The Awakener (24 page)

She didn’t stop until her nose was stuffed, her eyes puffy, and she had the hiccups.

“Gabriel, I don’t understand. Is this how it’s supposed to be?”

A peace spread over her body and she knew he was there with her.
Maybe even feeling sympathetic for her situation.

Taking a deep breath, she exhaled. “I just can’t believe God wants us to be this unhappy.”

She felt the warm, comforting feeling again but this time, she could have sworn she heard, “You’re right. He doesn’t.”

The last four weeks of school, Eden engrossed herself with studying. She made a pretense that it was all for good
grades, and not that it was to avoid dealing with her growing feelings for Micah. Andrew encouraged her to swim at Micah’s often, which made her feel even worse. She was pretty sure she’d freaked him out when she asked about next year’s textbooks. He told her she was taking school a little too seriously, and that said a lot coming from him. She stopped by Micah’s three or four times, but he never joined her in the pool. She was getting slightly annoyed with the ever-present black Honda in the driveway.
Is Damon over every day now?

Micah did come over to her house twice during those weeks, but always had Trent glued to him. He talked to Brendon more than her.
It didn’t take her long to realize he was avoiding being alone with her. On his last visit, Micah asked Eden’s parents if she could go on their trip to Chicago. From that conversation, Eden learned Micah had won seven tickets to the amusement park and it was planned for mid-July. The seven invited were Micah, Trent, Damon, Willow, Andrew, Caitlyn, and her, of course.

She didn’t think it was a coincidence that it was the same seven he’d invited to his pool party.
She knew there was more to this trip then riding roller coasters. In the overheard conversation she’d happened to listen to, Trent talked about a trip they had to get through.

She remembered all too clearly Micah saying Andrew
had
to be there too. The part that replayed over and over was Trent not liking the idea of this being a self-sacrificing thing. Horrified by what all that might mean, she wished she could get him alone to ask about it, but since their talk by the Jeep, he seemed to avoid being within three feet of her.

As the beginning of June finally rolled around and the hot, humid, summer air was making the students crazy, the last day of school finally arrived.
With her classes done, and her 4.0 secured, Eden had no choice but to face her feelings.

She cared for Andrew but it wasn’t the same as what she felt for Micah.
It’s not fair to Andrew. Micah might have seen it in his mind, but it just doesn’t feel right. I don’t want to pretend anymore.

As Caitlyn sat across from her at lunch, she decided she’d confide in her. Eden knew Jessie would give her grief, but she had no choice
; she didn’t have long until Andrew would be entering the cafeteria. She could see Willow was already in line for food. Shortly after Micah’s pool party, Chase broke up with Willow. Now she hardly ever saw Jake, Chase, or Megan. Eden found it odd Megan chose to stay with the guys rather than her friend, Willow. It made thinking nice things about Megan, that much harder for Eden. Willow didn’t seem to care, choosing to remain close to Eden. Andrew missed being with Chase and Jake, but told Eden he’d rather be with her now. Which, thinking about it now, made Eden feel terrible.

“Caitlyn, I’m a mess,” she whispered, sort of hoping Jessie wouldn’t overhear, but Jessie turned
.

“Why are you a mess?”

Caitlyn asked, “What’s going on?”

Eden glanced around. “I’m going to break up with Andrew.”

Caitlyn’s eyebrows came down as she nodded.

“Am I missing something?
Why on earth would you do that?” Jessie exclaimed.

Eden faced her. “I don’t feel the same way about him as he does me.”

“What? Are you crazy? Oh no, Eden! Don’t tell me this has something to do with Micah! Don’t waste your time on him,” Jessie said, getting ready to give her a lecture.

“Jessie, Micah likes Eden,” Caitlyn whispered.

Jessie stopped and stared at Eden. “Really? Are you sure? Did he tell you he does?”

“Well, kind of
—”

“Why would you break up with Andrew then?” Jessie asked.
“Why not wait until you know for sure Micah likes you. That way, if he doesn’t, you still have Andrew.”

Both Caitlyn and Eden stared at Jessie.
Eden was surprised Caitlyn’s pretty eyes could look so indignant.

“Even if Micah doesn’t like me at all, Andrew deserves someone who adores him,” Eden said firmly.

Caitlyn seemed appeased, as her eyebrows returned to their normal place.

Jessie wouldn’t back down. “But, Eden, you aren’t thinking this through.”

“Trust me, I am, more than you know.”

Her mind had repeated Micah’s phrase over and over again for the past few weeks.
Besides, I saw her marrying him—remember?
Those words haunted her.
Micah’s the Seer for crying out loud.

Still
, Jessie sputtered, “Eden! This’s just crazy!”

Caitlyn smiled at Eden. “You should do what you think you should, Eden, and it’ll all be ok.
Be honest with Andrew, and I just know this will all work out like it’s supposed to. You’ll see.”

Eden sighed
. “I wish I had your confidence, but I need to be honest with him either way.”

Jessie continued her argument
. “I think you’re making a mistake, Eden. Not all guys are like Andrew.” Eden glanced at her friend. She knew Jessie was taking it hard Trent had yet to call her. After talking, Eden had learned they hadn’t kissed that day in the pool, but Trent had tried, according to Jessie. She knew Jessie was right; she may never find another guy that treated her as well as Andrew did.

Willow sat down, her blue eyes flashing at her and then Caitlyn. “So are you going to tell me too?”

There was no point in trying to hide anything from Willow; she seemed to see right through it all.
But what should I say?

Caitlyn saved Eden. “Eden has relationship problems to fix.”

Willow eyed Eden. “But it’s not only with Andrew.” It wasn’t a question, more of a statement.

Eden nodded as Andrew entered the room.

Willow leaned closer to her. “Do whatever Caitlyn said to do and it’ll work out.”

Confused, Eden peeked at Caitlyn, who appeared just as surprised by Willow’s statement as she was.
Jessie cleared her throat, in a very obvious manner, as Andrew sat down next to Eden.

He stole a French fry off Eden’s tray, asking, “Are you guys looking forward to our trip to Chicago?”

“Yeah, I’ve never been,” Caitlyn responded.

Eden peeked at Jessie, who knew about the trip and was very hurt to be left out. Jessie’s lower lip pouted
. “Nothing too great about it, just another city.”

Willow smiled at Jessie. “When we get back from this, how about a girl’s road
trip, Jessie? How about Virginia Beach?”

Jessie brightened. “Now we’re talking.”

Eden wanted to throw her arms around Willow. That had been very thoughtful and, knowing Willow, those weren’t mere words either; she’d follow through.

Caitlyn glared at Andrew helping himself to Eden’s fries. “Don’t you ever eat your own food?”

Andrew reached over grabbed Caitlyn’s apple. “No.” He took a big bite and returned it.

She gave him the stink eye and bit the apple herself.
“Oh, before I forget. Dave wanted to know if you wanted to play basketball on Thursday night, Andrew.”

He grinned. “Sure.” Then he glanced at Eden. “Do you mind? I know Jake wanted to play too.”
Eden noticed he didn’t mention Chase’s name for Willow’s sake, but she didn’t think Willow would’ve cared if he had. She wasn’t too torn up about the break up.

“Not at all.”
At least he’s not totally avoiding his friends because of me.

“Oh, crud, I’ve got to get to history early.
Mr. Thomas totally screwed up my grade,” Caitlyn announced. She pushed her lunch towards Andrew. “You can have it.”

Andrew didn’t hesitate and grabbed her sandwich. “You’re
tops, Caitlyn.”

No more avoiding it
, today’s the day.
Eden’s stomach sickened.

It was Thursday, the last day of school, and Andrew and Eden had taken off at eleven thirty, since it was half day, with kids signing
yearbooks. Now, perched on a bar stool, Eden forced her last bite of quesadilla down. Andrew had made them lunch.

He strolled over to her and cupped her face with his hands. “What’s wrong?
You seem upset lately. I’m not sure if it’s something I did, or didn’t do.”

Oh great, he has noticed
.
Well, this is it.
But she chickened out. “Sorry, school was crazy.”

He studied her face. “It feels like more than that,” he paused
. “Are you worried about being attacked again?”

“Yeah, I guess I am.”
She felt bad playing that card, but she used it. They discussed what had happened and he insisted again she should tell her parents.

She nodded. “I know I should, and I will.”

“Come on. Let’s go sit on the couch,” he urged.
Eden let him lead her into the family room where he sat down, pulling her into his lap. His hands found her face and he began kissing her. She was struggling to respond, but as his soft lips persisted, pressing on hers, she realized something—this would be her last time kissing him. She was overwhelmed with an extreme sense of loss and kissed him back warmly. He kissed her harder, his hand getting tangled in her hair.

She pulled away.
Wait, what am I doing?
Not sure how I’m messing with fate, but this needs to stop.

“Sorry,” she mumbled.

“What is it?” he asked, his eyes worried.

“I need tell you something, and I don’t know how.”

His eyes widened as she scooted out of his arms, sitting next to him instead.

“Gosh, this is hard
.” She peeked up at him. “You’ve meant everything to me. You changed me and I’ll always care for you,” she whispered.

“What are you saying?” His emerald eyes locked on her.

She stared at her lap, twisting her fingers together. “I think we should take a break from each other.”

“What? Why?” he blurted, hurt instantly shooting across his face.

“I, I’m not sure I feel the same way about you that you do for me. When you say you love me, it’s hard for me to say it back.”

“That’s ok,” he replied earnestly and
, with a side-glance, added, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed it so fast.”

Eden saw pain
on his face. Immediately, her eyes welled with tears.
This is so hard!
“Andrew I’m so, so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you! You deserve better than me.”

He shook his head sharply, his eyes stunned.

“You do!” she insisted, “You deserve a girl that’s head over heels for you! I wanted to be that girl, but I’m not. I’ve been trying to figure out why I’ve been holding back and it’s eating me up inside. I don’t want to hurt you.” Tears were streaming down her cheeks now.

His eyes shifted to the carpet, while his jaw clenched and unclenched.
She was tempted to reach over and brush back the sandy strand of hair falling over one of his eyes. She wished she could kiss him, make him smile again. She had no idea breaking up with him would feel like she was chopping a piece of her heart out. He remained silent, and she was at a loss as to what to say next. She wanted to take it all back, but knew she couldn’t.

The tears dripped unheeded off her jaw.
“I’m sorry, Andrew. I’ll never forget what you’ve done for me. I just don’t think you and I are meant to be.”

His eyes jerked towards her, flashing with frustration.
“Meant to be? What does
that
even mean?” She was stumbling to find the right words to say, when his face fell in defeat before her. “It’s ok. You can’t help how you feel. I don’t want to force you to love me, or care about me. Please stop crying.”

But that just made her cry harder.
The chunk being cut from her heart just kept getting bigger and bigger. She wondered if she’d have anything left after this.

“Eden,” he said softly.
She was sobbing now, her face buried in her hands. “Eden,” he repeated. “It’s ok. Stop crying.”

His hand landed on her back, patting her awkwardly.
He’s comforting me!
She felt even worse.

His warm hands wrapped around hers and gently tugged them free from her face.
She was forced to gaze into his crushed eyes. “I’m going to be ok. This isn’t the first time I’ve done this. Well, usually I’m the one breaking up with them,” he said with a sad laugh. “But hey, now I know how those girls felt.”

She stared at him.
How’s he so calm?
She tried to regain composure. “Sorry, this is new for me. Here I’m thinking I need to be honest with you,” she hiccupped, “so I tell you how I feel, and now I’m aching for you.”

Andrew flinched. “Are you sure you want to do this?
End us?”

There was a huge part of her that didn’t want to say good
-bye, but she searched herself, knowing there was something within her that yearned for Micah. She nodded slowly, afraid to speak with the lump lodged in her throat.

He sighed and pulled her into his arms.
He hugged her tightly and whispered, “Well, if you change your mind, I’m not going anywhere.”

Her body began to shake as she sobbed into his shoulder.
When he let her go, she saw she’d left black smudges on his t-shirt. “Oh, sorry, I got mascara on you.”

“I don’t care.” He stood up.
She jumped to her feet, trying to wipe her eyes clean. “I have to go to the hospital,” he stated. Again, he seemed so calm.

She nodded, pulling her keys out of her pocket.

“Are you ok to drive?” he asked.

Why’s he worrying about me? I’m the bad guy here.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Andrew, I’m so—”

“It’s ok, Eden, really,” he cut her off, his tone brisk.

She stared at her mascara-streaked hands, and sniffed. “Ok, well, good-bye.”

He hesitated
, and then hugged her again. His lips found hers and she gave in, kissing him back fiercely. When he stopped abruptly, she was gasping to catch her breath.

His eyes wrinkled as he gazed back at her, the pain etched in every crease. “Bye, Eden.”

Numbly, she managed to find her way back to her Jeep. Cranking the engine, she tried to stem the never-ending tears. It was hopeless. She was reaching for a napkin out of the glove compartment when the garage door opened, and Andrew’s Bronco whipped out. She hoped he would glance her way as he peeled out of the driveway, but he never did.