnancy.
She stood sideways to the mirror and experimented with trying to suck the small bulge in, but all it did was make her feel breathless. Her hand trembled as she stroked it over the rounded line of her stomach.
Nearly five months pregnant. Halfway there. Most women could consider this point halfway to fulfillment For her, it was halfway to an ending, an ending she dreaded more with every passing day. No matter how hard she tried, she could no longer pretend that this baby wasn't real. She carried a life beneath her heart, a unique new person who was going to have all the strengths and weaknesses that went with being human.