Taking Chances (25 page)

“What am I
going to do?” I pulled the comforter over my head and curled myself into a
tight ball.

Pulling back
the comforter, my amazing friend held my chin until I looked at her, tears
streaming down her own face. “We're going to tell Mom,” I started to refuse
that but she continued, “I promise she won't be mad at you, she'll just be sad
for you. You know she got pregnant with Chase when she was seventeen?”

I shook my
head, they looked young, but I hadn't known that.

“Well she did,
she'll understand Harper. She can make an appointment for you and after that,
you'll have to figure out a way to tell Brandon.” She sighed and ran her
fingers through my hair, “He's a good guy, he'll take care of you.”

A new round of
sobs shook my body, “I cant. Tell Brandon. He's not. He's not. Bree I didn't.
Didn't lie to you.”

She waited
until I had quieted down and my breathing had returned to normal, “What do you
mean?”

“I didn't lie
to you Bree, I never had sex with Brandon.”

“You cheated on
Brandon?” She gasped, “With who?”

“I can't.
You'll kill me Bree.”

She scrambled
off the bed and stared at me in horror, “You slept with my BOYFRIEND?!”

Oh crap, “No!
No I swear I didn't! I would never do that to you Bree, I don't like Konrad
like that at all. Oh my God, how could you even think that?”

Huffing, she
grabbed her chest and forced herself to sit back down, “Well there's no other
reason I would hate you enough to kill you. I'm sorry I thought that.”

“Don't, don't
be sorry for anything. I did this, I created the mess. Bree I never meant to
hurt Brandon, I swear. I love him, I really do.”

“But?” She
prompted.

“I love someone
else too. He's begged me to leave Brandon, but I couldn't.” I choked on the
last words.

“How could you
not tell me about this? How could I not know…you're always with Brandon, I
don't get it.” She started, “Wait. You're
always
with Brandon, when did
this even happen?”

“The night you
all went to LA.” I replied softly.

“You weren't
sick?” She was mad I'd lied to her again.

“No, I just
wanted to mope over him alone, and then he was there.”

“Where?”

“Here.”

“At the house?
You invited him here?”

“No Bree, I
didn't invite him over.” I watched her confused face, and after a few minutes I
could practically see the light bulb click on.

 “Oh shit.” She
breathed. “You and Chase?”

I didn't
respond, I just waited for her to start screaming, but it never happened.

“Why didn't you
tell me Harper?” Her face was filled with hurt.

“I don't know,”
I answered honestly, “I hated myself for doing that to Brandon. I could barely
deal with it by myself, I didn't know how to tell anyone else. I wanted to tell
you, I did. But since he's your brother, I thought you'd never be okay with
it.”

“Does he know
that you love him?”

Nodding I tried
to speak around the lump in my throat, “He loves me too.”

After a few
silent moments she spoke again, “It makes sense. We've all been so worried
about him over the last few months, he's been distant and grumpy. Now that I'm
thinking about it I can't believe no one realized he's only ever happy when
you're both here.” She paused for a second, “What did he say last night?”

“He wanted me
to make a choice between him and Brandon. I'd told him last month before you
guys got back I needed a few weeks.”

“Did you choose
Brandon?”

“Yeah,” it was
barely a whisper, “If Brandon hadn't ever been in the picture, I still couldn't
be with your brother. I love Chase, but I know he'd leave me. Whenever he gets
mad or upset he'll avoid me for long periods of time. But Brandon
is
in
the picture, and I just couldn't imagine myself leaving him.” I laughed but it
sounded off, “All I wanted was to avoid hurting him, and now this? I'm going to
crush him Bree. I'm such a horrible person.”

“A little,” she
tried to laugh, “You're going to have to tell both of them.”

“I know,
there's no way around this. I've never slept with Brandon, and Chase knows I've
only ever been with him. Once Chase knows what's happening, he'll always be
around me. You know he won't leave my side, and Brandon will find out he's the
dad.” My body felt like ice, “Oh my God Bree I'm going to have a baby. I'm
going to be a mom. I don't know how to do that, I can't be a mom I don't want
the baby to grow up like I did!” I was on the verge of hyperventilating. “I
can’t do this. I can’t do this. I’d be a horrible mom, Bree. I don’t want to do
this!”

“No you won't!
You're going to be a great mom Harper, no one has a bigger heart than you do.
Yeah you grew up with a crappy father, but you won't be like him.” She gripped
my wrists and waited ‘til I calmed down once again, “And it might be hard to
believe, but Chase is great with little kids, all our cousins love him and he's
always taking the babies so he can hold them. Between the two of you? This baby
is going to be extremely loved, and of course Mom, Dad and I will be there to
spoil him or her to no end.”

I actually
laughed, really laughed. “I hope you're right. This is going to be a really
rough next few months, but I'm glad you'll be here with me Bree. You're like my
sister, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier.”

She waved my
apology off, “I just can't believe that dumbass didn't use a condom!”

“Err, that's my
fault. He wanted to stop because he didn't have any and I kind of begged him to
anyway. And the second time –”

“There was a
second time?”

“The next day.
Anyway that time I don't think either of us thought about it. I had just found
out you all were coming home, and even though I told him I needed time to
choose, we both knew I wouldn't choose him. And it just happened.”

“Okay, okay I
don't want details. He is still my brother.”

Mom peaked her
head in through the door, “I just got back from the store, I figured you two
would be in class by now!”

Oh thank God
she didn't hear what we were talking about. Until Brandon knew, I didn't want
anyone else to know who the father was. “Uh...hey Mom?”

Her face
worried, “Oh Harper honey, what's wrong? Have you both been crying?”

Bree squeezed
my hand and we sat up on the bed, after a reassuring nod from her I looked back
to her mom and took a deep breath, before any sound could come out I started
crying again. Somehow between the sobs and hiccups I managed to mutter, “I'm
pregnant.”

Claire wasn't
mad, just like Bree predicted she was only sad for me. We all cried while she
held me and only looked mildly shocked when I said it wasn't Brandon's.
Actually, she looked relieved when I told her. Bree and I shared a confused
look but didn't say anything. Thankfully she didn't pry when I asked if I could
tell her who the dad was after Brandon and I were already broken up. She swore
other than Robert, she wouldn't tell a soul and then was off to call her OBGYN
to set up an appointment. Her only request was that Bree and I strongly
consider moving out of the dorm and into their house.

“It will be
safer for you and the baby, and this way we'll be able to make sure you eat
nutritiously.” She'd reasoned.

Bree and I
didn't care, if we weren't at Chase's house, we were almost always here anyway.
The dorm was mainly only used if we were pissed off at Konrad and Brandon. And
after I spoke to Brandon, I had a feeling I wouldn’t be welcome in the house
anymore.

“Oh and you
should call your father.”

That...was
going to be a difficult conversation. I called him right away, twice, and he
didn't answer. Not like I expected him to, I haven't actually spoken with him
since the end of August, but I would have rather told him over the phone than
via e-mail. Unfortunately, that was my only other option. I grabbed my laptop
and typed out a quick e-mail explaining what I'd just found out and that I was
sorry if I disappointed him. I asked him to call me so we could talk and told
him I loved him. I knew he would respond soon, so I sat there and waited for
it. I should have expected his response, but even Bree let out a string of
choice words and ran down the hall screaming for her mom to tell her what he'd
said.

'You made
your choices, you'll have to live with them. If you keep it, you are no longer
allowed in my house. This semester is already paid for, but if you want to
continue your education you can find your own way. I'm busy now Harper, I don't
have time to deal with you.'

I felt like I'd
been punched in the stomach, but I knew being upset over the dad that never
wanted me was pointless. I forced a smile when Bree and her mom came back in.
“Well, that's two down...three more to tell.”

Claire's eyes
filled with tears but she nodded her head, “Your appointment is a week from
Wednesday sweetie.”

“Thanks for
helping Mom.” I mumbled.

We spent the
rest of the day moving out of the dorm, even though they didn't let me do much.
I kept assuring them that I felt fine, but despite my attempts, I ended up
supervising everything. Mom gave me the guest bedroom and said if the father
ended up being a prick, I could live with them and set up the nursery in there
too. I looked to Bree who was all smiles; at least she was sure Chase wouldn't
bail. I didn't think his parents would let him not be there for the baby, but
whenever I got the nerve to tell him, I would make sure he knew he didn't have
to be anything if he didn't want to.

I didn't see,
or hear from Chase until that next Wednesday. I had already been so flustered
all day about the appointment, I didn’t even notice he was there until I ran
into him. Literally. Bree, Mom and I were texting back and forth, they were
trying to calm me down, and I had been so focused on my phone I plowed right
into him and a group of other guys.

“What the he–
Princess?”

Retrieving my
phone from the ground, I stood back up and turned to leave as fast as possible.
I couldn't see him, not today.

“Harper, wait
up!” He caught my arm and spun me around so I was facing him. “You're not even
going to say hi now?”

“Hi.” My voice
cracked and I kept my eyes to the ground.

Chase gently
placed his hand under my chin and lifted until I was staring at him through
unshed tears. “Baby what's wrong?”

God I didn't
want to hear him call me that. Memories of our times together flashed through
my mind and my cheeks instantly filled with heat. “Nothing,” I cleared my
throat and blinked back the tears, “it's just allergies or something.”

His look told
me he wasn't buying that, but didn't push that subject further. Stepping back
he hung his head and sighed roughly, shifting his weight a few times, “I
haven't seen you around my house much. I know you don't want to be with me, but
don't feel like you can't be there, I won't bother you and Brandon.”

“That's not why
I haven't been there. I um, I broke up with him.”

Chase's head
snapped up, “You did? When, why didn't you tell me?” He was failing miserably
at trying to hide his elated smile.

“A little over
a week ago. But it hurt me more than I could ever explain to do it, and I need
time to get over that. I can't just rush back to you because Brandon and I
aren't together anymore.”

He cupped my
cheeks and hunched down so he was almost eye level, “I love you, I'll give you
all the time you need. Unless. Unless you don't want me anymore?”

I pressed my
face harder into his left hand and closed my eyes, inhaling his clean masculine
scent. “I've told you, I will always love you Chase, but I'm still not sure you
won't eventually leave me. Because of that fear, I don't know if I can be with
you. And some things have changed since we talked last, you might change your
mind about me altogether.”

“That's not
possible.”

I pulled his
hands off my face and wrapped his tattooed arms around my shoulders. After
placing a kiss on his throat I buried my head in his chest, “I wish that were
true.” My life had drastically changed in such a short amount of time. For
obvious reasons, I'd had to break up with Brandon and now Chase and I were
going to have a baby. Because of the turn of events, I found myself wanting a
life with Chase more and more, I wanted him to be there for me and his baby.
Here, wrapped up in his strong arms, I could almost let myself believe it might
happen. But Chase was about to graduate college, he was a tattoo artist and
spent most of his mornings surfing. I couldn't see him settling down with me
and our baby.

“It is Harper,”
his voice cracked when he said my name, and tears started falling down his
face, “I love you so damn much, why can't you see that?”

Oh God no,
please don’t cry again. My eyes instantly watered again looking at him. I
couldn’t mean this much for him to start crying in public at the thought of us
not being together, could I? “I have to go, I'm sorry.”

“Harper please.
Please don't just walk away, talk to me baby.”

I kept my head
down and walked around the corner to meet Bree near the parking lot. Her eyes
widened when she saw the two of us together and took in the trails of tears on
both our faces. I glanced around and people were looking in confusion as Chase
begged me to stop. I probably would have stared too, if I saw a six foot three
inch gorgeous man covered in muscles and tattoos crying. He didn't seem to
notice or care. I shook my head once at Bree and she reigned in her expression.

“Harper, please
talk to me!”

I reached
Bree's side and turned to him, “I will. We
will
talk, but right now I
have to go.”

A choked sigh
escaped his throat when I lifted my hands to wipe away his tears. “Promise?” I
nodded and he whispered, “I love you.” kissed the inside of my wrist and
watched me step back. Bree lightly brushed her hand against his arm and he
jumped back, he looked nervously between the two of us but slightly relaxed
when she smiled at him. He hadn't even known she was there though her arm was
wrapped around my waist. Now that he'd seen her he took in the few people
staring at us and ducked his head as he walked away.