“So I can call them right now?”
“Yeah, but our phone is off.”
“Desire, I've had enough with the fooling around. You're going to the station, so we can contact your parents.”
Huh! Over my dead body!
I kicked up dirt as I raced away from the officer.
He immediately bolted behind me.
I kept looking back to see how far behind he was, and he wasn't too far. I picked up the pace. If I'd had on my cleats, he would not have been as close as he was to me, cop or not. I looked back for the last time, and that was my downfall. He caught me.
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My aunt had to come down to the police station to pick me up. I was in boiling hot water.
I didn't get in the door good enough before my uncle laid the leather to my behind. I could hardly sit down from the soreness of the welts on my butt.
“You try to kill yourself, and then you pull this mess. I'm starting to think you're playing me for a fool, Desire.”
“I'm not, Uncle Frank. I justâ”
“I didn't ask you to talk, and I definitely do not want an explanation. Here, take this piece of paper.”
I took the sheet of paper from him. He made me write down everything that I did wrong and sign a contract of some sort. It was agreed that if I screwed up anymore, then I was to be sent away for good. It was a choice of boarding school, boot camp, or something to that effect.
“This is your last warning, little girl. Believe me, you will not get the same treatment anywhere else the way you do in this household. Those little boys you want to be chasing after can give two shits about you, Desire. We in this house love and care about you. We clothe you, shelter you, and feed you. Not everyone lives in a nice house, and not every child has their own room. So I'm telling you get your act together because, if you don't, you will no longer live under this roof, and mark my words when I tell you, there is no place like home.”
My uncle was right, but it wasn't all my fault. What about Auntie Linda and her bipolar ways? All the stuff she did to me behind his back. I'll never forget how she tied me up, beat me with a belt buckle, and lied about me having sex with Greg. She was part of the reason I was acting out.
I know I did things that were over the top, but geez, give me a break. Could I just be a teenager without being criticized and brutalized? I mean, I must admit, it did become a habit of mine, learning things the hard way. I don't know why it had to be like that, but it just was. I couldn't control the demons inside of me. I wanted love elsewhere besides home. Why couldn't they understand that, or why couldn't I understand them?
I vowed to try mending my ways, but just as I was willing, something else came up.
Chapter 11
For a week straight I obeyed and abided by the rules. I felt weird not getting into trouble and not being able to do what I wanted, but I couldn't get Uncle Frank's heartbreaking expression out of my mind. He looked so hurt from my actions, as if a newborn had died. I had to do right by him. He loved me unconditionally and would do anything for me.
Malik and I hadn't been talking. I'd built up the courage to ignore him. I was still pissed with him for leaving me alone in his house. He was ignoring me as well, so it wasn't too much of a courage thing on my part. He'd see me and turn his cheek, and I'd do the same. I was hurting, but I was beginning to realize the jerk he was. It was like we hadn't even had a conversation a day in our lives. Can you believe that? Man, I wish I had known better. What's so bugged out too was, even though we weren't on speaking terms, he still managed to be a thorn in my side.
The day I was given permission to resume track, I woke up sick as a dog. Nothing I ate would stay down. Jen asked me, “When was the last time you had your period?” I had been running wild for so long, I couldn't recall. I had an irregular period anyway, so it was definitely going to be hard to tell.
Jen suggested I take a pregnancy test. What an idea that was. I didn't really want to, but I was peer pressured. I should have stuck with my gut feeling though, because getting a hold of that pregnancy test added another burden to my life.
After school, before track practice, me and Jen hit up the Walgreens drugstore down the street from the school. We wasted no time making our way down aisle six to grab a pregnancy test.
I picked up one and handed it to Jen. She picked up another and handed both to me. I looked at her like,
What are you doing?
“Get two just in case.”
“Okay, but here.”
I tried to hand them to Jen, but she pushed my hand away. “What are you doing? Why you giving them to me?”
“I don't have any money,” I said, handing them back to her.
She pushed my hand away. “I don't have any money either.”
“So how we gonna get 'em?” I asked.
Jen gave me that “five-finger look.” I was with it too, but it was damn sure going to be a team effort. I handed one back to her. Then, at the same time, we stuffed them in our coats and bolted out of the store.
We thought we had made a quick getaway, but oh no, the security officer saw our thievin' asses and was on us. My heart was racing. Boy, was I trying to get away. It was crazy. The adrenaline rush you get when you're in a sticky situation. The feeling is definitely not cool. The security guard chasing us was this sloppy, fat, nasty-looking guy, who should not have been running as fast as he was. He fooled us. He had speed. I didn't think he'd be right on us, but he was. I had to put more pep in my run. You know I wasn't trying to see another police station ever, especially for stealing a pregnancy test.
So while we were running, I turned my head to look behind me, which gave Jen a good lead. She was smart. She never looked back. Me, on the other hand, I got caught up. I tripped on my own two feet and hit the pavement.
Jen was straight. She got away. She stopped when I fell, but I told her to keep running. I didn't want her to get caught up over me. She took my advice without hesitation too. She was out.
The security guard snatched me up from off the ground and dragged me back to Walgreens by the hood of my jacket. I was trying to pull loose, but I would have only strangled myself. I wished I had a detachable hood. It would have definitely come in handy, but too bad. I was shit out of luck. Big man had me, and all I kept thinking was,
If I didn't trip, then I would have gotten my ass away. Damn!
After we got back inside the store, he took me to this secluded room behind the photo area. The way the door looked and where the room was located, you wouldn't even know it existed. When we got in the room, he wasted no time in searching me. He patted me down like he was getting a free feel.
At first I wasn't really paying attention to it, but when the whole pat-down process seemed more like fondling than a pat-down, I shoved his hands off me.
“Is there a problem?” he yelled in my face.
“Yeah. You're feeling all over me like I stole something!” I yelled back. “I didn't steal nothing.”
“Yes, you did, and it's on you somewhere.”
“Nothing's on me. I didn't take nothing.”
Lucky for me, the pregnancy test had dropped while I was running.
“Strip to your underwear. I don't have time for games.”
“What?” I asked, confused.
“Listen, I don't have all day. Either you strip so I can confirm that you didn't take anything, or I call the police and they come down and lock you up. Simple as that. You make the decision, but I ain't got all day.”
I thought about my choices. Notifying the police was definitely out of the question. If a strip search had to be down to avoid me being locked up, then I was going for that.
I started taking off my clothes slowly.
“How old are you, by the way?”
“Thirteen.”
“Thirteen?”
“Yeah.”
“You ain't thirteen. Don't lie to me.”
“Yes, I am.”
“What grade are you in?”
“Eighth,” I responded, taking off my last bit of clothes. I was down to my bra and panties.
“You done?”
I looked at him like he was crazy, as if I wasn't two articles shy of being naked.
He giggled. “Excuse the question. I'll search your clothes first.”
I watched him as he bent down and went through my clothes.
“You must have ditched what you stole.”
“I told you I didn't steal nothing.”
“Please, don't spare me the truth,” he commented as he stood up. “Spread your legs and put your arms out,” he demanded angrily.
You know he wasn't right for doing this to me. What was he going to find on me, seeing that I was half-naked. He definitely had another agenda, but I was too scared to question it.
“And you did steal something. I saw you take it.” He nonchalantly slid his index finger through the seat of my underwear.
I jumped, feeling funny.
Then he proceeded to pat my legs down. How much more patting of me did he need to do? I practically had no clothes on.
“Almost done,” he said. He walked behind me, patted my arms, unhooked my bra, and gently squeezed on my breasts.
I took a deep breath, and tears came to my eyes. He was fondling me, y'all, and I was too scared to do anything about it. So I just stood there.
He ran his hand down my sides, caressing my waist. Then he slipped his hands inside my panties and gripped both my ass cheeks. “All right, you're free to go. You're clean.”
I stood there in awe like,
What just happened?
“You don't wanna leave? You want another pat-down? I'll be glad to give it to you,” he joked.
I didn't think anything was funny. He had just violated me. I was dumbfounded and didn't really know what to do.
“You need help putting your clothes on?”
I shook my head no and started putting on my clothes. I couldn't believe it. He had just gotten a cheap feel. In Walgreens.
Pervert!
I hurried to get my stuff on. I had just zipped my pants when the door opened.
“What we got here?”
“A thief.”
“Age?”
“Thirteen.”
“What she take?”
“I don't know. I couldn't find it. I think she ditched it when I was chasing her.”
“Did you see her ditch it?”
“No.”
“Well, let her go. There's nothing we can do. You know we can't search minors anyway.”
I swung on my coat, took one last mental picture of the predator, and hauled ass. I pushed my way through the man standing in the doorway, got outside of Walgreens, and burst out into tears.
I was in a daze. I was thinking about my aunt and the way she treated me. Malik and the way he screwed me over. My mom ditching me. Greg being swooped away by God. All that came to the forefront of my mind. I thought I was about to lose it. I couldn't think of anything good about myself or anything good that someone had done for me. I felt as if I had “Violate Me” written all over my forehead. I began to hate people more, and I was beginning to hate life. I needed a change quick.
I managed to pull myself together to go back up to school, where Jen was out front socializing.
When she noticed me, she ran over my way. “Oh my God! I was so scared. I was just telling Clayton what happened. I didn't tell him about what we stole though. How did you get away? What happened?”
A mental picture of the violation came to mind.
“Whatever. Nothing. You got the test?” I asked softly.
“What's wrong?”
“Nothing!”
“Something's wrong. What happened?”
“Nothing! Do you have the test?” I yelled, agitated.
“Yeah, right here. Calm down.”
I started crying.
“What happened, Desire?”
“That man . . . the man . . . ”
“Who?”
“The security guy . . . he made me take my clothes off.”
“He made you take your clothes off?”
I nodded my head up and down as I wiped my eyes.
“Did he do something to you?”
More tears fell.
Jen embraced me. “Oh no, Desire.”
“He didn't like rape me or anything. He just like felt all over me,” I cried. “He was a fucking pervert.”
“It's okay. Calm down,” Jen soothed.
“I hate people!”
“No, you don't. You just feel like that now. It's okay. Everything's gonna be all right.”
I wiped my eyes as Jen's words soothed me.
“Come on, let's go inside the school.”
I pulled myself together as we walked inside the school. We headed straight for the bathroom. It was that time, y'all!
Jen reached in her pocket and handed me the test. We stared at each other like,
This is it.
I went into the stall, followed the instructions, and came out to wait. I handed the test to Jen, so she could spill the results.
While we waited, I prayed to God that if he made my results negative, I would never have sex again in my life. Ever. I told Him I'd become a nun, sacrifice myself to Him, and all this crap. I should have known better though. You can't negotiate with God. Who was I fooling? Whatever He wanted to go down, it did, and that's how it went.
Jen confirmed a plus sign. I was now pregnant with Malik's baby.