The Awakening (41 page)

“Your presence caused quite a stir, something I can only imagine you did not intend.”

The air of accusation in his voice caused Jahrra to snap her head up and take on a disgruntled continence.

“Do explain what you mean by that,” she demanded, crossing her arms, “especially after all the praise you rained down upon me when Kehllor and Neira were present to hear it!”

So the battle has begun
, she thought.
Good, I can deal with this much easier than I can the evasive small talk.

“Do you ever stop to think, Jahrra, that maybe I ask you not to attend these meetings simply because you have the potential to cause such a distraction? That perhaps, as valid as your arguments are, that a meeting following such a dramatic decision on my part wasn’t the best time or place to voice those arguments?”

Jaax had risen from his reclining position, no longer trying to keep this a calm, even conversation.

Jahrra stood as well, stepping away from her table and moving closer to her guardian. “Do you ever stop to think that perhaps I cause such a distraction because you go out of your way to keep me silent in front of those who most need to hear my thoughts?”

“And so you go behind my back, sneaking into the meeting, and look what came of it,” Jaax responded with a snarl. “Receiving threats and disdain from those very people you claim should hear more of your opinions!”

Jahrra opened her mouth to disagree but bit back the acidic reply she had ready on the tip of her tongue. Jaax was right. Her input hadn’t exactly been warmly welcomed and she couldn’t blame it entirely on Rohdann. True, he had instigated the doubt, but there had been a good number of Coalition members echoing his thoughts. He had just been the one to voice what the others were thinking. Her input was important but perhaps she should have waited until the initial shock of it all had time to blow over.

For a moment, Jahrra allowed her shoulders to sag, her crossed arms to hang a little looser. But then she remembered what Rohdann and all the others had been focused on at that meeting and it hadn’t entirely been about her. It hadn’t even been all that much about Shiroxx. Their complaints lie mostly with Jaax and the verdict he had reached in regards to one of their members.

Jahrra took a deep breath and looked the dragon in the eye. “It wasn’t me they had an issue with, but your decision concerning Shiroxx. If you remember correctly, I stood up for you. How can you be so sure it would have gone much better had I
not
been there?”

“That was not the first time Rohdann has tried to cause trouble within the Coalition,” he finally said, his voice, at least, sounding slightly deflated. “He has been very adamant before, long before you came here.”

“I thought he joined the Coalition after my arrival in Lidien.”

Jaax gave a rueful smile. “Oh no, he’s been around for a while. He was just absent before we arrived.”

Jahrra could tell Jaax was trying to avoid telling her something and she had a good idea of what it was.

“Yes, I noticed he holds a certain animosity towards you,” she said cautiously, addressing his first statement.

Jaax snorted in disgust and turned towards the fire. “It’s no secret that Rohdann despises me.”

“Because Shiroxx does not,” Jahrra braved.

Jaax shot her a scathing look over his shoulder but then his face softened. He merely nodded and turned once again towards the fire, accepting at least a little truth to that comment.

“So then his behavior should be mostly attributed to his defense of Shiroxx?” Jahrra suggested. “Are his threats empty ones or should I really worry?”

Jaax turned his head back towards Jahrra, his face serious. “I would not take anything Rohdann says lightly, and I will know exactly what he said to you, both inside the hall and out on the plaza.”

Jahrra sighed then nodded wearily.

“Now tell me, please.”

Jahrra sat back down in her chair with a great yawn, but told Jaax what had happened and what the black Tanaan dragon had said to her.

“He didn’t threaten me at first, he only tried to rattle me by insulting you,” Jahrra glanced up at her guardian but Jaax merely gazed back indifferently. She took a breath, continuing on even though she felt horribly uncomfortable. “It was outside, when I was gathering Phrym, that he threatened to ruin me.”

Jaax hissed in a breath of anger and irritation, releasing it in a string of Krueltish curses. Before he could fully express his feelings, however, Jahrra put up a hand and continued, “That’s not all. Like Kehllor said, I threatened him back.”

Jaax stopped his grumbling and gave her his full attention once again. She gave the dragon a sheepish grin and shrugged.

“Why should he be the only one using his position to throw around insults? I simply told him that if he continued to threaten us then I would use my influence as Ethoes’ chosen to ruin his reputation as well.”

“Us?” Jaax queried.

Jahrra nodded. “He implicated both of us with his words, but I made it clear that he could bring down just as much damage upon himself should he make good on his threats.”

“Like a sinking ship sucking those trying to escape down with it,” Jaax said, almost in a murmur.

Jahrra heaved a great breath. She was absolutely exhausted, both physically and emotionally, but there was one more thing she wanted to say and she wanted to do so while she still had the nerve.

“Jaax, why do you worry so much about me? I’m quite capable of dealing with the insults thrown my way. And even if I’m not, I need to learn to stand up for myself. Shiroxx and Rohdann won’t be the last people to wish me ill.”

Jaax cast her a sidelong look. “Oh, I have no doubt you can stand your ground against them. You proved that last night.”

“Then what is it? What had you so worried that you forgot to get angry at me as soon as you saw me this afternoon?”

“Because there are so many other dangers out there Jahrra that you can’t even begin to imagine, dangers that I cannot protect you from, dangers that can reach you if you venture too far from familiar ground.”

Jahrra sighed for what felt like the hundredth time in the past hour. “But I’m not completely helpless, you know. I know it’s hard to believe, but I’m more then capable of defending myself.”

Jaax laughed, not a very strong laugh, but a laugh nonetheless. “So you never worry about your friends? You never worry about Phrym, despite the fact that he is most likely tucked snuggly away in the stables, or Gieaun and Scede, though they are safe back in Oescienne?”

Jahrra shivered, the mention of her childhood friends so soon after discussing them with Denaeh a little to ironic at the moment. Of course she worried and of course Jaax would worry. She was his responsibility and everyone fretted about what they were responsible for, whether that person or animal or item were in jeopardy or not. She just wished that Jaax would worry less since her well being seemed to be the major cause of his weariness.

“So you see, I worry about you a great deal,” Jaax continued, his tone of voice more serious now, “whether you are in class or upstairs working on a school assignment. Imagine what I must have felt when I came home to find you missing when you should have been here, especially with your tendency to run off and do something foolish.”

Jahrra glared at him. “I do
not
have a tendency to run off and do foolish things.”

Jaax gave her an incredulous look. “Oh is that so?”

Jahrra stubbornly held her ground, her nose raised with an air of haughtiness.

“The Ninth Cove, the Great Race, the Belloughs of the Black Swamp . . .” Jaax purposely let his voice trail off.

“Those incidents happened several years ago and I haven’t done something so unwise since,” Jahrra insisted.

She winced with the very next breath she took.
Unless you count the time Torrell and I encountered the Mystic, or last night when I snuck into a meeting I wasn’t supposed to attend and then after the meeting when I took Phrym for a long ride . . .

“You asked for a reason why I worry, I’m just being thorough. Besides, am I to believe you never worry about me?”

The question was innocent enough but Jahrra wondered if Jaax would be looking for something else in her answer. Besides, she had admitted as much when they were in Crie, when her guardian had been angry at her for disappearing for the day. Yes, she had told him then she had worried about him, but for some reason it didn’t seem that this question was the same. As if worrying about him now, now that they knew each other so much better than before, meant more than it did in Crie. Best to tread carefully here.

She took a breath and said, “Why should I? You’re a Tanaan dragon trained in warfare. You have survived hundreds of years as a known supporter of the goddess.”

“You didn’t answer the question.”

Jahrra furrowed her brow. Why was this so important? Did she ever worry about Jaax? Yes, but not in the way he worried about her. She tried to think of a way to tell him without admitting to defeat but came up short. Instead, she shrugged her shoulders and decided to be as honest as she could, even if it meant putting a dent in her pride. It would be a whole lot easier just to tell him that yes, she worried about him, just as she had done in Crie, but that wasn’t entirely true. Jahrra swallowed and took a breath, bracing herself for a smug reaction from her guardian.

“I don’t worry about you,” she finally said, “so much as I worry about what you think of me.”

There, she’d said it. After the death of her parents she had hated this dragon, hated him and wished him ill in every way, shape and form. If she could visit her younger self at this moment and tell the Jahrra from ten years ago that she would one day worry about what the conceited Raejaaxorix thought of her actions and words, she would have laughed in her own face and called her all kinds of unsavory names, liar being the most prominent.

But so much had changed since then. She had lost more than she could ever imagine, had learned things she never thought possible, had faced dangers beyond her comprehension, and all along the way, Jaax had been there. An annoying, overbearing presence most of the time, yes, but beneath that prickly surface he had never doubted her, never abandoned her and he had always managed to keep her heading in the right direction, even in the darkest parts of her life. So yes, Jaax’s good opinion had become something of grand significance to her, something she hoped never to lose; something she needed even.

The room was silent once again. The fire, now burning low, whispered but no longer crackled. Jahrra was afraid to look at Jaax’s face, worried she would find mockery or amusement. The very thought deflated her. If she couldn’t face her closest ally then what chance did she have against her enemies? Jahrra glanced up but the look on her guardian’s face was one of complete and utter surprise. Of all the things for Jahrra to say, she decided, this had probably been the furthest from what her guardian had expected.

“You worry about my opinion of you?”

Jaax’s voice was rough, his manner guarded.

Jahrra simply nodded and shrugged self-consciously, at a loss for words. Jaax seemed to be so as well, for he remained quiet for several moments more.

“Perhaps we should call it a night,” he finally said. “I know that neither of us has had much sleep since yesterday.”

Jahrra nodded quickly, turning on her heel and heading towards the stairs that led up to her room.

As she left the great room behind Jaax watched her, his mind strangely drawn back to a late winter afternoon and his thoughts returning to a certain conversation he had had with an old woman in a dark forest several months before.

-
Chapter Twenty-Four
-

The Liar and the Fraud

Classes resumed the next day and Jahrra was glad to have the distraction, despite the lingering exhaustion from her long weekend. Perhaps Jaax was right; maybe she wasn’t ready for or capable of being on the front lines of the Coalition quite yet. Perhaps she should just go back to listening to what was said and keeping her input to herself.

Jahrra squashed that thought as she pressed through the woods on her way to Phrym’s stable. It was too late to move backwards and besides, she would have to learn how to work with her guardian’s colleagues eventually. True, she already discussed Coalition matters with Dathian and Anthar, and now, it seemed, Kehllor, but she had to be willing to interact with everyone. She shook her head. She would just wait and see how much damage her outburst had caused before coming to any premature conclusions.

Phrym was pleased to see her, as usual, whinnying his greeting with great fervor. The other horses and semequins joined in, hoping that they would be paid a visit this chilly morning. The stable hand on duty helped Jahrra saddle him and soon she and Phrym were trotting down the middle of the cobbled street in the direction of the University buildings.

Jahrra didn’t get a chance to see her friends until the end of the day, for it was one of the two weekdays she didn’t share any classes with them. They waited for her in their usual corner of the practice fields. As soon as Jahrra had Phrym secured to the closest fence post, Senton broke away from his conversation with Torrell and came hurrying over.

“What happened this weekend?” he demanded in a breathless tone.

Jahrra had to step back to avoid his forward movement.

“What do you mean?” she asked cautiously.

Was he talking about what had happened at the meeting? If so, how had he found out? Everything discussed at the Coalition meetings wasn’t supposed to be known to the general public.

Senton just waved his hand about and continued, “At the Coalition meeting! Rumor has it that Raejaaxorix tossed someone out and that that pompous black Tanaan dragon who thinks he rules supreme over Lidien, Lord Rohdann, threatened to kill him.”

By now Senton had garnered the attention of those practicing nearby. Gritting her teeth, Jahrra grabbed his arm and dragged him back towards a curious Torrell.

“What’s the matter with you?” she hissed. “This couldn’t have waited until after practice and preferably somewhere where the entire population of Lidien wouldn’t overhear?”

She crossed her arms and glared at him. Senton actually blushed, something the exuberant young man wasn’t prone to doing, and rubbed the spot where Jahrra had grabbed him.

Finally, he seemed to regain some of his composure. “Everyone has already heard. In fact, people have been pestering me all day for details.”

Jahrra felt her face drain of all color and pinched the bridge of her nose. Her head suddenly hurt.

It was then that Torrell decided to join the conversation.

“You look terrible,” she said, eyeing her friend carefully.

“Oh, thank you very much!” Jahrra snapped. “You would look terrible too if you’d been up all night and awake through the next day.”

Senton’s defensive posture melted away and he lowered his voice. “Jahrra, tell us what happened.”

Jahrra sighed and gave him a hard look. He looked genuinely concerned and she allowed herself to believe his reckless hastiness was a result of his worry for her.

“I’ll tell you after practice today, okay?”

“Alright,” was all Senton said.

“Now, where’s Dathian and Lohra?”

Torrell answered. “Dathian’s going to be late and Lohra . . . ?” She trailed off and gave Senton a look.

He sighed and shrugged. “I don’t think she’ll be joining us any longer.”

“Why, what happened?” Torrell asked, actually sounding regretful.

Senton shrugged again, then grinned sheepishly. “Uh, difference of opinion. Don’t worry, it wasn’t working out anyway.”

Jahrra wondered what he had meant by that but she was glad her friend didn’t seem too damaged by the situation, so she didn’t press him for details. Torrell, on the other hand, did.

“Just forget it, Torrell!” he snapped when she tried to prod, snatching up a wooden sword and taking a swing at her.

Luckily, Torrell’s reflexes were better than most.

The rest of that afternoon passed by in what Jahrra could only describe as observed solitude. After a half an hour of practice, Dathian showed up looking flustered. Jahrra cast him a curious glance but the look on his face told her not to ask. With a sinking feeling, she wondered if he had suffered any repercussions from her behavior at that weekend’s meeting.

As they left the practice field just before sunset, Jahrra became aware of several passersby giving them sidelong glances and even full out stares. Some people even stopped to whisper as she and her friends led their horses through the University plaza. Apparently Senton had been correct; everyone
had
heard about the goings on of the Coalition meeting that weekend.

Jahrra gritted her teeth. What exactly had they heard? And who had told them? Her stomach dropped and her blood suddenly felt chilled. Had Shiroxx and Rohdann already begun to seek their revenge? If anyone could spread an outrageous yet believable rumor, one that might make Jahrra look unfavorable in the eyes of the citizens of Lidien, it was Shiroxx. As if to answer at least one of her questions, someone passing by on the crowded plaza bumped Jahrra.

“Sorry,” she mumbled.

“You had better be sorry, you fraud!” the young man shot back over his shoulder.

Jahrra felt her face go white in shock. Fraud? What had he meant by that? The people pressing around them seemed to give her space, as one might give an unfamiliar, vicious looking dog a wide berth.

Jahrra felt suddenly sick. Memories from her past began to bubble up; memories she’d had no need for in a long time. She recalled that first day of school in Aldehren so long ago and all the subsequent years she’d spent in the company of the twins and their ostracizing cronies.

For a slight moment Jahrra felt real panic but she caught it early and pushed it away.
No
, she thought forcefully,
I am not that weak girl any longer and these people have been misinformed
. But those thoughts were hard to keep a hold of as she and her friends made their way to the edge of campus, the looks and whispers following her like a vulture waiting for a dying animal to keel over and expire.

Jahrra climbed atop Phrym once they came to the main thoroughfare of the city. She turned around and faced her friends, all three of them remaining uncharacteristically quiet as they mounted their own horses.

“Meet me at home in an hour or so?” she asked quietly as several other people seemed to take a more obvious and disturbed notice of her.

“Are you sure you’ll be alright riding home by yourself?” Dathian asked, moving his own horse closer.

Jahrra took a shuddering breath and nodded. She hoped so. If she hadn’t noticed the odd behavior of Lidien’s citizens before Senton had pointed it out to her, then they couldn’t be all that dangerous, right?

She made it to the stable below the hill without much fuss but before she stepped back out onto the street, she heard two girls whispering.

“I heard she was just a Nesnan and that it’s really not her fault,” the first one said.

Jahrra froze and pressed herself against the stable door, just out of sight of the street. Phrym whickered softly in confusion from his stall but Jahrra just held her hand up to silence him.

“You really think she believes she’s human?” the other girl scoffed. “I can’t believe we fell for it for so long. I mean, it’s ridiculous really. Who listens to prophecies anymore anyways?”

“I heard it was that Tanaan dragon, you know which one I mean. The scowling, so-called leader of that Coalition of theirs. Supposedly he’d been looking for a human child for years and years. I think he just got tired of looking and grabbed the most human-like Nesnan infant he could find and has been passing her off for the real thing ever since.”

Jahrra felt her skin prickle.
No
. It couldn’t be true. Shiroxx was spreading lies, she
had
to be. Jaax would never lie to her like that. It was simply too cruel and too terrible to imagine.

“Where did you hear that Dorrah?” a young man insisted.

“My cousin,” Dorrah sniffed. “He works in one of the houses owned by a Coalition member. He said that the master of the house is a member high up in the group and knows everything that goes on among its members.”

She lowered her voice and Jahrra had to strain her ears to hear.

“He said that that dragon Raejaaxorix is far too protective of his ward. As if he is trying to keep people away so they won’t realize she isn’t human. The man also told my cousin that the dragon has all kinds of nasty secrets, ones that he would be willing to do anything to
keep
secret, even kill.”

The small group went suddenly quiet and Jahrra felt a flash of fear and anger. How dare they, how dare the Coalition member say such things? Or was this high ranking member really Shiroxx and her cronies? It was no wonder she’d received such wary looks and disdain that afternoon if these were the rumors being spread around.

“Well, I don’t know about all of you but I’ll be steering clear of Jahrra from now on. I don’t want my reputation tarnished because of her and I definitely don’t want that dragon coming after me if I look at her the wrong way or something.”

There was a nervous giggle from the other girl and a laugh from the man and soon Jahrra heard their voices fading away. She relaxed, not realizing she’d been so tense that she had been gripping the wood of the stable door so hard that she had to spend a few minutes picking out splinters.

At last, Jahrra was walking briskly down the narrow road that ran along the base of the hill. She was eager to reach home, for she had much to tell Jaax and a few things to ask him. Did he really have secrets so dark and damaging that he would be willing to kill to keep them safe? No. Jahrra shook her head, hoping to dislodge that terrible thought before it grew into anything worse. Jaax would not kill someone simply because they learned something damaging about him. She didn’t doubt he had his own list of things he wanted no one else to know, but could any of them really be dangerous?

Jahrra practically ran up the hill after finding the trailhead. Several minutes later she pushed through the small door into the house, breathing heavily and startling Neira into dropping a basket of rolls she’d been carrying to the kitchen.

“What on Ethoes are you so blustered about?” she demanded, placing her hands on her hips as Jahrra finished up with replacing the rolls in the basket.

“Bad day,” she managed between gasps, “rumors, about the emergency Coalition meeting.”

Neira went suddenly still, her mouth forming a thin line and her brown eyes going wide.

“Master Jaax is in his study,” was all she said as she swept past Jahrra to continue on with her dinner preparations.

Jahrra just sat on the ground for a few moments, her hands placed on her thighs as she knelt and caught her breath. Finally she stood up slowly, her muscles complaining after the hard run she’d given them, and headed towards Jaax’s quarters on the west side of the house. She stepped into the great hall and stood next to the towering entryway framing his office.

The Tanaan dragon sat behind his great desk, staring at several scrolls rolled out in front of him. Before she called for his attention, Jahrra simply watched him. It was a rare moment indeed to find Jaax with his guard down. He looked weary, the same weariness that had plagued him for the past several weeks. All the tension of keeping a straight face and an alert, unhindered demeanor was gone. This was the Jaax the gossipmongers had hinted at; the dragon who hid behind his façade of strength and resolve. This was the dragon with secrets.

Just then Jahrra realized something. She had intended to burst in, regaling to her guardian what she had heard and demanding that he ensure her that he wasn’t the creature the city dwellers claimed him to be. That was what she had
planned
to do and that is what the old Jahrra would have done.
And you would have stormed away in anger to fester in your room when he didn’t provide you with what you wanted
, she thought ruefully.

No, she would not demand answers, for she had realized that everyone had secrets and everyone had a right to keep those secrets or tell them to others. She couldn’t demand this from Jaax just as he could not demand her secrets from her. And she was definitely guilty of harboring a secret. Or twenty. She would be a hypocrite to be angry and resentful if she herself wasn’t willing to share her own past and present infractions while demanding to know those of her guardian.

Jahrra cleared her throat and Jaax darted his head up. For just a few moments before pulling his mask of indifference back on, Jahrra saw his thoughts. Frustration, concern, sorrow. But just as quickly it was all wiped clean, his look now hard and controlled. For a moment Jahrra felt a flash of anger and disappointment.
Why does Jaax feel he needs to hide things from me?
She shook that thought away immediately, remembering her recent decision about secrets and the need to keep a few, and stepped into the room.