“So
I can get rid of them. No way am I going to let you keep them after what I just
found out. How could I trust you?”
“Don’t
say that.” I beg him.
“I
just don’t understand how the hell I missed this, how didn’t I notice and how
could I be so stupid? Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?”
His
anger and frustration increases once again as I watch him tear himself apart
over something he had absolutely no control over. He’s blaming himself for
something which isn’t his fault, something he had no idea about and something
only I can take responsibility for.
“I
hadn’t done it in weeks before last night, you have to believe me.”
“When
was the last time?”
“You
mean before last night?”
“
Yes
.”
He growls fiercely, clenching his fists as he takes a step back from me.
“It
was the day before school started.” I mumble sadly, wringing my hands together.
“And
why did you do it then?”
“Because
I was scared.” I answer truthfully, remembering how terrible I felt that day
and the reason behind it.
“Scared
of what?” He enquires more gently, softening the tone of his voice.
“Of
going back there and facing everyone again. The entire school except Lisa made
my life a misery last year and I didn’t know if I had the strength to face
another year of it.”
My
eyes fill with unshed tears as I observe him trying to digest my harrowing
revelation, trying to understand why I would do it in the first place.
“Baby,
come here.”
He
motions for me to walk towards him, wearing a defeated and heartbroken
expression on his face. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about this.”
“It’s
no big deal.” I lie, burying my face against his chest as I allow him to
embrace me.
“It
is
a big deal, Green. I love you far too much for you to be doing that
to yourself. You know that don’t you?”
He
touches my chin softly, tilting my face up so he can lock those mesmerising
eyes of his on my own. “You have to promise me right now that you will never do
it again.”
“But
I don’t mean to do it.” I explain quietly.
“
Promise
me.”
“Ok,
I promise.”
“I
mean it. You cannot do this again, Serena.” He insists, placing a kiss on the
centre of my forehead.
I
can tell he’s still not happy with me, even when he leaves my house so he can
race back home and get ready for school. I’m left alone for an hour or so as I
wait for Lisa to come and pick me up. My mum is still in bed by the time I
leave the house, oblivious to the row I had with Cole this morning and the fact
that stayed over once again last night.
I
climb into my best friend’s car and give her a weak smile, hoping she won’t be
able to tell that I’ve been crying since the moment Cole left.
“What’s
wrong?” She asks me straight away, turning in her seat.
“Nothing,
I’m fine.” I reply as casually as I can manage.
“Your
eyes say something different and I can tell you’ve been crying, Serena.”
“I
just had a little row with Cole this morning.” I admit, realising there’s no
point in lying to her.
She’s
always been able to see right through me and that’s what makes her such a great
friend.
“Do
you want to talk about it?” She offers kindly, starting the car’s engine before
pulling away from my house.
“Not
really but thanks anyway.”
“I
still can’t believe you left school early with Cole yesterday, that’s not like
you, Serena.”
“The
two of us had just had enough after what happened in the cafeteria at lunch. We
had to get out of there.”
“That’s
understandable and thanks for letting me know you were ok. I would have been
worried sick if you hadn’t.”
“Of
course. I know you’d do the same for me.”
“Anyway,
you know I’m here if you change your mind about talking.” She concludes,
smiling warmly before going onto change the subject completely. “Have you still
got your appointment this afternoon with the nurse?”
“Shit,
I forgot all about it.” I proclaim out loud, surprised by how quickly my
appointment must have slipped my mind. “Thanks for reminding me.”
“Are
you nervous?”
“Sort
of but I think I’m more anxious about the type of questions she’s going to ask
me.” I tell her truthfully.
“It
won’t be too intrusive. Their only aim is to find out what type of
contraception will be right for you, that’s all there is to it.”
“I
think I’m more nervous about what will happen afterwards.”
“You
mean the sex part?”
“Um,
yeah…” I respond somewhat self-consciously.
I’m
not all that comfortable when it comes to talking about things like this,
mainly because I know Lisa is no longer a virgin and I still am. She told me a
few months back that she’s only slept with one person before but that makes her
a hell of a lot more experienced than I am.
“You
know you can ask me anything you want to.” She assures me, glancing at me out
of the corner of her eye before her attention is drawn back to the road ahead
of her. “And I don’t mean that in a patronising way. I just want you to feel
comfortable.”
“I
do appreciate your offer but don’t you think it would be a little
embarrassing?”
“Not
at all, we’ve always been like sisters so it’s no big deal.”
I
stay quiet for a few moments, trying to figure out if I would feel at ease with
the type of conversation Lisa is talking about having. I suppose she is right,
we’ve been friends for years and it’s not like I can ask my mum anything about
sex or when you know if it’s the right time for you to give your virginity to
someone. I would never be able to approach her with something like this.
“Ok,
well you can always come over to my house tomorrow night if you want to and we
can have a catch-up then.” I suggest cheerfully, already looking forward to it.
“It feels like ages since we’ve spent some time together outside of school.”
“I
understand why that is. You’ve been busy with Cole.”
“Regardless
of that, you and I are going to spend tomorrow night together, ok? A fun Friday
night like we used to is exactly what I need right now.”
“Deal.”
She replies happily.
We
arrive at school a couple of minutes later and are making our way through the
main entrance when I spot him.
Jonathan.
“What
the hell is he doing back here?” Lisa asks, spotting him walking in front of
us.
“I
have no idea but he still looks pretty rough. Should he even be in school so
soon after what happened?”
“Serena,
you do not have to feel sorry for that piece of scum, not after what he did to
you.”
“I
don’t.” I lie, realising that a part of me still feels responsible for Jonathan
ending up in the hospital. “I’m just worried about what Cole will do when he
finds out he’s back.”
“You
need to warn him and I’d do it as soon as possible. You can’t risk him bumping
into Jonathan in the hall or someone else telling him before you do.”
“You’re
right. I think I’ll call him.” I tell her, reaching for my phone.
“Are
you going to be alright by yourself?” She enquires gently, glancing around the
students which I can already hear gossiping about the fact that Jonathan is
back at school. “I really don’t want to leave you but my first class is due to
start in five minutes.”
“Lisa,
I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me and I’ll just catch up with you later.”
“Ok,
see you soon.”
She
gives me a brief hug before she heads inside, glancing over her shoulder a
couple of times before she goes.
I
try phoning Cole but he doesn’t answer and I really don’t want to leave him a
voice message about something like this. Giving up, I sigh wearily and
reluctantly make my way into school.
Using
Cole’s locker is still a little strange to me but it’s also nice knowing that
none of my things will be tampered with or go missing like last year. Cole was
right when he promised me absolute security by sharing his locker.
I’m
on the way to my first lesson but the corridors are empty. I didn’t realise how
late I was and now I’m dreading the thought of walking into my class when I
know it must have started already.
It’s
when I’m walking by the storage closet which Cole and I used the day before
when I feel it.
He’s
watching me.
I
turn around and scan the corridors, wondering where it is that he’s located and
it’s only when my back is turned that he chooses to sneak up behind me.
“Well,
well, well. Look who it is... little miss cock tease.” He growls directly into
my ear, allowing his grimy hands to wander up and down my body.
Jonathan.
“Get
your hands of me.” I demand, struggling to free myself from his grasp.
“Now
why would I want to do a thing like that?” He taunts me, tightening the hold he
has on my squirming body.
His
chest is pressed against my back and I can’t turn around, as much as I try to
free myself from him.
“Because
you don’t want to end up in the hospital again.” I remind him boldly, digging
my fingernails into the skin on his arms until he is forced to let me go.
“You
really think I’m going to let you get away with any of this? You think I’m
going to just let you just walk away from what you did to me?”
“I
didn’t do anything to you. I didn’t even touch you.” I cry out angrily,
indignant and bewildered by his statement.
“But
you want to, don’t you?” He sneers, taking one step closer towards me. “I know
you get off on it, I know it turns you on to know how much I want you.”
“Jonathan,
let go of me right now or I swear to God I will scream.” I threaten him,
glancing up and down the corridors for help.
There
is no one.
“Your
little boyfriend isn’t here to protect you anymore. In fact, who says you’re even
going to see him again?”
“What
do you mean by that?”
“Let’s
just say that a few members of my friends and family paid him a little visit
this morning and even though he’s pretty tough, I doubt he’s strong enough to
take on ten men singlehandedly.”
“What
have you done to him?!”
“I
didn’t do anything to him, Princess. I won’t harm him if you say you’ll do
something for me.”
“L-like
what?” I stammer, already aware of what his demand will be.
“Let
me fuck you and we’ll say no more about it.”
My
mouth falls open in shock and disgust, unable to believe that someone as vile
and obnoxious as this person can really exist.
“Fuck
you!” I yell loudly, surprising myself by own volume.
“Baby,
that’s exactly what I want and I can guarantee you’ll enjoy it, I promise you
that.” He takes another step closer until I’m forced back against the wall
right behind me.
Up
close I can see the shadows of his bruises, they’re big enough for me to realise
just how hurt he must have been after Cole’s attack and now he wants revenge.
“Where
is Cole? Have you really hurt him?”
“I’m
expecting photographic evidence of what my friends have done to him any minute
now. If you stick around you might even get to see it as well.” He replies
smugly, smirking at me in cruelty.
“You’re
a monster.” I whisper, covering my face with my hands as I realise the reason
behind Cole not answering my phone call just a few minutes ago.
“An
eye for an eye, Serena.”
He
remains silent for a couple of seconds before the sound of his phone distracts
us both. He whips it out of his pocket and opens his message with glee. I
expect to see a ridiculous smirk on his face once more but instead, the only
expression I see is dismay.
Without
thinking, I grab his phone from him and stare at the photo he has been sent. I
expected to see Cole lying unconscious or badly injured but the picture staring
back at me shows him gazing into the camera with confidence with his middle
finger up in defiance. I notice a few cuts and bruises but besides that, he
looks absolutely fine.
He’s
the one who is full of confidence, exuding
arrogance and confrontation.
“Fuck!”
Jonathan roars fiercely, throwing his phone to the ground.
I
take this opportunity and get the hell out of there, hurrying to my first class
before he can catch up with me.
The
rest of my day seems to drag on forever. Cole isn’t in school but I do receive
a text message from him which assures me he’s alright. He doesn’t mention what
happened to him earlier on that morning and I choose not to discuss it with him
until I can speak to him in person. He obviously doesn’t know that Jonathan is
back in school and I don’t plan on telling him until later on when we can talk
properly.