Teaching the Cowboy (24 page)

That’s how she chose to live when she could have had acres upon acres to herself? That’s what she left Wyoming for? It was hardly what he expected. Where was the style and glamour he came to expect of her? She didn’t even have room for a hairbrush on the dresser with all the baby accoutrements on it.

He didn’t understand her. Not one bit.

She looked up from her folding. “Is she hungry? Can you tell?”

He blew out a breath. “It hasn’t been that long since my last one, Ronnie. Liss is only seven. Remember Liss? Clingy little girl who loves you a lot?”

She gave him a hard stare and resumed her folding.

Good. He wanted her to feel guilty. She deserved it. “Yes, I think she’s hungry, but also wet.” He indicated the wet spot on his jeans from where Johanna’s diaper cover had wicked moisture onto him.

She stood.

“Just show me where the stuff is. I can change a diaper.”

She shrugged and sang, blithely, “If you say so.” Pulling a wicker basket closer to the dresser where the changing pad sat, she said, “Have at it.”

He stared down into the basket of cloth.
What the hell?
Reluctantly, he directed his gaze back to her, hoping she wasn’t going to make this harder for him. If she thought he was going to throw his hands up and say
Never mind
, she had another think coming. He’d raised the first three pretty much on his own with his mother’s help before she died. If there was a learning curve, he’d deal. “You’re going to have to show me.”

She ferreted out a microfiber insert and a snappable shell. She stuffed the insert into the pocket and handed the unit to him. “Second snap in at the legs, all the way in at the waist.”

He nodded and laid Johanna on the pad. As he wriggled her out of her wool diaper cover and fumbled with the catch of her diaper fastener, he said over his shoulder, “Didn’t take you for the crunchy cloth diapering type.”

She resumed her folding. “Why not?”

“Because you’re high-maintenance.”

She stood once more and pushed a container of flannel wipes across the dresser at him. The twitching of her cheeks indicated she was using considerable strength to hold some words at bay. She really was pissed. He didn’t get it. Not really. Yeah, he’d fucked up. He’d withheld information about that bit of expired latex, and maybe that was unfair because she might have reacted differently if she’d known, but look what they’d gained from the accident.

She was the one who’d left. The one who’d kept such a big secret. Was she ever going to tell him? What about Landon? He couldn’t believe his own kid, one he formerly thought was utterly incapable of guile, would be in cahoots with the woman who’d left them all.

He didn’t know how to feel. Anger didn’t seem quite right. Betrayed? Yeah. Some of that, but also some other thing he had no name for.

“Ronnie, do you use powder or anything?”

“No. It gums the diapers up and makes them less absorbent. Also fosters bacteria growth when they’re in the pail.”

He fastened the diaper per her instructions and tossed the wet diaper components into the pail at the end of the bed. Johanna stared at him, gnawing on her fist as he picked her up and cradled her against his chest. Good little baby. Calm. Watchful. That was how Landon had been. Peter was a bundle of energy from the day he was born, and Liss had been colicky. He’d been the one to rock her most nights after Charlene claimed she just couldn’t take it. God only knows where she went all those evenings while he sat up late, whispering “shh-shh-shh” and swaying the poor kid.

“Landon go to class?”

“Guess so. He bolted past me so fast, I didn’t have a chance to say anything. Johanna was asleep anyway. Didn’t want to jostle her.”

Ronnie cleared the clothes off her lap and held her arms out. John held the baby closer, caressing the top of her head with his chin. “You think I could feed her?”

“All of the milk is frozen. Do you know how to thaw it?”

He would have guessed the same as regular milk, but he really didn’t know for sure. Charlene hadn’t nursed. “No.”

“I’ll get it.”

“No, don’t keep her waiting.” He sighed and passed Johanna down. Ronnie put her to her breast, and he sat a few inches beside her watching the baby fondle the plackets of Ronnie’s shirt as she suckled. He picked up one of her little feet and rubbed the bottom with his thumb. “She doesn’t really cry?”

“Not unless she gets lonely. Momma says I spoil her. We’re pretty much attached at the hip, so she usually doesn’t have much to cry about.”

“So, you don’t take her to daycare or whatever?”

She shook her head. “I’ve been lucky. I did some substitute teaching up until she was born. When she was six weeks old, the agency that sent me to Wyoming found me something part-time and local. The family didn’t mind if I brought her along. Supposed to start a new assignment next week to make up for leaving the last one early. I had to find her a center because I can’t take her for that one.”

He let go of the baby’s foot and curled his fingers into a fist. “I guess you’re going to have to cancel it.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because she’s not staying here. I wasn’t kidding.”

“Were you kidding about the ‘killing Landon’ part?”

“I’ll deal with him later. Right now I’m dealing with you. This isn’t a game. That’s my daughter, Ronnie. My daughter. The one you didn’t tell me about. That why you were keeping yourself from me all those months? Wouldn’t let me touch you?”

She didn’t answer. Didn’t matter.

“I don’t even know her and I love her.”

Her mouth opened and then closed without words coming out. She turned her back to him, leaning forward to open a drawer.

“She’s coming back with me. I don’t care if that makes me an asshole, but I think of the two of us, I’m in a better position to be making demands, don’t you think? If we have to take it to court? Fine. Don’t care what people think about it. I got led around by the dick for enough years by Charlene. I’m not going to let you do it to me, too.”

“And this is why I didn’t tell you.” She pressed the neat stack of clean clothes into the drawer, and when she sat up again, her stare was cold. “You take her, and then what? You hire some nanny to watch her while you’re out tending to the steer?” Her voice, lowered from its usual sweet timbre, was full of poison. She didn’t even have to raise it much above a whisper to get her point across. “I don’t think so.”

He shrugged. “If I have to. And when she’s old enough, she’ll go out on my horse with me, just like Liss did and Peter and Landon before her. I’ve got some capable help at the ranch now, or at least I hope, so I’ll be at home more. Plus, Dad’s around until I figure things out. That’s the only reason I could make this trip. I’m not unreasonable, Ronnie. Either you take her home, to my home where she belongs, or I will without you.”

“So I have no say in this? Basically I have to go, or you’re going to take my daughter away from me?”

“Sounds about right. Let’s be real, honey. How would you feel if I took her away from you for four months and not tell you a damned thing about what she’s doing, how she’s growing,
anything
? I bet you would feel a lot like someone had ripped your heart out and fed it to you, wouldn’t you?”

She sighed.

“How do you want to do this? You want to make it a fight or not?”

“You know I don’t want to fight,” she whispered.

“So you just expect me to relent? Just go, act like it’s no big deal? Maybe fly out every now and then and see her?”

Tears started rolling down her cheeks. She wiped them away on the sleeve of her free arm and turned her head.

He was unmoved.

“I’m not that kind of father, Ronnie. Even when I’m at my busiest, I see my kids every damn day. I kiss them on their foreheads every night before bed until they ask me to stop, like Peter just did. I’m not going to be a part-time daddy. So I ask you again. How do you want to do this? Are you both going back to Wyoming with me or am I going to have to tie you up in courtrooms and paperwork for the next eighteen years?”

She turned that tearstained face toward him and let out a bitter laugh. “I guess I have no choice, do I? Be miserable there but have her, or be miserable here without her.”

“I think you need to recalibrate what your concept of miserable is. Figure out what you want to take and I’ll get it moved.” He held out his arms. “Can I have her back, please?”

Chapter Twenty

R
onnie felt like she was on the losing side of a war as John drove them down the long ranch road toward the guesthouse. That had been her only concession, really, that she have her own space. Senior moved into the main house without a grumble, and Anna set up a nursery in one of the smaller bedrooms. It was just as well, because Ronnie wasn’t ready to face Anna and the kids at the house. They needed some time to get used to her being back, and to why she left. This way, John could see Johanna every day without Ronnie feeling like she was trapped under his roof.

Her hopes were dashed when he parked the truck in the carport. Liss was standing in the side door, twirling her messy hair around her fingers while Sid stood behind her with her hands on her hips, scowling at Ronnie.

Ronnie sighed.

“They’ve got a right to be mad, Ronnie,” he said as he cut the engine.

“Guess so.” She pulled her door latch and hopped down. John fetched Johanna’s carrier from the backseat, and Liss and Sid descended on them before he could get the door shut.

“I want to hold her,” Liss said.

“Let’s get them into the house first, honey,” Sid scolded. Then she added in a whisper, “John, let me hold her.”

“In due time. Long drive from the airport. She probably wants to be fed.”

They filed into the kitchen, where John set the carrier on the table and released Johanna from her restraints. He handed her to Ronnie, who made a hasty beeline for the nursery. She didn’t get far before realizing she had two blonde females on her heels. She grimaced as she shouldered the door open and headed for the antique rocking chair in the corner. As she began to nurse, Liss took a seat on the floor at her feet and Sid leaned onto the dresser on her elbows, watching.

“Did John put you up to this shock and awe routine?”

Sid rolled her eyes. “You could have told me, Ronnie. I would have understood.”

“Sid, from where I sit, you’re on the wrong side of this equation. You’re a Lundstrom. You belong here. Your advice would have been contrary to my preferences.”

She laughed. “You think I belong here? I don’t fit in here any more than you do, but I keep coming back ’cause it’s where the universe would have me be.” She walked over to the rocker and crouched down beside it to stroke the baby’s hair. “And Johanna’s a Lundstrom, no matter what her last name is at the moment. Give her a chance to thrive out here. It’s her turn now. Maybe she’ll like it, even if we—” She zipped her lips.

“Why’d you leave, Ronnie?” Liss asked with a quaver in her voice.

Ronnie turned to Sid for support, but Sid shook her head. Ronnie was on her own. She took a deep breath and wondered what it must have looked like to Liss. How could she explain her disenchantment with the girl’s home without offending her? Without making it personal?

“Honey, I was homesick. This place is so different than where I grew up and where I went to school. And because everything is so different, I feel sad. Do you understand?”

Liss shrugged. “Are you leaving again?”

“No, honey. I can’t.”

Sid squeezed her knee.

“What I mean is, I don’t want you to worry about that. If I ever have to leave again, I’ll make sure you know before I do. No more surprises.”

“Okay. Can I hold Johanna?”

“Sure. Why don’t we all go into the living room and you can hold her on the sofa, okay?”

Liss nodded and scrambled to her feet. Sid was the next one up. Once Liss had left the room, Sid said, “So, I guess I shouldn’t expect you and John to reconcile?”

“I don’t foresee that happening.”

“People are going to ask about it. You better have some kind of answer prepared. They’re not going to be okay with you two not being married.”

“They’ll have to get over it.”

When the two filed into the living room, in addition to John who was murmuring into his phone by the door, and Liss waiting patiently on the sofa, Anna had arrived. Ronnie felt her stomach drop and tried to ignore the surly woman as she gently laid Johanna into Liss’s outstretched arms. Once done, she sat on the coffee table in front of them. Anna walked over and thrust a picnic basket at her.

“Here. Orange rolls. Remembered you like those.”

Ronnie’s eyes widened and she reached for the handle hesitantly. “Did you poison them? Put arsenic in the glaze?”

“Ha ha.” Anna sat next to Liss on the sofa and cooed at the baby.

Ronnie had a thought. “Liss, shouldn’t you be in school right now? Or doing lessons?”

Liss faked a cough. “I’m sick.”

“Are you playing hooky?”

Sid leaned over the back of the sofa behind Liss and nodded. “She does that a lot, not that it makes a bit of difference. Maybe you can talk to that damned tutor, Ronnie. He’s ridiculous.”

“Well, I’m here now and I want to pull my weight, so I’ll teach Liss and Peter.”

Sid cleared her throat.

“And Kitty.”

“How long do you think it’ll take for Becka to find out you’re here?” Anna asked.

Turned out the answer to that was, “Not long at all.”

The next morning while Ronnie was waiting for Liss, who hadn’t left Johanna’s side all night, even sleeping on a pallet next to the crib, to finish her cereal, the reverend’s wife drove up. She jogged up to the door carrying a covered basket and wearing a shit-eating grin, if such a thing was possible for a church first lady.

“Let me see her, Ronnie!”

“She’s in her seat. Come on in.”

And then more people came, all wanting to see “John’s baby.” When Liss and Peter didn’t show up for their homeschooling co-op and Becka found out why, she blazed a trail down the ranch road in her minivan and came to the door crying.

“Ronnie, you should have told me. I would have made you a cake.”

Anna, who’d come down the path with lunch for the kids, rolled her eyes at the sight of Becka and said under her breath, “Here we go again.”

If Becka heard, she didn’t take the bait. Rubbing her wet eyes, she asked Ronnie, “Are you coming to church on Sunday? Davey’s been missing you something fierce.”

Ronnie piled the stack of diapers she’d folding into the basket and propped it on the coffee table. “Davey missed me?”

“Oh, yes. Asked about you every week since you left. Must have left a mark on him.”

“I’ll try to get out and see him.”

“He would love it so much. Listen, I’m making—”

“No,” Anna called out from the kitchen. “She’s eatin’ dinner with the Lundstroms.”

Becka cringed and lowered her voice to a whisper. “Maybe tomorrow. Kids would like to see you. Any chance you can—”

“No,” Anna called again.

Becka slumped. “Maybe some other time. Don’t forget the community picnic is in the square in a couple of weeks. I could use a pair of hands, or even one hand. I know you’ve got the baby.”

They waited for Anna to object, and when she didn’t, Ronnie nodded. “I think I could manage that.”

“Oh, good. I’ll call you.” She started to head out and then turned back to Ronnie. “Ronnie. Why aren’t you in the main house?”

Now that was a lie Ronnie had been practicing all morning. “Johanna doesn’t sleep through the night yet. With everyone getting up so early, it made sense for us to be out here until she’s a better sleeper. That way everyone gets sleep.”

“Except you.”

“Well, yeah.”

When she was gone, Anna walked into the living room and did a little shriek with her fists balled up. “Ugh, that woman. I swear, she gives me bubble gut. Lunch is ready. I’m gonna go feed John. Why can’t you all eat lunch in the same house?”

“Anna, I can make the kids lunch. You don’t have to go back and forth.”

She put her hands on her hips and pressed her lips into a tight line.

Uh oh. Tripped the wire again.

“You trying to push me out of a job?” Anna asked.

Ronnie gave her head an emphatic shake. “Trust me, I have absolutely no desire to do everything you do on this ranch, but I can make sandwiches on the days the kids have lessons. Might just be peanut butter on white bread, but…”

Anna looked doubtful, but let it drop.

Phil let his arm fall onto Landon’s chest and swirled his fingertips in the light patch of dark blond hair. He was definitely the most athletic man he’d ever dated, the strongest. He didn’t even have to work at it.

He loved him. Really, he did, but he had never been so scared to be with a man. It wasn’t so much the age difference. In a lot of ways, Landon at twenty was far more mature than he was at twenty-nine. He guessed Landon would have to be, growing up on the ranch the way he did with such an aloof mother. He was a man before he was ready to be.

What caused Phil the most angst was the feeling that they were engaging in some sort of incestuous taboo, even though they weren’t. Was it because Landon was his best friend’s, well, Ronnie’s
what
? Not her stepson. Might never be at the rate she and John were going. They weren’t even living under the same roof. Maybe that was it. Ronnie wasn’t going to approve, and it had nothing to do with Landon being gay, but more to the fact that she wouldn’t approve of
Phil
being with him. She knew Phil too well. She’d judge without knowing, without understanding that for him, this time, it wasn’t a game. It was for keeps. And if Ronnie didn’t cast him aside, and if John didn’t kill him, he could see being with Landon forever. He was the counterbalance to everything he wasn’t. Calm, where he was agitated. Friendly, while he was misanthropic. Organized, where he was scattered.

Landon was a man who understood down to a cellular level the importance of family. He’d seen it while watching him cuddle Johanna on his lap. What young man did that, sister or not? One who was completely unselfish and spiritually pure. One who had a good heart. He was a rare find, and Phil knew it.

“What are you thinking about, Phillip? You’re grinding your teeth again.”

Phil sat up and fluffed the pillows behind him before leaning back against the headboard. He flipped the television away from the news Landon had been watching and landed on some fluffy arts and crafts show. “Oh, I was just thinking about Johanna,” he said. “Wondering what she’s up to. I kind of miss hearing her stir in the middle of the night.”

“I’m glad to get to see her in a couple of weeks. It’s a killer being so far, but I guess nobody predicted Dad wasn’t done spawning yet.”

A dry laugh escaped Phil’s chest. “I still don’t think he’s done. He’s, what, thirty-eight? Thirty-nine?”

“Nearly forty.”

“If he and Ronnie ever get it together, Johanna’s not going to be the only one.”

“Think they will? Get it together, I mean.”

“I don’t know.” He wrapped his right arm around Landon’s shoulders and pulled him as close as he could to his side. “I don’t have my insider there anymore to tell me what the dynamic is like.”

“We could always ask Aunt Sid. She hangs out there more now that Ronnie’s back.”

“I like that idea.”

Landon slipped a hand under the sheets and put a squeeze on him that made Phil’s toes curl. Phil laughed and, with a great deal of regret, swatted his hand away. “Quit trying to distract me when I’m plotting.”

“Sorry.” Landon moved his hand to a less scandalizing spot on Phil’s thigh. “Why don’t you fly out with me during fall break? You could see for yourself how your goddaughter is faring.”

“I like that idea.” He rolled over onto Landon and captured the lips he offered up. “But let’s not think about what our sleeping arrangements will be.”

John lurched forward from the sudden force of a shove at his back. He turned around to find Ronnie had joined him in the barn, hands on hips, expression ferocious. She wore pristine pink tennis shoes on her feet which probably explained the stealth of her arrival.

“What’s the shove for?” he asked as he clapped straw off his hands.

She jammed a finger at his chest and furrowed her brow. “I suppose you’re the one to blame for the influx of visitors I’m receiving right now, am I right?”

He shrugged. “Maybe.”

“What’d you do? Put an announcement in the rinky-dink newspaper?”

“Not a bad idea, but who needs a newspaper when you have a grapevine as robust as the one in Storafalt?”

She didn’t look amused.

He didn’t care. He leaned against the gate of Midnight’s stable and crossed his arms over his chest. “Maybe I told a few folks when I went into town. Hell, gal at the pharmacy probably did her fair share of yapping when I went in to pick up the photos I ordered.” He started walking toward the door.

She followed.

“By the way, probably need to get some more pictures. Ran out already.”

“Who the hell are you giving them to?”

He shrugged again. “Whoever asks.”