Talk to Me (2 page)

Since the show was Allison's project, and I was there in more of a support role, I was hoping not to be asked any questions by the media. The show is named
Medium
, not
Guy Married to a Medium
. I knew that was wishful thinking, though, so I tried to anticipate questions that I might be asked. If I had the answers all ready, I could hopefully overcome my natural instinct to ramble. I thought the first question would be, ‘How is the show different from your real life?'

When we showed up at the hotel where the event was being held, there were celebrities everywhere. We were introduced to a journalist, and after he finished his interview with Allison he turned to me.

I thought, ‘I'm not nervous. I'm ready.'

Here it came, the first question: ‘What's it like to be married to the Medium?'

I guess his question was similar to the one I'd been preparing myself for, except mine was less personal, more objective, more aloof and calculated. The question he asked was more emotional, more all-inclusive, open-ended, and definitely more subjective. What were they looking for in this question?

I stumbled, cleared my throat and said, ‘Wow.' I was trying to take a little time to think. I ended up saying, ‘We were very young when we got married—I really don't know any other way.'

At least I didn't ramble. I also didn't really answer the question. It was more of a shuck and jive.

The thing is, I certainly have stories to tell about our daily life that make our experiences different. That journalist does, too. When he got back to the office and played the tape recording of the interview, everyone's voice was clear, but Allison's sounded like it was being played backwards. That's kind of funny the first time it happens, but after the fourth mobile phone is replaced, or countless numbers of camera batteries are sucked lifeless, it starts to become expected.

Some things are easy to describe and are clearly not the norm. For instance, when Allison caught our daughters in little white lies about who got into the cookies, or when she waited for our daughter outside her bedroom window as she tried to sneak out. Or how Allison, or for that matter all my girls, can ‘know' what their birthday gifts are going to be when they were supposed to be a surprise.

Other aspects of our life are harder to capture, like how Allison can sum up a person relatively quickly. So quickly that it seems like the person just left a bad first impression on her. In the beginning, Allison might share with her girlfriend that her new boyfriend is creepy or seemed ‘off ' somehow. Of course, Allison's girlfriend would be ‘in love' and not want to hear this, so she'd get quite offended. In return, Allison knows what she knows and would feel that the friend did not respect her advice and shouldn't have asked her at all. The friendship would end, then a few months later Allison would get a call: ‘You were right, I'm sorry.'

The first time that happened it was hard to mend the relationship. For that matter, it is still hard to mend some relationships. When someone asks for Allison's help and then doesn't like the answer, what is she supposed to do?

There are things that take time to get used to. Like driving. I usually do the driving, which has become an art of avoidance. Since Allison does sum up people rather quickly, she is affected by all of the other drivers around us. There may be one she doesn't want to be near, and since her personality is that of a race car driver, she always wants to be in front rather than let the annoyance pass by.

Allison has a very compassionate heart for those truly in need. I have seen her go out of her way to feed the homeless. I'm not talking about the money we donate to charity, or even the time she spends volunteering at charity events, but actually buying a hamburger in a drive-thru to personally give to someone in need. She has literally given a stranger the jacket off her back—but she has no time for people who are merely working the system. I think she learned this from her Grandpa Joe. He was the same way. She believes ‘you never take more than you give'.

Some things are unexplainable. I have to keep a lot of spare light bulbs on hand because they always mysteriously break in my house. I have found that during fits of anxiety, teenage girls have the greatest power of breaking light bulbs without touching them. They also have the ability to freeze computers, snap crystals, drain batteries and otherwise affect modern life. I do not have conclusive evidence, but the weather also seems to follow Allison's mood.

One of the most perplexing happenings was when I was driving Allison and John Edward (who is another world-renowned medium) to dinner. As soon as they got into the car, it turned itself off. All of the electronics simply shut down. The car otherwise worked perfectly; it had never happened before and it has not happened since. That was quite a night. Later on, John's mobile phone died. I mean, it really died. He lost all of his contacts, and I think he still blames Allison for that, in a playful way, of course. The most interesting part of his phone dying is that it sat on the dinner table for 45 minutes or an hour, with the light on, but it would not fully turn on to become functional. John fiddled with it several times. Then Allison mentioned John's mother in the conversation and the phone made a noise and powered off for good.

Allison and I have been married long enough that I can't always tell what experiences set us apart from others and what things make us like every other couple in the world. In some ways I have it easier because Allison can read my mind. I don't always verbally share my feelings or thoughts because she already knows them anyway.

Isn't this how many people feel when they're in love—the other person finishes their sentences, or perfectly acts as their counterpoint? I think you can understand why I first fell in love with this beautiful, complicated woman.

At first it seemed like I had it harder because Allison was reading my mind. When I got upset, I couldn't hide it. If I disagreed with her, it would never come across politely because she could ‘feel' my uncensored vibe. Even now, I can't conceal my emotions from Allison, let alone if she outright asks me if her shoes match her dress.

It took some time for me to figure out that her picking up on my vibe is really a benefit. She can read my mind, and she married me anyway! It is a very freeing feeling learning how to really share what we all hold inside. I now live my life as though it is on the front page of the newspaper, and that's okay.

In some ways the question about being married to a medium is similar to being asked what it's like to be married to a redhead. I have done some research and found that redheads really are different. It has been discovered that redheads require 30 per cent more anaesthesia to be sedated. Redheads bleed more. Redheads have a higher pain tolerance, and they have a stronger libido. Not only have these traits been observed, the underlying, genetically based science has been discovered. I found these facts to be so interesting that I wonder what other differences redheads might have.

I would not be surprised if Allison's psychic ability is related to the same genes that give her red hair. Wherever the psychic ability comes from, it is only half of what makes her unique. The other half is the strength of her personality. She has a very good sense of who she is. This strength of personality allows her to use her ability and not let her ability use her.

Allison has a public personality that is compassionate, yet tough as nails, and she is true to herself. She is tenacious and not afraid to fight if it's for something she believes in. One thing I think people do not understand is that just because she can fight doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt when she gets cut.

This book may be the real answer to who Allison really is. The words that follow are written by Allison, not by a ghost writer. She opens up her heart and shares how she feels and how she is affected by each reading. You will catch a glimpse of the genuine Allison DuBois. And since we are all human, you may catch a glimpse of yourself, too.

Joe DuBois
12 April 2011
Los Angeles

1
How spirits talk to me

‘For those who believe, no proof is necessary.
For those who don't believe, no proof is possible.'

—S
TUART
C
HASE

S
pirits communicate in various ways. Some ways are easily dismissed by most, others are not so easy to dismiss. I wrote this chapter so you'll take a second look the next time someone tries to get your attention from the other side.

Have you ever seen light out of the corner of your eye, and when you turned it was gone? It's usually a sharp, bright spark that doesn't look like anything you've seen before. Don't dismiss it or make an appointment to get your eyes checked. It's spirits letting you know they're watching over you. It's most likely a relative of yours checking in on you, so just say ‘Hello' and continue on with your chores.

Sometimes a spirit will appear as a shadowy figure. I know shadowy figures may seem scary initially, but they're actually trying not to frighten you. They're appearing in that form to be sensitive to you by trying to blend in with the background, while wanting to be around you. Now you know why they appear like that, hopefully you won't find them so scary. Once they know they're ‘wanted' there, they communicate with you in other ways that, in my opinion, are less startling. If you sense a presence around you and feel fearful, sometimes it's just an entity trying to warn you about a family member or someone close to you who's needing immediate medical attention or who's about to pass.

When I get one of these visits, I pay close attention because it can be a window for me to intervene for someone I care about. Often a picture of a person we know will f lash in our mind, and if it brings a feeling of illness or something dark, then you can take that as a warning sign. People who have passed away will attempt to save us from an upcoming catastrophic event, and if that means going through a friend of your friend because they're the most open, then they'll do it. So it's essential to understand your inner voice, because sometimes that's the deceased's only way to reach you. Learn to speak their language and they'll help you to interpret what they're telling you.

If you're really lucky, you'll get a visit in a dream from someone you miss, letting you know they're all right and still with you. If they aren't smiling, don't assume they're mad at you. Often they appear solemn until you begin to acknowledge that it's really them and truly see how hard they've worked to get through to you out of their love for you.

Have you ever had your breath ‘stolen' from you, where you're forced to take a deep breath for no apparent reason? This often happens when you walk through a spirit who already occupied the space you moved through; it's usually in a hallway in your house, but it can happen in other areas as well. Most of the time the spirits that stay around you just want to be recognised as an active part of your life. Once you acknowledge their presence, they generally step up their game because they know you're open to communicating with them. You may then find that the spiritual activity around you becomes stronger and more obviously ‘them'.

If you're open to interacting with the other side, try getting a ‘feel' for whether the spirits around you are female or male. Women have a warm feeling to them, a maternal energy; males have a cooler essence, more masculine, solid. Do they feel like they're at eye level (meaning it's probably an adult), or does the energy feel centred closer to the f loor (meaning that it's probably a child)? Is it a familiar feeling? Does it feel like someone you recognise?

If you can identify them, then communication becomes immediate. Tell them what you need to know from them and how you feel when you're around them. Don't challenge them to levitate a refrigerator or throw a table across the room. It's insulting to them, and since they're based on emotions, they'll tell you to ‘take a walk'. However, you can ask them for signs that will be clearly ‘them', specific to their personality.

They'll answer your questions. Just be careful not to let your mind override your soul sense too much, or you'll dismiss all of their signs. This frustrates them when they try so hard to give you what you need. Keep in mind that spirits are emotionally based energy, not intellectually based. They won't come through with a code word, but they will make sure their information really hits home with you and is unmistakably specific to their personality.

When I connect with the deceased, I like to use a pencil and notepad and write down impressions of how I feel, or any images that pop into my head, or what I hear being said, or other things like that. Use your senses, be open, and raise your energy level. They want to communicate, otherwise they wouldn't be there with you. I think it's so spectacular that the people we lose can choose to be in any time or place, or with others who've passed on, and often they choose to stay with us because we're their version of heaven. I mean, really think about that . . . they find you so special and extraordinary that you are their ideal. I love that!

Those who pass seem to share some common feelings. People who were physically alone when they died, or didn't have their loved ones there to say goodbye, tell me that they were never really ‘alone'. Family and friends who passed before them surround them at their time of death to take them quickly. We are so good and fast at blaming ourselves for what we didn't do for the deceased, often failing to recognise what we did do for them. When spirits come through, it's often in an attempt to alleviate our guilt so that we can rejoin the living and stop dismantling our lives.

The living also get hung up on not getting to say goodbye. The deceased are quick to point out that there are no goodbyes. They don't understand why it's so monumental, this word, this act of goodbye. They're not wanting or ready to leave—and the decision is theirs. We don't have the power to hold them here through our grief even if we wanted to. It's a great misconception that we're somehow ‘hurting' those we love by suspending them in time with us. They stay because they want to, not because they're bound to us through our sadness. Get that? It's their choice to continue forward with us. You're not leaving them behind; we carry them with us because they're part of us, and that can never be changed.