THE ALL-PRO (41 page)

Neptune (5-0) remained undefeated and on top of the Solar Division with a tough 22-14 win over the Bord Brigands (1-3). Bord scored the first two touchdowns of the game to take a 14-0 lead but collapsed in the second half as Scarlet Fliers quarterback Adam Guri hit wide receiver Amarillo three separate times for touchdowns.

The Jupiter Jacks 28-22 win over the Vik Vanguard (2-3) leaves the Jacks (4-1) just one game out of first against their Solar System rival Neptune.

Shorah (3-2) beat the Bartel Water Bugs (3-2) by a score of 17-14 to join the Bugs in a tie for third place.

In relegation news, the Texas Earthlings (1-4) finally notched a win thanks to a 20-17 upset over the Jang Atom Smashers (2-3). Texas, Bord and Sala Intrigue (1-3) are all at the bottom of the Solar Division.

In the Planet Division, Hittoni and Lu remain winless.

Deaths

Dok-Ah-Long
, defensive tackle for the New Rodina Astronauts, who was killed in a fumble-recovery pileup. League Commissioner Rob Froese reported that officials are analyzing game holos, but cannot identify if Long’s crushed heart occurred as a legal hit prior to the pileup or in the pile itself.

Hittoni quarterback
Jeremy Osborne
was declared dead in the second quarter of the Hullwalkers 31-10 loss to the Isis Ice Storm, killed on a hit by defensive end Ryan Nossek. In a shocking development, Osborne’s vital signs returned seven seconds after being officially declared dead. Osborne sat out the third quarter but finished the game for the Hullwalkers.

Offensive Player of the Week

To Pirates running back
Randy Noseworthy
, who racked up 112 yards on 15 carries and ran for 2 touchdowns in a win over the Lu Juggernauts.

Defensive Player of the Week

Mur the Mighty
, rookie linebacker for the Vik Vanguard. Mur had nine tackles and three sacks against Jupiter Jacks QB Shriaz Zia. The performance gives Mur 35 tackles and 6 sacks on the season, first in the league in both categories.

PLANET DIVISION

5-0 To Pirates

4-0 Wabash Wolfpack (bye)

4-1 Ionath Krakens

4-1 Isis Ice Storm

3-1 Themala Dreadnaughts

3-2 Yall Criminals

2-3 OS1 Orbiting Death

1-4 Alimum Armada

1-4 Coranadillana Cloud Killers

0-5 Hittoni Hullwalkers

0-5 Lu Juggernauts

SOLAR DIVISION

5-0 Neptune Scarlet Fliers

4-1 Jupiter Jacks

3-2 Bartel Water Bugs

3-2 Shorah Warlords

2-3 D’Kow War Dogs

2-3 Jang Atom Smashers

2-3 New Rodina Astronauts

2-3 Vik Vanguard

1-3 Bord Brigands

1-3 Sala Intrigue (bye)

1-4 Texas Earthlings

THE TOUCHBACK SLID OUT
of punch-space. The viewbay windows filled with the image of Orbital Station One. Quentin had a moment to think
hey, I didn’t throw up this time
, then his hands automatically shot to the Tweedys’ golden puke bucket — this week decorated with the logo of the Orbiting Death — and he knew he was wrong.

Through his guttural retching noises, Quentin heard his teammates laughing at him. That didn’t bother him anymore. A few laughs and some teasing were fine, as long as he could be on the viewing deck with his team. He knew it, they knew it and somehow that it was funny, even to him.

“Good one, Q,” John said. “Quite pungent.”

“Nice form,” Ju said. “You really got up on your toes on that one.”

Quentin held the puke bucket with his left hand. With his right, he flipped them the bird.

“An exceptional performance,” Michael Kimberlin said. “I read nine-point-five scores across the board, except for a three from the Tower judge.”

Quentin set the bucket down and pulled out the plastic bag. He stood straight, wiped his mouth, then looked at Kimberlin. “Eat, too, Brutus?”

Kimberlin actually laughed, a big sound that filled the viewing bay and seemed to make the Sklorno shy away in surprise.

“It’s
Et
tu, Quentin, but that’s funny.”

John’s face wrinkled in his
you guys are stupid
expression. “Eat too? What is that, some vomit joke?”

“It’s Latin,” Kimberlin said. “Part of the history of ancient Earth. If you’d like to study with us, John, that would be fine with me.”

John waved his hand in front of his face as if he’d smelled something awful, something other than the vomit that didn’t seem to bother him. “The only
studying
I’ll be doing is of the club scene after the game. The ladies of OS1 need some education, Uncle Johnny style.”

Quentin started to say
maybe that’s not a good idea
, but a voice from behind stopped him cold.

“You will not be going out on the town, Tweedy.”

All levity vanished. The Krakens players turned to face Gredok the Splithead.

“How quickly you forget, John Tweedy, that a year ago you were dodging bullets on this very station. I almost lost several starters thanks to your quest to rescue your brother.”

“Sure thing, King,” John said. “But that worked out, right? Ju’s our running back now. We’re four-and-one. All’s well that ends where we don’t get shot, right?”

“I
did
get shot,” Ju said.

“Shut up,” John said.

“No,
you
shut up,” Ju said.

Gredok stamped a foot, making his bracelets and jewelry rattle. “Enough. Anna Villani has not forgotten your intrusion into her territory, nor has she forgotten that Ju cavorted with her girlfriend. OS1 has become a very dangerous place for anyone associated with the Ionath Krakens. Therefore, the entire team is confined to quarters for the duration of our stay.”

Ju’s shoulders sagged. “No
way
. Gredok, that’s not fair. I have a lot of friends on OS1. I’ve been waiting to come back.”

Gredok’s fur fluffed, then laid flat. “Sadly, Ju, you are no smarter than your brother, who is not very smart. On Orbital Station One, you have a price on your head. I’m sure many of those so-called
friends
would be happy to collect. You are my property. You will stay where I tell you to stay. Do you understand?”

Ju kicked the ground. He nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

“I am not the only one to feel danger,” Gredok said. “Because of Villani’s rumored influence over the local military garrison, the league has arranged unusual security procedures.”

Gredok pointed a black-furred pedipalp toward the window. Outside, Quentin saw not only the blue-spiked, mace-like surface of OS1, but also a ship sliding into view from the left.

A big, white warship, with the GFL logo painted large on the side. A flight of five lethal-looking white fighters crossed from left to right, fanning out to form a perimeter around the
Touchback
.

“Uh-oh,” Ju said.

“Indeed,” Gredok said. “I am confident that no one will attempt to harm us when the full might of the Commissioner is on display. However, this comes at a price. Ju, you and Barnes are required at another investigatory meeting with Froese immediately after the game.”

Quentin turned to face the team owner. “
Me
? Why me? Ju is the one with the false accusation of murder.”

Gredok played with his bracelets. “
Why you
, Barnes? Because for some odd reason, you seem to be at the center of every problem that I have.”

The owner left the viewing bay.

Quentin turned to face Ju.

Ju smiled and shrugged. “Eat, too, Quentin?”

Transcript from the “Galaxy’s Greatest Sports Show with Dan, Akbar, and Tarat the Smasher”

DAN:
Hello, sports fans, Dan Gianni here and welcome to another edition of the Galaxy’s Greatest Sports show with me, Akbar and Tarat the Smasher.

AKBAR:
Thanks, Dan.

TARAT:
Yes, thank you.

DAN:
Tarat, let’s get into it. I hear that you have the inside scoop from the Orbiting Death locker room? Are they ready for their game against the Ionath Krakens?

TARAT:
Are they ever, Dan. Even back in the preseason, team owner Anna Villani has made this the franchise’s game of the year. The alleged actions of Ju Tweedy have brought shame on the organization and Villani wants to clear the Death name of any wrongdoing.

AKBAR:
Clear the ...
what
? Are you kidding me? She’s a
gangster
. She had the previous owner
assassinated
.

DAN:
Akbar, come on, that old bit again? No one cares!

AKBAR:
More people care than you think, Dan.

DAN:
Well, enough of that — let’s get more from Tarat. Smasher, the Orbiting Death shocked everyone by starting the season with two wins, but since then they’ve dropped three straight. Can they beat Ionath?

TARAT:
Dan, I’m actually picking the Death in this one. Quarterback Condor Adrienne is still getting used to the speed of Tier One, but Ionath’s starting cornerback Berea is out with a brain-stem injury — her backup is Stockbridge, who is not good enough to stop Adrienne.

AKBAR:
I still can’t believe the Krakens didn’t trade for defensive backs.

TARAT:
I also found that odd. The Death defense will be very focused on stopping Ju Tweedy. As he used to play for OS1, limiting his yardage becomes a point of honor.

DAN:
They’ll need more than honor for that. Like maybe an auto cannon.

TARAT:
I think they have the motivation. I just visited the OS1 locker room. They have news article printouts posted everywhere.

AKBAR:
Printouts? From what?

TARAT:
From a preseason interview with Krakens quarterback Quentin Barnes. Barnes said, “Let the Orbiting Death worry about relegation.”

AKBAR:
Oh, I remember that from media day. But that’s taken out of context.

TARAT:
The Death players do not care about context, Akbar. They care about the words. Their motivation, Villani’s insistence that this is a must-win, Ionath’s secondary difficulties
and
the fact that a win almost guarantees the Death will not be relegated tells me that they will be victorious.

DAN:
Smasher, you’re crazy. I love you, but you’re crazy. I’m picking the Krakens.

AKBAR:
So am I.

TARAT:
Dan, are you going to ask me about my other inside information?

DAN:
Well well, what’s this? Our hulking Quyth Warrior commentator has another scoop?

AKBAR:
Yes, Smasher, let’s have it.

TARAT:
An inside source tells me that the To Pirates made a tentative offer to Quentin Barnes.

AKBAR:
They can’t do that. It’s still Tier One season. Both teams are in Tier One, so they can’t make offers until the season is over and Barnes is officially a free agent.

DAN:
Right, Akbar. I mean
no one
drives faster than the underwater speed limit in Isis City limits, right?

TARAT:
I have driven a submersible there. Sentients rarely obey the speed limit, Dan.