Terri Brisbin (20 page)

Adrian’s breathing worsened as it always did in the autumn, but now he did not fear it as more than it was—the change of seasons. Mrs. Gresham still visited him
and continued to offer advice and tonics to help him. Now that Miranda was gone, he went back on to the regimen that seemed to help him the most. If she returned to him and wanted to try to conceive a child, he would stop taking the ingredients that Mrs. Gresham identified as possible causes of infertility.

When the trees grew bare and the days began with frost covering the hills, he finally received a note from Parker that gave him a glimmer of hope. Miss Stevenson had received a letter from the viscountess that told of her arrival at their northern estate. The Allendales lived only twenty miles from Windmere Park.

Lady Allendale was the only person who Miranda would contact. She was his only hope in finding his wife. So, deciding that she would evade him if she knew of his approach, Adrian did the unthinkably rude thing of showing up in Allendale without an invitation and without warning of his arrival.

“L
ady Allendale! How good of you to finally join me.”

He’d been kept waiting for three hours and forty minutes, an unheard of delay for a guest, even an unannounced, uninvited one whom a hostess hated. Adrian forced the smile to stay on his face as she curtsied before him. He nearly reached out to help her back to her feet when her pregnant form made rising tricky, but he changed his mind, enjoying her difficulty immensely for the moment or two it lasted.

“Your Grace, how kind of you to visit…so unexpectedly. Have you had some tea? Or would you prefer coffee?”

He had not wasted time on drinking tea. He had opened the door to the hallway and taken up a position where he could see both the stairs and the corridor. Although he didn’t expect that she would carry the mes
sage herself, he did suspect that one would be sent…to wherever Miranda was staying.

“No, thank you, Lady Allendale. I came simply to ask you a few questions and promise not to keep you from your busy schedule.” He waited for her to be seated and then met her gaze. The hatred there did not surprise him in the least. “Where is she?”

“She, Your Grace? Whomever do you mean?”

She was going to make this as hard as she could, he saw. “My wife, of course.”

“Ah, but Your Grace, according to the documents I saw, you no longer have a wife,” she said, with a lethal smile. “Fortunate, wouldn’t you say, for a man who does not want one?”

He sighed. She would fight him every step of the way. This could take days of not-so-polite repartee before he found her, and that was if the lady had not sent word already.

“I am not her enemy, Lady Allendale. I need to find her and make things right between us.”

“Perhaps this is the right way? Perhaps she is happier not being your wife?” The viscountess stood and approached where he stood. “Perhaps you should go home and find yourself a new wife, as your mother planned?”

“I will grovel at her feet, Lady, but not at yours. Tell me where she is.”

“And what will you threaten her with, Your Grace? What else can you take from her now that she’s lost her
dignity, her standing in society, her husband, the only family she has known for eight years and every possession she ever had?”

“I do not have anything to threaten her with, for she holds all the power in her hands. If she wishes me to leave without her, I will, once I have the chance to speak to her. If she wishes to rescind the agreement and return to me, I will take her from here. But she once told me that all she ever wanted was a husband who loved her. I am that husband. I simply want the chance to prove it to her.”

Sophie’s expression was still hard and he did not think she would relent in this. As much as it frustrated him, he was also pleased that she was such a fierce defender of her friend.

“There is a small guest house next to the lake on the south side of the property. She lives there.”

Adrian turned around to face Lord Allendale.

“Oh, John! Why did you tell him?” Lady Allendale cried.

“Because, my love, you were about to call him out and I did not want his blood on the new Aubusson.”

“My thanks, Lord Allendale.”

“Allendale, please,” he said, shaking the hand Adrian offered. “I will let my wife have a go at you if you force her friend in any way, Your Grace. I must consider my wife’s delicate condition and all.”

Nodding and anxious to go, Adrian noted the directions Allendale gave him, a shortcut that would lead him
to the cottage. He tried to slow his pace, but soon he was running down the path to the lake and along the shore to the left. He was about to enter the house when he saw her sitting near the water. Waiting to catch his breath, he approached quietly, not wanting to frighten her. He was a few steps away when he realized she was asleep.

Adrian sat on the grass and, as he had so many times before, watched her sleep. The chair on which she sat was in the shade, so the sun did not beat directly down on her. A breeze teased some loose strands of her hair and his hands itched to feel it, just as his mouth craved a taste of hers. It had been a month since last he’d seen her, and she’d changed somehow.

Miranda stirred as though she was aware of his presence, but he waited silently for her to wake. She shifted in the chair and then opened her eyes, blinking to clear her vision when she saw him. Adrian guessed she probably thought he was a dream.

It hurt so much more than she ever thought possible to see him again—the face, the eyes, the body and soul of the man she loved so much that she would leave him behind rather than stand in his way. She had convinced herself that enough time had passed, and that she would be able to have a polite conversation with him when he did finally arrive. She’d known it was only a matter of time, and now he was here.

“Your Grace,” she said, struggling to her feet.

“I thought we were far past that, Miranda.”

He looked as though he wanted to say something but
could not find the words. She knew the feeling exactly, for she suffered from it, too.

Adrian gazed out over the lake’s smooth surface as though searching for a way to begin. But begin what?

“My father’s death was considered by some to be quite fortuitous in its timing,” he said in a low voice. “By the time death freed him from his debauched and wastrel ways, he’d lost or mortgaged most of everything associated with the Windmere titles. My brother was overwhelmed at the near-destruction to our fortunes and estates.” He turned and looked at her with such a bleak expression that it hurt her to see it.

“I know that your father had hopes of marrying you to him, but my mother would not consider you for the new duke. You understand that part, do you not?” He raised his eyebrow and nodded when she did.

This was no surprise to her, her blood and ancestry was not close to being considered acceptable to marry a duke, especially not one as high in standing as the Duke of Windmere. He rubbed his hands over his face and turned away again. Part of her wanted to go to him, but she knew that she needed to hear his explanation first.

“Your dowry saved us, Miranda. It saved the lands and the people from complete ruin. My brother’s untimely death within days of our marriage was an ironic twist of fate for it placed you where no one believed you should be and yet where you truly deserved to be…Duchess of Windmere.” Turning now and meeting
her gaze, he continued. “The shock of it, his death and inheriting the title, were almost overwhelming. I was not prepared to be the duke and then I was. I fear that I relied too much on…the dowager’s advice and direction, but I confess that I knew no other way at the time. I simply knew I needed to be what my father had failed to be and my brother had not had the time to be.”

Then, like a dam bursting from too much pressure, he fell to his knees before her and wrapped his arms around her.

“I am sorry, Miranda. Sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. Sorry for the years we lost because of my stupidity and my need to be someone I was not, nor ever could be. Sorry for turning your life into a hell and never realizing it.”

She could not stop the tears that fell freely now. And he could not stop the words.

“I am sorry for lying to you over and over, so many times that I’ve lost count. I am sorry for not valuing you as the gift you were to me, until it was too late. And I am sorry for not being there to protect you when you most needed me.”

He was silent then, just holding her, and she knew he was unable to say anything more. She touched his hair and stroked his neck. Adrian looked up at her then and she saw the tears in his eyes.

“If you want the annulment, I will not stop it. I will say whatever needs to be said, but you must know that our problems in having a child are mine, not yours. You
must not take the blame for this. And I will provide for you regardless of what you decide.”

He climbed to his feet, took her shoulders and pulled her closer. She thought he might kiss her, but he continued to explain. “But I do not want our marriage to end. I know now that I was wrong about my condition and that I won’t die. When I found out, all I could think of was spending the rest of my days with you. Please, Miranda, come back to me and let me prove how much I love you? Give me the chance to give you the kind of marriage you said you wanted?”

She watched him as he spilled out his heart and soul to her. There was so much to straighten out, so much to tell him, but he had just offered her the very thing she had always wanted with him—a marriage based on love. How could she say no to that? Especially now—now that she could give him the thing he needed most.

“Adrian,” she said, stepping closer. “All I wanted was a true marriage. And your love. I never married the duke, I married the man.”

“If you come back to me, we can make it work. You can be the duchess or just my wife.”

“Do I need to see your mother?”

“No, I’ve disowned her.”

“Adrian, you cannot disown your mother.”

“I wish I could lay the blame at her feet and say it was all her manipulations. But it was my dishonesty that made us vulnerable to it. Parker told me countless times
to tell you the truth—well, at least what I thought was the truth. But I thought I could make your decisions for you.”

She needed to know a few things right away. She suspected that once she gave him her answer there would not be much talking.

“You really thought you were dying?”

“I did. I overheard the doctors discussing ‘the poor man’ right after they’d examined me, and I was convinced it was me. The symptoms and situation were so much like mine that, in a panic, I believed them.”

“Did you discuss divorce with your mother?”

He stepped back and shook his head. “To say that she discussed it would be putting too fine a head on it. She seemed to have this idea and then hired investigators to find some evidence to be used. Unfortunately, it would seem that I provided that to her as well.”

“The men? The introductions? What ever were you thinking? I found your list on your desk, with names and amounts of money and notations of times I’d met them and all.”

“I should probably move away so you cannot do me bodily harm when I tell you.” He did take a step back. “I am not certain that Lady Allendale will come to my rescue.”

Miranda looked over her shoulder and saw that both Sophie and her husband were watching from a discreet distance. She waved to let them know she was fine, and then turned back to hear his explanation.

“When I thought I was dying, I discovered that our
marriage settlement provided you with almost nothing if I died without an heir. The first thing I did was try to produce one with you.”

“Ah, the additional attentions.”

“Just so. I also decided to set up some kind of financial arrangements and even bought a house for you so that you could live off of the estate if you wanted.”

“The house? The one on Charleston Street?”

“You know of it? Truly? My mother said you did, but I was not certain when she was lying and when she told the truth.”

“I found about it and even saw you there, with Mrs. Robinson.”

“When? We were only there once, when I asked her opinion of the best time to tell you about it. I thought to wait until I had some sign of my impending death, though Parker argued with me to tell you so you would not worry.”

She sat down and laughed for a moment. “It is my house?” Now it made sense to her, especially knowing that her favorite painting hung on a wall inside it. “And the men?”

“Ah, the men. In my plan to take care of you, I realized you wanted more from a marriage than just a house and an income. You wanted a husband, and so I set out to find you one.”

“You were looking for a husband for me?”

“Oh, Miranda,” he said, taking her hand in his. “I did
not want to, but I was so in love with you that I tried to make arrangements for everything you’d want and need once I was gone.”

“And apparently you did a thorough job of it. Had you introduced me to all the prospective husbands you’d chosen or were there still more?”

“I was simply trying to do the best for you.”

She could see the love shining in his eyes and knew the truth of his story. She reached up and brought his mouth down to hers so that she could kiss him. Touching his face, she smiled.

“I do understand what I have put you through, Miranda, and I want you to make the decision about this. I just needed the chance to tell you everything before you disappeared from my life forever.”

“I was not going to disappear, Adrian. I just needed some time to recover from all that had happened before seeking you out. Sophie has been able to glean some of what you’ve told me from various people she knows, but I could not face any of this or you until I felt stronger.”

“And now? Will you at least promise to stay here so that I know you are being cared for?”

“Actually, I am ready to come home with you. Sophie asked me to remain for her confinement, but Mrs. James said there’s a reason women who have not yet had children should avoid it.”

“Is Mrs. James here, then? Is Lady Allendale due to give birth soon?”

“Mrs. James arrived a few weeks ago and will come back in late December for the birth.”

“And what was the reason she gave to you for not attending?”

“She said it would be too scary for me when it was time to have my own, if I watched the viscountess go through it. Apparently Sophie is not the best of patients.”

He laughed—a sound so precious to her. She had missed so many things about him in the last months. His laughter, his humor, his loving. At least now she could give him the one thing he wanted most, but had not asked her about yet.

“If you will allow it, Mrs. James will stay with us in the spring…? I would rather have her in attendance than Dr. Blake.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but could only stutter and stammer, unable to say anything. She lifted his hand to her belly and let him feel the evidence of the new life growing inside of her. His eyes widened and then he just smiled. A few minutes passed before he managed to clear his throat and speak.

“And I thought you were so impressed by Dr. Blake. After all, he has written a book on the subject.” He kissed her then, long and deep, and she prayed he would not stop. “Be my wife, Miranda?”