The Anchor (33 page)

“Damn,” I mumble. “At least you didn’t get fired.” I try to find the positive.

“It boiled down to her word against mine. But it’s a mark on my profile here. Anyway, steer clear of her. She’s trouble.”

“Thanks for the tip, man. And I won’t tell anyone,” I assure him.

He nods and waves and opens my office door to head out just as Leanne returns with my coffee. He stands back, letting her in before exiting. As she walks toward me, she looks back, her brows furrowed in curiosity when she turns back to me.

“Everything okay?” she murmurs. “He looked . . .”

“He’s fine,” I say, bluntly, as I round my desk to sit again. “Thanks for the coffee, but we need to get back to work.” Now my mind is in overdrive. I definitely do not want to give Leanne any encouragement. I’ve always strived to be a friendly, approachable boss but in this case, I need to be closed off a little. I won’t be disrespectful to her, but I won’t be her friend either. I don’t know if what Mike said is completely true, but if it is, it sucks for many reasons.

“Okay,” she replies before setting my coffee on my desk and scurrying out of my office.

Her hair is down today, loose and twisted to the side, billowing down her shoulder. The tech is squirting gel on her little bump and Nikki looks up at me, giving me a small smile.

Fucking beautiful.

“Damn, that’s cold,” Nikki mumbles, talking about the gel.

I’m sitting on a stool beside the table she is laying on, my knee bouncing in anticipation. I’ve never seen an ultrasound in person before and if I’m being honest, it feels exciting to be here with Nikki.

“What do you think it is?” I whisper.

Nikki lets out a long breath. “I think it’s a boy.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” And her mouth curves.

“Well, let’s see if the baby will cooperate today and give us a good show,” the tech interrupts as she places some kind of rolling stick on Nikki’s bump. A gray and black image appears on the screen, but I can’t make out anything for a few seconds until the tech slows down her movement. I smile as I make out the shape of the head.

Nikki reaches a hand out and I take it, squeezing it. “That’s your baby,” she says with a smile.

“That’s our baby,” I retort with a grin.

The tech shows us the heart and the brain as she takes measurements. She’s quiet for a while and I wonder if something is wrong, but then she asks, “Do you guys want to know the sex?”

“Yes, please,” Nikki answers.

The tech rolls the wand and stops as she clicks the keyboard a few times. BOY appears on the screen next to what looks like a tiny penis.

“It’s a boy,” she says.

Damn. I don’t think I’ve ever grinned so hard in my life. I didn’t care what we had as long as it was healthy.

“You were right, mama,” I tell Nikki who has tears in her eyes. My grin fades. Is she freaking out?

“I’m having a hard time getting a clear image of the face,” the tech interrupts. “I’d like you to roll on your side for a few minutes and let’s see if we can get the baby to move.” Nikki does as she says and the tech steps out for a few minutes.

“Are you okay?” I ask as soon as she shuts the door.

“Yes.” Nikki wipes under her eyes. “It’s just . . . so real now. We’re having a little boy. I know I’m an asshole, Parker, the way I’ve acted about it all, but something about finding out we’re having a boy makes it so intense.”

“Makes what intense?” I query.

“The love. I love him already and I’m so scared.”

I smile softly and brush some hair from her face. “And you feel bad for feeling scared?”

“Yes.”

“If it you makes you feel better, I’m scared too.”

“You are?” It’s not hard to hear the shock in her voice.

“Hell, yes,” I answer. “I think about everything that could go wrong. Will he be healthy, will you be healthy and have a safe delivery? Will I be a good father? What if he hates me?”

She chuckles a little as she wipes her nose. “No one ever hates you, Parker.”

“That’s because I’m awesome,” I surmise out loud. She smiles and rolls her eyes.

“You’ve never said you were worried or scared,” she adds.

“I know we’re both new to this, but I think what we’re feeling is pretty standard emotions that all parents go through.”

“I’m sorry I’ve acted like such a . . . brat. I do want this baby, Parker,” she assures me. “Maybe I didn’t realize how much I wanted it until you said you’d take it.”

I take her hand in mine and squeeze it. “I said some pretty awful shit that night. I’m sorry.”

“You said what needed to be said. I’ve acted like a huge dick.” And I can’t help laughing at her wording.

“Maybe just a little dick,” I jest and she chuckles. “Like a John-sized dick.”

“I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but he’s not small, babe.”

“He’s smaller than me, though. Right?” I ask, trying to keep her laughing.

“Well . . .” She sighs and darts her eyes away as if she doesn’t want to answer.

“Well what?” I ask, my cackles rising. I was only asking as a joke, but now it seems important for me to know.

She laughs loudly and turns back to me. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen yours, I’m having a hard time remembering details about it. Maybe you should show it to me later.”

My dick twitches. “But you did feel it the other night,” I whisper and she gasps. “Are you trying to seduce me at our child’s ultrasound, Nikki Reese?” I try to sound appalled but suck at it.

She smirks. “And if I am?”

“It’s working,” I admit, moving her hand down and pressing it against my erection. “Remember now?”

As she palms me she says, “You have
nothing
to worry about in the size department, Parker Hayes. Believe me.” And she lets out a small moan. Fuck.

I open my mouth to speak when the door opens and Nikki jerks her hand away from my dick.

“Nikki?” A tiny woman in blue scrubs beams as she walks in, the tech following behind her.

“Hello, Dr. Morris. This is Parker, my . . .” And Nikki stops, her gaze flicking to me, unsure of how to answer.

I semi-stand, trying to hide my erection, and answer for her. “The love of her life and future husband. She just hasn’t accepted these facts yet.”

Dr. Morris grins. “Nice to meet you, Parker.” She looks over to Nikki. “You’re right. He is hot.”

I burst out laughing as Nikki blushes. And I start singing, “You think I’m sexy. You want to have my babies.”

“Dear God.” Nikki groans as she fights the laughter. “You don’t by chance have any tranquilizers so we can put him down, do you?”

“Fresh out,” Dr. Morris chuckles.

“Damn,” Nikki adds as she snaps her fingers.

“Nikki, lie on your back again and let’s have a look at this baby.”

Nikki rolls over as I take my seat and the doctor squirts a little more gel on her belly and rolls the thingy again. She’s quiet as she clicks the keyboard, making notes and printing pictures.

“This is your baby’s brain,” she begins, pointing to the screen. “We have the two lobes, as you can see.” Both of our eyes are on the screen. “Right here,” Dr. Morris continues, “I see cysts.”

“Cysts?” I ask, my brows rising. That sounds bad.

“He has several on both sides.”

“What are you telling us?” Nikki questions, the concern evident in her unsteady voice.

Dr. Morris turns to us and gives a soft smile. “I’m not worried here. Not yet anyway. So until I tell you to worry, you shouldn’t either.”

“No offense, doc, but I’m freaking out,” Nikki says, as she pushes to sit up, swipes a paper towel across her belly, and pulls her top down.

“I know. I want you to see a colleague of mine. He specializes in high-risk pregnancies.”

“What are we seeing him for? I don’t understand,” Nikki whispers.

“Cysts on the brain can be a key indicator for Trisomy 13. Although cysts appearing is not uncommon and often times they disappear by delivery.”

Both Nikki and I are speechless as the worst case scenarios run through our heads. I don’t even know what we’re talking about, but all I can think is, something is wrong with our kid.

“I’m sending you upstairs to meet with Dr. Love. He’ll do a more in-depth ultrasound and determine if you should have an amniotic fluid test done.”

Dr. Morris talks more, and the next two hours whirl by. Nikki is quiet, but I can tell she’s panicking, especially when Dr. Love recommends the fluid test. That must mean he thinks something could be wrong. Having the fluid drawn was enough to kill me. They stick a giant needle in her abdomen. But Nikki is a trooper and doesn’t complain once. In fact, she’s gone mute. Dr. Love tries to talk to her, even joke a little to take the edge off, but Nikki is in a haze. Testing the fluid will take a week. An entire fucking week of waiting to hear if our child may have a major birth defect or disability. Fuck.

I can’t freak out, though. I have to keep it together for the both of us. As soon as we get in the car, Nikki asks for my phone.

Handing it to her, I inquire, “Why do you need it?”

She takes the phone but doesn’t answer. But glancing over, I see she’s pulling up the internet browser. She’s looking up Trisomy.

“Nikki, maybe you shouldn’t do that.” But she ignores me. She says nothing as she scrolls. I keep my eyes on the road, dread sitting like a brick in my stomach. It starts to rain and I think about how fitting it is. This was supposed to be a happy day. And she
was
happy. We we’re right there . . . together . . . happy. And then this.

She begins to sob. I don’t hesitate. I pull my car over and park it. Reaching over, I take her in my arms and hold her as she lets loose. She cries and babbles about the horrible things she’s read. Terms like
infancy survival rate
and
quality of life
are used, and I want to punch something. But I don’t. I hold her and let her get it all out.

“This is my fault,” she whimpers as she pulls away and wipes under her eyes.

“What?” I ask as if it’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.

“Because I didn’t want the baby. Because I acted so selfish, I’m being punished now,” she cries. “I did this to him.”

I pull her to me again. “No, it’s not your fault. Don’t think like that.”

“I’m so scared, Parker,” she murmurs.

“I am, too. But we don’t know anything for sure yet. So we have to try and keep our cool, okay?”

She pulls away again and nods weakly. “Will you stay with me tonight? Please.”

“You couldn’t force me to leave you tonight, Nikki,” I say, and I reach out and squeeze her thigh. I get her home and run her a bath. While she soaks, I cook dinner and when she gets out, we both manage to choke the food down though neither of us is really hungry. We turn in early, laying together in the dark silence, our thoughts running away from us.

When she rolls toward me and pushes up, I’m surprised. But then she straddles me. She’s wearing a large night shirt and panties, nothing else. And I’m in my boxers. When she slips her shirt off, and her blonde hair cascades down covering her breasts, it takes my breath away. She slides down, tugging my boxers off, and I let her. I can’t deny her now, because the truth is I need her. I need this too. I need her to anchor me as well. Gently, I flip her on her back and sit up, slipping her little cotton panties off. Then I lie beside her. I kiss her lips, her neck, and her shoulders. I rub her breasts gently until she grabs my hand and forces it down. As my fingers slip inside of her, she turns her head and kisses me with gusto.

“I love you, Parker,” she whispers. I’m racked with want for her. Not just sexual, not just the need to release, but the need to somehow meld our bodies together in a way that’s not really possible. To pull her inside of me, to make it so there’s no her and me, just an us. I push her on her side, so her back is to me and after a moment, I manage to push my cock inside of her. I move slow, making sure to touch her everywhere I can with my free hand.

“I love you, Nicole,” I whisper as I squeeze her soft breast. Every kiss, every little bite I give her, she whimpers and writhes against me, begging for more. And I’m left panting. My guard is down. There’s no holding back anymore.