Authors: KC Royale
“I don’t want an asshole like you. Let me out of here.” I hissed.
“You’re a coward, Kathleen.” He uttered.
“You... you ASSHOLE!” I screamed, as he pulled me back to him aggressively and kissed me hard, both of us kissing each other frantic and
passionately
. I grabbed his shirt, pulling him toward me, his hands in my hair, holding me to his mouth. Tongues rolling and lapping, hard and sloppy, his growling making me want him more. I moaned in his mouth, feeling my body becoming numb with sensations. His hand cupped my left breast, and I moaned again, as his thumb rubbed over my hardened nipple. My hands in his hair, pulling and tugging him closer to me, our kissing was becoming more intense. He lifted my right leg up near his waist, as he rubbed himself against me, I tore my mouth from his, panting as I moaned softly. “Oh GOD… Oh God.” I whimpered, as my hands tightened in his hair. He groaned, and his mouth covered mine again in another heated kiss, he trembled while pushing me further into the door. I then tried to pull away from him, and he immediately pulled me back to him. “Asshole.” I breathed, as he suckled my bottom lip.
“No,
mine
.” He groaned, and kissed me again.
“No, not
yours
… I don’t belong to you.” I uttered against his mouth.
“You will.” He muttered arrogantly and I pulled away from him, nearly falling on the floor, while panting harshly. I wiped the sides of my mouth and walked to the door, and glanced back at his stunned face, before opening the door and quickly leaving. I headed down the long driveway towards my car, but little did I know, he was following me. “Kathleen, wait!” He yelled.
I COULDN’T WAIT. I wanted to get away from him, and I found myself running from the voice that was gaining on me. That was, until I tripped and fell, scraping my knee, and I cried out in pain. “KATHLEEN!” He yelled, as he ran towards where I was leaning over, clutching my knee as the pain coursed through me. He fell to his knees in front of me, and placed his hand on my arm. I flinched a little from his grasp.
“I fell, and I…” I uttered.
“It’s okay, does it hurt?” My head snapped up to glare at him, and he smiled.
“Well, I’m glad to see that me on the ground in pain is funny to you…” I tore my gaze from him, and muttered to myself. “Asshole.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make a joke. But seriously, are you alright Kathleen?”
“Yeah, I think so. But I’m bleeding some, and it hurts.” I said, looking at my bruised knee.
“Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” He grabbed me to help me stand.
“No, I can go home and do that, its fine.” I stated warily, as I leaned over to look at my grazed knee, and swiped at the blood that trickled down my leg.
“No, you’re coming with me.” He demanded. I nodded, and he helped me back up. We slowly walked back to the house. I had a slight limp in my step, but he held me around my waist for support… or to cop a feel.
Asshole.
We entered the massive mansion that was still eerily quiet to have a party in progress, I wondered where everyone was at? I didn’t worry about it too much, because I wasn’t planning on staying too long at this point anyways. He walked me upstairs, and down a long corridor, then he pushed opened a door that I assumed was the bathroom, but it wasn’t. This was a boy’s room.
His room
. There was a bed, computer desk, flat screen, and books. Lots and lots of books, and a collection of movies in another book shelf, lining the walls. My eyes locked on the large bed in the center of the room, an audible gasp left my lips, and he turned to me. “Come on, I have a first aid kit in my bathroom.” He murmured to me. “Um, I should go. I shouldn’t be here, Johnathan.” I said, feeling more nervous than I wanted to admit to him, or to myself.
“Kathleen, please stop over analyzing everything when you’re around me?” He groaned.
“Why shouldn’t I? You give off mixed signals all the time.” I snapped.
“I think it’s good to be a creature of mystery, don’t you?” He smiled, and I took a deep breath at the cockiness he just
has
to exude.
“A creature of mystery, yes, an asshole, no.” I murmured. When he gasped at my words, I instantly felt a pang of regret. No one wanted to hear that they were an asshole all day, every day, but if the shoe fits…
“Let me clean you up. Here, sit on my bed, and I’ll be right back.” He went towards his bathroom, located inside his room, as I took a few lingering steps towards his huge bed. There was a black and brown duvet, and it looked bigger than my bed, so it had to be a king size.
Why did he need a bed so huge?
It was probably because of the many girls he’s had in it, on a day to day basis, I found myself giggling at the thought.
“What’s so funny?” He asked, while approaching me with a wet cloth, peroxide, and a few bandages.
“I was just thinking how much action this bed must have gotten since you’ve been in town.” I smirked at him, and his face immediately fell. I could sense that something had changed in his stance and expression. He looked vulnerable, or uneasy, as he sat next to me, and started cleaning and patching my knee in silence. I didn’t know what I had said to make him so upset, and at the risk of saying anything else to upset him, I decided to stay quiet until he was done. He seemed sad, and I didn’t know why, but it was of no consequence to me. His party guests could figure that one out, after I’m gone.
“You are the only girl that has been in my room or in my house, since I’ve been here, Kathleen.” He stated, as he applied the last bandage to my knee. His eyes had softened, he looked so sincere and caring that I actually gasped, at who I was seeing. Who was this boy sitting next to me, and holding my hand now. I looked at him, speechless, as I saw a glimpse of the boy I’d had a crush on three months ago, not the egotistical asshole he was now. I suddenly felt warm, causing me to take deeper breaths, as my body began to react to him. I felt as if I was in the stair well all over again, as we gazed at each other in silence. But, I wasn’t in the stairwell, and this wasn’t three months ago. I was now in his house… on his bed. While he looked at me as if I was the only girl in the entire world. Even though he was an asshole to me, he was still the only boy I’d ever really wanted, and he was the only crush I’d ever had. It was strange to see this side of him now, ever since the stairwell, he’s was different.
He made a point to not show any vulnerability, or any real commitment, to any girl. Now here he was, offering both to me, on a platter? Where has
this
Johnathan been hiding? Why did he only make appearances to me in three month intervals? Was it enough for me to deal with?
“So, you think that I should be here with you, right now?” I whispered.
“Yes, I do.” He stated, as he kissed the back of my hand, my eyes lowered to see the contact of his lips to my skin.
“Why is that?” I uttered, my brain was now on autopilot.
“Because, Kathleen.” He ran his fingers through my hair, and I shuddered at his intimate touch. I had never been alone with a boy, and it all came crashing back to me in that instant, as my head started spinning.
Did he expect me to have sex with him? Was I supposed to? What about Blair?
“Your overthinking again, I can tell.” His voice broke me out of my mental coma, and I looked back up at him, as I tried to keep my panic at bay.
“You have a party to host. We should get going.” I muttered.
“You're right, I do have a party to host. But there are only two guests… me and you.” He stated, as he kissed me on my lips and pulled me closer to him, before he lowered me back on his pillow, deepening the kiss as he groaned. He climbed on top of me, holding me close to him.
Two guests? So, he lured me here under false…. Hmmm, he tasted so good.
I found myself kissing him back, giving in to passion and lust, as I ran my fingers over his back slowly, taking in the access I now had to him and his body. He deepened the kiss, devouring me, with hard and determined thrusts of this tongue. His hands held my hip and my face to his body and mouth. My hand went under his shirt, feeling his abs, as he made deep guttural noises that made me dizzy with desire. It became certain to me that he had experience being with girls, and I knew it was certainly obvious that I had
no
experience at all, with boys. Johnathan was my first kiss, and my first crush, would he be my… ultimate first? He was on top of me, one of his legs in between my legs, and our hands roaming over each other’s body, while submerged in a heated kiss. “I want you Kathleen, in every way.” He muttered against my lips. “You do?” I moaned softly, and kissed him again, pulling him closer to my body. Whatever we were doing, I didn’t want it stop.
“Yes, I want to kiss you… taste you, and claim you as mine
.
” He muttered between kisses, and
that
did it. It broke the spell I was under. All the hurt, pain, and tears from the stairwell experience came rushing back, like an inferno, causing a delayed reaction. I pushed him off of me with all the force I had in me, which wasn’t much, but it was enough to move him off me. He stared wide eyed at me, as I stared back at him. My glare could have cut him. “What’s wrong?” He asked, in a perplexed voice.
“You are what’s wrong. You’re an asshole.” I spit at him.
“Kathleen, what’s wrong?” He asked again, softer this time.
“You said that to me,” I uttered, almost breaking into tears. “In the stairwell. You said those exact words to me, and I believed you.” I felt my emotions rising up, and threatening to come out of my eyes, or from my mouth, in the form of bile.
“I remember, and I meant it Kathleen.” He anxiously muttered, while gazing at me.
“LIAR!!!!” I screamed, and ran to his door. I needed to get away from him, he would not be permitted to see me cry. He didn’t mean it. How could he have meant it? He hadn’t said a single word to me since then, not one word, until he started dating my best friend. And after she went out of town, then
now
he wanted to say hello to me? Well, too late jackass. Hmmm... I like jackass. But no, I will stick with asshole, it fits him like a glove.
“Kathleen, wait, please.” He pleaded.
“No, leave me alone. You’re a liar, and an asshole.” He lured me here, kissed me, and catapulted me into some kind of trance where I believed his words again. There was no party. There was no one here, but us two, just like he’d planned. I took the stairs, holding onto the railing for dear life. While in my heels, with my knee being a little sore, I took each step carefully. I had finally reached the bottom of the stairs, but he caught me, and I screamed. “No, leave me alone… let me go Johnathan.” I shoved and pushed at him, finding that my patience and sanity was quickly becoming clouded with rage and humiliation.
“No, why are you running from me?” He grabbed both of my arms, shaking me lightly, forcing me to look up at him.
“You’re a—.” He interrupted me.
“Asshole, I know… but why are you calling me a liar?” I whimpered, as the tears I desperately tried to hold on to, started to flow down my face, he stared at me in shock.
“You almost kissed me…” I whispered close to him, as he held both my arms, refusing to let go. “That day, in the stairwell was supposed to be my first kiss. I was ready and willing to give that to
you
, Johnathan Pierce, and it didn’t happen. But the last words you’d said to me, while I was in your arms, were the words you said a minute ago. Sad part was, I believed them… I believed
you
.” I spit at him. “I’m sure you can figure out what happened after that day, which makes you the
liar
that made me cry.” I exhaled, taking a much needed deep breath of release, while he looked like he was in severe pain. I could see the regret in his face, it was far too late for that now, but I knew he deserved to know how I’ve been feeling this whole time. His grip on my arms tightened around me even more, and he moved closer to my tear stained face. “Kathleen, I meant it… please believe me.” He pleaded with me.
“I
don’t
believe you, and even if I did… it doesn’t mean nothing now. I’ve shed my last tears over you, and Operation ignore that asshole is back in full effect now. Just let me go. Find someone else to make cry, because I’m done.” I turned and walked towards the front door, with my head lowered, feeling utterly drained and confused. If this was a taste of love, then I didn’t want it. I had almost reached the door, and noticed that there were two adults standing in the doorway, watching us intensely. This halted me in my tracks. I turned back to see him, and he looked as if he was in pure turmoil. I turned and ran out of the house, as they all looked at me, speechless. I went home vowing to never let anyone seduce me with words again. No matter who they were,
this
would not happen to me again.
SPRING BREAK WAS now over, and school had been back in session for almost a week now, but I was still in somewhat of a daze. Blair was back from her trip, and she was so happy to be home, I was happy for her to be back as well. We emailed and text a little while she was away, but I was a little depressed with everything that had happened with Johnathan. So, I kept busy as best I could, even if that meant avoiding her calls and probing. Blair was one who could read me, even over the phone, so to avoid the interrogation, I found myself reading and sleeping mostly. I really did miss her, so while we sat at the lunch table at school, she told me more about her trip. I sat there, half listening, while wondering if I should tell her what happened, between me and Johnathan. Or if I should let the whole thing pass, and try to finish the remainder of this school year, in peace.
That question alone had me consumed for the last week or so. It was hard to deal with, but the part I played in it made me feel as if I betrayed my best friend. The guilt was eating at me, gnawing at me, and I didn’t like it one bit. But then again, didn’t she betray me first?
Why would she date him if she knew I had a crush on him?
If it was me, I would have never gone after the guy she liked, even if she told me I could. My thoughts had me over thinking everything that had happened so far. I was so confused, and decided to avoid them both, as best as I could. So, I stayed away from him, and barely talked around her. I think I was still in shock. Blair confessed to me a few days ago, that Johnathan had still not kissed her, or invited her to his house as of yet. Both things I had managed to get done, within a few hours of her absence. That admission made my head spin even more, and I didn’t understand it.
Why me, and not any of those girls he was prancing around the hall with for the last three and a half months?
Was he not kissing any of them? Were they never really invited to his home?
He did tell me that I was the only girl to be in his room, and that he was just hanging out with those other girls.
But could I believe that?
Operation ignore that asshole was somewhat good on my end physically, but it failed emotionally. My emotions were all over the place, and he was, unfortunately, at the center of them all. How could I hate, and like a person at the same time? These feelings were new to me, and it was obvious when I was at his house, that I still couldn’t handle them. I hated him one second, and then the next I was kissing him back, with a hunger that I’ve never felt in my entire life. I think he was really struggling with his feelings for me, too, and he made sure I knew it, even though he was still seeing my best friend. Every single day since we’ve been back in school, I would have a note from him saying the same thing over and over. ‘
I meant it, please believe me.’
The notes made me even more stressed about the situation, because he was now trying to convince me that he has feelings for me, or even cared about me. He made sure I couldn’t forget him, or what happened between us last week, there was nothing I could do about that either. I hated that he was consuming my thoughts again, but then I liked it too. I never wanted to see or talk to him again, that was my plan, and I was trying my best to stick to it. But with his daily notes and intense stares, he’d found a way to communicate with me in his own way. I would see him looking at me with so many unspoken words, but I would close my eyes and walk the other way.
How dare he do this to me?
I knew he was still, "hanging” with Blair, as he called it, so I had to be careful, and tread lightly, until I figured out what to do. I really didn’t want anything to happen to my friendship with Blair, especially over him, but, I knew I was at fault for my behavior with him, and that made me feel sick.
I couldn’t hide the little betrayal I already felt on her behalf, she knew he was my first crush, and she still lobbied him. He was at fault too, but I doubt if he even cared. Why would he, when he has no shame in making girls cry? After the past week thinking about this, I had just now come to a decision. I knew it would be best to not tell her any of it. Any of it at all. As long as they were still dating, and everything was all good with them, my secret would be safe. “Kat?” I looked up at Blair, as she looked at me with a confused and exasperated face, I smiled slightly at her.
“Umm, yeah, B?” I muttered.
“What’s wrong? Were you even listening to anything I’ve been saying?”
“I was just thinking about, umm—”
“Yes, I can see that.” She snapped. “You’ve been acting strange the last few days. Are you alright?”
“Yes, I am fine, just have a lot on my mind.” I muttered, which was true.
“I can see that too. Does this have to do with you leaving for college and all that?” She asked, knowing that I was extremely nervous about being away from my family, but I knew it was time for me to learn how to live alone anyways. Whichever university I chose would be far away from home. Away from the home cooked meals I’ve grown to love, away from the sounds of my sister and brother fighting. Away from the heart to hearts with my mother in the kitchen, and away from my purple spacious bedroom I’ve occupied for seventeen years now.
“Somewhat, but I’m going to miss you so much.” As her furious expression softened, and she leaned forward and hugged me tight. I closed my eyes, and embraced my good friend. We were seated across from one another, at a table in the lunch room, so we hugged it out in midair. It felt so good to embrace her. I missed her, and I will miss her. I only hope I can get over my feelings of her deliberately choosing to go after Johnathan. While secretly hoping that she never finds out that we kissed.
“Aww Kat, I will miss you too, best friend.” As she hugged me close, I finally exhaled and opened my eyes, and they immediately locked with his, all the way across the lunch room. There he was, staring straight at me, as he did every single day now. He was at a table with girls and boys, but he was staring at me, and he didn’t care who saw him. He didn’t look at me as if he wanted to chat about homework or college applications. He had this look that was very intense, captivating even. I’ve only seen that look on him when his mouth was on me
. He still wanted me.
I took a deep breath and released Blair, turning from his intense gaze, and then started to talk to her about random topics. I knew I really needed the distraction. Things would pass in a few days, and he’d forget about me again… well at least I hoped so. I wasn’t sure why he wanted me so much now, than before, but who cares. I actually cried in front of him, and told him how he hurt me, and he still refused to leave me alone. He watches me, and leaves daily notes in my locker, I wondered what exactly he wanted from me? He was with Blair, and I didn’t want anything to do with him… the one I used to refer to as Johnathan Asshole Pierce, who I have now nicknamed JP. It was better than calling him an asshole all the time, even though he knew that’s what I thought of him. More so now than ever, but there comes a time when one must learn to let go and change, so going forward I would refer to him as, JP.
***
It was a few days later, and things were going much better for me. It was Sunday and I was home relaxing. I watched my favorite film ‘Legally Blond,’ and afterwards, had a nice hot bubble bath. I needed to clear my head, and so far it was working. A few days of not being under the watchful eye of JP felt nice. Blair was over the day before, and we watched movies, and we played around with makeup, things were good with us. I decided to not let any of it effect the time we had left together, because before I knew it, she would be leaving for Cambridge, MA, and I would be leaving for my school of choice. It was wonderful to take a bath, while thinking about which of my top two schools I would choose to attend in the fall. Once I got out the tub, I found myself smiling and giddy at how my life was panning out. I felt proud, and excited to have worked so hard, and to see the proof of that hard work, in the form of three acceptance letters, that sat on my desk.
The third school was my backup school, a community college close to town, but not too close from where we lived. I felt as if the thoughts of my accomplishments finally broke me out of my mild depression, and I wanted everyone to feel as happy as I was feeling right now. I headed out my room and went to the kitchen, where my mother was making dinner, I kissed her cheek, smiling at her. “Hey there, so you’re feeling better?” She asked, as she chopped the onions and green peppers. I’ve been so consumed the last week or so, I was sure that my mother really appreciated a genuine smile from me at this point.
“I think so. I’m sorry mom, I’ve been a little stressed the last few days.”
“It’s okay, I’m here if you need to talk... your father is too, you know that, right?”
“Yes, Mommy.” I kissed her cheek again, took the knife from her, and finished chopping the onions and green peppers for the chicken and shrimp fajitas she was preparing. The sizzling of the grill machine had my mouth water, and the aroma in the kitchen was intoxicating. My mother was so adorable, and I loved her so much, but she was somewhat of a waspy woman. She wasn’t loud or obnoxious, she was a go with the flow kind of gal. I admired her, and I wanted to be the same as her one day, because I thought she was perfect. I wanted to make her and my father proud, and I intended to do just that.
“Where are your sister and brother?” She asked as she flipped the chicken and shrimps around in the grill pan.
“Margerie is at her friend’s house, and Max is where he always is, playing video games.” I sighed.
“She has a crush on her friend’s brother. She thinks I don’t know, but I do.” She shook her head, and glanced at me, smiling.
“How do you know mom?” I asked in shock, but I knew just because my mother didn’t yell, didn’t mean that she wasn’t present.
“It takes her four hours to get dressed to go over there. She is so young to have her first crush.” She swooned.
“Yes, she is. There is nothing fascinating about having a
crush
.” I spit out, before I even realized it, and my mother flinched at my ire. No one has ever seen me really upset, because I didn’t really have those emotions to explore until JP came along. Having him as a crush was ruining my life, and I knew now that there wasn’t anything pleasant about having a crush.
“There isn’t?” She asked.
“No, mother, there isn’t.” I snapped. There was a long pause of silence and I took a deep breath, trying to forget my conflicting feelings, about Blair and JP.
“Do you want to talk about it Kathleen?” She asked.
“Not really, but I’m fine now. He is a jerk, and I don’t want anything to do with him anymore,” I muttered, and gave her a smile. My mother had this look of sadness on her face.
“Why? Why don’t you want anything to do with him?” She asked, looking at me while
inadvertently
probing, and I smiled and kissed her cheek once more.
“He’s with Blair now.” Her eyes widened, and I nodded at her, then a small smile came across her face. “Why are you smiling mom?”
“Well, it’s just that… I said the same thing about your father. He used to make me so upset, and turns out, he was the love of my life.” She muttered, as a warm smile ran across her face.
“Well, that is
not
the case here. My best friend in the whole world is with him now, and I wish them well.” I hissed, slamming the knife down, making us both jump, as her shock registered on her face.
“Is she Kathleen?” Is Blair really with the boy you like?” She stopped walking towards the cabinet, while waiting for my answer.
“He says their just "hanging out," and that he only wants me. I’m not sure I believe him. He’s such an asshole.” I murmured, while setting the table. I sheepishly glanced over at her, to see that she had stop chopping. The knife was still midair, as she looked over at me, which was exactly what I didn’t want. “Sorry mom.” I muttered. The whole thing was messy, and I was quickly finding out that I didn’t like messy at all. JP and Blair were a couple, and I needed to accept that, even if she would go after him, I wouldn’t reciprocate that kind of behavior. I was already in too deep with my guilt of keeping secrets from my best friend, because of him, and it sucked. My mother didn’t ask any more questions about it, and I was glad, but during dinner I could see the silent questions on her face when she would glance at me, I just smiled at her and we all ate and talked about my upcoming college days.