Take Me With You (19 page)

“What about them?”

“Dillon saw us at the bluffs.”

“So, they warned you about me?”

“Yeah, I guess. More like a reminder.”

“Of course they did and you’re listening to them right? This is what the meeting is about. You want to break up?”

Is she kidding me right now? I’m worried about her being embarrassed to be with me and she thinks it’s me wanting to break up with her? Holy crap. I can’t let her think that. It’s insane.

“No. I don’t want to break up. I told you that I’m with you as long as you want me and I meant it.”

“So, what’s the problem?”

“They know about us. I just don’t know how you’re gonna feel about that. I’m pretty sure that they aren’t gonna go spreading it around, but I have no idea if anyone else saw us or knows. I don’t want things to be awkward for you.”

“Eric?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t care who saw us.”

“You don’t?”

“No.
The only thing I care about is how you feel about it. People knowing, especially Tim and the others, it’s not going to be easy.”

She doesn’t have to come right out and say it. When her friends find out we’re together; that we’re dating, the abuse I suffered in the fall is going to be tame. It’s going to get a whole lot worse before it gets better and that’s exactly what I’ve been so stressed out about.

I don’t know if I can handle going through all of that again. The name calling is one thing, I can block it out, but the physical stuff, it’s going to throw me right back where I was last fall.

“Do you think I’m embarrassed by you?” I ask. I know how I feel about it, what I’
ve thought before but now I want to know if it’s mutual.

“Before I answer that can you
tell me something?”

“Sure.”

“Does anyone know about us besides Kayden and Dillon? Have you told Belle or anyone else?”

“No.”

“Then yeah, a little.”

“I’m not. Embarrassed by you I mean.”

“Then why haven’t you told anyone?”

“Have you told Tim and the others?”

“No, but I haven’t talked to Tim in a little over a week.”

Before we got together. She’s not denying that she’s talked to him, they probably hung out during her time away, but she hasn’t spoken to anyone since we got together, which means she hasn’t had the chance to tell anyone, but I have because I’ve seen or talked to Belle every single day.

It’s no wonder she thinks I’m embarrassed by her.

“This is hard isn’t it?”

“What?”

“Navigating this. Trying to be us in a school where being us is going to cause problems. My past, the things I did, being with someone like you, one of the people I did all of the things to, it’s just going to be wrong.”

“Does being with me feel wrong?”

“No! Eric, that’s not what I meant. It’s not wrong to me. It’s the only thing in years that’s right, but other people, even your friends, they’re gonna think it’s wrong. You know they will.”

I do know that. Belle, for all her acceptance and understanding isn’t going to be able to do that with this. Amy hurt her, did the unthinkable to her. There’s no way she would ever accept me being with the person that hurt her and even though I understand it, it still hurts. I want my best friend to accept Amy the same way I do.

“So, what do we do?”

“What do you want to do, Eric?”

“Can we take things slow?”

“How do you mean?”

“This is your first day back. You need to get used to being here again, so maybe for a few days while you do that, we just keep doing things the way we have been. We still have our appointments with Thompson three days a week so it’s not like we’re completely separated.”

Her eyes drift downward and I feel sick. She already thinks I’m embarrassed by her, asking her to do things this way, it’s just going to make it worse.

“Amelia, I’m not embarrassed by you. I want to stand up right now, walk into the school holding your hand and show the entire world we’re together, but what you said is true. If we do that, things are going to get worse.”

“I don’t want anyone hurting you.” She whispers and sliding my hand out of hers, I wrap it around her and pull her body into mine, squeezing tightly.

“And I don’t want anyone hurting you.”

“So, we just pretend we’re nothing to each other for a few days?”

“No. I can’t do that. Pretending you’re nothing is impossible. Not when it’s pretty obvious you’re everything. We just need to find a way to be around each other without the entire school knowing.”

“You’re doing it again.”

“What?”

“I’m everything?”

“Yes, Amelia. You’re everything.”

We both go silent as my truth settles in and after a few seconds of just enjoying the quiet, she shifts in my arms, until I can feel her eyes looking up at me.

“Three days, Eric and then I don’t care who knows what. I’m telling the world that I’m your girlfriend. We’ll deal with the fallout together.”

Chapter Twenty

Amelia

This is a whole lot harder than I thought it would be.

Before I got kicked out a few weeks ago, I didn’t see Eric very much. To be honest, I didn’t see many of the special needs kids around even though I knew for a fact they were around somewhere. It was only every once in a while that I would come across one of them.

It hasn’t been like that at all today. I’ve seen not only Isabelle about fifteen times in a bunch of random places around the school, but Eric even more than that.

Turning the corner, moving from class to class, it’s become a guessing game now. Will I see him around this corner or that one? Will we pass each other in the hall while I’m going from one pointless boring class to another? Am I going to get close enough to him to casually be able to touch him without anyone else seeing?

We’ve made eye contact almost every time, but before I can connect completely, his eyes fall away and he slinks off down the hallway, taking a part of me with him. The part that wants to turn back time and take away the three day wait I set down this morning.

I miss him. Nothing feels right. It’s my worst fear come to life. What I was so afraid of coming back here today.

We’ve gone back to being the way we were before I got kicked out. He’s with his friends and I’m with mine, both of us pretending, putting on a show because living with the reality is just too damn hard.

The only relief is that it’s lunch time now which means he’ll be outside like he always is, surrounded by the others and I’ll be here, like I am right now surrounded with the three people that up until a month ago were my best friends.

The three people that are nothing to me now.

“You like have no idea how much we missed you!”

“Eve’s right. This place was a wasteland without you.”

After both girls are done telling me how my absence affected them, Tim chimes in and it takes everything in me to swallow down the urge to tell him off. Admit the truth and just walk the hell away from all of them for good.

“The inmates are running the asylum, Ames. We need to set things right.”

I know what he means by inmates. He might not have called them retards or morons the way he normally does, the way we all used to, but inmates is just as bad. When I got kicked out, they lost the control they normally had over the school and now that I’m back, they’re looking to me in order to make it right. Put things back to normal.

Pick another special needs kid or other random nerd and bully them until we’re back on top again.

Plastering a look of interest on my face, even though I’m nowhere near feeling it, I attempt to do what I’ve always done even though I no longer fit into the role.

“I’m assuming you guys have some idea of who the next victim should be?”

Charlotte and Eve remain completely silent, but Tim wastes no time jumping on what I’ve said. With how lit up he seems to be at the thought of picking on another person, hurting them the way we always do, it’s like watching a little kid on Christmas morning. It’s like I’ve given him a shiny new toy to play with and it disgusts me.

“Well, we’ve still gotta make Carmen pay for all the shit he caused. Charlotte said that the girl you guys screwed with before is back, so she’s another one.”

Hearing him talk about making Eric pay turns me inside out. This is where I need to just stand up and tell them that I’m not doing this shit anymore. That it was over after I got caught with Hannah and things needed to change.

Where I tell them that they won’t be attacking Eric because he’s my boyfriend.

I don’t do it though because as strong as I am physically, I’m a pussy underneath it all. I’m supposed to be the leader here and I can’t even get up the nerve to stand up to these three even though they’re three of the weakest people I’ve ever met.  So I go with another tactic instead.

“It’s my first day back. I’m not going after anyone until the heat dies down. We need to stop doing shit without thinking it all the way through or it’s just gonna keep happening.”

“Of course we’ll wait for a few days, Ames. The last thing we want is for you to get exiled again. This place sucks without you.”

It’s happening again. The same shit that happened when he came to my house to visit me. He’s acting different. He’s always been loyal and agreeable and the best damn puppy dog around, but this is different. He’s kissing my ass and not in the good way. I can’t let him keep doing this.

I need answers.

Looking over at the two girls to my left, both sets of eyes locked on the conversation going on with me and Tim, I turn to them, about to pull rank and do the one thing I’m still capable of doing. The one thing I know won’t turn me completely inside out the minute it’s done.

“You two mind giving me and Tim a few minutes alone?”

The smile that comes across his face isn’t lost on me, but waiting for the two girls to respond, I can’t focus on it. I’ll deal with it once we’re alone. If there’s one thing I’ve learned since Dillon dumped me in the hall months ago, it’s that something like this is better off done without an audience.

How anything Dillon Murphy did during our time together taught me anything is beyond me, but for now, it’s the truth and it’s what needs to happen.

“Yeah, sure.” Charlotte says and I flash her the fakest smile I can manage.

“Thanks. I’ll text you.”

Waiting patiently while both girls get to their feet and grab their stuff, focusing my eyes anywhere but on the guy sitting on my right, I close my eyes and allow myself a few brief seconds to think about what Eric might be doing right now.

I know that he’s outside, even if we weren’t close that would just be common knowledge, but I wonder if he’s feeling the same disconnection as I am. If he misses me as much as I do him and if he wants to end this too.

“I was wondering if we were gonna get to spend any time alone today.”

Shivering from the words, the way he sounds when he says them, confirming even more the worry I’ve got that he’s starting to have a thing for me, I take a deep breath, attempt to calm my nerves and turn to face him.

“What the hell is going on with you?”

“Not sure what you mean.”

“The last couple weeks, you’re acting fucking different and honestly, it’s starting to creep me out. You wanna tell me what’s going on?”

The way his cheeks go a darker shade isn’t lost on me, following it up with a quick run through his hair with his hand and a loud sigh. He’s caught and he knows it and now he’s not sure what the hell to do.

I hate this, but right now, I kind of like that I’ve still got the control here. He’s reacting to me the same way as everyone else does, the only difference being, he knows he’s safe from the normal shit I do when I deal with someone.

“It’s nothing.”

“Timmy,” I say, this time using his nickname and lowering my voice. “That’s total BS.”

“Ames,” he sighs again and I know it’s not gonna be long now before he gives me what I’m after. I can always count on Tim bending to me. It’s his nature. He really is a loyal little puppy.  “I’ve been doing some thinking.”

Tim actually thinks? Since when? I thought that was what he had the rest of us for.

“Thinking about what?”

“Us.”

“What about us?”

“You and me. Uh, you know, together.”

The one thing that won’t ever happen. Even if for some reason Eric got a clue and bailed on me, I still wouldn’t turn around and take a turn with Tim. It’s one thing to call him my friend, it’s something else entirely to think of him in a way that’s even remotely romantic.

It will never happen.

“Timmy, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“Come on, Ames,” he says, this time his voice clear and his lips raised until he’s full on grinning at me. “Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about how amazing it would be if we got together.”

He’s joking right? I can’t possibly be hearing this right now. It’s taking everything in me not to burst out laughing at how completely insane this sounds. Tim is the last person I would ever think about that way. God, just thinking about it now that he’s brought it up is enough to make me shiver in disgust.

I’ve never wanted to throw up so much in my life.

Despite not wanting to laugh, an awkward one slips out and instead of trying to hide it, I run with it. It’s time he knows the truth. “I can safely say that I’ve never thought about that, ever.”

“What’s so funny?”

“You are! You can’t possibly be serious right now.”

“I’m dead serious.”

Okay, well since this is getting me nowhere, there’s still another thing I can use to get through to him.

“Aren’t you like head over heels for Eve or something?”

“No.”

“Since when? We all saw the way the two of you were at prom. Don’t even try bullshitting right now.”

There he goes with pushing his hand through his hair again. This time though, it’s harder, my reaction obviously not the one he’d been hoping for when I told the girls I wanted some time alone with him.

“Eve was a fucking distraction, Ames. I’ve wanted to get with you for two years, but you were with Dill and then before that with Kayden.”

I had a feeling all of this awkward shit he’s been doing lately had something to do with liking me, so I’m not all that surprised by the way he’s talking, but knowing that it’s been going on for a whole lot longer than I thought, that’s sort of mind blowing.

“I’m sure she’ll love knowing that you just wanted in her pants because you couldn’t get into mine.”

“I don’t care what she thinks.”

“Well, I do.”

I really don’t but he doesn’t have to know that. Whatever gets him off this crazy train he’s on, I’ll do right now, even if it’s completely lying to his face.

“Ames,” he starts before completely stopping. “You’re really gonna make say this shit aren’t you?”

“I guess I am, but I’ve got no idea what shit you’re even talking about.”

He starts sliding himself across the floor until he’s on his knees directly in front of me, so close now that the knees of his jeans are barely brushing mine. How close he is, it doesn’t make me feel good the way it might have in the past. Now that I know how he really feels, why he’s been acting so strange, nothing about being around him, close or not feels good.

I just wanna get the hell out of here, find Eric and end all of this crap once and for all. If I was with him right now, none of this would even be happening. I’d be safe and okay. The complete opposite of what I’m feeling in the moment.

“You’re the sexiest girl I’ve ever seen. The entire time you were with Dill, it took every bit of fucking self-control I had not to grab you and kiss you sometimes. God Ames, I want you so fucking bad I can taste it. You’re amazing.”

For most girls, having a guy like Tim tell you that they want you, find you sexy and think you’re amazing would be like a dream come true, but that’s not at all how it feels for me. His words, they’re scaring me. They remind me of Frank and right now, especially after the week I’ve had without nightmares, the last thing I want is a reminder of him.

Tim is scaring the shit out of me.

“Timmy…”

“Ames, I’m in love with you. Please tell me you’ll give me a chance.”

Oh god, I’m gonna be sick. I can feel it.

Sliding to my knees and getting to my feet as quickly as I can, more than ready to bail on this entire conversation, find the nearest bathroom and just let it all come out the way it wants to, I grab my bag, but as I’m about to turn and make a quick getaway, he’s on his feet too and his hand is wrapped around my wrist.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Tim, let me go. Now.”

“Not until you tell me why you’re running away.”

“I’m not running, I just need to get out of here.”

It’s total bullshit and he’s gonna see right through it but if he doesn’t let me go soon, I’m not gonna be responsible for what happens next. I really need to get the hell out of here.

“Tim, let me go.”

“What’s wrong with me, huh? I worship the fucking ground you walk on, visit you when Daniels got his panties in a bunch and kicked your ass out, admit to you how I feel and you just blow it off and want to get the fuck away from me! Why can’t you just admit you love me too?!”

He grabs me tighter and before I can react he pulls me into him and his lips smash down onto mine. Struggling against him, attempting to get my legs to move in order to kick him, knee him in the balls, whatever I need to go in order to get him off me, I hear him moan and everything starts spinning around me.

Oh shit. This can’t be happening right now.

Eric

I’ve never wanted time to speed up so much in my life.

Three hours have already gone by, but it’s the next five that need to get a move on. Having the minutes pass by so slowly, it’s going to drive me even crazier then I already am.