MADDIE SHAW HAD
latched on to me a few months ago when we first found out I was sick, and it didn’t look like that was going to change now, even though I looked like an alien. Granted, she had always been a little different than most other little girls, or most people I knew, for that matter, so I didn’t ever count on her reaction being what I should expect.
Maddie was Rachel Shaw’s eight-year-old daughter. Rachel and Soupy were engaged and living together these days, plus Rachel worked for the Storm’s GM, so I saw Maddie and her brother Tuck all the time—even more than usual now that I wasn’t in school. They both had this bright red hair and a lot of freckles just like their mom, but that was where the similarities between the two kids ended.
Tuck was a few years younger than his sister, but he reminded me a lot more of myself, at least when I wasn’t sick—full of energy, completely outgoing, and into everything and then some. As far as I could tell, the kid had never met a stranger, and he had a unique knack for getting everyone to like him.
Maddie was shy and quiet, though. She liked to stick to herself and read a book more than anything, or maybe talk with one or two people—but almost never kids her age. It was a lot more common for me to find her having a deep conversation with an adult than playing with another kid.
Maybe that was why she liked me—because even though I was technically still one of the kids in the Storm family, I was also one of the adults.
The last few weeks, I was gladder than ever that Maddie liked to hang out in a quiet corner. Chemo drained me, completely zapping all the life out of me. I didn’t always have the energy to even talk much, especially late in the day when most of the Storm’s games took place. By then, I was often talked out, and I could count on her to be off in a corner with a book and to welcome me in. But she always let be if I needed to just sit quietly.
That was what had happened tonight. When Mom and I had gotten up to the owner’s box for the game, Maddie had been in her usual spot—in the opposite corner from all the other kids and their noise—with her nose buried in a book. She’d smiled when I sat down next to her, seemingly oblivious to the fact that all my hair was gone and I had a stupid scarf covering my head to help keep it warm. “Want to share my blanket?” she’d asked.
I’d taken her up on the blanket. I was always cold these days, whether it was actually cold wherever I was or not.
That was exactly how we remained after the game, both of us cozy beneath the blanket, when I heard Jamie’s voice behind me. I’d been expecting Dad and the other guys who had families watching the game up here to arrive sometime soon, but I hadn’t been expecting Jamie. These days, he usually just headed straight for wherever the team was going for dinner along with the other single guys.
I couldn’t stop myself. I whipped my head around to stare at him. He’d paused to talk to the kids near the entrance, especially Tuck, who thought Jamie was the best thing since Candy Crush. He had on a suit with a skinny tie like the Swedish players all preferred. Liam Kallen’s fashion sense must be rubbing off on him now that they were living together. All the guys wore suits to and from their games—League dress code—but tonight Jamie hadn’t taken the time to dry or style his hair like he usually did before leaving. It was wet and slicked back, which somehow only made him more perfect in my eyes. Thank God he hadn’t shaved his hair off. I wouldn’t have been able to see him like this if he had, and that would have been a travesty.
I had to get myself together.
Maddie put down her book and spun her head in the same direction. “Mr. Jamie had a good game tonight.”
“Yeah, he did.” I forced myself to turn around in my seat and look at Maddie instead of gawking at Jamie like a stupid teenager. He had more than enough teenaged girls staring at him all the time. He didn’t need me to do it, too.
She was still looking over her shoulder at him, though. After a minute, she looked at me and grinned. “He’s coming to talk to you. I have to go tell Mommy something.” That was all the warning Maddie gave me. She got up from her seat, took her book, left me the blanket, and pranced away.
“Hi, Maddie. Bye, Maddie,” Jamie said behind me.
My heartbeat stuttered.
What was he doing? After what had happened in the locker room this morning, he must have lost his mind to even think about coming near me. Dad was already emotional, and these days he was on high alert with everything concerning me. It wasn’t like Jamie Babcock wanted anything more than just friendship, though—not that Dad would care about that. Still, it would be a lot better for Jamie to just stay away from me right now.
But he didn’t.
Jamie moved between me and the chair in front of me, smiling in that way that brought out his dimples and made me tingle everywhere. “Hi, Katie. Mind if I sit with you for a minute?”
I checked over my shoulder. A few more of the guys had made it upstairs now, but Dad still wasn’t among them. “I don’t know if that’s smart,” I said. “My dad—”
“He won’t be happy,” Jamie interrupted. “I know. I’d still like to talk to you.”
“Okay,” I agreed, mainly because I couldn’t tell him no. I wanted him to be next to me. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to let myself imagine he could feel for me even half of what I felt for him. I wanted so many things that would lead to Dad killing him. Maybe it was selfish of me to give in so easily, but I didn’t have it in me to stop myself right now. Who knew cancer made you selfish?
He sat down in the seat Maddie had just vacated. His arm brushed against mine, and I shivered.
“Are you cold?” He adjusted my blanket before I could answer, drawing it up close to my shoulders. His knuckles brushed against my chin, and he snapped his hand away like I’d scalded him. “Sorry,” he mumbled.
I hated that he felt like he had to apologize for touching me, especially since he was just doing something nice. “It’s all right,” I said, unable to stop my smile. I was pretty sure I was blushing, too, and for a moment I wondered if my scalp would be all red like my cheeks when I blushed. “Dad didn’t see.”
“Yeah. Right.” Jamie chuckled. He leaned over in his seat, resting his forearms on his thighs with his hands together. Then he sat up suddenly. “Listen, I’ve been thinking about what Kally said at lunch. About how you should go to your prom. He’s right.”
I shook my head, trying to keep my hot tears at bay. Enough with the stupid crying, already! I couldn’t go to prom. Not with my bald, alien head—whether I wore a scarf to cover it or not. The kids at school weren’t like Dad’s teammates, and they weren’t like Maddie Shaw. Teenagers could be unbelievably cruel. The second I walked in looking like this, I’d be mocked right back out the door, and I’d never live it down. I just wanted to hide away from them until I finished chemo and my hair grew back and I could pretend none of it had ever happened, and maybe even longer than that since they’d all forgotten I existed.
“Don’t say no. Think about it.”
“I am thinking about it. I’m thinking about how they’ll all laugh. How they’ll make fun of me because of my bald head. I’m thinking about how no one would want to go with me.” As soon as they’d heard the word
cancer
, all my supposed friends had turned all weird. They’d dropped me like it was contagious or something, like they could catch leukemia from spending time with me. Mom kept saying that it was just that they didn’t know how to be around me anymore, that they were scared and that teenagers just weren’t equipped to handle some things that life throws at you. I didn’t buy it. “I’m not going,” I said emphatically.
“I wouldn’t say
no one
would want to go with you.”
The look Jamie was giving me stole my breath and made my stomach flutter, but not like it always seemed to do lately when I was going to be sick. This was night and day from that—all crazy electricity and jangling nerves, kind of exciting instead of gross and sick feeling.
“Don’t tease me,” I said. I scrunched myself up in my seat, trying to put a little distance between us.
I wasn’t the only one who’d fallen head over heels for him pretty much the day he’d arrived in Portland. So had at least half the single girls here between the ages of ten and thirty.
He’d always been nice to me, but he was nice to everyone. If someone needed help, Jamie Babcock was the first person to notice it and do whatever was needed. Even when he’d been about to shave his head this morning, it was just because he was a nice guy.
I’d never really let myself believe anything would come from the friendship we had, even if I’d been daydreaming about him—and more than daydreaming—for two full hockey seasons now. “Don’t make me wish for things that aren’t ever going to happen. It’ll ruin my image of you.”
“I’m not teasing you. I want to take you to your prom.” He reached out as though to take my hand, but I looked at him like he was crazy and he pulled his back. “They won’t laugh if I’m with you.”
It didn’t sound like he was being arrogant. He was just stating a truth, and he was probably right. They wouldn’t make fun of me. They’d be jealous, which would be yet another reason for them to talk about me behind my back.
I shook my head. “If you really want to take some girl to prom, I’m sure you won’t have any problems finding a taker. You could have your pick of all those girls with the signs.”
“I don’t want to take
some girl
to prom. I don’t want to take one of the girls with the signs. I don’t want to auction myself off for charity to be some lovesick girl’s prom date. I want to take you.”
“But…why?” came out of my mouth before I could think better of it. Because I might very well be one of those lovesick girls he was talking about, even if I didn’t bring signs to the games. And if he took me to my prom, you can bet it would feel to me like he was just doing it because he’s a good guy.
“You’re kidding, right?” He looked out at the arena where only workers remained, cleaning up the mess left behind by the crowd. He was blushing, which I’d always adored about him. Most guys his age wouldn’t blush. But Jamie wasn’t most guys. “You’ve got to be the only person on the planet who can’t see straight through me if you really don’t know the answer to that question.”
He couldn’t mean that he liked me. I mean, yeah, he had always been really nice to me and hung out with me at team events, but that was just who he was. He had latched on to Tuck and Maddie, too, once they’d moved in across the hall from him. The way he treated me couldn’t mean anything…could it?
But why would he tease me about something like that?
My pulse was roaring through my head and these crazy, jittery tingles kept racing around in my chest and belly, and I couldn’t force a single word past my lips without fear that I’d make an absolute fool of myself. I could only stare at him and wish that he’d look at me again.
“Will you go with me?” he said finally. When he faced me, his blue eyes were so dark they were like the midnight sky, and he looked just as sick and anxious as he had when he’d watched Dad shaving my head. “Will you let me take you to your prom?”
“I…” My whole body shook so hard that even my lips trembled. I pressed them tightly together, trying to rein in my response.
That was when he touched my cheek with the back of his hand. I half gasped, half sighed and turned my head in toward his touch, seeking more like a greedy cat.
Of course, that was also the moment when my dad walked into the owner’s box. Jamie’s gaze lifted over me to the doorway, but he didn’t take his hand away.
“I’m going to murder that dipshit,” Dad said, but somehow his voice was growing distant, like he was moving farther away from us instead of coming closer.
Jamie’s lips quirked up on one side. “Zee and Soupy hauled him out of here. Looks like they were waiting on him to come in like that. I don’t know how much longer we have before he comes back to finish me off.” He laughed. How could he laugh about something like that? “So will you? Let me take you?”
“But my dad…” No matter how tempting it was to forget reason and agree to go to prom with Jamie, I knew it was nothing more than a dream. There was no chance my father would ever agree to let one of his teammates take me out, whether it was to my prom or anything else. That would be an absolute nonstarter.
Jamie moved his hand, and his fingers dipped beneath the edge of my scarf. I wanted to pull away, but the look in his eye held me in place while he used nothing more than his fingertips to caress my newly bald scalp. “I’ll deal with your dad. Let me worry about that.”
Maybe having no hair made my skin more sensitive, or maybe it was the effects of the chemo—I couldn’t be sure. All I knew was that my whole body was zinging with awareness from the way his fingertips were dancing over the skin an inch or two above my ear.
I’d dated a few boys before. I’d been kissed and touched in various ways, and it had all been exciting and wonderful and new, but this was so different. The way he was touching me was so much more intimate, and I felt more vulnerable and scared and raw than I could ever remember feeling in my life, but I didn’t want it to end. Because it was perfect.
It made me wish I wasn’t sick, that I was whole and alive and vibrant like I used to be.
I wasn’t entirely sure what came over me because everything I’d said about not wanting to be the bald girl at prom was still a massive deterrent to going, and I had a very real fear that my father would do actual physical harm to Jamie, but I said, “Okay. Yes. I’ll go with you.”