Teaching Kids to Think (15 page)

When our son was in first grade, I volunteered in the Morning Read program. For the first twenty minutes of class each day, the students would read out loud to a parent volunteer and then answer questions about what they read. I noticed that our son was only one of three students who was not reading a chapter book. His teacher shared with me that having so many students reading at an advanced level was unusual, but becoming more common. She said that she did not feel it was for the best and that these students may be reading the words in the books above their grade level, but most of them did not understand what they were reading. She shared that it is much more important to read books with information the students can understand, even if they have the ability to read more difficult words.

—Dr. Darlene

We hear this same sentiment from teachers all the time. Another first grade teacher shared that she continually needs to talk with parents about sending in reading material that their children can remember and comprehend, rather than the high-level books they were bringing to class. She said that parents are so proud their children are reading books above grade level that they didn't consider the fact that they missed the more essential practice of learning how to integrate and understand what they read.

Reading comprehension is a problem-solving task that requires children to integrate the facts, relate them to things they already know, analyze the accuracy, remember what they read, and be able to discuss the information. Reading books that are developmentally appropriate allows children to practice those essential thinking skills—even if that means the book is “easier.” If parents push the more difficult book because of the implication that their child is considered more advanced, the child will struggle with comprehension and can't practice the problem solving that goes with reading.

The same concept holds true in math. The student who completes simple math facts the fastest is deemed the smartest in math. Whereas, some students might think about the principles underlying the math facts as they complete them, which slows them down. They are exercising strong thinking skills, but not getting the same label of “smart.” Whether it is GATE designation, reading level, or how quickly a student completes math problems, elementary school is full of instances where an objective measure begins to define how students see themselves.

Starting early on in elementary school, both parents and students are drawn to make comparisons between objective academic measures, and sometimes that can lead to feelings of insecurity in your child if she's not doing as well as her peers. The comparisons will happen, but you can guide how your child interprets the differences in many ways.

Middle School

When children transition into middle school, it can be challenging to learn how to organize multiple classes and different teacher expectations for the very first time. This is also a time when parents communicate with the teacher less and students are expected to manage the work on their own. How parents help their children navigate these years makes a strong impact on teaching their children to think and solve problems.

Remember, this is the time a child's brain is primed to take on these developmentally appropriate challenges, such as the executive-functioning skills discussed in
chapter 5
. Inevitably, students are going to stumble their way through the first months (or years) of middle school. This is to be expected. We like to call middle school the “practice years.” It is harder for parents to look over their shoulders and we see that as a very positive thing. This is an opportunity for the student to make mistakes, figure things out, and do things differently before entering high school.

It was the second month of our son's sixth-grade year and he told us he had a unit test the next day. Our conversation went like this:

“Did you study?”

“No. I know everything.”

“Really? Three chapters, all of your notes, and the list of vocabulary words?”

“Yep.”

“Hmmmm. OK. You get one try to see if this no studying thing works.”

Three days later, he came home looking sheepish and told us he needed us to sign his test to show that we saw it. He earned an F. Our response was, “Well, now you know that didn't work. You don't get to take that approach again.”

—Dr. Darlene and Dr. Ron

We could have told him that he needed to study and that if he did not earn a good grade he would be grounded, but he truly thought his method would work, and we wanted to give him the opportunity to learn from his decisions. If he studied because we made him, he would never learn what it took to get the grade he wanted. It also would have risked beginning a pattern of us, as parents, being in charge of his planning. That is the beauty of the “practice years.” Yes, he earned an F and it really brought down his overall grade. But in middle school, the long-term effect was minimal and the experience was much further reaching. A middle school counselor we speak with frequently tells parents, “If you take the responsibility, she (he) doesn't have to—and won't.”

Middle school is also a time when students can get really behind and overwhelmed with all the changes and expectations. Parents can support them in figuring things out by providing very structured and consistent guidance in navigating websites, using a planner, establishing a homework routine, and so on. These are new productivity and time-management skills that, for most students, need to be taught (and will of course benefit them later in life when they transition to the workplace).

While many students will need guidance to initially learn the skills and most are going to make mistakes, they should not be rescued. Parents will know if they are rescuing their child rather than guiding them if they do any of the following things:

Almost every teacher we spoke with said that their biggest challenge is when a parent agrees with and encourages a student's criticism of a teacher without giving that person the benefit of the doubt or getting all the information first. This is especially true because a child's recitation of a scenario is likely to be biased in his or her own favor.

How a parent approaches these challenging years can set up patterns for how their children take on the responsibility of school and jobs. Let's look at a scenario that illustrates the difference in lessons learned.

Nick, a middle school student, has a teacher who is a little disorganized, so she sometimes loses homework and does not always update her website. Nick is earning a C in the class and when his parents look at the grade book online, they see that there are several missing assignments. Nick tells them that he finished one of the assignments and doesn't know why there is a zero. He said he didn't know he was supposed to do the others because his teacher did not put them on her website. He proceeds to tell his parents that she is really disorganized and all the kids are missing assignments because of this.

Option 1

Nick's parents become upset with the teacher, send her an email, and complain to each other about her lack of organization. If they did this, the teacher would likely reply that she made a mistake and neglected to enter the grade for one assignment, but would give Nick credit. She would also acknowledge that she is not great at keeping her website up to date, but that she always tells the students the assignments in class. She may even give Nick the option of making up the missed assignments. This would result in an improved grade, Nick would feel relieved, and the parents would feel satisfied that the problem was resolved.

At the same time, this solution would teach Nick nothing about solving the problem on his own. In fact, it would give him an excuse for not writing down the assignment the teacher gave in class, because he could rely on the convenience of her website. He wouldn't have to think about how to solve the problem and by telling his parents about it, he could get an immediate solution by letting them solve it.

Option 2

Nick's parents say to him, “You were responsible for keeping track of these assignments and you didn't do them. These zeroes affected your grade, which means no time with friends until you bring your grade up.” When Nick responds with shock, saying it is unfair because missing the assignments was not his fault, his parents tell him, “OK. If you think it was unfair, what are you going to do?” Nick talks to his teacher and gets credit for the mistakenly missed assignment. She reminds him that she always tells the students the assignments in class (maybe gives him the option of making up the missed assignments), and he learns that for this teacher, he can't depend on the website. Going forward, Nick writes assignments down in his homework planner. This teaches him problem solving, conflict resolution, communication, planning, organization, self-esteem, and confidence.

High School

As a student approaches high school, the anxiety surrounding academic performance skyrockets. To no surprise, we find it is very often the parents who are feeling more anxious than the students when considering (or pushing for) advanced high school classes. The truth is, if a child is ready for the advanced classes, he or she will be encouraged by teachers, excel in entry-level classes, and be excited about the subject. If advanced-level work suits your child's learning style and she thrives in that environment, that's great! But remember that it is not a measure of intelligence or a predictor of whether your child is going to be successful in college. Some students may never be ready for honors or AP-level classes in high school and that is OK too. As we saw in
chapter 2
, parents should be careful not to pressure their children by treating honors or AP-level coursework as status symbols. Again, it is the emphasis on the product or outcome that deflates a student's affinity toward learning.

High school is also a very vulnerable time for parents to feel the need to jump in and rescue their children. They begin to tell themselves that there are only a few years left and they just need to “get them through.” For many, the temptation to rescue is at its highest during these years because “they really count.” They think that if they throw in as many last-minute pushes as they can, their child will be more prepared. In fact, it makes them
less
prepared. These rescue attempts undermine the student's effort and take away opportunities for them to build self-confidence in their skills. Students who are more confident in their skills are able to be more excited about and open to taking on the challenges that come with learning new things.