Tear (A Seaside Novel) (22 page)

“I’m not that drunk.” He swayed on his feet. Really? He was completely and totally wasted. “I just need to talk to you I just want to tell you why!”

Okay,
no shouting
. I patted him on the arm. “Okay, why?”

“I love you.”

Oh no.

“I love you so much and I know you love him! I know you do! I saw you two, the way you looked at each other! I didn’t want to be second.” Here we go again with this second crap.

“Listen, Demetri. You really need to get your crap together. I’m sorry we didn’t work out. I’m also sorry that you didn’t have the balls to say it to my face before you stormed out and hooked up with the first girl in L.A. you could find.”

“We didn’t.” He looked down and shoved his hands in his pockets. “We didn’t hook up, I kept thinking about you. Saw your texts.” He swayed again then braced himself against the brick wall backing me up against it.

“I saw them, Nat. I wanted to respond so bad, but I needed time to think. And then Alec does what he does best.”

“What’s that?”

“Steals the only girl I love.”

“Oh, so he makes a habit of that?” I sneered, angry that he would again blame Alec for his obvious poor choices.

“You have no idea how messed up we are.”

“I’m beginning to understand,” I answered, teeth clenched.

“He stole her.”

“Okay, Demetri.” I patted him on the arm and stepped around him.

He reached out and tugged me against him. “No, you don’t understand. My girlfriend. He slept with her, got her pregnant, abandoned her.”

Nausea rolled over me. “He said it was a one night stand.”

“With my girlfriend.” Demetri scowled. “Who was too much of a good girl to even think about sleeping with me. She slept with him.”

I gulped. I wanted to throw my hands over my ears and tell him to stop talking, that I couldn’t listen anymore, but I was frozen, unable to move as he stepped closer and continued.

“She was mine!” Demetri’s voice cracked. “And he knew it! He was such a cocky son of a bitch. We were drunk. He said I needed to seal the deal. I told him it was impossible, so we made a bet.”

I didn’t like where this was going.

“He said if he got into her pants that I owed him a new car.” Demetri looked away from me, tears blurring his large blue eyes. “I laughed it off. Alec was always the player. I knew he’d try, but she loved me. I knew she loved me. Just like I knew you loved me. And now…” Demetri cursed and punched the wall with his fist, blood trickled down his knuckles. “Now she’s dead.”

The wall where we stood began to spin. I tried to balance myself, tried to lean on Demetri but he had already walked off, leaving splatters of blood in his wake. I fell to my knees.

“Nat!” Alec called my name, but it hurt too much to breathe let alone speak. “Nat!”

I swallowed, air whooshed by my ears. My eyes began to feel heavy as tunnel vision took over.

“Nat!” His voice was closer, and then I was moving through the air. “Damn it, Nat. Don’t you dare pass out on me!” Alec’s hand was warm against my face. My eyes flickered and then focused on him.

He half-carried me, half-walked me to his SUV and helped me inside. Too shocked to say anything, all I could do was stare at the heating vents in front of me. The slam of the car door jolted me back from my current state. I looked at Alec and gasped.

Blood trickled from his lip.

“You lose a fight?” I asked weakly.

“Not funny.” Alec hit his hands against the steering wheel. “You scared the crap out of me, Nat! Are you okay? Did you eat today?”

I looked down at my trembling hands. “No.”

He cursed again and pulled out of the parking lot. I tried to sit up to buckle my seatbelt, but by the time I fumbled with the lock, he had already driven into the McDonald’s driveway.

He ordered me fries, ice cream, and a Coke.

“Sugar, salt, carbs, and caffeine.” Alec parked in a nearby lot and turned off the car. He pushed the food towards me and nearly growled when he said, “Eat. Now.”

“No.”

“Nat, I’m not in the mood to argue with you.”

“And I’m not in the mood to hear about your entire sordid history with Demetri, but that’s what happened about fifteen minutes ago!”

Alec’s eyes widened, he looked away and didn’t say anything for a very long time.

“He told you everything.”

I nodded even though he wasn’t looking at me. “Tell me it isn’t’ true.”

Alec laughed bitterly. “I can’t do that.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

After a heavy sigh, Alec looked at me his eyes full of sadness. “I can’t deny the truth. I did everything he said, and what’s probably worse is I got her hooked on drugs in the process.”

I closed my eyes.

“Nat…” His voice was a whisper.

“Just take me home.”

We rode home in silence. My brain tried to put together the pieces of the puzzle. Alec had single-handedly destroyed a woman’s life, all because of his cocky attitude and rock star ways. He hurt his brother so much that I’m surprised they still spoke to one another. And now it all made sense.

Being first and second.

The way they had switched roles.

Demetri dealt with pain the way Alec had originally dealt with life. Drink, have sex, and numb yourself to everything around you. Alec shied away, like a turtle in a shell, continuing to punish himself for the crappy decisions he made.

When the car pulled up to my house I didn’t move.

“Nat…”

I closed my eyes, unable to believe I was about to utter the words that I was thinking. “Tell me everything.”

“It’s complicated. I don’t think...”

“Tell me. Now.”

Chapter Twenty-three

Alec’s story was worse than Demetri’s account. The only difference was what he had already admitted to. He was a cocky piece of work and was pissed at his brother for messing up a huge deal for them with a new TV show that was supposed to document their entire tour.

He was also, as he admitted, jealous that Demetri had a girl who loved him so completely, so when Demetri made the bet out of humor, Alec took him seriously.

“Heroin.” He laughed humorlessly. “I told her it would help her relax.” Alec refused to look at me. “We had been partying all weekend and Demetri was already in bed. She was drunk.”

I wiped some stray tears from my eyes. And kept listening.

“It was all over within twenty minutes. Neither of us was really thinking. Had I been thinking, I wouldn’t have gone through with it. But alcohol? Drugs? They have a way of messing with you. I knew what I was doing, I just didn’t care. I knew it was wrong, but I felt so good — it felt so good — that I refused to acknowledge there would be any consequences.” He cursed and shook his head. “Demetri found us in bed together.”

My heart was in my throat.

“I’ve never seen that look on his face before. They had a huge fight, broke up, and we didn’t hear from her again until we found out she was pregnant. By then we also found out she was hooked on everything under the sun, made easy by yours truly, considering I paid her off to keep her mouth shut.”

We sent her into rehab. Our little boy, whom I never met, went to his grandma’s. The next we heard from her, she was released from rehab and sounded really happy. I apologized again and told her how sorry I was. She and Demetri talked on the phone and got in a fight. She, um… She went to pick up Gabe and was hit in a head on collision. She went the wrong way on the freeway.”

I closed my eyes and spoke, my voice hoarse from trying to keep my emotions in check. “So the canceled concert tour this year? The time off?”

“Grief counseling and addiction.”

“Addiction?”

“Not me, Nat.” Alec bit his lip. “I don’t touch the stuff. I don’t touch anything. It ruined a part of me that I don’t think I’ll ever get back. The addiction? That would be my brother’s. Also my fault.”

“He makes his own choices. It’s not your fault.” I had no idea why I was defending him.

He laughed bitterly. “Yeah, I think it is, Nat. It was all me. I was the partier, the wild one. I never got in trouble, I never had any consequences. Somehow, I got lucky, and for some reason I never felt addicted. I just liked the feeling drugs gave me. That was not the case with Demetri.”

“Is he on drugs now?”

“I don’t know.” Alec shrugged. “He’s drinking heavily again, that much is clear. Nat…” He turned to me. “You don’t have to stay. You can go.” His eyes watered. “I kill everything I touch. It’s like I’m poison.”

“No!” I reached for him but he jerked back. I reached for him again and pulled him into my arms, the console kept us from being closer, but I needed to reassure him. I needed him to know that I was there for him.

“Alec, look at me.” His gaze fluttered to mine. “What you did was messed up. I’m not going to deny it. Nor am I going to say that I’m not seriously tempted to jump out of this car and run away from you, but I love you. I love who you are now. The man you are now. If those things wouldn’t have happened to you, who knows where you would be?”

Alec trembled in my arms his body tight with tension. “Nat, you have to know. I’m not that guy anymore. I don’t even know who that guy was, I just—”

My kiss was forceful and pleading. I wrapped my hands around his shoulders, jerking him closer to me. His tongue licked my lower lip then dove into my mouth instantly driving me insane. Never had I been kissed so desperately. My body was on fire for him. I needed to be closer. Part of me believed that if I just showed him, rather than used my words, how I felt, he would begin to understand the depth of my feelings.

“Nat—” Alec groaned against my mouth, his hands gripping my shoulders as he pushed me tenderly away. “I love you so much, you know that right? I would never do anything to hurt you.”

“I know.”

Rain began to fall, sounding like a loud applause. I smiled, and grabbed my backpack. “Race you to the house?”

Alec’s jaw seemed to relax in relief, his smile warmed me. “Yeah, Nat, race you to the house.”

I beat him, mainly because I cheated. I was closest to the door, and it’s possible that I threw my bag at him in order to make it there in time.

Alec laughed. He was drenched from head to toe. His plain grey t-shirt plastered against his body. Suddenly it was extremely difficult to breathe as I watched his chest rise and fall. My eyes drifted shut as he reached out and traced my face with his hand. “You’re so beautiful, Nat.”

Not compared to him. He was a god among teenagers, and he was all mine. I rose to my tiptoes expectantly. He chuckled and lifted me off the ground for a kiss and crushed his lips to mine.

I wanted so many things. To sigh, to laugh, to tell him to never let me go. But our moment was interrupted when the door was thrown open.

“Get a room or something,” Demetri grumbled pushing past us, he wasn’t even walking in a straight line.

Alec cursed. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

“Out!” Demetri stumbled to his car and threw open the door. The wind picked up, whipping it across my face. My teeth began to clatter.

“The hell you are!” Alec ran toward the car and tried to jerk the door open, but Demetri locked the doors and slammed the car into drive. “Demetri! Don’t!” Alec yelled until his voice was hoarse.

The Mercedes peeled out of the driveway and took off, almost hitting a few mailboxes on the way.

“Damnit!” Alec kicked the ground then ran to the side of his car and quickly jumped in. “Get in, Nat.”

I did as I was told, still stunned that Demetri would be that stupid to get behind a wheel when he was wasted.

We followed in a tense silence, looking down the streets for any sign of Demetri. I didn’t want to try his phone. The last thing we needed was for him to answer it while driving and hit something.

I heard the sirens first.

Alec was still busy cursing to himself and blaming himself for every little thing on the planet.

I prayed I was wrong.

But that same feeling that overtook me on the first day of school - the one that made me wonder if life was ever going to be the same - washed over me. The hair raised on the back of my arms. I closed my eyes and prayed, prayed that I was wrong. Prayed that Demetri was okay.

We turned the corner.

And I saw his car.

He had taken the corner too fast and gone straight into an abandoned building. I could only see the taillights of the crushed car.

Within minutes we heard sirens. I choked back a sob. “Alec, pull over!”

“I can’t, Nat! I have to find Demetri, I have to—” The words died on his lips as he glanced at the accident ahead of us.

“No.” He shook his head while he pulled into the spot across the street. “No.” He slammed the car door and ran outside. My eyes filled with tears. I ran out of the car and grabbed my phone. Alec was yelling at the cops, the paramedics, everyone.

“Mom?” I yelled when she answered. “Mom! It’s Demetri! He’s been in an accident! I’m here. I’m safe, yes. Mom, the ambulance is here. Oh, Mom, I don’t know what to do.” I sobbed into the phone. “Mom, I need you now!”

The phone clicked off. Within minutes my mom had her arms around me pulling me into a tight embrace. The paramedics emerged from the building with Demetri lying across a stretcher.

Blood was everywhere.

Alec was shouting.

I wanted to fall to the ground, but I knew Alec needed me. I had to be strong. My mom walked me over to him, without thinking we both pulled him into a tight hug. And cried. All three of us.

“Are you his brother?” a man asked.

“Yes.” I answered for Alec. He seemed to be in shock still.

“If you’re riding with us, we need to go now.” He jumped into the ambulance. Alec looked at me.

“Go!” I pushed him towards the doors. “We’ll follow.”

He nodded, seeming almost relieved that I made the decision for him.

Alec jumped into the ambulance. I reached for his hand and grabbed the keys out of it then ran back to his SUV.

My mom wordlessly got into her car. We both followed the ambulance the few miles it was to the hospital.

I was too numb to even know what I was doing. I mechanically parked as close as possible, then jumped out and ran as fast as I could toward the emergency room. My mom was close behind, but she was prattling into her phone.