The Accidental Countess (16 page)

He glanced back at her and the solemn, serious look on his face was quickly replaced by his irrepressible grin. “Yes, Cassandra. I know a great deal about guilt and here is my advice.”

She scooted forward until she sat on the edge of her seat, staring at him, waiting for his words. “Yes?”

“If there’s any way you can dispel it, do so, as quickly as possible.” He looked her in the eye. His hazel eyes had turned a dark mossy green. “Otherwise, it will destroy you.”

Cass nearly fell out of her seat. Garrett, fun-loving, happy Garrett, she’d never seen him like this. But something told her he was quite serious and quite right. “You think I should tell Julian the truth?”

“At your first opportunity,” Garrett breathed.

Cass nodded. “I know. You’re right. I want to. I—”

Garrett narrowed his eyes on her. “But you’re not going to, are you?”

Cass bit her lip and glanced away. “You don’t know how much I want to.” She couldn’t look at him. If she weren’t such a coward, she would have asked him what happened in Spain. If she weren’t such a coward, she would ask him if he felt something other than brotherly love for her. If she weren’t such a coward, she would tell Julian the truth. In fact, if she weren’t such a coward, she never would have allowed herself to be trapped in this untenable position to begin with.

“Thank you, Garrett,” was all she said. “I truly value your advice.”

He nodded.

She took an unsteady breath and searched her mind for something simple to say to restore their usual lighthearted camaraderie. “Tell me, what did Jane promise you to get you to agree? Lucy and I are absolutely on tenterhooks to find out.”

Garrett’s grin returned in full force. “She promised me that she would keep her mouth shut and not barb me during the house party. I’d say that’s worth any amount of playacting. In fact, I wasn’t entirely certain I was coming, but I couldn’t pass up such an opportunity.”

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Julian had been standing with his back against the cool marble wall in the corridor outside the library wondering where he might find Miss Bunbury. He’d already checked the terrace and the conservatory with no luck. The library door swung open and Garrett Upton strode out of the room.

Julian narrowed his eyes on Upton. He’d have to question the chap later about his possible involvement with Cassandra. Why did that thought make him jealous? But his next thought made him jealous, too. Was Miss Bunbury in the library? Had she been speaking to Upton privately?

Julian strode over to the door to the library and stepped inside.

It was dark in the room. Only a brace of candles stood on a small table in the far corner. He squinted, adjusting his eyes to the dimness.

“Miss Bunbury?” he ventured.

“Yes,” a small voice answered.

She was here. She had been speaking to Upton. “Seems you and I are drawn to the same locations. I do hope you are not beginning to believe I am following you. Though I must admit that I was seeking your company this evening.” He smiled at her.

He could see her now. Sitting on the settee in the center of the room, she smiled back at him. “I believe you, Captain Swift.”

“Do you mind if I join you?” he asked.

“Please do.” She gestured to the open space next to her.

He made his way over and sat beside her. “Did I see Mr. Upton leaving the room a few moments ago?”

The unspoken question hung in the air.
What were the two of you doing in here together
?

“Yes, we spoke briefly.” It looked as if she’d winced. “I do hope you don’t think it overly forward of me to have been speaking alone to a man in the library,” she murmured. “But we seem to be doing the same thing ourselves now, aren’t we?”

Julian clenched his jaw. She was right. And he had no cause to judge her or doubt her intentions when he was forcing his company upon her now as well. For all he knew, that’s what Upton had done. Why was Upton making him jealous all of a sudden? “Do you know him? I mean, have you met him before?” What in God’s name had made him ask that question?

She shook her head. Was that another wince? “No. He’d just come in here looking for a book to read before bed. I think he left because he didn’t want to disturb me.” She glanced away.

“I do hope I’m not disturbing you,” Julian said.

“Not at all,” Miss Bunbury replied. “I just wanted to be somewhere a bit more quiet for a few moments. I don’t much like large crowds.”

“Neither do I.”

“I know.”

He squinted at her. “What was that?”

She cleared her throat. “Oh?”

“I want to apologize to you, Miss Bunbury,” he continued.

She turned to look at him. “Whatever for?”

“For burdening you with my secret last night. It was extremely ill-mannered of me. I apologize.”

She bit her lip. “Captain Swift, I haven’t written to Penelope. I—”

He nodded. “I understand. I shouldn’t have asked you to. Another attempt to burden you with my problems. Please accept my apology.”

She smiled at that. “No need to apologize, Captain. And I do hope you believe that I have no intention of telling anyone … what you told me about Penelope … or your brother.”

“Thank you for that, Miss Bunbury. You are very kind. Especially given that it may have been difficult to hear of a broken engagement, considering your circumstances. As for my brother, I…” His thoughts flashed back to the letter from Cassie, the one she’d sent last night. Apparently, she was not in the country. She’d returned to London for some reason. She said she looked forward to seeing him and she’d heard that Donald was missing and might be in danger. Julian wasn’t certain how she’d found out.

“I know you’re worried, Julian,”
her letter had read
. “I know you love him, you miss him, and I pray that he comes back safe and sound. But I also know that you’re thinking you can’t do it, fill his shoes if it comes to that. And I want you to know that you can. You will. I have every confidence in you.”

Cassie, as always, had got right to the heart of his deepest fear and she’d reassured him. It was just what he’d needed to hear, right when he’d needed to hear it. And it had come from Cassie. Cassie, whom he missed. Cassie, whom he’d yet to see since he’d returned. She was more than a friend. She was …

In love with another man. Possibly Upton. That’s why Upton was making him so blasted angry this evening.

“You needn’t explain, Captain Swift,” Miss Bunbury said, rousing him from his thoughts. “May I ask you something? Something a bit … forward?”

He inclined his head and grinned at her. “I think it’s only fair.”

She took a deep breath. “What made you decide you do not want to become engaged?”

She’d surprised him. He remained silent for a few moments before answering. “The truth is, Miss Bunbury, I pray you do not think me a scoundrel, but I find myself thinking quite a great deal about another lady.”

*   *   *

Cass couldn’t breathe. Another lady? Had she heard him correctly? Julian was in love with another lady. Another lady. Not Pen. Could it be? It had to be … her. Cass! Who else could it be? He’d never mentioned anyone else in any of his letters. She struggled to keep her face blank. “I don’t think you’re a scoundrel at all, Captain Swift.” Her stays were cutting into her lungs. She felt hot, cold, dizzy. “I understand, actually. My parents have been pushing me to marry gentlemen I don’t want to for years.”

“Ah, so you do understand?” he replied.

“More than you know,” she whispered.

“Please don’t mistake me. I’ve absolutely nothing but respect for Miss Monroe. It’s just that … We don’t know each other very well—at all, really, and there’s … someone else, whom I’ve come to know quite well. Through her letters…”

Cass closed her eyes, fighting back tears. It
was
her. It was. And now she would have to tell him the truth and only hope that he didn’t hate her. She would tell him her name, fall to her knees and beg him to forgive her. But first, she had to be certain. “Does this woman know you, you … care for her?”

Julian cracked a smile. “Actually, no. Not yet. I haven’t told her anything. I felt it best to end my affiliation with Penelope first.”

Cass nodded. That was so like Julian, ensuring he did the correct things in the correct manner.

He leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees. “And now, I’m not certain that I’m going to tell her.”

Cass’s brows snapped together. Not certain? Why wasn’t he certain? “You do not expect the lady to return your affection?”

Julian let his head fall into his hands and scrubbed one fist through his burnished hair. “No.”

Cass stopped breathing. “No?” she echoed.

“I attempted to visit her when I was in London. And I learned … I discovered…”

Cass’s heart was nearly thumping out of her chest. It was painful. “What?” The word was barely a whisper.

Julian shook his head. “It seems she’s in love with another man.”

CHAPTER TWENTY

Cass swallowed and swallowed again. Tears burned the backs of her eyes. She couldn’t breathe.

It wasn’t her.

He wasn’t talking about her. He couldn’t be. She hadn’t seen him in London, not as Cass, and she obviously wasn’t in love with another man. Julian couldn’t possibly think that about her. She’d never mentioned it in her letters, and her parents weren’t in London. They couldn’t have been the ones to tell him such nonsense. No. No. Julian was talking about someone else entirely, some other woman. Some other woman he cared about and had been writing to, all the time he’d been writing to her solely as a friend. A woman he’d never seen fit to mention to her. Cass was going to vomit. She had to get away.

“I’m … I’m ever so sorry to hear that,” she murmured, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from crying.

“It’s all right. I shouldn’t have expected that she would wait for me all these years.”

“No, I … I don’t suppose—” Her voice cracked. She didn’t care if she seemed rude. She had to leave before she broke down sobbing, wrapped her arms around his ankle, told him she was Cass, and begged him to love her. That would be very, very bad form. No. Better to leave with a shred of dignity. Perhaps she might be able to see him again. Perhaps she might be able to look at him, but right now, while her heart was breaking, she had to get away. Had to.

“I’m sorry, Captain Swift, but I fear that I’m … unable to…” She stood and ran from the room. She could hear Julian’s calls, asking after her health, if he might be of assistance, but she just couldn’t stop. Tears streamed down her face, tears she couldn’t let him see. Better to allow him to think she was mad or sick or both.

She ran out of the library, down the corridor, and up the main staircase. A few of the servants watched as she flew past. If they thought she seemed overwrought running through the halls, she didn’t care. She ran up the marble staircase and down the long corridor to her bedchamber. She didn’t stop until she landed squarely on her bed, where she let the wrenching sobs rack her entire body.

*   *   *

Cass cried for exactly ten minutes. She hugged a pillow against her face and bawled like a child whose Christmastide stocking was empty. Then she sat up, dried her eyes with a handkerchief she retrieved from her reticule, and stared. She crossed her arms over her chest and contemplated the wall. It occurred to her then. She was tired of crying. She’d cried the entire time she’d thought Julian was dying. She’d cried for hours, days, weeks. She’d cried and cried, and when she’d known he was coming back to marry Pen and would be forever lost to her, she’d cried more. And now, she realized, staring at the shadowy wallpaper in the darkness, she was quite through with crying. Patience Bunbury wouldn’t cry like this, would she?

She rang for her maid. The young woman appeared in the doorway, minutes later. “Maria, please send a message to the duchess and Miss Lowndes. Tell them I must see them as soon as possible.”

“Yes, my lady,” Maria said, hurrying away to do as she asked.

Yes. Cass was finished with crying. She was going to take action, just what Patience Bunbury would do. She had a plan.

Fifteen minutes later, Lucy and Jane hurried into Cass’s bedchamber. “What is it, dear?” Lucy asked, flying over to her bed and pushing Cass’s curls back from her face to look at her.

“It’s Julian,” Cass replied, wiping away the last remnant of tears.

“Oh, no, what happened?” Lucy asked.

Jane watched her closely, a sympathetic look on her face. “Tell us, Cass.”

Cass straightened her shoulders. “Julian told me tonight he cares for someone else. Someone other than Penelope.”

Jane’s brow furrowed. “Not Penelope?”

“No.” Cass’s voice was calm.

“Who?” Lucy asked, looking equally confused.

“I don’t know. It doesn’t matter,” Cass replied. “I just know it’s not me … Cass, and it’s not Penelope.”

“I don’t understand, dear,” Lucy said. “Is it Patience?”

“No.”

“Who, then?” Jane asked, her hands splayed upward in a question.

“I don’t know,” Cass replied. “But whoever she is, she apparently doesn’t return his affection. He said so.”

“He said that?” Lucy asked.

“Yes,” Cass replied. “At first it made me cry. Now it’s making me angry.”

Jane’s eyebrows shot up. “Angry?”

“Yes. Angry. Angry enough to do something about it.”

Lucy’s different-colored eyes scanned her face. “What do you mean?”

Cass gritted her teeth. “I mean I need a plan.”

“A plan?” Jane echoed.

“Yes.” Cass nodded resolutely. “When I thought that I’d be breaking up Julian and Pen, I was racked with guilt. I felt absolutely awful. She may not love him, that’s true, but still, she’s my cousin and they are intended for each other.”

“Yes, dear, and…” Lucy prompted.

“Now I am without guilt. Oh, I still have guilt about lying to Julian about who I am, but I have no more guilt about taking him away from Pen. He doesn’t seem to want Pen. And I know Pen doesn’t want him.”

“What else did he say?” Jane prompted.

Cass took a deep breath. She would not reveal Julian’s secret that he intended to break things off with Pen. It was enough to tell her friends that he had feelings for someone else, some unknown woman whom Cass wanted to throttle.