The Art of Forgiving - A Uni File Short (The Uni Files) (4 page)

I somehow manage not to grab her and pull her into me, to try and
convince her to be with me again. I don’t have to. She turns to face me, her
body so close to mine it hurts. I make a resolution, a promise in the dark,
which I plan to keep for the rest of my life. “I will do whatever it takes to
make you want to be with me.”

I lean forward ever so slightly and kiss her on the lips. I wait for her
to tilt her mouth up to mine but she doesn’t. Instead I move my hand around her
back and start to trail my fingers up and down her spine.

What the hell am I going to do? Lilah
McCannon
does not know how to be with me anymore, and I don’t know how to be without
her. How will this ever work?
 
What can I
do to make her understand that she is literally the only girl that I have ever
been interested in? Ever. I thought I’d made her understand. I thought she knew
how I felt, but now I’m beginning to realise that I never convinced her of my
feelings. Not enough for her to realise that she is the one that I put above
all others.

What will I say to my band mates when I tell them that they will have to
go to the States without their lead singer?

She has been a sleep a while, gently breathing in and out, giving a
“put-put” noise with every outbreath when I decide to tell her. I want her to
ask me to stay. I want to just tell her. I don’t know what I want, but I know I
am going to say the words.

“Lilah, are you awake?”

“Mm.” She lifts her head a little and accidentally, at least I assume it
is accidentally, slides her nose along my chest.

“The band has been asked to go to the States during the summer holiday
to work in L.A.” It feels like the words gush out of my mouth.

“Oh.”

I wait for her to say more but nothing happens. “I don’t know what to
say.” I tell her.

I feel a deep exhale of breath brush against my skin and then she says.
“I don’t know what to say either.”

She slides one arm around my waist and I pull her in towards me, my
fingers still trailing her spine. I don’t know what to make of that
conversation. Surely if she wanted me to go she would have just said.
Yes that must be it.
My eyelids begin to
close and I am starting to slip into some erratic dream when her voice pulls me
to.

“Ben, are you awake.”

“Mm.”

“I think you should go.”

What the
fuck?

My eyes fly open in surprise, my heart hammering in
my chest. “What now?”

“No, to the States.”

Wham.

Now, that I was not expecting. Honest to god my
mind has gone completely blank.

Lilah moves herself so our bodies are pressed against
each other tight. A lot of strategic places are touching, causing significant
friction. But I can’t even concentrate on the feel of her body against mine,
all I can hear is her words her over and over again,
“I think you should go.”

She leans in and kisses me full on the mouth. Two
months I have waited for this and now I don’t know what to do with it. She has
just told me to leave the country. I never expected that.

“You know,” she says her lips against mine. “You’ve
got things you need to do, and I have things I need to do. If this is meant to
be then it will happen in the end.” My mind is in free fall.
“This will happen in the end.”

My arms automatically slide around her and I crush
us together. My hands slide up her back, exploring the sensation of her skin
under my touch again. I move my mouth along her throat and she arches her neck
towards me. I feel like I am on fire.

“What do you have to do, Lilah?” I ask through my
kisses.

“I need to learn to let go,” she says. Her arms
link around my neck and I roll us over so she is pressed beneath my body. I
have the most terrible realisation that I am one of the things that she is
going to let go of, but she is still here with me now and she hasn’t let go of
me yet.

I make the quick decision to make use of the
opportunity I have been given so I can hopefully change her mind. I lower my
lips to her collarbone and skim my mouth along the groove to her shoulder, once
there I very carefully use tentative fingers to slide the strap of her bra
down. She does not stop me so I lower myself ever so slightly and use the
lightest of kisses to explore down from the hollow at the base of her throat.
She pushes herself towards my touch and I can’t help but smile when I think
last night I was sitting in my room, soaked in whiskey, wondering just what she
was doing and now I am with her doing this. The idea excites me and I lower my
lips further still, flicking my tongue along her stomach until I reach the edge
of her hot pink knickers. Her skin is covered in goose bumps and I am pretty
sure that if she was going to stop me the moment has passed.

“Ben, wait.” she whispers.
Damn it.

Lilah pulls me up so we are level again. I can make
out her eyes shining in the dark.

“I really miss you, Ben.” She speaks into my neck,
like hiding her face makes the words easier to say.

“Lilah, I miss you so much.” I make the
understatement of my life.

She plants her lips against mine, this time her
lips are hungry, she makes the classic Lilah move of sliding her tongue along
my bottom lip, in response I spin us over so she is on top. She straightens up
and reaches behind her back to undo her bra, allowing it to fall to the floor
by the side of the bed. I lift my hands and slide them over her skin. She
throws her head back slightly and again I am thinking ‘really is this actually
happening?’

Yeah it’s
happening alright.

“How much have you missed me, Ben?” she asks. She
leans forward and lifts my T-shirt with one hand while sliding the other down
across my stomach.

“I have missed you more than you will ever know.” I
make a swift move and lift us up so we are both sitting, Lilah straddles my lap
with her legs tucked tight behind my back. “Lilah
McCannon
.
I, Benjamin Chambers have missed you more than you will ever know. I’m so very
sorry.”

I’ve finally said it. Face to face. I don’t add all
the other words I want to say, that I am sorry I broke her faith in herself and
that I am sorry she now wants to let me go.

Instead she says. “Make me feel right again, Ben.
Just one more time.”

So I do.

And then again.

It’s everything me and her have been, should be and
could be together.

Later as we are lying in the dark, she has her head
on my chest and my fingers trail up and down her spine, like I am playing the
most beautiful tune I could ever dream of on my guitar. I have one promise to
make myself and one promise to keep. I will earn Lilah’s forgiveness and I will
win that girl back. If it is the single last thing that I ever manage to do.

The End

Note from the Author

If you are enjoying The
Uni
Files series and want to know more stop by
www.annabloomwrites.com

Or you can follow me on twitter @
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The
Uni
Files Year One is out now on Amazon along with a novella from Ben’s perspective
The Saving of Benjamin Chambers, where Ben recounts the first time he sees
Lilah and his bid to find her again.

Lilah’s diary covering her
second year at university The Art of Keeping Faith is due for release in the
spring.

Watch this space.

A.B